N's.

Japan, June 2024

We were talking about us earlier kasi nagalit na naman ako sa kanya at two days ng hindi ko siya masyadong kinakausap. Nagkita kami kanina at pinag-usapan yung tungkol sa amin and such. Tapos napunta sa pagbablock ko sa kanya, na akala ko lang talaga hindi siya naaapektuhan kapag ginagawa ko yun pero yung totoo daw, napapraning na siya. Dun na niya pinakita sa akin yung sinulat niya dalawang taon na ang nakalipas kung ano ang nararamdaman niya kapag ginagawa ko yun. I never really imagined N to be that kind of guy, sweet lang kasi talaga siya through his actions but he’s not over the top with his words. Hindi ko alam bakit nagdecide siya kanina na ipabasa sa akin yun dahil matagal niya rin yung tinago, at napapangiti nalang ako kanina kasi alam kong nahihiya siyang ipabasa yun. After all this time, nasusurpresa pa rin ako sa kanya.

N: Ayy bakit?

Ako: Kinatok niya ako sa cr ano daw ginagawa ko kasi mag hug daw siya sa akin. Hehe

But while we are the kind of people the way we were before, N was nothing short of the understanding person he is. Siya ang mabunganga sa amin pero siya din ang laging umiintindi. Magagalit siya sa akin, pero siya ang mauunang magsabi na yakapin ko lang siya, ok na siya. Siya ang magsasabi na halikan ko nalang siya para mawala na galit niya. Siya ang magsasabi na ok na kami, kahit kasalanan ko pa. Ganun siya simula't sa umpisa.

I don't know kung kelan nag umpisa na naging open na ako sa mga nararamdaman ko sa kanya, but it surprised me a little na nagagawa ko na pala. I can be mad at him over petty things(i think) and I can honestly tell him that and he would just send kiss and hug emojis to make me feel better. What's good, is that he doesn't nag me anymore.

Last week nag-away kami, siguro first o second major fight namin ngayong taon, hindi ko rin maalala. Pero pangalawang beses na last week na binlock ko siya ng isang linggo(the first was May 2019) para di kami mag-usap. Dati takot pa ako sa mga block block na yan kasi naalala ko na isang araw lang yun, galit na galit na siya. Ok lang daw na mag-away kami at paisa-isa lang ang reply habang nag-aaway, importante nag-uusap. Tapos mag-uumpisa na yan siya dati magsalita na baka may ginagawa akong kalokohan kaya binlock ko siya. But now, ang layo na ng narating namin sa ganung ugali.

This is us, now. So far from the past immature years of our relationship. N and I did not hit it off right from the start, we were very toxic back then. It wasn't sunshine and rainbows, it was mostly raining from our first few years of being together.

I like how everytime I stroke your hair, you'd make a playful complain on how I'm making you fall asleep.

I like how we wrap ourselves in each other's arms and you'd say how my hugs are relaxing you.

I like how it's so obvious that you missed me after not seeing each other for weeks.

I like how content your face is with me, as I am with you.

I like how you made me feel that I would not want any other beside you.

I like how you'd argue that you love me more than I love you, every time.

I like how after all these years,

I love you,

I adore you,