𝐴𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑙

“It isn’t asking for a lot for an apology for making me feel like it killed you if I tried to leave” -Billie Eilish you beautiful lyrical bitch

I hate bpd. I hate this. I hate me. Why am I like this? Why do I ruin every good thing I have going for me out of fear I’ll get hurt, I do it to myself. I hate that I overthink until my head explodes. I hate that I can’t love without crippling obsession. I hate that my happiness revolves around them no matter how hard I try to hide it. I feel so fucking awful for him to be my fp and lover. He must be so exhausted. I don’t blame him. I get tired of me to. But for some reason I don’t know when to shut up. Why can’t I just shut the fuck up for once and appreciate what I have? I have this incessant need to speak my mind when my mind is my biggest enemy. But I always fight for everything. I leave claw marks in everything I’ve ever loved. But thats why I say LOVED and not LOVE. Because I dig into them so deep that it cuts and they leave. WHAT THE FUCK. I know my man says he loves me and isn’t tired of me. But I feel something coming. Something bad. It’s in my gut, my bones, my blood. I’m terrified.

Todays choices are next weeks body.