Guide to my best (in my opinion) fics...
Best Les Mis: Worth Living For (formerly "A second chance to live")
Best Kagehina: Either sweet or In Which Yachi Ships Kagehina
Best Bokuaka: Cats, Mud Puddles, Balderdash, and Other Signs of Friendship
And here are my one-offs in other fandoms:
Echoes of Erasure - Be More Chill, Boyf Riends
I'm so good at telling lies ... told a million to survive - The Lunar Chronicles, Wolflet
The Leaving - Beartown, by Fredrik Backman
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 2/2
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Additional Tags: TW for references to domestic abuse/dating violence
Summary:
âI told you not to come here anymore,â Grantaire says.
Ăponine laughs. Itâs an even more raucous, gravelly sound than it used to be. âCome on Taire, donât give me that.â She bumps her knuckles playfully against his arm. âYou know you love me.â
âI never said I didnât love you. What I said is you canât come here anymore.â
Ăponine flicks her hair over her shoulder (itâs faded. She hasnât dyed it in a while) and tries to step through the doorway. He blocks her way. Doing so, he feels a pathetic little quiver of pride in his hollow, aching chest. At least heâs making a show of holding his ground.
âĂponine, Iâm serious. Iâm done with you. You canât expect me to keep taking care of you if you arenât going to take care of yourself. You canât expect me to keep picking the pieces up after you while you willfully ruin your life, over and over again.â You canât ⌠You canât, itâs killing me. Itâll kill me even before it kills you.
Ăponine puffs out an exaggerated sigh. âYouâre so dramatic, Taire. I just need a place to stay for the night, thatâs all.â Â
âNo.â
âOne night, Taire. Parnasse is in a mood.â
Grantaireâs heart squeezes. As do the fists at his side. As does his throat. But still, he manages to speak. âThatâs your problem, Ăp.â His nails are cutting into his palmsâbut even so, he can feel his hands trembling. âYou chose to live with the bastard.â
Ăponineâs mouth purses into a small frown. She takes a step back and tilts her head up to get a better look at him. (She was always so small ⌠When he curled his body around hers, she seemed to just disappear into him. And he thought he could keep her safe. He thought he could just envelop her and keep her safeâŚ)
Ăponineâs gaze travels over his features, assessing. Finally, she cracks a grin. âYouâre full of shit.â She steps forward again and pushes past him. Grantaire feels his traitorous body give way to her. Â Â
Read the rest on AO3
1. Yachi ⌠Or maybe Tsukki, IF we established a lot of trust/understanding and he decided to be a nice person more often.
2. Kagehina (Kagehina + Yachi are my fave hc friendship trio, so I guess i would take Yachi's place? Ek, i dont wanna break up my fave friendship trio though.) (oh and i probably don't need to explain that kghn counts as one person, right?)
3. Tanaka (ok so this one surprised me, but i've been having a lot of tanaka appreciation lately. And, while i don't have a fictional character crush on him or anything, when i think about it, i bet he'd actually be the SWEETEST most caring and devoted husband. Even though i've always criticized how much he ogles and harasses Kiyoko. I feel like as soon as Kiyoko actually shows him a bit of a bit of regard (i.e. when she lets him take her bag) he'll realize instantly he needs to be deserving of that regard and he'll start being super respectful in his behaviour towards her/women. And then he'll teach his sons to be more respectful of women than he was as a teenager.)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
awwwww!!â¤ď¸ as someone whoâs spent countless hours scrolling miserably through ao3, bemoaning the relative lack of Eponine & Grantaire centric fics, it made me so happy when this person reached out and said my Eponine & Grantaire fics had inspired them to write one of their own đ
Check out their fic here!Â
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Les MisĂŠrables - All Media Types, Les MisĂŠrables - Victor Hugo
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Grantaire/Ăponine ThĂŠnardier, Grantaire & Ăponine ThĂŠnardier
Additional Tags: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Pining, Unrequited Love, Crossdressing
Summary:
"I've been drinking all night, babe, and the night before
But when I get sober, I ain't gonna drink no more
'Cause my friend left me standin' in my door"
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Kevin laughs and hugs him. He presses his smiling face into Benjiâs neck. Benji closes his eyes. Because he wants this. He wants this, he wants thisâŚ
Everything can go back to the way it was. And Benji will only ever have himself to blame that he didnât let it.Â
So I changed the first kiss scene in my most popular work b/c it was actually really problematic. Yikes, dunno what I was thinking. Mea culpa.
Excerpt below or read the full work here.
***
The vice-like grip of Kageyamaâs arms loosens when he falls asleep, so Hinata is able to un-smush his face from the setter's chest. He doesnât want to pull away too much⌠Just enough so that he can look up at Kageyama.Â
His setter looks different in sleep. The deep vertical frown line that seemed to be permanently etched between his eyebrows is absent. It makes his face look oddly smooth and soft. Hinata likes it.Â
He wriggles one arm out of Kageyamaâs grasp. His setter stirs but doesnât wake. Hinata raises his hand to Kageyamaâs face. Slowly, delicately, he touches a single finger to that spot where the frown line used to be. Kageyama hums in his sleep and Hinata feels something flutter in his chest.Â
He finds himself smiling. Just a small smile that tugs at the corners of his mouth. Pulling his hand away from Kageyamaâs face, he touches his fingers to his own lips, feeling the smile there. Then his eyes go to Kageyama's lips.
They're relaxed, not twisted in a scowl. It makes Kageyama look so peaceful. So... sweet.
Hinata finds himself leaning closer to those lips... They feel magnetic. Like theyâre drawing him in. They make him wanna... wanna...Â
Hinata gasps. In a panicked flurry of limbs, he pushes himself off of Kageyama, tumbles feet over head, and lands hard on his butt. Â
Kageyama grunts. Hinata freezes. His heart pounds furiously in his chest as the setter stirs... and sits up, rubbing his eyes.Â
âWhat is it now, dumbass?â Kageyama sighs.Â
Hinata shakes his head so furiously he thinks he might break his neck. âN-nothing! Nothing happened! I didnâtâIâm totally notâNothing, itâs nothing, nothingâs going on!âÂ
Kageyamaâs brow furrows in confusion. And then a flicker of concern enters his eyes. â... Are you okay?âÂ
Hinata flushes. âYes! Yes of course. Why wouldnât I be? Nothing... nothing weird happened...â
Nothing weird happened. He totally didnât just experience a surge of desire to kiss Kageyama. Why would he even want to do that? That would be... ridiculous... That could mess everything up. No. Hinata totally doesnât want to kiss Kageyama. Totally, totally not...Â
Kageyama is still frowning at him and Hinata is not mourning the loss of that smooth, relaxed brow he had during his sleep. Heâs not fighting the urge to crawl towards Kageyama and take his face in his hands and kiss away the frown lines...
âDid you have a nightmare or something?â Kageyama asks. His voice is low and concerned. It makes Hinataâs heart hiccup in his chest.Â
âWh-what?â he stammers breathlessly.Â
Kageyama scratches awkwardly behind his ear. âItâs okay if you did,â he says. âYou don't have to be embarrassed or anything. I, um, sometimes have nightmares too.â Â
Hinataâs heart somersaults.Â
Damn. Dammit. Why is Kageyama picking now of all times to be all weird and mushy and sweet? As if it wasnât bad enough to watch him sleep so sweetly and peacefully... This is just really, really messing with his head...
Kageyama coughs. His eyes shift to the side. âUm. If it would help, you can...â Kageyama opens his arms and sort of gestures at his own chest. âCome back here. If you want.âÂ
Hinata squawks. He feels the blood rushing to his face. And then he feels the terror closing in on his throat. Kageyama must know. He must be making fun of him. Thatâs why heâs inviting Hinata to cuddle. Heâs mocking him. He knows Hinata wants to kiss him and now heâs mocking him...Â
âShut up, Bakageyama,â Hinata croaks. He hopes Kageyama canât hear the quiver in his voice. âYouâre so stupid!â
Kageyama blinks. And then, anger hardens across his face. âWhat the hell, dumbass,â Kageyama hisses. âIâm just trying to help you.âÂ
Hinata feels his own anger flare up. Itâs easier to be angry than afraid and overwhelmed and distraught and a hundred other emotions that he isnât prepared to deal with right now.Â
âNo youâre not!â Hinata shouts, his fists clenching. âYouâre just being stupid!â He hates how uncreative his insults are right now, but itâs hard to be creative when you feel like your heart is climbing up your throat and plugging your airways. When you feel like the gym floor has been ripped out from underneath you and suddenly thereâs the threat of everything, everything changing, everything collapsing... Hinata feels tears welling up in his eyes. He blinks them away before they have a chance to spill over. âJust leave me alone, Bakageyama.âÂ
Kageyamaâs nostrils flare. âFine! God, youâre so annoying!âÂ
âYouâre annoying!âÂ
âShut your stupid face, Iâm going to sleep!âÂ
âMe too! So shut your stupid face!âÂ
Kageyama casts him a final glare, then lies back down on the floor and rolls over, turning his back to Hinata.Â
And thatâs when Hinata allows the tears to spill over.
***
Kageyama grits his teeth as he curls in on himself.Â
That stupid dumbass.. He was just trying to be nice. Kageyama knows he isnât very good at being nice, but he was trying. What did Hinata go and get all pissy at him for? Stupid idiot, stupid dumbass...
Kageyama tries not to be concerned about him. Tries not to wonder what kind of horrible nightmare had Hinata flying into a panic in the middle of the night like that. He tries to shut his eyes and go to sleep...Â
And then he hears snuffling sounds.Â
Kageyamaâs eyes fly open. For a moment, he just lies there, frozen, waiting to see if heâll hear it again. When he does, his heart cracks.Â
For a brief second, Kageyama wrestles with himself. Hinata has made it very clear that he doesnât want Kageyama to try to comfort him. He should really just ignore him. Just let the idiot cry himself to sleep...Â
The brief second is over.Â
Kageyama gets up and is before Hinata in an instant. Pulling the idiot against his chest, tucking his head over his, squeezing him tight, tight, tight...Â
Hinata breaks apart and sobs, his fingers grasping at Kageyamaâs shirt and hanging on for dear life. âIâIâm sorry,â he stammers in between hiccups. âI promise I can ignore it. I didnât even know I w-wanted to before tonight so I can t-totally ignore it. Things can go back to n-normal. I promise. Just donât stop s-setting to me. And p-please donât stop eating lunch with me either or w-walking with me to s-school or p-practising with me extra... I p-promise, things can just be n-normal...âÂ
âDumbass, what are you even talking about?â Kageyama murmurs into Hinata's hair. He has no idea what Hinata is going on about, but this is obviously some kind of mental breakdown after a nightmare. Kageyama will comfort him. He'll comfort him, he'll hold him until he stops crying...
âIt was just one time!â Hinata wails, burying his face in Kageyamaâs shirt. âI only wanted to kiss you one time!âÂ
Kageyamaâs body goes stiff with shock. Hinata continues wailing and stammering hysterical words. But Kageyama canât hear him anymore. He can only heart those last words, ringing over and over again in his mind, like a tape recording of an opposing playerâs serve that heâs set on loop to study.
I only wanted to kiss you one time...Â
I only wanted to kiss you one time...
Hinata wanted to kiss him?? When?? How had he missed this?? How could he possibly have missed this when heâd been pining after Hinata this whole damnable year??Â
Hinata is banging his head against Kageyamaâs chest now and sobbing something incoherent. Kageyama grabs him by the shoulders and holds him at arm's length.
âWhen?â he demands breathlessly.
Hinata blinks, his wet eyelashes fluttering and shedding tear droplets. âWh-what?âÂ
âWhen did you want to kiss me?â
Do you still want to? Can I convince you to still want to? Do I have a hope after all...?  Â
Hinata tilts his head. âYou mean, you didnât know? But... why did you suggest we snuggle then?âÂ
âDammit, Hinata,â Kageyama groans. Itâs half exasperated, half desperate. âI have absolutely no freaking clue what youâre talking about. When did you want to kiss me?âÂ
Hinataâs gaze shifts to the side. He clears his throat. âUm. I was just joking.âÂ
Kageyama lets out a sound like someone being strangled to death. No. No he is not letting the turd-face get away with that.Â
âHinata!" he shouts, shaking the dumbass like a rag doll. âI have wanted to kiss you every second of every day for this whole freaking year so if you want to kiss me too youâd better TELL me and if you donât youâd better also tell me or Iâm just going to DO it, Iâm just going to kiss your stupid face!!âÂ
Hinata is gawking at him. His eyes are practically hanging out of their sockets and his jaw appears to have come completely unhinged. âWh... Whaaaat?âÂ
Thatâs not an answer. Thatâs not a freaking answer and Kageyama is losing his freaking marbles, he needs to get away from Hinata now or he really is just going to kiss him, and Hinata still hasnât said he wants that so he canât, he canât...
Kageyama shoves Hinata away from him and jumps to his feet. Heâs ready to runâforgetting for a moment that theyâre locked in here and thereâs nowhere to run toâbut Hinata tackles him from behind. Kageyamaâs legs buckle and he face-plants. Hinata lands on top of him, flat against his back, knocking all the air out of him.Â
âD-dumbass!â Kageyama wheezes.Â
âWhy did you want to kiss me?â Hinata demands, his mouth at Kageyamaâs ear.Â
Kageyama screeches. Heâs so done. Heâs so, so done.Â
âBECAUSE IâM IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!!â
Heâs in love with him. Heâs so, so in love with him and heâs so, so done , he canât even care, canât even be afraid about declaring a secret that heâs spent the entire year guarding with his life...
âOh.â Hinataâs declaration is soft. âHuh. Well that changes things.â
Kageyama has no idea what that means.Â
He has no idea what it means when Hinata just stays there, lying on top of Kageyamaâs back, for several silent seconds.Â
He has no idea what it means when Hinata finally gets up and offers him a hand.Â
No idea what it means when Kageyama takes the hand and Hinata helps him to his feet, their eyes locked on each other and their breaths held.Â
But he does know what it means when Hinata says:
âI guess weâd better kiss each other then.âÂ
Read the full fic on ao3
Ch. 3: In Which Jeremy Puts his Pants on for Michael
(This is the last chapter of "Echoes of Erasure", which you can read on AO3)
Preview:
When you love somebodyâŚ
Michael bounces his rubber fidget toy off the ceiling for the umpteenth time. It makes a tiny âthwackâ sound, then falls back down and lands on his chest.Â
When you love somebodyâŚ
Thwack ⌠thwackâŚÂ
The fidget toy falls and Michael catches it in his hand this time. He grips it tight and grinds his teeth together.Â
Time to get up, Michael Mell. Time to get up already and go âŚÂ It hurts. It hurts like hell. But when you love somebody ⌠you just keep pushing through until the pain is gone.Â
Michael digs his elbows into his mattress and props himself into a seated position. His limbs feel extra heavy, but he manages to swing his legs off the bed and stand up. He walks over to his dresser. Grabs a pair of pants and stuffs his feet into them. Tugs them up to his waist, does up the zipper ⌠Drags a shaky hand through his hair ⌠Then turns towards the door.Â
Itâs open.Â
And Jeremy is staring at him.
Michael gawks for whatâs probably several seconds. Then he lets out some sort of nondescript hiss and takes a staggering step backward.Â
âWhat the hell, man! You canât justâdid you just barge into my room without knocking? I wasnât wearing any pants!âÂ
Jeremy ducks his head. Heâs silent for several beats. âIâm sorry,â he rasps finally. Barely loudly enough for Michael to hear.Â
Michael isnât stupid. He knows Jeremy is saying sorry for a lot more than forgetting to knock.Â
This is Michael's opportunity. To be a good friend and smooth it all over. Tell Jeremy itâs okay. So they can go back to normalâŚ
âWhy are you here?â Michael asks instead. He hates how strangled his voice sounds.Â
Jeremy blinks at him. His eyes are red, like heâs done way too little sleeping and way too much crying these past couple days. âI came to see you.âÂ
âYeah?â Michael tries to stop itâthe bitterness that instantly begins climbing up his chest. But it moves too quickly, and before he knows it, itâs scrambled up his throat and is popping out his mouth in the form of words. âSo today is a day where you do want to see me? Not feeling the whole optic nerve blocking thing right now?â
He hates himself as soon as he says it. Hates himself even more when Jeremyâs face crumples, eyes and mouth scrunching up like heâs going to burst into tears right then and there. Michael feels his heart lurching in his chest towards Jeremy ... but his body stays rooted to the spot. His hands clenching into fists at his side. His face growing warm with anger and hurt and a thousand other clamoring emotions.Â
âMichael,â Jeremy says weakly. âPleaseââ
âPlease what? Do you really think youâre in a position to make demands of me right now? After you tried to fucking erase me?âÂ
Jeremy is crying. Tears splashing over his cheeks and chin. But he lifts that quivering chin and fixes his gaze squarely on Michael. âNo,â he says. âNo, Iâm not in a position to ask anything of you. Thatâs not why I came here.âÂ
âWhy did you come here then?â Michael bites the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood. Heâs trying not to cry as well.Â
âI came here because ⌠because I thought you deserved a friend.âÂ
Michael stills.Â
He stares at Jeremy, oddly tongue-tied.Â
Jeremy lifts his chin even higher and tries to blink away his tears. âMichael ⌠You have every right to hate me. You have every right to tell me to piss off and never talk to you again.â His voice quivers and he has to close his eyes and take in a few steadying breaths. Michael at once feels a surge of pride and a stab of pain as he watches Jeremy breathe in and out. Slowly. Just like Michael always prompted him to do. Jeremy opens his eyes and again fixes them on Michael. âI was going to respect that,â he continues. âI was going to stay away from you, if that was what you wanted.â His voice cracks horribly. His nostrils flare as he takes in another steadying breath. âBut then I thought ⌠Then I thought: Where would I be if thatâs what you did?âÂ
â⌠What do you mean?âÂ
Jeremy takes to wringing his hands. âBack then ⌠with the SQUIP ⌠Jakeâs party, the optic nerve blocking ⌠Back then, I wanted you to stay away from me.âÂ
Michael closes his eyes weakly. Yeah. Yeah he knowsâŚ
âBut you didnât.âÂ
Jeremy's words ring between them, followed by an odd silence. Slowly, Michael opens his eyes. Jeremy is gazing at him earnestly, still wringing his hands. He looks like he might be about to twist one of his fingers right off.
âYou didnât stay away from me,â Jeremy repeats. âAnd thank God you didnât. Cuz I wouldâve freaking destroyed myself and the entire student body. Maybe the world. Not to mention that I ⌠I ⌠would have lost you. Permanently.â A massive tremor courses through Jeremyâs body. âI know thatâs not exactly the position youâre in right now. I mean, being poised to destroy the world and all that. Or poised to lose the worldâs most incredible best friend...â His brow twitches. âBut âŚYou said you were upset. âPretty not happy,â you said. And friends are supposed to be there for each other when theyâre upset, right? You always have been for meâŚâ Jeremyâs eyes are suddenly swimming. âSo I figured Iâd better go to you. Even if you didnât want me. Because thatâs what you would do. And youâre ⌠youâre everything I need to be like. Youâre the best best friend, Michael. And I donât deserve you. ButâButââJeremy hiccups and smears his hand under his nose. âBut you do . Michaelâyou deserve a friend like you. Youâre probably the only person in the world that deserves a friend like you. And if I need to be that friend in order for you to have what you deserveâthen Iâll do that. Somehow, Iâll do that. Even though Iâve failed so, so badly in the past. Even though Iâve been the most terrible friend in the history of friends. Iâll be better. Iâll be the best. For you . Because thatâs what you deserve. And Michael ⌠MichaelâŚâ Jeremy has started shaking again. His hands are shaking so hard he canât even wring them anymore. He canât even use them to wipe at the tears and snot streaking down his face. âMichaelâŚâ
Michael steps briskly forward and catches Jeremyâs wrist. He lifts it to his mouth and presses a kiss to the inside.Â
Jeremy quiets and stills. Even his shaking stops.
â⌠Michael?â
âThank you,â Michael rasps. He raises Jeremyâs hand to his face and presses the palm against his cheek. âThanks for coming for me, Jer.âÂ
Read full fic on AO3
hi, just wanted to say your Worth Living For fic was beautiful
awww! thank you SO MUCH!!! <3 i think out of everything i've written in any fandom, Worth Living For is the #1 fic i'm most attached to, so it makes me extra happy when ppl love it!! <3
Really appreciate you making a point of telling me!
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Itâs cowardly as fuck. But maybe Michael is tired of being the brave one. The loyal one. The one whoâll always be there at Jeremyâs side, when he wants him ⌠Whenever the fuck that might beâŚÂ
Maybe Michael is tired of trying to be a rock Jeremy can lean on, even though that rockâs been smashed to smithereens a hundred times over.Â
Maybe ⌠for once ⌠Michael needs to just be in pieces.Â
the coolest people are actually weird and fucked up and strange and peculiar and they just dont care. the coolest people are actually lame as hell and they rock it. this is what ive learned
ok istg the pants song is the most romantic moment ive ever seen in musical theatre. and/or the best depiction of friendship idc which one.
i always loved the song on the album but it wasnt until i recently watched the broadway closing night bootleg and saw george salazar's performance of the song there that im like HOLY SHIT. been watching it on loop ever since.
he's just like ... so convincingly broken-hearted, but brave and determined to buck up and go help the person he loves anyway.
omg i just realized that "michael in the bathroom" is playing really softly in the background during the dialogue b/w Michael & Jeremy's dad *squawk* đ
ok istg the pants song is the most romantic moment ive ever seen in musical theatre. and/or the best depiction of friendship idc which one.
i always loved the song on the album but it wasnt until i recently watched the broadway closing night bootleg and saw george salazar's performance of the song there that im like HOLY SHIT. been watching it on loop ever since.
he's just like ... so convincingly broken-hearted, but brave and determined to buck up and go help the person he loves anyway.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Summary:
âY-you were goneâit took you againâI couldnât see youâMichaelââ
âShhh.â Michael brings a hand up to Jeremyâs hair and gently cards his fingers through the short waves. âItâs okay. Iâm here. Youâre here. Youâre good, Jer.âÂ