lex

I think about the girl I was about 7 years ago, dreaming of the day I’d walk down the aisle at my wedding and marry the love of my life. I’ve always dreamed of a big wedding and living life with my best friend but the girl I am today doesn’t ever even wanna fall in love with anyone else again.

I hate that I feel like I’m so hard to love.

My heart is so broken. I hate it.

I feel like I failed my child by having a broken family.

I hate that the people that I would do anything for wouldn’t do the same for me.

Maybe I’ll find someone that loves me as much as I love them and treats bryn and I the way we deserve.

After all I’ve been through in relationships, I hope to god my baby never has to feel half of the pain I felt, be disrespected and question herself and if she’s enough every day. I hope she find pure love and someone who treats her like a princess.

I have so much love for so many people and I think that’s why I always end up hurt, bc they don’t have the same love for me that I do for them.

I’m sorry I’m bringing you into this world before I have it all together baby girl.

Some days I wish I would have done things differently, I wish I wouldn’t have chased love so young and just lived my life. Moved to another state, met new people, and lived. But now I’m so thankful that things went the way they did because I never would have been blessed with my precious baby girl.

Someday I will get the love I give in return

My heart still hurts when I think about all those years I tried so hard for someone that didn’t care about me

One thing I will teach my daughter is that it’s ok to show emotion and it’s okay to feel sad sometimes and cry. It’s ok to love someone more than they love you, it’s ok to go the extra mile for someone even when they don’t do the same for you. But it’s also ok to leave when you aren’t getting the same love in return, it’s ok to stop talking to that toxic person that plays games with you, it’s ok to find the person that’s going to love you more than anything in this entire world, and it’s ok to have a big heart.

My heart hurts for the girl I was a year ago, so heartbroken over someone that could care less, at her darkest and lowest point.

There’s no one that I hate more than I hate you