AR60 ayaka main (asia server) + TB69 dan heng il main (asia server) (ia) + level 80 on both tot servers (global & taiwan) (ia) + hunter level 80 on LaDS asia server
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NAVIGATION โฐ inbox + rules & regulations + masterlist + my fics + upcoming works + what i write + playlists for my works + my tags
CROWD FAVOURITES โฐ colours + love, maybe + re: love & life + stay + 11:11
ONGOING WORK(S) โฐ cinderella after midnight + if love was destined + love, maybe + make it rain (in both credits and love) + re: love & life + seven stages of grief + the diamond and her beau + where one begins, another blooms
RECENT UPLOADS
29/05/26 | if love was destined - chapter 28
10/05/26 | if love was destined - chapter 27
29/04/26 | if love was destined - chapter 26
OTHER NOTES
as of 27/04/25, all ao3 fics of mine have been restricted (only registered ao3 users are able to access them) as to not run into the probability of them being fed to AI for training
i don't accept writing requests atm
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ยฉ CALQLATE. all rights reserved. please do not copy, modify, repost, or translate my works on any platform, or feed my works to AI.
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NOTE(S): hurt/comfort + pre-established relationship + the LIs are Professional Yearnersโข๏ธ + use of pet names (cutie (rafayel) + pipsqueak (caleb) + sweetie (sylus))
A/N: as a 'i have never dated before, what is love' girlie, this is for my fellow brethren! you are seen and heard, and i gotchu ๐ซถ
you cock your head sideways as you think about the things that he has done for you. "you know, if i were anyone else, i would've taken things the wrong way and assumed you're interested in me."
"you should." he nods. "because that's what someone does if they're interested in you."
you pull your lips back into a grimace. "yeah, so... i wouldn't know about that."
a crease appears between his brows. "what?"
"i said, i wouldn't know about that." you shrug. "because no one's ever showed explicit interest in me before. i guess i've just never been someone's first choice, you know?"
"why would you say that?" the expression on his face turns incredulous, as though you have grown a pair of horns out of your head.
"maybe i'm just not attractive enough? and there's someone more good-looking than me that caught their attention? i guess i'm not likeable." you immediately bite on your tongue and clamp your mouth shut; you have said too much. you did not mean to air your subconscious insecurities like that.
the atmosphere shifts, and you need to change the topic before things get too awkward. "sorry, i didn't mean to say all that. anyway..."
โ CALEB | XIA YIZHOU
on one hand, he is so confused because: what??? what do you mean no one has ever liked you before??? have you looked at yourself in the mirror before??? are you mentally sane??? do you need to go to an optometrist to get your eyes checked??? for the love of god, there is no way no one (he repeats, no one) has never had an inkling of interest in you before.
on the other hand, can he really blame you? he has been dutifully scaring away every single person away from you. ain't no one approaching you when you have a full grown doberman looming behind you like that.
he is shocked at your self-assessment and promptly says, "you sayin' i don't have eyes, pipsqueak? for your information, my eyesight is 20/20, just so you know, and i know what i'm seeing with my two eyes right now."
takes you on a spontaneous date to get rid of those thoughts in your head. you are the most stunning person on earth, and he will have you recognise and acknowledge that.
โ RAFAYEL | QI YU
immediately jumps backward, gasps out loud, and clutches his chest, as though you have just called him a lemurian slur. "what? i beg your finest pardon?"
"nobody is interested in me," you say? you do not know this, but he has waited 800 years for you. he has pined and yearned for you since, what, the dawn of time? try again, cutie!
"i know beauty when i see it, cutie," he says with a frown, reaching forward to cup your cheeks, "and i'm telling you that you're the finest piece of art crafted by adonis himself."
brings you to a closed-off room in his studio and shows you the sheer number of canvases in there, all of which having you as the subject, of course! "tell me, if you are as unattractive as you claim to be, do you think i'd paint you these many times? c'mon, you know i have an eye for art."
โ SYLUS | QIN CHE
raises an eyebrow. oh? not attractive enough? those pests who dare breathe near you must have serious eyesight issues, so it seems. he quite literally cannot fathom your thought process and is confused as to how you came up with that conclusion.
he is also offended. has he not been showing you how much he adores you? should he buy out a luxury goods store or have you be the new owner of his black card to show you how much he is willing to give you?
"don't be sorry, sweetie." his voice takes on a gentle edge as he drapes his coat over you. "being sorry means you've done something wrong, and the person who's wrong is the one who gave you those incorrect signals in the first place."
brace yourself, he is going to spoil you rotten for the days to come just to prove how much you deserve being someone's first choice. and not just anyone; his first choice.
โ XAVIER | SHEN XINGHUI
has two reactions: firstly, he is shocked at how you could feel that way about yourself when you are the strongest hunter he has ever met and someone he is willing to die for. secondly, he wants to find the people who made you feel that way and pay for it. how could anyone make you feel less than? it is unacceptable, because you deserve nothing but the best.
to him, you are everything he could possibly want. you are his first choice โ nay, you are his sole choice. every lifetime, every universe, he is only ever going to choose you. so, you telling him that you have never felt like anyone's choice at all โ it felt like someone had driven a knife right into his chest and twisted it.
"i'm sorry you feel that way, but you're wrong. there's definitely someone out there who will choose you, or has already chosen you, and you've just not recognised that yet." there is a soft yet solid cadence to his voice.
you can expect him to amp up his acts of service for you. never felt like anyone's first choice? you will see that you are his choice, and he wants you to see that.
โ ZAYNE | LI SHEN
is honestly appalled that you would feel that way. you have always been the confident one, going into situations with such assertiveness that he is sure you have turned some heads. so, for him to find out that this confident person feels otherwise? this is breaking news to him.
you can be assured that you are his first choice, and the exclusive person who has wedged their way into his icy heart. his heart has room for one person, and it is you.
"no matter how you've come to that conclusion, it's entirely false." the way he says it sounds like he is stating a fact and there is no way to challenge it. he pauses, then adds, "i'm certain that you have been someone's first choice at least once."
starts treating you with more intention, attention, and care. after all, you need not look far to find that someone he mentioned; that someone he was talking about just so happens to be your primary care physician.
rewatched the entirety of alice in borderland and here are some of my thoughts (utc)!
chishiya โ unserious baddie (bro got shot by niragi and his first response was "did you mean to miss a vital organ" AHAHAHAHA). i love him. i fear he does things for the plot and that's valid. i aspire to be like him ๐โโ๏ธ but in all seriousness, bro aura-farmed so hard in the king of diamonds game, and i have nothing but mad respect for him when i watched the gameplay cuz my dumbass would have d*ed within 10 rounds ๐คก
ann & kuina โ my fav lesbians! underrated af <3
arisu โ ngl he was at his peak in s3. he did act like a virgin bitch boy in the first 2 seasons (bc of that i didn't even blink when chishiya used him as bait twice in s1 and s2) and i was ๐ at him half the time but s3??? absolute character development.
the two women who d*ed in the can-kicking game (semifinals) (s3) โ too good for this world
rei โ also too good for this world. i love her.
usagi โ the way i had whiplash when she went back to the borderland and just cited her daddy issues as the reason for it (ngl it's people like her that turn me off so whenever someone irl tells me their daddy issues are the reason behind them doing stupid things, i immediately just walk away)?? i thought she already got over her dad's death in s1/2 but she retraced 10 steps in s3 ๐ญ she legit pmo bc of that, and arisu deserves better (DIVORCE PLS).
ryuji โ the fact he did assisted su*c*de twice (on two separate women) is insane, i lowkey wanted him to get bumped off. i was initially mad that he tricked usagi into going back to the borderland just for his own selfish gain (to get a near-death experience) but ngl usagi lowkey deserved it because if she wants to d*e so bad then we should let her do it. (as i like to say, if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes!)
sohta & yuna โ yuna should have d*ed. i said it. miss maam was useless to the very end.
also someone needs to explain how 1) banda (the murd*erer who became a borderland citizen in s2) managed to traverse between the borderland and the real world, and 2) ann managed to see banda in s3 and prevent arisu from dy*ng. my current theory is that borderland citizens can move between realms (hence why banda can easily roam between both worlds) and since ann 1) 'd*ed' in the borderland and didn't explicitly accept or decline citizenship, and 2) got forcibly resuscitated in the real world, so she's in a 'neither here nor there' state, which is why she can see banda (who was in the borderland) who attempted to murd*r arisu's body in the real world. anywho, if anyone knows the real reason behind this or has a better explanation for it, pls lmk ๐โโ๏ธ
the promo material for the CN, TW, and global servers for LADS had me cackling cuz wdym the original materials (without the mist and fog) were too explicit to be uploaded raw and the artists resorted to text and stickmen drawings HAHAHAHA
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finished rewatching given and watched all the movies and ova and i realised that syh's umihe used a portion of the melody from given's fuyu no hanashi and now i'm thinking: was there any discussion about this? because you can't simply use a melody from a person's song because of copyright issues. if the bands did discuss, this is what i'd imagine the discussion to be like (utc):
given: did you guys deadass just use our melody from fuyu no hanashi
syh (but tbh mainly hiiragi bc shizu is too tired for this): ackshually โ๏ธ๐ค our ex-vocalist wrote the melody first, hence it's technically ours and you guys stole it
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updated my mc because i never actually sat down and diy-ed her when i first started the game (i went along with the default mc)! so n e ways what better way to celebrate than to take some pics in the photobooth?
