carpe diem'

So’lek by some sort of miracle had been next to you almost every moment of the day. Though he didn’t speak. Not since he had rushed out of the tent many moons ago. He was so…guarded. Like an invisible wall was plastered in between the two of you.

He knew your routine. When you were hungry, when you needed to eat those disgusting herbs and when to get Minang to aid in atreating the bruised sweltered wound on your leg.

He had fetched the pod fruit for Nefika a couple days after you had settled into your routines. At least she couldn’t scold you for delaying the progression of her dyes. Thank Eywa for So’lek.

The tent flap opened softly, So’lek stepping through, and shutting it curtly behind him. He didn’t say a word, just as you expected. He held a large green leaf in his hand, holding small pieces of meat and fruit to indulge in for the morning.

Slowly, you shuffled up in your bed. Inching with your arms, to push yourself up to rest on your uninjured leg. It was a painstakingly slow process, that most definitely looked pitiful to So’lek. So maybe that’s why he didn’t look at all? He just stared at the floor turning away from you. The same way a child did when they were scolded by their mother, unable to face the consequences of their actions.

It didn’t click for you though. His avoidance, his guarded stare it just made you feel like a burden. As if So’lek was…furious that you had been so reckless. That he felt the need be responsible for your healing and that he resented that fact completely.

Looking up at him to try and meet his solemn eyes you squeaked out a mellow greeting. “Good morning.”

“Morning”. The silence grew awkwardly, you let out a small cough to try and mend the tension in the sweet morning air.

So’lek crouched down next to you, stretching out his arms to hand you the meal. His hands shook slightly, it was odd for a warrior of his stature, to shake in the presence of such a pathetic excuse of a grown woman.

Taking the food, you placed it on the floor in front of you so could use one hand to hold your weight up, absolving your leg of it’s responsibility.

“Where is yours? Have you eaten?” You were sure he hadn’t, it was so early that he must’ve woken before the sun rose to prepare your meal.’

“No. Not yet.” He hummed softly still avoiding your gaze as if your eyes would turn him into stone.

You frowned, your bottom lip poking out. “You must eat.”

So’lek just shook his head as he pushed your food closer to you “I am not wounded.”

You sucked your teeth, rolling your eyes. “No way, I haven’t noticed.”

So’lek grunted as he crossed his arms, adjusting so he sat slightly closer to you. “Just eat. Don’t make me feed you.”

No longer protesting you ate the rest of your meal in silence. So’lek loomed over you like a hawk, his presence warm even though he was still so cold towards you.

He waited until you swallowed the last bite of your food before he moved from his almost predator like position, still and watchful. He reached for the leaf in front of you folding it neatly. He was attentive, too attentive. Always making sure that the space you inhabited was clean, that you were clean and taken care of.

He watched as you tried to adjust “There’s no need to rush” He said quietly. “I will help you”

“Why would I rush? I have nowhere to be.” You gestured to you leg laying stiff on the mat.

He paused, almost remorsefully. His jaw tightened, placing the folded leaf into a pocket of his vest. “You will.” He replied “Soon.”

The word echoed.

Soon.

An empty promise, you weren’t going anywhere. Anytime soon. Not when this lug of a limb held you down. You shifted, trying to adjust your position, but you were quickly shut down as a pain sharp enough to steal your breath flared throughout your entire limb. You bit down hard, refusing to make a sound.

Within these weeks you learned quickly that every sound you made, every facial twitch drew his attention to you. Despite your efforts he noticed anyway.

“So’lek.” You interrupted him before he could move. “Don’t”

He froze.

“I- I can do it,” you insisted, even when the slight tremor in your arms betrayed your determination. “I won’t break apart if you look away for a moment.”

“You are wounded.” He said, guilt laced in his tone.

Your chest tightened as you struggled to keep your weight on your arms. “I didn’t plan on needing this much help”

So’lek frowned as he moved closer to you. “That does not matter.”

“It does to me.” Silence stretched between you. “You don’t look at me, you barely speak. I know you have better things to do”

His shoulders sagged, the weight of your words pulling them down as he tried to stop his mouth from frowning. “That’s not true.”

“You think I do not notice it So’lek?” Your voice trembled despite your best efforts to not show your emotions. “You tense when I move, you hover over me like you’re waiting for me to hurt myself again. I know I slowed you down. I know your only staying here because it’s some twisted sense of pity and obligation towards me.”

“That is not it-”

“Then what is it So’lek? Because it just feels like you’re angry at me for being such a burden.”

So’lek’s posture softened, his hands slowly reaching out to you. His eyes sharp and wounded, like an animal cornered by something it does not know how to fight.

“I am not angry…I’d never be angry.” His words were soft, his voice low and controlled. “I’m afraid”

The words hung in the air, fragile and unexpected. Your breath caught in your throat, unable to respondbrui to his confession. The silence was long and painful, claws scratching down your throat where words couldn’t escape.

Eyes met, it felt as if a warm wave rushed over you, washing away the pain within you for just a second as for the first time in weeks you had met So’lek’s eyes and there was not coldness. For just a moment So’lek had not been a guarded keeper of her health…but a friend.

What was he afraid of? Was he afraid you would impede on his other responsibilities? That this injury would cost him his work? What could he mean.

You felt inclined to ask. To interrogate him. But you were too afraid. Of ruining what might be the one moment of vulnerability he would bestow upon you.

“You don’t have to be afraid. It’s not like I will break.”

So’lek shut his eyes quickly, screwing them shut as he took in a sharp breath. His chest trembles as his hand gripped onto his thigh tightly. “You’re already broken. I-” He cut himself off, now unable to met your eyes. Maybe he really was afraid.

“I know that So’lek.” You huff, anger tittering on the tip of your tongue. “I’m the one that is holed up in this tent all day with nothing to do but think. But you can leave at any time. It’s quite obvious how much you resent being here.”

So’lek almost let out a hiss as he turned back to face you, his brows furrowed as he kept his hands glued to his sides.

“Resent?” The words were sour and bitter in his mouth. “You think I resent you?” He gestured towards you and your leg. Before his hands curled into fists glueing back to his sides as if he was restraining himself from something bigger than anger.

“If I resented you, I would be back at resistance. I would’ve left as soon as Minang said you would live”

Your heart hammered in your ribcage. “Then what is it? Fear? Are you scared of me or something? Because I’m pretty much hopeless right now so I don’t know why you can’t stand to be near me!”

The question slipped out of your mouth faster than you could filter it. It was raw and brittle. You hated how you sounded so…desperate. For what exactly? Reassurance? Closure? Validation?

So’lek froze, his jaw clenched. Teeth grinding against each other as he fought with himself to stop spewing out a raw and vulnerable confession.

“Because I did this to you. I shouldn’t have let you fly out. I should have said no to Nefika. I knew better and…and you got hurt.”

Your fingers dug into the plush mat beneath you. “So…this is about guilt?”

His eyes snapped back to meet yours. “This is about consequence.”

“I chose to fly out with you”

“And I chose to race you in the plains winds.” His voice was soft, quiet as he tried to stop his voice from showing too much emotion. “And I got you hurt.”

“So what? Are you going to mull around me until I can walk? Because we both know that will be a long time.” You tried to move again, face scrunching in pain.

So’lek quickly attended to you, being less subtle about his motions to help you. Placing his large hands around your waist to prop you upright onto a woven backrest behind you.

As his hands left your skin, the heat lingered, an absence that burned more than the contact itself. “Until I can get you back home safely. I will be here.”

────── ⋆☆⋆ ──────

notes: thankyou sm for reading!! i'd love to hear your thoughts what you think might happen, what you wish will happen!! it really motivates me comments, reblogs and asks are so so so appreciated. sorry if theres some errors i wrote most of this when i should have most definitely been sleeping

PAIRING(S): zhongli x f! reader + diluc x f! wife! reader

FEATURING: childe + hu tao + jean gunnhildr + kaeya alberich + lumine

GENRE(S): arranged/contract marriage au + modern au + soulmate au (you have a timer on your wrist which counts down to the moment you meet your soulmate) + angst (with a happy ending)

CW(S)/TW(S): (possible) canon divergence (creative liberties are taken) + character death + contains depictions/mentions of blood, gore, suicide attempts, and violence + (possible) spoilers from the canon/official lore + use of childe's real name

WC: 3.3k and counting

STATUS: ongoing (slow updates)

NOTE(S): reader is not the traveller + visions do not apply/exist + inspired by the manhwa onsaemiro

A/N: reblogs are greatly appreciated! also, if you'd like to be added to the taglist, notify me by completing this form!

INDEX

zero | you, your beloved husband, and a pretty stranger

one | someone who cares

two | your saviour, your soulmate, the man accented in gold

three | he who carries distant memories

four | tba

PAIRING(S): zhongli x f! reader + diluc x f! wife! reader

FEATURING: childe + hu tao + jean gunnhildr + kaeya alberich + lumine

GENRE(S): arranged/contract marriage au + modern au + soulmate au (you have a timer on your wrist which counts down to the moment you meet your soulmate) + angst (with a happy ending)

CW(S)/TW(S): (possible) canon divergence (creative liberties are taken) + character death + contains depictions/mentions of blood, gore, suicide attempts, and violence + (possible) spoilers from the canon/official lore + use of childe's real name

WC: 3.3k and counting

STATUS: ongoing (slow updates)

NOTE(S): reader is not the traveller + visions do not apply/exist + inspired by the manhwa onsaemiro

A/N: reblogs are greatly appreciated! also, if you'd like to be added to the taglist, notify me by completing this form!

INDEX

zero | you, your beloved husband, and a pretty stranger

one | someone who cares

two | your saviour, your soulmate, the man accented in gold

three | he who carries distant memories

four | tba

“Mama, are you alright?”

You snapped out of your daydream to see you were in front of the stream, taking care of your personal tasks, this chore being the cleansing of garments. The query of when you arrived there was unknown, but you would assume it had been for way longer than you should have resided in that area. The dreams you would endure during the solace of night, despite those nights being anything but comforting, had begun bleeding into the day and becoming more prevalent and gruesome. It was becoming quite the distraction.

"Mama?"

Before you could allow your thoughts to consume you, you focused your attention on your son and daughter, who were awaiting your reply with innocent eyes. Yeah, their virtue never ceased to amaze you. They were too good for this world– their empathy brought light to your soul that you believed had burnt out long ago– pride and joy.

You looked at your twins with an awaiting gaze as you watched their expressions turn into excitement at the realization they had caught your attention. You blinked once before being met with a piece of parchment littered with ink. It did not take long to realize that the twins had made you something in their short time away. Blinking up at the two, you gave them a fond grin before looking back down at the material. Upon viewing the parchment, you saw an image of what you assumed to be an image of a bird, and next to the picture was a small note.

" To show gratitude to our dearest mother," you read aloud before holding the small gift to your chest, "Thank you, my loves, it is lovely."

The joy on their faces from the small compliment warmed your heart, referring to your previous statement of them being too good for this world. There were moments when you could not believe that the twins were a product of you and Sukuna– that was a reoccurring thought you had often. They were, without doubt, your most significant and last blessing as things around the temple had not been going as smoothly as they once had been the first few years you resided in it, and it was clearly starting to take a toll on everybody, including you.

"Mama, guess what we learned today?" Your son exclaimed excitedly, causing you to jump a little, not expecting the sudden outburst of enthusiasm.

"Was it penmanship because the both of you are getting better. Have you been practicing like I have told you to?" You joked, poking at their bellies, causing them to giggle.

"No, Mama, Father taught us about Jujutsu!" your daughter shouted enthusiastically.

"Hey, I wanted to tell her," the boy pouted.

"Sorry," your little girl apologized as she turned to look at her brother with an apologetic look.

The sibling tried to look upset, not wanting to give in quite yet, but when he turned around to look at his sister's guilty expression, he launched to hug her. If you had said it twice, you were to state it a third time– the world did not deserve this pair– you could not stress that enough.

"Did he now?" you breathed, your anxiety slowly creeping to the back of your neck like it did so often.

You were aware of the agreement you made with Sukuna all those years ago, and as of things so far, you both were holding up to your ends of the deal. The twins continued to be educated under your supervision and occasionally your attendant. Your little girl and boy were now at the ripe age of six, at which they would begin manifesting their cursed energy, so they were now taking lessons under their father's supervision– that notion made you apprehensive of your deal.

As you previously mentioned, things were not going as smoothly as they once were. Your village has become slightly non-compliant recently. The traditional wedding ceremonies had stopped a little over a year ago as families started refusing to hand over their kin to Sukuna. Despite the disrespect, Sukuna had no care as he had plenty of women to satisfy him; however, to say that he was taking the rebellion lightly would be a complete lie. Over the last few years, more guards were posted for precautionary reasons. Nothing major had happened yet, only the occasional distant and muffled voices chanting in protest.

With such circumstances, emotions were running high, and the crowd only seemed to get bigger as the days passed. You could admit that some days were worse than others, but it did not change the fact that these events could cause a catastrophic resolution at the hands of your husband. Viewing the situation, there was no question that Sukuna would be more occupied than usual; however, it was not amid meetings or trivial tasks but with his children instead.

Sukuna could hardly be viewed as a legitimate father but rather a mentor– a cruel one based on the round, tear-stained cheeks that would walk into the garden after they had spent their designated time with their dad. The only children who seemed the slightest bit content with their learnings were your son and daughter. Your twins have not been training for long, but they had outlasted most other kids regarding their spirits breaking. The first day your little boy and girl had left to meet with Sukuna, you could not help but feel nervous; however, when they came back, they were all giggles and smiles as they told you of their time with the man they call father. To say you were shocked was an understatement, but despite that astonishment, you were simply glad they left a good impression and walked out unscathed, their spirits still intact.

"So, have your studies with your father come to fruition yet?" You asked, not thinking of your wording as the question effortlessly slipped from your tongue.

"Come to fruition?" your son repeated, looking at his sister to see if she understood the meaning of your words.

Despite your children being clever, they were still young and naive, and that naivety could not help but make you laugh gently as you watched them whisper to each other as they tried to decipher the saying. They paused in their little hushed conversation at your breathy giggle, flustered as they looked at you, hoping you would grant them the knowledge they wanted.

"Mama, stop laughing. What does it mean?" the two whined in sync as they looked at you with awaiting eyes.

"Alright," you managed to say between your little fits of giggles, "It means to succeed in the progression of a goal. In this case, did you reach the intended goal of your lessons today?"

Your twins thought over your words for a minute before a look of realization washed over their faces. The two looked at one another to make sure the other understood, finding they were both on the same page before turning to your now-awaiting gaze. Smiles were once again plastered to their expressions of proudness.

"Not exactly," your daughter stated.

"What do you mean, 'not exactly'?" you questioned with a raised brow as you looked for an answer.

"Well...we do not have cursed energy yet, but Father said it was okay because we will..." Your son trailed off before looking at his sister for assistance, trying to remember the exact words Sukuna had used.

"Manifest!" your daughter shouted in revelation after a moment of thought.

"Oh yes, manifest! He said it was okay because 'we will manifest our cursed energy soon enough,'" your son finished, ignoring the distant whispers and tiny gasps that had suddenly emerged from the surrounding women and children.

"And you both will, I am sure of that– my intuition is never wrong," a deep voice resonated behind the twins.

You froze as you looked up to see Sukuna looking down at you, a proud grin on his face as he let the words settle. Your smile had long disappeared, your lips forming into a tight line as you met his gaze. His presence was not what had upset you as you had grown familiar with his company and unexpected visits, but rather the fact that you knew he was right.

"Father!" the twins shouted, bowing before going in to hug his legs, looking up at him with their innocent doe-like eyes that shone the color of your own hues, little flecks of what seemed to be crimson could also be seen if the light hit them just right.

Your heart stopped for a second as you watched your four-armed companion freeze on the spot at the sudden attention. Although you knew Sukuna could not lay a hand upon his children due to the contents of the pact you had made with him, it did not eliminate the uneasiness you had, worried of the thought he would grow to distaste them. The curse-user was not a man of tenderness nor liked to be presented with such fondness, especially from his offspring. There was no room for weaklings in his realm, in hid brigade of suitable heirs.

You sit there, waiting for his reaction, chewing on your lip to the point it draws a small amount of blood. The man stood stiff, looking down at the two smaller beings that clung to his legs in a warm greeting before moving to bend down, causing your heart to spike in rhythm. The questions flooded your brain once more like they often did when it involved your significant other's actions. Sukuna took a set of his arms, placing one on each twin's back before meeting their eye level.

"Did I ever indulge either of you with the story of how I found out about your mother's conceiving of the both of you?" Sukuna asked, an arched brow with a devious smile as he switched eye contact from one twin to the other.

"No," your son replied honestly, curiosity gleaming in his eyes.

With that short answer, Sukuna looked at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes before redirecting his focus on his kids once more.

"I knew that your mother would one day bear the fruit of her fertility, but there was one particular evening where I could sense an odd presence. I immediately called upon your mother, and when I was met with her physique, I could tell she was with child. It would have been unnoticeable, but my perception is unlike the average man. Looking at your mother, I could see her stomach was softer and slightly rounder, her ankles somewhat swollen, and her breasts enlarged."

You held back the bile rising in your throat as your husband explained his side of the story you knew all too well, remembering the exact events that led up to that day. His vulgar description of the event sickened you to the core.

"Your mother was unaware of her condition, but I was. The moment I felt her stomach, I could feel the presence of not one but two essences in her womb. I remember the look on her face when I told her– pure shock."

Sukuna's words offended you because pure shock was an understatement. You were undeniably mortified that day, but you would never admit that to your children. For their happiness's sake, you were willing to push the bitter memories of your pregnancy aside. They did not need to know your previous disdain for them– you had not even met them yet. What they did not know could not hurt them.

"How could you sense both of our essences?" Your daughter questioned, tilting her head as Sukuna focused his attention on her.

"Always the curious one, aren't you?" Sukuna noted, a teasing grin forming on his face.

"Mama says it is always best to stay curious because you will never learn anything new if you are too stubborn or scared to keep asking questions."

"Did she now?" Sukuna's grin grew wider as he drew his attention back to you, "And what do you believe that is a lesson of?"

"Fearlessness?" your daughter answered hesitantly.

"Close, but not quite," Sukuna started, "She is teaching you confidence."

"Is that not the same thing, Father?" your daughter questioned again.

"Not exactly, my child," The curse-user paused, looking at you for a fleeting moment before continuing, "being fearless is alright in certain circumstances– something as frivolous as a mouse is something to lack fear of, but there are certain things you should fear. Fear, my child, is what keeps you alive; however, it can be crippling at times. It is the confidence to overcome those fears that lets you survive."

"Why have you come here, Sukuna?" you suddenly asked, becoming tired and uncomfortable with his lingering presence. You knew that the man had not come for idle conversation and to share invasive stories nor explain your teachings.

Had your twins been any older, they would have caught onto your passive aggression as you addressed their father, staring at him blankly as he drew his attention to you. You were aware of the line you were crossing, aware of the hostility you were presenting in the presence of your children, despite the obliviousness of it, but with high tension in the temple and his sudden visit, you felt you had every right to feel uneased. Sukuna's gaze turned from teasing mischief into a grave look.

"Well, Y/n, I wish not to sully our bonding with grave matters," the man spoke, returning your passive-aggressive tone, "we'll speak of it later."

"So why did you come, father?" Your boy asked, looking up at the tall man.

"Must I have a reason to visit my kin?" Sukuna teased.

"Well, we do not see you much outside of lessons," your daughter jumped in with her own comment.

"Observant as well, huh?" Sukuna huffed, pausing for a moment before speaking up once more, "I was wondering if you both would accompany me on a hunt?"

That question caused their little orbs to light up, their little heads turning to you, silently begging for your approval. Looking at their pleading eyes, you could not say no, giving a nod of approval. If they were cheerful before, they were exhilarated now. These kids were to be the death of you if a simple pair of puppy dog eyes could make you cave like this, and you were okay with that.

"Can Mama come too?

Your blood ran cold at the mention of your name. There was no particular reason to be troubled, but at this point, it was a habit for these tense feelings to rise whenever your name was mentioned. So, as you look at your supposed significant other, you could feel yourself about to explain how you had other activities to attend to.

"I do not see why not."

Now, that was unexpected.

The words you were going to speak paused in your throat, swallowing them down when your little boy and girl rushed up to you after hearing Sukuna's approval, hugging you as they tugged on your hands to stand. What was he playing at? Despite the inquiry of his intentions, you had to push it aside as you saw the thrilled look on your children's faces–they most likely wanted to show off what they had learned while spending time with their father. They always returned with smiles of pride after spending time with their dad. You would give up your life to see them smile at you like that for as long as you lived, so you followed them as they walked beside Sukuna despite your own apprehension.

Time slowly passed as you trekked quietly through the nearby woods, watching Sukuna's movement as he led the three of you through the brush, pausing when something caught his eye. It took only a moment for a bow to appear in his hand, but when you had expected him to use it, he motioned over to your son, giving the child the weapon. Every motherly instinct told you to confiscate the bow, but quickly reminded yourself of your pact both in regards that Sukuna was bound to protect your children from harm and that you had accepted he could use any training methods he deemed necessary– this being one of them.

Sukuna was crouched the lowest he could get, arms hovering over your boy's form, guiding his son while speaking in a low voice as the two focused on the prey ahead. Looking into the small clearing, you could see a few grazing rabbits, clueless and defenseless to the threat before them, nibbling on the dewy grass. The bow's snap and the sight of an impaled rabbit caused you to return from your light daze, turning over to see your son smiling in excitement.

"Did you see that, Mama? I did it!" the boy beamed, maintaining a hushed voice.

You gave your son a warm smile, nodding in reassurance before watching your son switch places with your daughter. The rabbits that previously remained in the clearing had run off, but one straggler emerged from bushes, unaware of what had occurred, clueless about its impaled companion. In a mere few moments, the creature suffered the same fate as the previous one, bringing joy to your little girl. She turned to you with the same smile as her brother's– it frightened you.

You had no doubt that you loved your children for who they were. You loved their innocence, passion, and joyful nature, but a realization had dawned upon you in these moments– one that made your heart drop to your stomach.

"Mama, you try!" your daughter called out, grabbing your hand as she led you toward a better spot to shoot from, that spot closer to Sukuna.

Their reason for upbringing would be to take their father's place, to be his heir, and Sukuna was not giving that role to a charitable and naive son or daughter. Things seemed pleasant for now, and your children might keep their nature through adulthood, but one thing was for sure. Whether they stayed that way or not, they would feel justified in their actions– believe what they were doing was good because that is what their father was teaching them, and you were enabling it.

"Darling, I'm not sure that it would be wise for me-"

"I think it is a marvelous idea," Sukuna interrupted, standing from his crouched position and grabbing your waist.

You felt the man's hands slither up your body, messing with the material of your clothing before touching your flesh. Your skin burned unpleasantly as his hands settled, a faux attempt to adjust your form when you were capable; however, with your twins present, you would not dare cause a stir. Looking at the clearing, there was nothing seemingly there as all the critters that previously inhabited it ran off.

"There's nothing for me to target, so maybe we should end this," you suggested, trying to excuse yourself from this activity, keeping a low tone.

"If nothing is there, why do you whisper, Little Flower?" Sukuna responded in a hushed voice, feeling his smirk form as his face rested against your cheek.

Before you could respond, the sound of fluttering was heard. Without thought, you lifted the bow's angle, shooting the arrow into the air– a thud sounded shortly after as whatever you had shot hit the ground. Looking down, you could see a bird skewered with an arrow, blood pooling from its limp body and staining the grass surrounding it.

"Mama, you did it!" the twins exclaimed, thrilled you had participated.

Their sounds of excitement were drowned out by the ringing of your ears as your gaze lingered on the deceased animal. What had you done? Yes, you had viewed death without so much as a flinch, but you were not the one with blood on your hands. You were unaware you could perform such an action– you had never held a weapon before, only a mere kitchen knife.

It disturbed you.

How did you kill the helpless creature so instinctively? So effortlessly? The worst part is...

It felt good.

The ringing eventually subsided as the bow settled to your side, turning your head toward the two-faced man you called 'husband' and handed it to him. Thankfully, Sukuna took the item with no smug remark or wicked grin, giving you one of his infamous blank looks before moving his gaze toward the kids, motioning for them in the direction of the temple, settling one of his hands at the small of your back as you all started the walk back.

Making the hike back, you settled on your earlier realization regarding your children. You would love them until the end of time, and you had no doubt about that; whether they were inherently good or bad– you would love them. But now, as you continue to think, all you can think about is the future. Where would you and your twins be standing in the years to come? What kind of life would you three indulge in if you were all to live? How many bodies would have to pile under your feet before you were guaranteed genuine safety for you and them?

For the years under the same roof as Sukuna, you had been focusing on your mother's words, the promise you had made to her.

"I promise I will survive– longer than anyone."

Your life had been summed up by that promise. So far, you have kept faithful to it because you have been surviving. From your wedding day to your pregnancy, to the many inspections you attended, all up until now, as you approached the temple, you have been surviving. You played all the right cards to get you here and made all the right sacrifices to keep your children alive– what more could you ask for? You were alive and breathing along with your children, and that is all that truly mattered, right?

No.

You may have been playing this game of survival and have been successful thus far, but there was one thing you had failed to do...

Live, you had failed to truly live.

You have played your part in your husband's sick game. You married him, gave him your purity, gave him children, and now you were done. You were more than aware of the pact you had made with your husband, but almost every contract had a loophole whether it could be seen or not.

"We are relocating."

Your heart rate accelerated as Sukuna bent down to whisper those words into your ear, the words taking a moment to register. Was it out of fear? Anger? Possibly both? No. It was excitement. You had given your word that you would never leave the temple unless it was under Sukuna's supervision and say so. Unless he accompanied you outside those gates, you would remain here; however, you had never given your word to stay by his side.

You had given your word to stay at the temple.

The curse-user had just given your confirmation of freedom without being aware he was doing so.

"May I ask why?" you dug, trying to keep your composure to not seem suspicious, as if he could tell what you were thinking if you had shown the slightest emotion.

"I have simply grown bored of this place, plus I have got what I needed from these people, and they all stand right here before me," Sukuna explained, the last part of his statement being clear that he was referring to you and the twins.

"Where would that leave my village?"

Now, that was a genuine question. You were not as concerned for your village but rather your family instead. The four-armed beast of a man was not known for leaving a town so quietly– you had heard plenty of notorious stories from survivors to prove that.

"What of it?"

"Will it remain in one piece, or will it be returned to the dirt?"

"That entirely depends on them, Little Flower."

The answer was vague– it was neither a confirmation nor a denial, but you could understand the meaning behind his words. For the sake of your family, you hoped that the village elders would not perform anything stupid. You hoped they could shove their egos aside and let Sukuna leave the town with what minimal disturbance he was willing to make. Everything you have worked so hard to achieve would be ruined without their cooperation.

Approaching the temple, you could not help but feel the delight swell in your chest. After years of this torment, this unjustified punishment, you are finally going to be free. You have survived, and now you will live. The journey has been difficult, but now you will achieve the tranquility and normalcy you deserve. Your children will have the chance to live a standard and carefree life, unlike the competitive and tiring one they would achieve with their father.

It was finally over.

Arriving at the temple did not feel as bitter this time, watching your children running to your attendant as she greeted you all, giving a respectful bow before taking off with the children, most likely heading off to eat. It was quiet as you stood in the garden; everyone else had gone to fill their appetite– it was just you and Sukuna.

"What has you smiling so brightly, Little Flower."

You had not noticed it, but you had plastered a broad, foolish grin onto your face. Usually, your partner catching this would have brought you anxiety as you thought of the right words, but you did not feel that way– quite the opposite. You were proud that he had noticed, allowing your smile to grow wider.

"I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders, and I cannot wait to leave this place."

"I am glad I could bring such relieving news and bring a smile to your face," Sukuna responded, smiling down at you before taking your chin between his fingers and bending down, "Once you put the children to sleep, come seek me out as we have much more to discuss."

You could only smile stupidly, nodding and allowing Sukuna to kiss you before heading to your children. You did not care what the two-faced monster had to share with you, but you would indulge him because this would be the last time you would ever have to.

You were free.

"Oh, hello, Y/n-sama! We were just finishing our meals. Should I fix you something as well?" your attendant offered, keeping a light-hearted tone.

The young woman had grown more confident with you over the years. The two of you had grown quite close after the birth of your children– she was the only person you full-heartedly trusted with your kids. Maybe you would take her with you in your escape; she was far too good to serve ungrateful and bitter women.

"No, thank you, I am not that hungry; however, I have grown rather tired, meaning it is time for bed."

"Awwwwww," you twins whined in unison, looking at your attendant with puppy dog eyes, hoping she could convince you, only to receive a shake of her head.

The twins stood begrudgingly, approaching your awaiting stance, giving you the same desperate eyes. You gave your own silent response as you offered a warm smile and a quick shake of your head before having them follow you down the halls. In any other scenario, you would have in, but things were different now. Your children need to be well-rested for the upcoming events. You were going to give them the life they deserved.

Arriving at their sleep quarters, you slid the door open, allowing the twins in first before following. Before closing the door, you took a peek out into the hallway to make sure no one was approaching. Once you deduced nobody was coming, you slowly and quietly slid the door shut, quick to approach your kids' bedside.

"Mama, do we have to go to bed?" your daughter whined.

"Yeah, do we really have to?" your son followed.

You could not help but lightly chuckle at their resistance to sleep. Your heart filled with warmth as you remembered sharing a similar moment with your mother. There were many occasions they reminded you of yourself, and you could not wait to see more of those similarities manifest when you leave this temple. You could not wait to give them a regular and well-deserved life.

"Yes, you both have to rest. You two need to preserve your energy for the days to come."

That statement piqued their interest, their faces perking up with intrigue.

"What is to come, Mama?" the twins sounded in unison like they did so often in these moments. Sometimes, it was almost as if they shared the same mind.

"Well, soon enough, you will get to meet your grandparents," you whispered, "you cousins, aunts, and uncles, all from Mama's side of the family."

"Really?!" the two shouted, settling down when you gestured for them to lower their voices.

"Yes, but do not tell your father, it is..." you trailed, picking your words carefully, "a surprise visit just for the three of us, and I do not want him to feel left out."

There was no doubt that you despised Sukuna in every sense of the word, but you did not wish for your children to hate him. Believe it or not, you wanted your twins to paint a good picture of their father, and whether that picture remained clean was up to Sukuna himself– you would not tarnish his name for him.

"Okay, Mama, we promise we will not tell." your son spoke for the two of them, his sibling nodding in turn as she motioned to seal her lips.

You smiled, whispering a small thank you before kissing the top of their foreheads and letting them rest. You stood quietly, blowing out the candles illuminating the room before leaving. Once you stepped foot into the hallway, you were startled to see a guard, a familiar one at that, though he had clearly aged with time.

"Y/n-sama, I have been instructed to take you to your sleeping chambers," the male spoke before swiftly turning on his heel to lead you to your room.

The man's voice was cold and almost distant as he spoke to you, but his voice was familiar. You were acquainted with most of the staff within the temple, but you could not remember where you had met him in particular, though he seemed familiar and significant. Your face contorted as your mind pondered, trying to recognize his face in your personal timeline, but nothing came to mind.

"Your wedding night," the guard spoke suddenly, noticing your expression of thought, "I held and guarded the door during your wedding night."

You thought back to your wedding day, and it suddenly hit you. The guard was the same one Sukuna had forced to watch the consummation of your marriage. You quickly grew flustered at the memory, clearing your throat before speaking.

"I recall now," you responded, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Are you happy, Y/n-sama?" another unshakable tone as he questioned you.

Why was he asking this?

"Yes, I'm happy."

You did not know what this man was playing at, but you did not want to fall into any traps, so you gave the preferred answer when this question was presented to you on many occasions.

"Even though you have suffered all these years, bearing and raising his offspring?"

"Excuse me?" you grimaced at the guard's words.

"Nothing, I am sorry, I have overstepped my boundaries. I will leave you now," the man uttered, leaving you at the doorway to your sleeping quarters.

You narrowed your eyes, staring as the male's figure grew smaller in the distance. What did he gain from that interaction? No matter– it was no longer your problem to deal with. Collecting yourself, you entered the room and immediately faced Sukuna.

"Come and close the door. We must speak of these urgent matters in private," Sukuna muttered as he blankly stared at the wall in front of him.

You did not question the man and slid the door closed, approaching him as he turned to you. Before you could speak, Sukuna placed a pair of hands on your shoulders, looking into your eyes. His gaze held no emotion you could directly name, but you could sense an urgency in his tone as he spoke to you.

"We leave tonight. The others have been informed and are gathering their belongings– I advise you to do the same."

"What?! Now?! Sukuna, what is going on that you are not telling anyone?" you urged, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Now is no time to be questioning me, Y/n. Hurry, we are leaving shortly."

"No."

The word slipped out without thought. You did not care when you left because your plans would not change, but your partner was acting strangely, and you could not help but be curious as to why. The curiosity is what led you to stand there motionless as your husband stared you down.

"Stubborn as always, I see," the curse-user muttered, "Fine, you want to know, huh? We made a pact, and I'm upholding the bargain. You told me to protect those children, right? Well, for their interest, we are leaving, so be grateful."

You stood there silently, looking into Sukana's unwavering gaze.

"What is going on?" you repeated the question.

"Your village plans to lay siege, and we are leaving to not get caught in the firing radius."

That explained the tensity and whispers among the temple. That explained the extra protection. Everything now made sense and you could not help the feeling of something rising up your throat.

Laughter.

You laughed uncontrollably, trying to cover your mouth to muffle the outburst, but to no avail. Nothing about the situation was logically funny, but you could not control yourself.

"After years of torment, they only now decide to lay siege?" you cackled, "And the best part is that Ryomen Sukuna is fleeing with his tail between his legs."

You should have seen what was to come next when you made that last statement, feeling your hair being tugged to look up at the man you had insulted. Your laugh quickly subsided, swallowing the lump in your throat as you stared into his orbs. You had crossed a line this time, but for once, you were not scared of the intimidation; however, what had shocked you was Sukuna smashing his lips against yours.

"I am the most feared man in Japan– I have no reason to be scared, at least for myself. I am doing this for us and our creation because I love you, Little Flower."

"You do not love me. You love what I can do for you, Sukuna."

"I see where our children have gotten their observance." Sukuna joked, "But you are not entirely wrong. However, that does not change the fact we are leaving right here and now so collec-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH"

The deformed man paused mid-sentence at the high-pitched scream, storming out of the room to see the commotion. You wasted no time in following him, walking down the hall before being met with the stench of blood. Had one of the pregnant wives gone into labor? Was someone injured? Or was...

Before you could finish that last thought, you were met with the sight of a lifeless body surrounded by its own red fluid. It was disturbingly familiar, and that was because it was the body of the guard that had escorted you earlier. You were shocked at his mangled state, his face just barely beyond recognition, but before you could allow the shock to settle in, another sound of screams was heard in the opposite direction.

Without thought, you bolted in the direction the screams came from. You flew past those blank walls faster than you knew you were capable of before landing at the sight of another body surrounded by women. It was your attendant, her face frozen in fear, her body almost in the same state as the previous one. This death hit you harder than the earlier one as you covered your mouth, keeping the bile from rising up your throat.

Despite the grief and sickness you were feeling, you could only think of one thing, and that was your twins. You lingered for a second longer before running to your twin's bedroom. You had not noticed, but Sukuna trailed behind you closely as you sprinted through the temple. Your breath was running ragged, but you would be damned if you were to leave your twins behind in this gruesome mess.

You made it to the door, sliding it open and rushing in, your eyes scanning the room for your twins, but they were nowhere to be seen. Your heart hammered against her chest as you began to panic, turning to Sukuna to see that his face was once again blank as he looked into the room from the doorway. Why did he have that look on his face? It did not matter– you had to search for your children. You turned to look back into the interior room, looking up from the bedrolls to be met with the wall, and heard the sound of a scream once again, your heart dropping.

You had found your twins hanging from the wall, a message written above them that was written in their own blood.

"Bring back our daughter."

Taglist:

and while these feelings had only developed for a year, it’s still a long time to you. and it’s selfish to think that you could have had him, especially when their tension was so obvious and so transparent, but it was still worth a try. but even if you did stay, you would have just been a mere placeholder.

and while these feelings had only developed for a year, it’s still a long time to you. and it’s selfish to think that you could have had him, especially when their tension was so obvious and so transparent, but it was still worth a try. but even if you did stay, you would have just been a mere placeholder.

he was unattainable and there’s nothing wrong with that.

but god, you feel like absolute shit.

you should try your luck with jean or something. maybe reiner.

the shittiest thing about practically being in love with eren fucking yeager was that he somehow couldn’t comprehend how strong those feelings were. maybe it was because he only had his eyes on one person, maybe it’s because you didn’t show it so obviously, but wouldn’t it have been at least considerate to acknowledge that your feelings were more than just a small crush? if that was the case, you wouldn’t have told him anyways.

but here you are—watching his hands grip her waist, lights fading from purple into red, sweaty bodies swaying in the crowd. her hair sticks to her forehead and his smile is wide. you told yourself you would be fine, but seeing it right in front of you so soon made you sick to your stomach. there’s a sparkle on his eyes, one he never had when he looked at you and his happiness is genuine—you could tell after months of observing those little things about him.

“you wanna come get a drink with me?”

the blonde haired boy taps your shoulder, pulling you out of your thoughts and you blink at him. “sorry?”

“i asked if you wanted to get a drink with me.”

“sure. why not?”

you follow armin out of the living room and into the kitchen, watching him mix soju with what you think is sprite. he knew you needed something sweet, it’s part of the reason you trusted him so easily. he always knew what you needed

“feeling better?”

“i think it’s gonna take a little more time than that, min.”

he nods, watching you intently as you takes small sips from the red solo cup. “do you want to leave?”

“you don’t have to coddle me,” you sigh, taking another look at the boy, “i can handle it on my own.”

“just making sure.”

armin was probably the first person to notice that you were falling for eren. the stolen glances, he had said, that longing look in your eyes. it was just too obvious for it to not be love.

you’re not sure if armin was just good at reading people or if he was just good at reading you, but he wasn’t wrong. his hunch was right, he had the timing nearly correct, but he neither discouraged nor encouraged your attraction. however, he did support your confession. it’s like ripping a band aid, he had told you.

and in a way, he was right.

maybe it would be easier to forget eren—to detach the romanticized image you had of him. because in the end, mikasa isn’t a bad person. in fact, she’s perfect for him. she’s seen him in his raw form and in his ugliest moments. while you would have been willing to stick with him through his worst, it’s something she’s already done multiple times and you’re sure he’s reciprocated that support to her. would he have done the same for you? yes.

but he would have done it as a friend. that’s the clear difference and you knew you had to accept it.

but you also wanted to whine and cry like a baby. a part of you wanted to fuck someone else just to see if he would care. a part of you wanted to tell him he was missing out on what you could offer. a part of you still wanted himself for yourself, wrapped around your finger. because after all, your buried desires are childish and you know it.

“i feel like shit, ‘min.”

“i know.”

“i’m really sorry for being snappy. my mind’s just all over the place right now.”

“it’s okay. i just want to make sure you feel alright. and even if you don’t, i’d help you.”

“i know you would,” you lean into his chest, “i know you would because you’re always there’s for me and i love you for it.”

armin thanks the universe for the fact you can’t see how red he’s turned. he lays his chin on top of your head, rubbing your back while you bury your face into his sweater. it’s blue, easily stained, but he doesn’t tell you that. instead, he lets you silently cry into his chest, holding you until he suggests that it’s time to bring you home.

when you get to the front of your door, signaling him to follow, you look back at him with a smile on your face, waving goodbye. he mutters an “i love you” to himself. because while armin can analyze situations of all kinds and solve them, it’s you that gets him. it’s you that erases every logical thought in his brain. when he’s around you, he can’t think but he feels. you fill up his senses.

“do you think i’ll ever find someone?”

“that’s a stupid question.”

“oh.”

you frown, looking straight towards the tv as you two sit down on the couch instead of glancing at him like you usually would. armin notices this, his own words processing through his brain and he internally cringes at himself. that’s when he scoots closer to you, looking at the other side of the couch while you silently refuse to meet his eyes. “i mean it’s stupid. i don’t know why you’d think you wouldn’t find someone, you know?”

“are you sure?”

he rubs your back as you look down at your feet, tears forming as that night replays over and over again in your head. armin doesn’t force you to look at him at all, only continues offering comfort as he always does. you don’t know how or why he sticks around, even when you’re feeling pathetic over such a trivial situation, but you’re thankful he’s there in the first place. he stares at your with wide blue eyes as a few tears slip, wiping them away with his thumb.

“i wish you could see yourself the way i see you.”

“thank you. It’s just hard,” you hiccup, leaning into him, “i felt so alive when i was with him. even when i was a mess around him, he’d just let me lean into his shoulder. he’d just talk and talk and talk and i’d keep listening forever. and sometimes, i’d just want to hear his voice because it was that easy for him to comfort me. and still, i’d do anything for him. anything.”

you look back at his eyes, noticing how gleamy they are. a flurry of emotions that you can’t quite read, but armin doesn’t say or do anything about it. he only holds you, takes a deep breath as you silently sob into his shirt. “i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i don’t know why i can’t stop feeling like this.”

“because it takes time to heal.”

and i’d wait for you.

you got called in to deal with rescue and relief while a villain was running rampant somewhere in downtown musutafu. your agency wasn't too far from the devastation site, so you used your quirk to get there as fast as you could, arriving right after katsuki and chargebolt.

the villain looked to have some sort of dark, slippery tendril quirk. there were so many of them, oozing a dark substance as they whipped around and destroyed anything they landed on with brute force. cars got crushed under their grip, lampposts got ripped from the ground and tossed into the sides of buildings. the destruction made your stomach twist, left something bitter in your mouth.

katsuki and chargebolt were focused on trying to subdue the villain. the air prickled with the electricity in the area, made the hairs on your arms and neck stand up straight. the smoke and ash falling from the sky captured the bursts of fiery orange that erupted like an imploding star from sweaty palms.

you felt as though you were caught in the middle of a devastating storm, lightning and its accompanying thunder roaring around you. tumultuous.

you worked fast to get straggling pedestrians out of the way of the fight, ensuring that your coworkers wouldn't need to worry about that particular detail. teamwork, in situations like these, was essential, a sort of trust binding you all together. you trusted katsuki and chargebolt would take care of the villain just as they trusted you would take care of civilians.

you tugged innocents away before tendrils could crush them to the streets, tossed them to safety before debris from crumbling buildings could land on them. it was taxing work for you alone, but luckily for you, other heroes soon arrived on the scene as well.

you became so accustomed to hearing the shooting whistle of chargebolt's electricity, the thunderous detonations of katsuki's explosions, that when they suddenly stopped, your head snapped up.

and you were just able to let out a gasp as you watched a tendril—thick, slimy, constrictive—wrap around katsuki's neck before slamming him into a building next to you.

a repetitive drone, like static in your ears, was all you could hear as you immediately used your quirk to boost yourself up to the collapsing hole katsuki had been thrown through. the tendril that had captured him still extended from the hole like a taut zipline—holding him down, you realized.

before you could use your quirk to cut it, slice through it, you heard a yell—raspy, bordering on frenzied—followed by an explosion that sent smoke and hot air shooting outside from within the building. the villain screeched as the single tendril squirmed and receded from the hole. it gave you the chance to land inside, eyes honing on katsuki who was before you on the dusty floor.

his hands gripped at his neck, clawing, scraping, at the viscous piece of tendril that was still latched onto his skin. tight, tight. he let out another yell and turned towards you standing with your body backlit by the ashy light from outside. ruby blood ran down his face from his head, his body covered in a layer of white from the building's concrete wall. his bloodstained lips were stretched out in a rabid snarl that showed off the watermelon pink of his gums.

but what caught your attention were his eyes—pupils tiny, trembling—the pools of carmine fogged over like hot breath on a cool window. yet they simmered with an indescribable rage that made you feel as though you were being boiled alive.

"get this shit," katsuki hoarsely screamed, voice cracking, shaking on barely suppressed panic, "offa me!"

you leapt towards him and used your hands to rip at the tendril wrapped around his neck. tugging, slicing, until he was free. he sucked in gasps of air like he had previously been drowning, and used his hands to explode the remains of the tendril until it was nothing but a smear of ash on the ground.

you hovered around him, throat and mouth feeling as though they had been lined with cotton. your hands flapped almost uselessly in front of you as katsuki pulled himself to his feet, one heavy booted foot slamming into the ground after another. he refused to look at you, his hair casting his roughed up face in a deep shadow.

"kats—" you started worriedly, but he cut you off with a growl.

"no," he spat harshly. and you could only watch as he took two powerful steps towards the hole before he launched himself through it with a roar. the explosion that followed him shook the very ground beneath your feet.

and once the villain had been dealt with, once all the civilians had been accounted for, you met katsuki in the quiet darkness of his office.

he didn't bother to turn on any of the lights, you noticed, as you slipped inside the room and gently closed the door behind you with a click. the moonlight that filtered through the ceiling-high windows to the left cast a milky look to the area that made it feel surreal—like an angel had ghosted its pale hand across everything. you softened your steps as you silently approached katsuki, sitting at his desk with his face buried in the palm of one of his hands.

you rounded the desk so you could kneel by his side, your hands reaching out to swivel his black chair until he faced you. he gave no acknowledgement of the movement apart from the tensing of his jaw. you rested one of your hands on his thigh, slowly rubbing circles into it with the pad of your thumb.

"katsuki," you said in a quiet voice, too scared to make it any louder for fear of shattering something you couldn't see. "what's wrong?"

he didn't answer, though you saw the way his adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly. you gave him a small moment. then you shuffled closer, between his legs, and moved your hand from his thigh so you could reach up to his face and softly stroke his bandaged cheek.

his head moved away just slightly. your heart sank, but you were persistent and chased his motion so you could cup his face in the softness of your palm.

"katsuki," you whispered again, "baby. talk to me."

maybe it was your voice that got him to crack, maybe it was your words. but he eventually exhaled deeply and shifted. the hand that covered his eyes lowered to reveal bloodshot eyes that twitched and watered with all the emotions he was trying to suppress. his forearms braced against the meat of his thighs, his face hovering just above your own as you stared up at his scrunched eyes, his upturned eyebrows. his hair tickled at the top of your head.

you waited. patient. understanding.

"i—" his voice cracked almost immediately and he paused to gather his bearings. he swallowed again and you used both of your hands to gently hold onto one of his hot ones. his fingers twitched. he cleared his throat, but his voice was still gravelly when he spoke. "i thought i— i was past all the shit i"—he bit the inside of his cheek then let out a shaky breath of air and scrunched his eyes shut even tighter—"i fuckin'... i thought i was okay. but— but m'not. and i— i feel so fucking weak—"

he cut himself off and made to turn his face away from you, but you reached up and caught his cheek before he could. you turned him back so he could look at you, really look at you, staring up at him as though he was the only thing that mattered. you gave him silent encouragement to continue, your thumb gently caressing his skin. he took in another deep breath, his chest expanding, then exhaled in a sigh that puffed around your face.

"i jus'"—his voice strained when he spoke again, trembled like a glass of water filled to the brim and threatening to overflow—"i want it t'be over. i— i wanna— be okay." words could not describe how your heart burst at his quiet admittance, scattering apart in a million, shredded pieces.