tw: angst, non-mc!reader, mentions of depression and anxiety, caleb x reader heavy (but not really), self-hatred and self deprecation, heavy use of swearing, selfaware!mc, selfaware!reader, poly!lads in the future, please skip this if you aren’t in the best head shape, I wrote this purely as something cathartic for myself dealing with a hard time and wrote this as an outlet more than anything, but now I kinda wanna turn it into a series where she meets all the boys and tries to lead a normal life/get back to her universe. !!!Not finished!!! sorry in advance :)
author’s note; I wrote this months ago and it’s just rotting in my docs, so I decided to post part of the prologue I wrote. This was supposed to be the first part of a prologue of an isekai!poly!lads fic I had written a blurb about like a year ago. not gonna promise that i’ll continue it because i fold under pressure lol
—
Your leg won’t stop shaking. You stare out of space, worry settling into an all consuming pit at the bottom of your chest that your bouncing leg desperately tries to sooth. It’s to no avail though, as your eyes flicker rapidly to your lap, the tremor in your leg traveling up your thigh causing your stomach to twist sour. Bile coats the back of your itchy throat. The shaking wracks through you, and before you know it, twitchy fists in your lap look blurry as tears threaten to spill from your eyes.
“Shit.”
The crackle of your voice is shrill in your ears as it pierces the silence, that familiar dread cloaking your body like the darkness that spilled from the corners of your room.
It has been a hard week— Long hours at work at night, only to rise again in the morning to go to school at the community college in your small town. Then it was a quick stop to grab lunch, go back to work and squeeze in your homework during your shift, then return home and collapse on your unmade bed you had left in a hurry that morning.
Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.
You had no time for yourself. No time to feel your age, no time to socialize, no time to spend with friends. You bury your face into your trembling fingers, a dry laugh escaping your throat. As if time was the only issue you had. Even if you had time, you had no one to spend it with.
It was different now, being thrust into the throes of adulthood. While your old friends could keep up with the changes, you lagged behind, too scared to make that leap with them. They continued on their journey, leaving you in the dust. It didn’t help that now, as you sat in your childhood room, looking around at the posters you had no energy to take down that you put up at 12, or the ratty stuffed animal perched on your desk you got at 7, how childish you felt. It was as if you were in your own personal tomb to lay to waste. You humor yourself at the thought of what it would say, maybe have your name written in fancy script, and underneath.
“Here she lies, the girl who lived and has absolutely nothing to show for it.”
You shoot up from your bed, a ragged breath escaping your lips with a pathetic wheeze. Hell fucking no. You shake your head, as if the dark thoughts would fly out your ears.
There was no way you were going to let yourself spiral again, especially when you have tomorrow off. You reach for your phone, the cool plastic of your case soothing your feverish fingers. You try not to think about your faint reflection in glass—a disheveled woman with tired, puffy eyes, and snot dripping down her nose and down onto her crumpled uniform shirt— right before as your screen comes to life.
You wince at the last thing you had open. It was what had you spiraling in the first place. An image of all your old friends together, celebrating a proposal. You are quick to close the app.
“Distraction... Distraction…” You mutter under your breath, reflexively opening TikTok as you begin your mindless scroll.
“-Follow to watch as I travel around the world in 100 d-“
“-here’s how to change your life in 5 easy ste-“
“-Loneliness is an epidemic in our gen-“
You close TikTok, the lump in your throat growing so large it could choke you. “Fuck this shit.”
A quick plundering through multiple apps, and it’s clear whatever spies on you through your phone wants you to be miserable, because nothing can soothe the massive ache in your chest. Just when you think sleep would be the best option, a notification pops up on your screen.
Where did you fly off to? When you get back, I have something fun planned for us.
You can’t help the twitch of your lips as you instinctively tap on it, the familiar tune of a woman singing fills your room with floaty notes as you log into the game.
I might not have friends, you humor, but I’ve got fake boyfriends, The least they can do is cheer me up. You think wryly to yourself as the game loads.
Really, it is the least they could do. You have spent an ungodly amount of money in the game, and if you were going to pay for this sliver of fake happiness, those pixelated men better be able to provide.
You are greeted on the screen by Sylus in a god awful outfit. A weak giggle escapes your lips. He makes a comment about your period being soon. You grimace. Maybe this is all just bad PMS?
The thought floats around your mind as you do your dailies, feeding on the small doses of dopamine each ping that rings in your ears. After they’re completed, you're back at the destiny cafe, clicking through the other love interests to check their outfits, too. Maybe you’d get another good laugh out of seeing whatever combination the in-game AI threw at you today.
Too bad the rest are proving to be kind of boring. Xavier is in his hoodie, Zayne is rocking the shades, again. Rafayel is wearing his birthday outfit. You finally reach the bottom of the list, clicking on Caleb.
Surprisingly, he seemed to go all out. Donned in your favorite outfit, wearing a bandage on his nose and the Catch-22 hairstyle, he raises his eyebrows at you through the screen. He’s talking, saying dialogue you’ve heard what feels like thousands of times, but you can’t help but admire the artistry of the 3D model in front of you. Broad shoulders lead down to veiny arms, his hair swaying with each adorable quirk of his head. What really grabbed your attention were his eyes, the way they light up with each press to the screen, as if they are studying you through the glass.
“These developers deserve a raise,” you hum out in appreciation. You feel a pang of envy that leaves as quick as it comes, only to be replaced by embarrassment.
Despite all her trauma, you can’t help but want what MC has.
A stable job, a nice apartment, traveling, adventure, friendship, and a man, well, no- men. Men who have sacrificed it all just to stand by her side, who are satisfied with any form of her presence.
How would it feel if someone cared for you like they did? You knew they weren’t realistic or even an ideal relationship. Between lies, stalking, and possessiveness, there huge red flags you’d never let fly in the real world. That doesn’t stop the allure of them all. Their complete devotion would leave anyone swooning, but right now it only causes a tug of desperate yearning that makes the sourness reappear at the back of your throat.
Because you aren’t MC, you are, well— you. Just you, who works a mediocre job and lives a subpar life, staring at a screen and interacting with fake men who are looking at you through the silver screen as if you are the center of their universe— as if you were her.
“If only you were real.” you mutter, but shake your head again. This is supposed to make you happy, you remind yourself.
You click on tete-a-tete at the bottom of your screen, and Caleb grins with kind, pixelated eyes.
“Wanna hide what's on your mind? It’s written all over your face whenever you pout or smile.”
“Sure, I guess,” you roll your eyes. You always feel a little ridiculous using this feature, but you continue, pressing on ‘something bad happened.’
“Who’s the unlucky person that upset you? I’d like to get to know ‘em.” His gaze hardens, looking beside himself; before returning to soft eyes that flicker back to you carefully.
’it involves people’
The option bubbles disappear, and your phone freezes for a moment. You didn’t notice till now, but your phone felt hot to the touch, as if you had left it all day to bake in the sun. Its warmth in your hand is becoming barely manageable. You jab your thumb on the screen again with purpose, but none of your taps register.
“Please, don’t do this to me now! come on-”
You’re about to give up on the whole damn thing. It’s as if your phone was begging you to not use it at this point— urging you to give into despair the universe decided to curse you with. God, maybe this is a sign you need a new hobby? Maybe something boring, ordinary. One that doesn’t make you speak to your screen in the middle of the night, sounding like a crazy person.
Just before you go to close the app, it springs back to life, and Caleb's model begins his animation sequence— only this time, it's one you’ve yet to see before.
Your skin prickles as he monitors you, frowning. The more you watch him, the more the feeling of unease sets into your shoulders. You can’t stop them from rising up to your neck, as strange tightness burns in your chest like boiling acid.
Those motion capture actors really put their all into making it feel real. Maybe too real, as you watch Caleb frown deepen, looking not at you, but up behind you.
Slowly, you turn to follow his gaze.
An old Levi Ackerman on the wall —covered in a thin layer of dust— makes you laugh at the strange coincidence. Swiveling your head back at the screen and finding your next text options with Caleb's avatar standing idly, cycling through the same animation only makes your laugh come out in a warble.
You let go of your breath, hot air and a nervous laugh slipping past dry lips, “I’m losing my shit today...”
Yeah, pickleball or a morning running club doesn’t sound too ridiculous now. Even as you humor the thought, you feel your pulse through the blood rushing to your finger pressed against the glass, heart fluttering rapidly against your ribcage as you click on the next option.
’too much drama when it comes to people.’ Your laughter bubbles up your chest roars back to life, a mixture of sadness and sardonic self pity creeping back into your body.
Caleb simply shakes his head. ‘You don’t have to please other people. You have the right to say no, even to me.’
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here's the start of a xavier x non-mc!reader fic I never ended up writing lol
the premise was that you're a security guard who chats with xavier on the days he enters the Hunter's Association, where you develop a pathetically one-sided (as far as you know) crush on the senior hunter who rarely comes in and does his job.
When you started working for the association, you always thought it would be exciting. Recruitment posters on every corner and ads that played after every reality TV show binge had you slowly falling for the propaganda. Who didn’t want to be a hero for the peace of humanity? You sure did, and that’s why after high school with no real direction and desire in life, you signed up.
But it’s 3 years later, and you were far from a hero. You didn’t run on the street and fight back against wanderer attacks, hell, you couldn’t even place in the exam for the intelligence sector to be an investigator. Your less than stellar placement scores landed you the oh so humble and important role as building security.
The more you worked, the more redundant your job felt. Who would actually walk into the lion’s den that was the Hunter’s Association? It wasn’t like you were properly armed like the Hunter’s that passed you every day, placing their military grade protocore weapons in the bin for you to ‘inspect’ as they swiped their access card and walked through the metal detector. Sure, you passed the self-defense course— after failing 2 times, but who’s counting?— and knew how to throw a decent left hook, but that’s as much as your expertise goes. Expertise that pales in comparison to the physical prowess most of the people hold behind the doors you gate kept. You were merely a prop, a role to be played to keep up the appearance of a government building, a reminder to those who enter that the association has better security measures than it actually let on.
That’s why your job is important, with your metal and protocore detector lazily held in your hand, as you scroll through your phone in the other, waiting for someone to dare enter the building that was just fine protecting itself.
At least there was one plus— all the hunters are hot as shit.
--
honestly, I wish I had the time and energy I used to for writing fics or this would have been fully written. Thought it was a good idea tho, anyone who wants to take it feel free to!! tag me if u do I'm trying to read it lmao
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 26/26
Fandom: 恋与深空 | Love and Deepspace (Video Game)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Main Character/Shen Xinghui | Xavier, Shen Xinghui | Xavier/You
Characters: Shen Xinghui | Xavier, Main Character (Love and Deepspace)
Additional Tags: Catch-22 AU, Romance, Slow Burn, Suspense, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Hurt/Comfort, Competence Kink, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Denial of Feelings, will they / won’t they (they will eventually), Fluff and Angst, Corporate Espionage, Police Procedural, But make it Love and Deepspace, with (sort of but not really) zombies, Suggestive Themes, some chapters are best not read at work, Case Fic
Summary:
“That was close,” he said quietly. You could feel the vibration of his words through his chest, the low rumble sending awareness skittering across your nerves.
“Too close,” you managed. You tilted your face up, studying his expression in the dim light filtering from the street.
His pupils had blown wide, leaving only a thin ring of blue, and suddenly you couldn’t look away.
You built your career keeping dangerous Praedators off the streets. As the youngest captain of the LCBI’s most successful enforcement unit, you’re very good at your job. When the unit’s increased workload forces you to hire an assistant, you expect competent filing and decent coffee. Xavier Shen, an unremarkable astronomy graduate desperate for work, delivers. He’s quiet and reliable, exactly what you need.
But when a dangerous case lands on your desk and powerful interests offer assistance with hidden costs, you discover that your reluctant new partnership with EVER Corp isn’t what it seems.
…Neither is Xavier.
[Inspired by Xavier’s Catch-22 Deluded Fiction card]
I’ve been sitting on this fic idea for like 6 months trying to think about how I would want to write it, but I really really really want to write a isekai polyfic for LADS that focuses more on the world they live in and trying to navigate it as someone from the past
Like I love all the isekai fics, but none of them really capture how jarring it would be to be thrown into a world set in the future with monsters running around so much its as normal as a house fire or bulgary.
Like I would want y/n to be a normal person living a shitty normal life who’s more of a casual player of the game and doesn’t know a whole lot about the lore. Then, after collapsing at work one day you find yourself inside the game in a no hunt zone.
You wake up with a massive headache and hear a wanderer in the distance. Then, BOOM you book it the hell out of there, not even thinking about the hunter grade pistol at your side or your hunter’s watch blaring on your wrist, until you finally reach the edge of a city and see a “WELCOME TO LINKON” sign and are convinced you’ve gone insane.
I also I don’t want you to be super strong or to be a chosen one, maybe I would play with the idea powers or fate just to keep the plot interesting, but ultimately you’re super normal and utterly confused. What do you mean there’s holograms and advanced technology and monsters and I still have to have a JOB and act like this is all normal??? How did MC keep up with juggling all of this, plus, the men that are pining after you??
Speaking of the guys, they all still are convinced you are their MC, even if they notice you’re kind of off- you aren’t as defined as she was, not as brave, or curious as she is.
They have to make it a point to find you because you avoid any contact with them initially, which pits them against each other, convinced someone has done this to you, or should I say, to her. Like imagine trying to run away from some of the most vicious, powerful, smart, and possessive men known to man? Do you know you have 30 minutes???
I also like the idea of some of them knowing that you aren’t MC, and having them struggle trying to adjust to the change, mourning the love they lost, and battling with comparing you to her. Maybe they seek comfort in each other??? You also have to struggle with identity and genuine connection, because you aren’t her at the end of the day, and they are chasing a ghost of someone who for all you know is now working your shitty job or trying to fight her way back to her universe. Do you decide to deceive them and wear MC shoes, or do you tell them the truth? maybe you open yourself up to others before some of the guys, causing even more trouble down the line because you can’t keep track of the truth and the white lies?
How do you explain that everything you know about them is because they are all pixels you interact with through a phone screen when you feel particularly lonely?? Will they think you’re just as crazy as you feel?
all in all, I would want it to be funny, drama filled, super tropey with a hint of self awareness, with a sprinkle of heavy angst and a dash of comfort.
Should I write it?? idk guys I don’t think I would be able to pull it off 😭
BONUS: MC has been missing for 2 months so when you step foot in the world and meet the guys for the first time, they already are upset and worried about you —or MC, I should say— and won’t let you catch a break when it’s already freaking you out that these fictional men are now alive and breathing in front of you
I also want zayne to accidentally hit you with his car some reason K-drama style I think that would be funny asf LMAO
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
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