sadquotepage

“I truly believe that you were the first person that ever fell in love with me. Oh sure, there were people before you that I loved, and who liked me well enough for a time. But you- You would spend hours carding your fingers through my hair as I read. You once told me all of the little habits I had that you found endearing. You wrote poetry about my eyes. You used to keep me awake until four in the morning, talking about any subject that crossed your mind, but I never minded because you have always been so fascinating to me. So when you stopped loving me, it was the first time that I really believed that the terrible parts of me were greater than the beautiful things. I didn’t realize that I would lose myself along with you.”

I ran away just to face my own horrors. I ran away from my passions, the same way millionaires run from their debt. To an European island where all inhibitions are free, the weather is hot, and love is dressed in a beautiful gown, speaking with an unknown accent, selling poems and dreams by the Riviera. And there I was, most beautiful, most youthful, but utterly heartbroken. In debt with my heart and my soul. I could not meet anyone's gaze or tanned skin, even as they served me sparkling water in a wine glass, thanking me for merely existing. In love with a man who only loves my shadow and my silhouette. My hips were on the plate, my legs were over the table, and my figure shattered into diamonds. He does not love me enough to delicately tend to the immense hurt within my heart. Yet, on an Italian island, I found myself peeling lemons and savoring them with sugar. A metaphor for my life. That's exactly what love tastes like. The ache descends upon me like sweat on my back, and all I can think about is how it feels to be genuinely caressed on the parts of my body that only my poems have witnessed. I'm on the most beautiful island. And I might not be the most beautiful thing here, but my heart is. With its cracked surface, fractured interior, diamonds scattered on the floor, and colorful glass veins. Finally, sun rays break through; finally, the yearning for him finds its place. Finally, tears fall from a seductive woman confessing the sins of love. This confessional, this heart, has finally shattered, and the entire island trembles.

If my life was a movie, you’d be running back

Would you love her fire even as it burns you?

I’m finding comfort in our memories, while you seek comfort in someone else.

You have ruined everyone else for me.

Am I pathetic or loyal for still thinking about you?

Just because you couldn’t love me, doesn’t mean no one else ever will.

Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.

every moment  that we spend together is suspended in time skin to skin, so infinite when our hands are intertwined where you never end and i never begin and we’re just two hearts born in sync forever kept in time.

I am forced to grin and pretend that those who surround me now will replace your absence

Who was I before all my thoughts were polluted with you?

To whoever loves me next, I’m sorry if I’m afraid of you or if days of flirting turn to radio silence, without warning. I’m sorry if I make you say the words over and over and over until I believe them. (I’m sorry if I don’t believe them.) I will probably spend more time worrying about losing you than I spend trying to keep you. Trouble is, every single time I’ve ever thought something was too good to be true– I’ve been right. Understand, I will know how to be vulnerable with you, but I won’t know how not to regret it. And I have no idea how deep we’ll be into this relationship before I admit I’ve never done this before. Not really. Not in any way that counts. Before I admit that I know how to put my body inside someone else’s but not how to make it beautiful. I probably won’t be easy to love. Too many people loved me badly, I’m not sure I know how to do it right.