idk what im doing

This hit him hard. He wanted you two to be together desperately, but he didn’t have a way of telling you. It was always the wrong time for him. You were never around because of your sorority and all of the events you hosted.

Little did he know that you wanted the same thing. He was just so needy that it was starting to irritate you. You are 21 years old and don't need to be babied anymore. 

“You know what,” you start, “I don’t want you to call me tonight, at all.” “I’m going to this party and don’t want to speak to you. I want to just have this one night to myself and my friends. This is our last one before semester exams, and I would greatly appreciate it if I could enjoy my evening.” 

You could see the resting anger on his face. He was not one to talk down upon. Instead he always had to be the bigger person. But this time was different. He seemed to have an angry look, but his eyes were large and doe-like wanting to say something else than what his face was demonstrating. 

“Fine.”

That’s it? Fine? 

These words stuck with you thinking that maybe he would actually listen for once and let you have a good time. 

An hour goes by and you decide that it’s time that you get ready and you pull out all of the stops. Tae always thought that you looked great in black as it complemented your skin well. 

Do I wanna be evil? you thought to yourself.

 “Yeah I think I do.”

You pull out this gorgeous short, black sequined cocktail dress. You haven’t worn this dress since your freshman year of college and decided that it was time to pull her out again. You knew that this would upset him and you were happy that it would. Was your initial intention to make him jealous? No. But were you very excited about the idea? Yes.

You finish off the look with heavy eyeliner and a bold red lip. Platforms to top it all off. Taehyung always had a thing for when you wore heels out, yet you could never decipher what it was. You were pretty good at reading people, but he was one of the harder ones. Of course you could understand his basic emotions, but when he was really thinking, you could never actually pinpoint what it was about. 

 “Where are you going?” Tae inquires.

“Out” you say. And with that, the door shuts.

Just left my dorm, ready to get some alcohol inside of me. 

You text your best friend Ally while you are walking to the car. The party is located at the other side of the university so you have quite a way to go. She was the one who insisted that we Ubered there considering you already knew that she was not going to be sober enough to drive us back. 

Tae has been on my ass for so long and we got into an argument. Told him I didn’t want him contacting me at all tonight. 

You knew that your best friend always thought that you would end up together one day, and she had even pushed for you two to start dating. You alway reassured her that nothing would come of it and that you had been friends for years now. 

You know it is going to happen at any point right Y/N? 

You weren’t even going to entertain the idea and just decided that you were going to talk to her once you got there.

You two both meet and make the drive to the party. Once you get there, all of what happened beforehand has started to melt away. You are greeted with copious amounts of alcohol and people looking like they were enjoying themselves.

“You want a drink?” your friend asks. 

“Is that even a question?” as you already have chugged one Whiteclaw and are onto your second one. 

You knew that you weren’t a lightweight and considering that the seltzers were practically soda, you knew that you weren’t getting shitfaced tonight. 

You and your best friend were having the time of your life. This was a much needed outing considering everything that has happened between you and Tae recently. The music was so loud your chest was pounding. The sight of people dancing and having fun was amazing until… 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” you sigh.

“Hello.” you say 

“It's late you should come home,” 

“Sorry I can’t hear you. I have no service,” you lied as you could hear him perfectly. You were just trying to avoid the fact that he was calling . 

The line cuts. 

You thought you just got out scott free. But even your friend knew that Taehyung was not that gullible. 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

This call you decide to completely ignore his call because you are not going to let him hinder you from having a good time. But he keeps calling and calling. Your friend starts smirking like she knows what's going on. 

More time passes and so does the alcohol and you decide that it is time for you to check your phone. Right as you check your phone.. 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

“ Will you stop calling me! All you have done is call and call me. I don’t want to think anymore. I don’t want to talk anymore. Do you understand me? I need you to stop worrying about me.” 

And with that, you ended the call. 

“Damn Y/N, you didn’t have to be so mean about it.” 

“Ally you don’t understand. I have 35 missed calls from him and 86 text messages. He’s having a fucking psychotic break right now. I am a grown ass woman and I can take care of myself. He fucking told me that I was being childish today because I went out to our parties. I am so sick of him. He’s sitting at home calling me like a collector and I’m over it.” 

You continue to drink and have yourself a great time. You and Ally are dancing along with everyone else and really living it up one more time before you are crammed with studying and tests. She mentions the idea of you guys dancing with others. You are a little apprehensive about this. It’s not like you were dating Taehyung or anything, but wouldn’t that be wrong? It’s not like anyone was to record you or anything. Or so you thought. 

“Come on loser, it’ll be fun,” All says. 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

“I’m going to say this once and only once. It’s not that I don’t like you, I’m just at a party and I’m getting really tired of my phone ringing. Do yourself a favor and stop calling me, please.” 

You can’t believe you said that. I mean yes you did like Taehyung, but you were wondering if he had taken it the wrong way. You wanted him to like you as well, but with the way that he has been acting lately, it doesn’t seem very plausible. If you really liked someone why would you constantly pester them and bombard them all the time. 

Another phone call ended and another round of drinks started. You said fuck it and decided to start dancing with others.  There’s no way that you should care about what Taehyung thinks. He’s not your father. You are allowed to do whatever you want. As you’re scouting who to dance on you pick a target that will for sure make him mad in the long run. His best friend, Jimin. Was this a little devious of you, yes, but did you care, absolutely not. You had had too much alcohol to start weighing in factors of the situation. 

Since the alcohol has already started to cloud your mind it also starts to take effect on your body and you start to slump when you walk. The whole not getting shitfaced thing didn’t exactly go to plan. One thing happened after another and there were just more shots and Whiteclaws to be drunk and you volunteered to do so. 

“We s..should make our way home,” your very drunk friend burps out. 

“God you are a mess,” you laugh “You do know that we have class in the morning? Your hangover is going to suck and you’re probably going to end up falling asleep in class.” 

You always had a knack for teasing her and she did the same. You didn’t have many girlfriends in college as a lot of them thought that your humor was offensive. Ally was the only person who had the same humor and more trauma that could be joked about. 

“Yeah, yeah I know. Thanks for coming out Y/N. I had a lot of fun and now I’m about to crash. Have fun with your boyfriend,” Ally yells. 

You proceed to flip her off and prepare for the tredge forward back to your dorm just hoping that Taehyung was asleep and you could just go to bed without anything happening. You have already taken off your platforms so that you prevent yourself from stomping in. You reach for the door and to your surprise it’s unlocked. That had set off a red flag because Tae would never leave the door unlocked. You walk inside only to find Tae on the couch waiting for you. 

Damnit 

“Why were you out for so long? Why do you smell like alcohol? How come your shoes are off?”

Taehyung would just not stop the questions before you could even get a breath out. You had barely been home five minutes and he was just demanding answers for his questions.

 “You know what Tae,” you say calmly, “I don’t really feel like playing your games and answering your questions. Yes, I had some drinks and my head hurts and I would like to go lay my head down if that’s okay with you considering I need to ask for your permission before I do fucking anything.” 

You could tell that that hit him hard. He knew that he was being extra needy lately, but with no explanation. This isn’t like him. But he wanted your attention so badly, but the attention that he ended up getting from you was always negative. This was the polar opposite of what he wanted. He was pushing you away rather than pulling you towards him. He thought that by asking questions and showing he cared, it would make him look like he was really looking out for you. Instead it backfired. 

“My head is going to explode,” you say aloud. 

You knew it wasn’t a good idea to just keep drinking. But with the constant nagging from Taehyung, you needed to take your mind off of the argument and your closest coping mechanism  was alcohol. You didn’t think it would all hit you at once.