🪐

“has anyone seen luke?” michael asked ashton and calum worriedly. 

the boys were finally back for the first show of the take my hand tour after being basically sedentary from the touring lifestyle since 2019, mostly due to the pandemic. sure, they’d released CALM and were working on an album rollout in september, but they hadn’t toured in nearly three years. nerves were high, of course, but the members of 5 seconds of summer were all feeling good, ready to be back on the road after so much time off. well, minus one. 

luke had been unusually quiet all day, even for him, occasionally muttering something to his bandmates here and there and fidgeting with his hands while the makeup artist got him ready for the show. now, with less than an hour to go until the boys were supposed to be on stage, he was nowhere to be found. 

“nope. speaking of which, where is he? we’re onstage in 45.” calum asked, looking up from the backstage bar as he poured himself a shot of tequila. 

“i don’t know. . .” michael fretted, anxiously chewing his thumbnail. call him a worrywart, but the thought of something being wrong with his boyfriend made his heart race. “i last saw him at makeup. this isn’t like him.”

“maybe he’s in the bathroom?” ashton suggested, ever the calm ‘dad’ of the group.

“for this long?”

ashton shrugged. “could be a nervy tummy. the first show back is always rough, especially after this long.”

that was true, but michael felt like luke would’ve told him that or at least sent a quick text. it was unlike his partner to just disappear without telling anyone, especially michael. he decided to approach the situation with a level head. no need to get everyone anxious if luke genuinely just was having an anxious tummy. 

michael <3: baby, where r u? u okay?

the minutes ticked by with no response from luke, not even typing bubbles. something had to be wrong; luke always had his phone in the bathroom.

michael stood up from the couch, where he had been anxiously picking at his lips and nails, putting his hands on his hips. “i’m going to find him. whatever’s going on, we need to get it sorted out. we have 30 minutes until we’re on.”

ashton and calum just nodded, too busy laughing at something on ashton’s phone. michael left the dressing room, making sure that the door was propped open in case luke would come back that way before he returned. the hallway of the backstage of the arena showed no signs of the blond boy, only roadies and crew running around and prepping for the evening. michael was almost at the end of the backstage area when he heard it. it was quieter here, allowing the noise to slip from under a closed door. a soft sob. a sob that was so distinctly luke.

michael looked around, making sure no one was nearby before he softly knocked on the door. “luke, baby. it’s me. you okay, honey?”

“go ‘way,” luke mumbled. he knew he was being childish, but he didn’t care right now. “be out soon.”

“sweetheart, we need to be onstage in 30 minutes,” michael said gently, resting his forehead against the door. “may i come in?”

a few seconds passed, but then the handle of the door twisted, revealing luke cramped up in a small broom closet, his knees shoved to his chest and visible tears running down his cheeks, even in the dim lighting. michael immediately pulled up the flashlight on his phone, falling to his knees next to luke and closing the door behind them. 

“hey sweetheart,” he whispered softly, using his thumb to wipe the tears that were steadily falling from luke’s blue eyes. “what’s going on?”

“nothin’.” luke mumbled, turning his face away from michael.

“baby,” michael said, dead-pan. “you’re crouched in a dark broom closet and sobbing. something’s wrong.”

“it’s stupid. . .”

“nothing you say or feel could ever be stupid.” michael assured his boyfriend, rubbing his knee.

“. . .i’m scared,” luke whispered. “and it’s making my tummy hurt.”

michael pouted with sympathy. so ashton had been at least partially right. “have you been sick?” he asked softly.

luke shook his head. “jus’ hurts and i’m anxious and scared and-” the blond trailed off as anxiety overwhelmed him once again. 

“hey. breathe,” michael whispered. “what are you scared of, honey?”

“messing up.” luke whispered in a tiny voice. 

michael chuckled, pushing luke’s sweaty curls off his forehead. “you’re the most talented person i know, lukey. we’re gonna rock this show. me and ash and cal will be right there with you.”

luke sniffled, wiping his eyes and his nose on the back of his hand. “what if i forgot the lyrics? or mess up the timing? it’s been such a long time since we’ve toured.” he whispered, eyes wide with fear. 

"then that's what we’re here for,” michael hummed. “bands work together, honey. you know this.”

the blond let out a watery sigh. his boyfriend had a point. “and you guys won’t be mad?”

“we could never be mad at you, baby,” michael assured. “we’re all going to be adjusting tonight.”

luke nodded, maneuvering so that he could lay his head in michael’s lap. it was cramped in the already small closet, and they were big boys, but right now, all he needed was his boyfriend. his knees that were aching from the tight squeeze would have to deal. 

michael let luke rest and compose himself for a few moments, every so often running his small hand over luke’s stomach to soothe it. “still got an anxious belly?”

“not as bad. . .” luke admitted. “talking about it helped.”

his boyfriend pecked his forehead. “good. now, i wish we could stay here forever, but we do need to get to stage. let’s get you some medicine for your tummy and get ready to go on, yeah? after the show you can shower and i’ll cuddle you all you want.”

luke nodded, enticed by the promise of cuddles after the show. he followed michael out of the broom closet, blushing at the curious looks from the crew as they made their way back to the dressing room. ashton and calum quickly looked up when the guitarists returned, clearly having been having some fun while their bandmates were away. 

“there you are, luke! we were worried!” ashton said, going to clap luke on the back, but michael stopped him. 

“he’s anxious,” michael explained, going over to the first aid kit that was kept in the corner of the dressing room and pulling out a bottle of pepto bismol. “here, baby. take this.” he said, passing luke the medicine and a bottle of water. 

“awww, mate,” ashton pouted. “we’re all here for ya.”

luke just nodded, downing the medicine and scrunching up his nose. “what if i forget something?”

“then we’ll back you up.” ashton said calmly, exchanging a subtle glance with michael. 

that seemed to do the trick and the band was able to get on stage without any more hiccups. everything was going great. better than great. until ‘wildflower’, that is. the timing of the song could be difficult, especially live, but the band had kept it on the setlist, due to it being a fan favorite. luke was so caught up in getting everything right that he didn’t even realize he had sped up, leaving michael, calum, and ashton off beat. 

by the time the boy realized, it was too late. they were audibly off. the fans didn’t seem notice, and were having as good a time as ever, but he noticed. for the rest of the concert, he was moody, only interacting with fans and the camera when he knew he had to. 

as soon as the encore had finished and the boys had thrown out picks and sticks, luke stormed offstage, throwing his guitar to a roadie. he could hear his bandmates calling after him, but all he cared about was getting on the bus and getting into his bunk where he could hide away. normally, he loved venturing off the bus after the show, signing autographs and chatting with fans, but tonight, he didn’t want to see anyone.

“luke! wait!” michael called after him.

luke ignored his boyfriend, hurriedly gathering his few things from the dressing room and practically running to the bus. by the time michael caught up, the dressing room was void of any signs of luke. 

“bad night for him, huh?” calum muttered, helping michael gather his things, knowing there was only one thing on the guitarist’s mind. 

michael nodded. “he’s been a wreck all day. i just hope he’s not too upset. the fans didn’t even seem to notice.” he sighed as the remaining boys made their way to the bus. 

opening the door to the tour bus proved otherwise, though. luke’s converse were right at the front of the bus, appearing hastily kicked off. his stage clothes looked like they had been ripped off and tossed by his bunk. the sound of the shower running at the back of the bus filled the small space and michael’s heart sank. luke always listened to music in the shower, but tonight, running water was the only sound. 

ashton and calum made themselves comfortable in the kitchenette, subtly giving luke and michael space. michael paced back and forth between the bunks while he waited for luke to finish showering, needing to talk to him. 

“baby, hey.” michael said, running a hand through his hair when luke appeared, already in cozy pajamas with his hair wet. 

luke murmured something, slipping past michael to slide into his michael’s bunk. “you can go see the fans. it’s okay.” he whispered. 

michael shook his head. “not tonight. we’re all exhausted,” he stripped off his stage clothes, climbing into the bunk beside luke in his underwear. he needed to shower and get something to eat, but right now, his baby was his first priority. “do you wanna talk about it?”

luke shook his head, wrapping his arms around michael. “nuh uh.”

“positive?”

“are you guys mad at me?” luke whispered. 

the older man shook his head. “no, honey. it was the first show and you’re human. you’re allowed to make mistakes.”

tears welled up in luke’s eyes. “i feel bad.”

“babe, the fans didn’t even notice, i talked to ash and cal and they aren’t mad. you’re okay. do you need your medicine?” michael whispered gently.

luke nodded, releasing michael from his grip so his boyfriend could reach under his bunk to grab the anxiety medication that luke took as needed when things got out of control. michael shook a pill out of the bottle, passing it to the blond with a water bottle that had been shoved into the corner of the bunk.

he took the medicine before simply curling back into michael’s side, obviously done talking about the situation for now. that was fine. michael wouldn’t push him. for a while, neither man said anything, listening to ashton and calum’s playful (and sexual) banter coming from the living area of the bus, until luke wrinkled his nose. 

“you smell like sweat.” he stated bluntly, his head being right by michael’s armpit. 

“there he is,” michael laughed. “thank you for the compliment, baby.” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“you’re gross.” luke retorted, the medicine and michael’s gentle words making him start to feel more like his normal self. 

“i guess i can go shower.” michael smiled, stretching widely so that luke could get a view (and a whiff) of his sweaty armpits. 

he left a small peck on luke’s cheek, tucking him in before venturing off to shower. he was headed to the bathroom when ashton and calum stopped him, worried looks on their faces. 

“he okay?” calum asked. 

“he will be,” michael nodded. “he took his meds and he’s getting comfortable.”

the rhythm section let out a sigh of relief. luke was like a little brother to them, and seeing him sad, anxious, or upset always left them worried. they sent michael off to shower, gently reminding him to take care of himself. the guitarist had a tendency to focus on everyone but himself, always tending to his bandmates' needs.