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That was after Carina told her that if she didn't stop, she would be put in restraints. That was after Carina said, "please don't make this harder than it needs to be."

That was when she stopped trying to free herself from the tubes and wires. That was when she was stunned.

"Wow. Huh."

And then she told Carina what she expected of her - the love and support that she gave to Carina when Carina was grieving; when she could barely get off the kitchen floor.

Her company. The plate of sandwiches that she prepared. The crappy cup of espresso that she tried to make (and the first-degree burns that she had from trying). The space when everything was too soft. The place for Carina to dump her guilt, the blame, the part that stings the most - she would hold on to it so that Carina could get stronger and when she did, she could have it all back. The anger that she shared. The sirens and how her scream covered Carina's so that hers wouldn't sound so dark and twisted. The hug. The warm drink that she brought to their room and placed on Carina's side of the bed. The hug when she saw Carina snuggled on her side, sleeping. The safety. The love and support.

But when she was wounded, terrified, and suffocated - Carina said "you left me no choice" and would not hesitate to put her in restraints.

She pleaded to go home before. She told Carina, she could help her at home, failing to see that nobody could help her because she was unaware of how badly shattered her mind was.

Carina was grieving but Maya was ill. You can't treat illness with just space, care, love, and support. But Maya didn't know.

So, she cried and tried to tell Carina again, "This is not helping me. I just- I can't believe you would do this to me."

Because in her mind, Carina was trying to escape. Carina was trying to take the easy way out.

Carina was trying to force her into therapy instead of giving her love and support and space when she was pushing through the pain. For Maya, all she needed Carina - even when she woke up in an ER, surrounded by wires, with her shirt cut off, she asked, "Where's Carina?"

"I can't-" and she saw Carina slowly stepping away from her.

And when Carina cut her off with "Dr. Altman is going to take it from here-", she felt as if Carina had never listened to her and her pleas. It was as if Carina was waiting for this moment to hand her over to another party as if she was a broken person that Carina couldn't wait to get rid of.

She laughed a little at the irony.

She used to question herself a lot - if Carina should be with her. She knew that "Carina is perfect", that "Carina is light and lovely, and I'm not". She knew that her brain was faulty, that she was dark as hell, and that she tried so hard to be the perfect copy of Lane she might have become one. She used to be terrified that one day she would snap at Carina like Lane and that Carina would stop loving her.

After some time, she thought Carina wouldn't.

She thought Carina would never. She loves Carina and she chose her, forever. She wanted to build a family with her. To have a little Carina she could count her blessings on.

But now, she saw Carina walking away.

"Oh. The length that you go to have it your way" To force her to get the help she needed, the way she needed, on the timeline she set.

"If you walk-" her voice cracked at the verge of crying. She was ready to plead as she did on the rooftop when she asked Carina to have her back. She wanted to reach out as she did when she wanted to hug Carina when she couldn't sleep. She wanted Carina to turn around and convince her that she should sleep in bed at home, with her because that is always exactly what she needs.

But she knew that wouldn't happen.

Just like how Carina walked away on the rooftop. Just like how Carina got off the bed.

And she knew all of that was her fault.

She knew it when she threw the tray and broke the bowl. She knew it when she put on those running shoes and ran to the station. She knew it when she cried in the shower after she almost died in that cornfield.

But she wasn't sure if Carina would be so kind again to give her another chance. What if Carina have really stopped loving her? What if she finally exhausted Carina? Because when Carina repeatedly said "you need to get help", she never said "and I will be by your side", "I will wait for you" or "I need you to be okay".

What Maya heard was "I cannot have a family with that. With you, like that."

So she did what Lane would. She threatened Carina, "If you WALK out that door, we're done.

Do you hear me?

Hm?

Do you hear me?"

Because when Lane spat similar warnings to her, she remembered how she flinched and how scared she was that her every muscle would tense. But because she was scared of losing his love, she obeyed. She stayed. She pushed through.

Maybe Carina would too.

But Carina was no cowardly kid.

She is a woman in love. She was rational, calm, and collected. She knew what she was doing and it was what she thought would be the best for Maya.

"I lose you either way, bella.

I'd rather lose you and have you be alive."

The gasp when she said No. All her fears came true. Carina started to disappear from her view.

She called her name. She asked, how could you do this to me?

On the verge of a panic attack, she screamed out her name again.

Maybe that's the only way she could breathe - to gasp for air, just to call out her name again.

To ask her, How could you? To beg her, Get back here!

And the next morning, she lay in bed, lifeless without restraints.

Because there was no more home and all that she needed was gone.

_ _ _ _ _ _

TL;DR

She is not Vincenzo. She loves Carina and hates herself. Vincenzo loves himself and blames everyone else.

But it's good to remember that it's never someone else's responsibility to fix you and you couldn't treat an illness just by the power of love. Being loved and loving someone makes a day worth the struggle. But the fight is still yours to go through.