Lyuka

You have to hospitalize to treat your illness. It was getting hurter for a few days ago to the point that lack of sleep, didn't have much appetite and had terrible stomachaches.

At first, both of you just thought that you had eaten something and it tortured your stomach, thought that some painkillers and hot soup would have done somehow.

Until yesterday, Kunikida knew that something was wrong. The pain didn't go away but was getting worse. He couldn't stand seeing you suffer such in pain, medicines didn't work too, so he took you to the hospital right in the middle of the night.

The nurses immediately took you away to check up on you, left Kunikida to fill in the necessary paper.

He waited for you, anxiety and worry slowly grew in him. He kept checking the time, did some research about your symptoms but couldn't focus much.

Kunikida stood up straight, couldn't help the concern on his face when a nurse pull the wheelchair for you, who was sitting on it.

You seem to feel much better thanks to the painkiller slowly running through your vein. You forced a smile toward Kunikida, he quickly took the nurse's place and went to meet your doctor.

"She is having a tumor in her stomach". Kunikida's heart dropped to the floor, filled with shock and fear of losing you. "Please don't worry. It hasn't gotten that bad. If she takes the surgery tomorrow afternoon everything will be okay. We've already prepared a room for her to stay, all the papers also had filled so don't need to worry much".

Kunikida helped you go back to your room. After you changed, you saw him talking to someone on the phone. He said that he will take some days off from tomorrow. Kunikida reassures you that you don't have to worry about his work, that all you need to do is take care of yourself.

Kunikida went to the operating room with you and some nurses. He didn't let go of your hand, circling it with his thumb, telling you that he is always by your side.

"I love you", Kunikida whispers to you before the door closed. His eyes kept watching you through the small mirror on the door, hoping that you will be fine.

The blonde man was waiting for you, he didn't care how long it was. Your images, your smile, your voice, the memories of you running in his mind like a movie. He has sworn on his life, on his ideal, to protect and make you happy. If he loses you, he couldn't forgive himself for being careless about your pain.

The light turned off. A surgeon came out, took off his mask and Kunikida politely stopped him, wanted to know your state.

"She had gone through the surgery successfully. She was so strong and brave all that time. She is still asleep due to the anesthetic but you can see her".

Kunikida thanked the surgeon and walked fast to see his love. You had been transferred back to your room by another route earlier.

Kunikida sighed in relief when he saw you sleeping peacefully. He strokes your hair, adjusts them and placed a soft kiss on your forehead.

When you woke up, Kunikida was already by your bed. "You're finally awake, how do you feel?", "Can't...move".

"It's okay, you should lay still. I'm here. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Doppo..."

"What is it?"

"I love you"

"Yeah, I love you too. Get some rest, you're fine now"

Kunikida didn't allow himself to have a deep sleep at night, you may call him when you don't feel well and can't sleep. He couldn't hear you if he sleeps too well.

He helped you drink water by lifting your head. He walked with you so you will get used to walking again after surgery, even though you are going slowly like a turtle, it doesn't matter. Recovery takes time.

The second day after the operation, Kunikida wiped your body with a wet towel. He finally has a chance to look closely at your stomach. Bandages wrapped around your belly, and under the bandages is the cut that had been left on your beautiful skin.

Kunikida makes sure to comfort you whenever you feel insecure about your body, telling you that you're a beautiful, strong and brave woman.

His colleagues at ADA also visit you. Kunikida knocked down Dazai because he was too noisy, Yosano offered to treat you, Atsushi asked if you still hurt and Kyouka let you borrow her bunny. Ranpo spared you some sweets and the Tanizaki brothers bring flowers for you (and some works for Kunikida).

Fortunately, your tumor was benign, they said you can go home after two more days.

Kunikida finally can take you home. He noticed you have been bored and sometimes show 'home-sick' expressions, when you got home, he has a lot of things on his mind for you to follow until you are FULLY recovered (good luck).

Most of the time Kunikida won't let you do anything, including change clothes. "It will damage your surgery cut" is his favorite line when you want to do something or help him.

At night, Kunikida will leave some light around the house just in case you go to the bathroom so you don't have to find and turn them on. Also avoid any hurt you got from the corner of the table, etc...

You have to stop him when he asked to help you bathe. If you insist, he has no choice but let you, but he will guard you at the door outside until you have done bathing. The last thing he wanted is you tripped and fell in the bathroom, in your not fully healed state.

After two weeks or more, you can get back to work and Kunikida will take you to the workplace. If you're an agency member, he is always going to the agency with you. If you aren't, Kunikida will drive you.

Here it is again.

You don't feel anything, part of you wants to feel something, part of you doesn't.

You are exhausted, suffering from stress and pain. You want to escape from this reality, to find peace and feel relive.

Here you are again, in the bathtub, locked yourself in the bathroom.

You don't have the strength to call him, and you don't want to annoy him anymore. He has his work to be done, not stick with your own problem.

The small knife is in your hand, stays there silently but you can see it is calling you to do it.

Maybe just a small cut. Only one then you will leave the bathroom.

Just...one.

Then you started, slowly making a red line on your left wrist. You are telling yourself just need one cut, but you keep cutting. Over and over, and over again.

So...relive. So relax, you feel all your pain starting to fly away from your body.

But then...

"Y/N! Open the door!"

It's him. He is here. Kunikida Doppo, the idealist is here, your boyfriend is here. But how? How did he know? You were pretty sure that he is supposed at the agency. Why?

"Please Y/N, open the door! Let me in!"

No, you can't let him in. He will see these cuts again, he will get mad at you, he will feel disgusted and he will be disappointed. You don't want to hurt him anymore, just let you go.

"I know you're in there, and I know you're crying. So please, love, open the door so I can help you"

How can he help you? The words almost slip from your mouth. You have no choice, feeling guilty, slowly get out of the tub and open the door, still holding that knife in your hand.

The second you open the door widely, Kunikida quickly grabbed the knife and placed it on the table, hugging you tightly. You started crying like a child, afraid to hug him back because you don't want to get his shirt dirty by your blood.

You apologized continuously, Kunikida let you let it out, he knows that you have suffered a lot. He is mad, not because of you, he is mad at himself, for not noticing your pains.

Kunikida slowly and gently patched you up, he carefully wrap bandages on your wounds, trying not to cry in front of you. His hands are shaking slightly, afraid of hurting you.

After everything is all set, he will ask you what happened and he is all ears.

He takes care of you like a kid, always have you in his sight, hide all the sharp thing that you can use to hurt yourself. Kunikida will try to spend more time with you and talk with you more.

He makes sure you take your medicine on time and not skipping meals, he is willing to cook for you. Kunikida is always by your side when you are crying, and stops you immediately when it has a sign of relapse.

He can't stand when you are in hurt, and he can't stand it more when he can't do much to help you. If there is a miracle that can blow all your pains away he will pay all cost to let it happens.