who calls me “villain”?

“Aside from myself, there was no sign of me.” ― Nicole Krauss

All of them were confused as they solely had counselors. I then realized that it was Just Me. It was Just Me with the hair pin suicidal ideation. It was just me with serious mood didturbances. It was really Just Me.

And this revelation isn't too discount my friends at all, but to highlight something that had been dragging me down:

I looked at my friends, thinking we were all going through it, and got frustrated with myself that i couldn't do even a teenie tiny fraction of what they could. I thought we were all fighting to live because we all joked about it, but somehow i was the only one "too weak/lazy/stupid" to keep up.

Even if [you’re american and] you don’t have insurance, a lot of your regular anti-depressants are pretty affordable. Find a free clinic, talk to a doctor, get on an initial med dose, and tell them you don’t have insurance and they’ll send your script to the cheapest place and then find a coupon. For example, Prozac is about $.049 a pill  ($1.47 for a month) at the right pharmacy. Get a friend to help you if you don’t have the energy, a halfway decent friend would die to make you happy. 

Believe me when I say even the wrong meds can make you feel better and you’ll see “oh yeah something was wrong I’m glad I did something about this”. Therapy is one thing, but meds are so much more important. 

sweater vest in a heatwave