The sound of cute puppies hydrating

Guide to Softening Shrek

Shrek’s default state is “Hardened.” By making choosing certain quest resolutions and dialogue options, Shrek can be “Softened:”

* In the conversation where Shrek says that ogres are like onions, tell him you see ogres like more pleasant things with layers. Either “ogres are like cakes” or “how about a parfait?” will soften, anything else will make softening permanently impossible.

* During the castle sequence, encounter but do not kill the dragon.

* In the conversation where Shrek tells your Donkey Fiona called him a “hideous ugly beast,” pick the options: “She wasn’t talking about you” and then “Somebody else.”

Results:

* A Softened Shrek will agree to let the Fairytale creatures live on his swamp

* A Softened Shrek can romance Fiona

10. Screaming violin woman (093)

9. Pegasus hits the gym (143)

8. WHAT the ACTUAL HELL (151)

7. An 80s stripper who also happens to be a shoe (106)

6. Me (114)

5. The animation department had a lot of extra pink paint (174)

4. An elephant vacuum cleaner, but like in a sexy way (094)

3. My breasts are two small screaming snowmen (038)

2. Ball Family (132, 140, 146)

1. A straight-up, actual volcano (067)

The villagers just wear shirts okay I can vibe with that Donald Duck logic

But Isabelle and Tom Nook wear shirts AND PANTS (Timmy and Tommy are standing right there! Do they feel naked???)

Crazy Redd only wears pants and they’re not even pants, let’s be real that’s an APRON HIS ASS IS JUST HANGING OUT

The Able sisters couldn’t even agree on a dress code! Sable and Mable just have aprons on, no shirt or pants and Labelle is SERVING LOOKS the other sisters have to feel a little uncomfortable about this

BLATHERS ONLY HAS A BOW TIE (maybe his front is like a sweater vest but it doesn’t look like it)