Hidden Scrolls

He steeled himself for the inevitable outcome. They were always the same. His frigid anger shifted to resentment, his vision becoming cloudy as he seethed. 

I wish I could help you but I can't. 

I'm out of my depth here. I wish you the best.

Voices clamored in his ears, ranging from remorse, regretful. He gritted his teeth, his body tensed to spring as he awaited her words. No more would he accept rejection. 

"I don’t want you to do the same thing I did.” 

His anger faltered, his posture and jaw slackening. He truly saw her then. Vulnerable. The confidence she had portrayed was gone as the flames from her body resided, and lost its brilliance. Her gaze never met his own as she confessed to him. He felt the blood drain from his face as she told her story, one she had a part in, one she was not proud of. 

He felt her loss, her grief, her guilt. She would never get that back. She would never forget. His gaze turned inward, fear creeping its way inside. It threatened to smolder his spirit. 

"I'm sorry." He spoke quietly. He could afford no more than that. No amount of words he could give would assuage her and he knew that. "I really am." 

"So if you wish to leave. Wish to live with that rage. Wish to let your flames control you then be my guest.” He could hear her voice rising in volume, stern once, her gaze finally meeting his. They were determined, burning brightly with the flames she had once displayed. 

“But I will do everything in my power to stop you if you do." 

He inhaled softly, his breathing unsteady. The worst to come should he truly lose himself. It wouldn't be just her and he was sure of it, his thought leading to another. One who he would be desperate to never see in such a state. 

“I leave the choice to you Zhen. You alone decide which path you want to walk.” 

"It has always been my choice…" A statement. He made the choice to seek her out. It was his decision to learn. It was always him. 

Only him. 

He seemed to make a decision then, averting his gaze, his posture relaxing. 

"What I am about to tell you never leaves here. As much as I would like him to know, I can't bear to face him if he knew what was wrong." He whispered of another, a wealth of pain contained in his voice. 

"You asked me before. If I had burned someone. I have, Reshi," he admitted, his voice quivering. "And I don't think I can fix it… I can't heal," his voice became anguished. "I can only burn and that's not what I am supposed to be." 

His golden gaze burned bright, searing. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO BE!" He exclaimed, surging to his feet. "I am supposed to heal! I am supposed to create! What am I?! A JOKE?! GODS WHAT AM I?!" 

He inhaled a shaky breath, heart racing. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, his form shimmering. He was struggling to maintain this form, his emotions too erratic to focus, his mind spiraling.  

"You can't help me…" His voice was forlorn. He felt compelled to answer. "If he couldn't, what makes you think you can?" The balance to his uneven scales. Being in his presence for such a short time helped alleviate the shadow weighing heavily upon his shoulders. 

But only by so much. 

Just the slightest shift could send him spiraling. 

"-If you leave now then you would be a walking danger.”

He stiffened at the thought, eyes snapping open. Becoming the danger. "It's too late for that," he admitted quietly, his gaze flashing hotly. His form ceased its shimmering, a shaky hand coursing through his hair. 

Unpleasant memories flashing before his eyes. The screeching cries of raptor piercing his ears. Wails of pain, flames and cinder swirling around him. His own cry of anguish and… Rage. 

HIKORI!!! 

A madness so deep, he couldn't fathom its ending. The insidious whisper of malice and enjoyment of such depravity driven to further ruin. 

He… hadn't inkling of what happened back then; only that it was the final straw. 

Now in a moment of clarity, his eyes bore daggers into Resh, unfriendly, angered to be driven to say as much but weary. He was so… tired but desperate. A wounded beast clinging tightly onto a lifeline.

"I-I." His voice faltered. He expected to be rebuked for losing sight of the exercise. Her soft voice, the veil of her platinum hair coming into view as he hung his head low. It gave him a brief moment of pause. Reluctantly, he raised his head, greeted by her smile. Subtly he shifted back, unsure, his gaze guarded. "I should be further ahead than this…" 

As reassuring her words and tone was, they went deaf upon Zhen's ears, his gaze beginning to avert, his expression unreadable. A tinge of envy began to fester. The thought of his counterpart and others being eons ahead of him while he remained firmly planted in place. 

No matter how much I try, I'm not good enough.

He gritted his teeth. 

Her hand suddenly appeared in his view drawing his attention. Brows furrowed, he glanced towards her, her eyes pointedly on his fingers. Ah. Wordlessly, he placed his hand in hers, ignoring the wince he felt as the tips met skin. When had he scorched his skin? He hardly felt it until now. 

"I'm not ready for my flames." Something he was painfully aware of when it came to using moves. It rarely came naturally to him. He would much rather be physical, utilizing the power and grace of his Ho-oh form. And detaching oneself was harder than he thought. His emotions were so much a part of him, nearly vital. 

"I-….It was pitch black.” 

Her wavering tone snapped him back to painful reality. He had all but gone still, only his hands quivering. Swiftly he skittered away from her, his face of fear and panic. 

"That shouldn't have happened." His voice had gone coarse, his breathing rapid. Anger. He had felt it. It seared him, a hot iron pressed against his chest. A lingering shadow oppressive on his spirit. 

Just a moment…" He repeated, his gaze becoming entranced by his flame. The surroundings encompassing him ceased to matter, his thought honed on maintaining stability. It was quite some time since he had seen the fire residing inside. A reflection of the power dormant within; the silvers of gold, violet and azure weaving and interlacing as it licked across his fingers. Its gentle glow illuminated brightly, casting a shadow upon his features. 

A flicker of astonishment and awe at its purity. Was this truly what resides inside his core? A spirit of freedom, a soul seeking joy in wanderlust and adventure. He reminded himself to breathe, the Sacred Fire rising, its height spanning the size of both his palms. 

This is it. 

His fingers curled slightly. He resisted the urge to clutch the blaze close to his chest. To keep it close. 

Hidden. Safe.

Tears formed at the corners of his eyes, the sparks of embers crackling from the blaze searing them away before they could stream down his face.

However small it may…  

It's me. 

"Reshi…" His voice was coarse, rough with emotion as he finally looked up from his flame.  He nearly gasped at the sight of her embers.

The color of a deep pool, untouched, pure. The faintest of ripples disturbed it only for it to swiftly. Akin of the sky he soared under. It whispered of a soft gale, gentle but firm. Courageous. 

"Reshi you should look-"

Lost in the sight, his blaze faltered, fumes signaling it was shrinking to the tiniest of embers. 

Shit. Realizing what he had done, he attempted to stroke the flame anew, energy surging. 

Only to grimly watch as the fire went out in his palms, smoke emitting from his hands. It was only then he realized bits of skin singed at the tips of his fingers. 

He cursed mentally for his lapse of control. He sat back on his hunches, his head hanging low. He had failed. Knots formed in his shoulders, hands firm on his lap, his body tense. 

Nervousness abated by her affirmation, he inhaled deeply, the flames beginning to settle in response as he shut his eyes. He was doing something right for once, a sense of pride coursing through him. There was a flicker of shadows in his eyes. A memory of monks admonishing him. He was never up to stuff for them, a hint of anger making his brows furrow, the flame swelling. He could hear them now, their ridicule and mocking tone. 

The golden tinge began to shift, darkening in color. 

Black. Erratic in movement, molten to its core, matching the turbulence in his mind. He winced, puzzled, at the searing sensation in his hands. His eyes opening-

Her voice drew his attention. He was surprised to see her hold out her hands, observing the flame igniting in her palms. The darkened hue of his fire retreated, becoming gold once more as the heat dissipated.

"Too fast?" He laughed. It was shaky, the fire wobbling. "I don't think we're going too fast at all." It seemed he had missed the moment from before, his mind on other things, focusing on his flame. He did as he was told, a distinct shimmer emitting from his hands. The fire began to swell in size; the size of his palm. The color began to swirl within its core that of blue, purple, gold.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he scratched the back of his head. "It's just a habit of mine… Some people take offense, you know." It was something he was beginning to unintentionally copy, reminding himself of someone he knew all too well. He was beginning to relax, his features and poise a picture of ease. 

He was grateful for her calm behavior. It always took a while for his guard to drop around new folk but her demonstration damn near took the wind out of his sails. A spectacle to behold but made him envious all the same. Though the difference in strength was immense, it was… exciting, the glimmer reflecting in his gaze. The idea of ascending such heights and grandeur to match hers.

Although he wasn't one to mingle all too much with other legendaries, finding them to be too uptight for his liking. Only a few stood out and she appeared to be one of the few he would favor conversation with. Loose, a bit too human as others would call it. He rolled his eyes. The trait made her all the more easy to relate with, a slight smile tugging at the edge of his lips.

"You’re glad to show me, huh. Well I hope I don't let you down, teach," he joked, laughing a bit with her to make light of the situation. 

Truth be told. He was nervous, buried beneath the bravado.

“It will take time though, if you try to rush headfirst into bonfires the result will be awful. Be prepared to get frustrated, angry, and close to giving up.”

His lips thinned. He knew all too well. His first attempts to tap into his Sacred Fire on rolling plains came to mind. Flames flaring out of control, scorching the grasslands. He knew then a Ho-oh’s fire could be dangerous. 

He shrugged, tense. “We all go through this. Failing miserably. If I wanted to give up, I wouldn’t be here asking.” A hunger in his eyes. Control, discipline. He was desperate for it. 

He remained firm in front of her, arms folded tightly, the gust of wind stirring the tails of his robe, kicking up the curls of his fiery hair. In this he was immovable, determined to see what she had to offer him. His eyes darted towards the assistant who calmly dismissed from the vicinity. He could only assume they were going to proceed, his heart kicking up a notch in his chest. 

“Controlling flames comes from how much fuel you give them. It comes from your energy, deep within yourself,” she began to explain. 

He made a note in the change of her tone, nodding to himself during the explanation. This much he understood. The thought of being in an confined space sent a silver down his spine, a reaction he tampered down before she could see… 

He stiffened as she approached, her hands presented before him. He stared long at the flickering flames cradled in her palms, eyeing the azure tint in its depth. A silent player, Zhen Inhaling slowly, he held out his own, accepting her offer. 

It eerily reminded him of a dimly lit candle, a tiny fire that could easily be snuffed out by a small gust if he wasn’t too careful. He made a conscious effort to raise a hand slightly higher than the other as if to prevent such from happening. 

He treated the flame as if it was a precious life, the warmth licking the palms of his hand. If there was any discomfort, his face didn’t show it. He had already begun to feed this energy she described, a steady pulse to allow the fire to thrive. In his hands, it began to shift in color, matching the colors of his attire. A hint of gold melding with azure nestled in the center, the fire burning a bit higher than before.