At this point I don't know if I should keep my blog name and URL. My psych team said I don't exactly fit the criteria for a psychotic disorder since they now have me on the lowest dose of Invega Trinza and I even smoke weed every day (they also know about this and since I am 25 and live where it's legal are okay with it) but my symptoms haven't gotten any worse, and the fact that I know the things I experienced weren't real, and sort of knew they weren't in objective reality the whole time (the "insight" I mentioned in my last post) made them question the diagnosis I came here with. My next dose of Invega is my last, and while they do think I have a severe case of C-PTSD, major depressive disorder and anxiety resulting from the C-PTSD, and ADHD, they think my (what may not even technically have been) psychosis was a temporary trauma response and not a psychotic disorder. The program I am in has basically told me that I went through things that are considered psychological torture for years, which I knew, and that I never should have been on the medications I was on starting at 5 (not typical ADHD meds--things like Seroquel and antidepressants for "childhood-onset bipolar" which is NOT in the DSM-5). Panic attacks. My parents had me drugged (among other things such as sending someone who is, as far as my psych team can tell not on the autism spectrum, developmentally divergent, or has ever suffered from a severe behavioral disorder, to a school for kids with severe autism, developmental disorders, and behavioral disorders) for having panic attacks because I was bullied a lot due to a medical condition...God, I don't even know how to feel at this point. My therapist has been extremely validating the entire time, but the fact that I was actually right about how fucked up my life has been is also extremely disturbing. I'm going to change the blog name, I think, to something reflecting the fact that I have survived extreme trauma/torture but that is more accurate to what I have been going through. I'm sorry to anyone I may have hurt in unintentionally misrepresenting schizoaffective, I genuinely did not mean to.
Yeah, so I was tapered off of Invega, haven't been on psych meds for years, found out I've been diagnosed with autism since I was seven years old, my parents just didn't know that autism spectrum disorder is the full name of an autism diagnosis. For some reason they thought it means I am just *kind of* autistic. Like, excuse me wtf? You never even bothered to look into it? For 20 years??? You were told to enroll me in a school MAINLY FOR AUTISTICS and DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS BECAUSE I AM AUTISTIC??? Found out when I was 27. My schizoaffective diagnosis was removed, hence why I was tapered off of the psych meds. I was diagnosed with CPTSD. And the program I was in at the time that I posted that is now permanently closed. Colorado Recovery in Boulder, CO. Which I can say now, considering it is permanently closed. It's listed as still open on Google, but it isn't. That's 2, now. 🙃
