I am the same, I'm the same

do not read old emails, old texts, old logs, anything from someone you don’t interact with anymore.  take out the trash, delete it all, purge it from your life.  there’s no sense in keeping painful reminders no matter how fond they once were.  this clutter no longer serves you; it just takes up valuable space.

I just want to get a cute apartment with a cute person and wear nothing but underwear and a big t-shirt or sweater and dance around, cook for each other, make our own movies and record each other while we’re playing, smiling, and laughing, and lay in bed together at night snuggled up warm together so close that we can hear each others pulse, ya feel me

listen, he’s doing great and im proud of him.

*deep sigh* i wish some distant relative of mine would leave me an old farm in their will so i could fuck off to the countryside and save the harvest goddess

So apparently in Skyrim, if you just eat all your stolen items in between the “wait I know you” and actually getting arrested, the guard will just… walk away???

You do know you can just… keep walking, right? Also why are you only stealing food items???

It’s about the mental image of a guard starting to apprehend you, watching you devour three cheese wheels in like half a second (presumably looking him dead in the eyes as you do), and deciding that he is not getting paid enough to deal with this bullshit.

@prideandpen useful if you have another potato incident XD

oh my god WHAT I had no idea!! that’s ridiculous and I love it 

This is really, really clever.

whats the opposite of your crush asking you out?

your crush preemptively files for divorce