Luna Ghost

It feels like I am at a fork in the road, not sure which path to take. I need to choose one quickly though as our financial situation is changing and I need a job to make that work.

I feel like life is just so hard for me and I don't seem to be able to keep up like everyone else does.

I have thoroughly enjoyed being a stay at home mum. Due to my social anxiety I am really, really struggling to transition into the working mum phase.

I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder in 2019. It has been a steady decline since then. Almost like knowing made it worse. It's not just the social anxiety, I am rather a bit of an introvert anyway. I like my own space, I like being in my bubble and to be honest being around people tends to bring so much stress and drama.

Don't get me wrong I am in no means a loner. I am a full time mum to three amazing children and I have the most amazing partner. They are my life. I don't want or need anyone else in my life but the social anxiety is there in all aspects of socialising and at the moment the one that matters is now getting into full time work. Or any work!

I have no formal qualifications as I have been at home with my kids for the past 16 years. It is incredibly difficult getting into anything when you've been at home that long and not been a part of any groups or organisations.

I have no references, no previous experience and when I apply for jobs I don't tend to hear back. When I do hear back I then get to anxious to be able to go to the interview. I've done therapy and am awaiting more and disability benefits are a no. I've tried :(

Sometimes I find myself in need of a place to dump all of the ramblings in my mind. To feel like someone is seeing it but without having to actually socialise as I have social anxiety.

I do have a Journal but that feels like me talking to myself. Having a blog seems like I am talking to someone else without actually having to talk to someone else.