hanestlythebestleeâ:
Han let his hands still at Lukaâs request for him to wait, and he ended up lower them to his sides, the letter released to Lukaâs touch. He waited to hear whatever it was that Luka had to say. Whatever it was obviously had to be serious just from the content, but Han could feel his own nerves fraying on Lukaâs behalf as he watched his friend close his eyes and struggle. When Lukaâs eyes then met his, Han tried to give him a hint of reassurance, even in his longing for clarity.
Whatever heâd expected Luka to sayâand heâd shoved away any possibilities like this quicklyâthat wasnât it.Â
âYou-â Han started, but his words failed him. His mouth hung open a moment before snapping shut as he tried to figure out what to say. Luka had said it twice. Luka loved him. Luka didnât just think it; he was sure of it. His only uncertainty had seemed to be how to say it. Now he had.Â
Han snapped from his own daze as he saw the fear flash through Lukaâs expression as he looked away. Moving without thinking, he moved back in, crowding in to cup his hands on either side of Lukaâs face. Not even sure what he wanted to say, Han tried to speak, but with Lukaâs eyes on him, the words failed again. Instead he surged forward to press his lips again Lukaâs.
This was far from their first kiss, but Han tried to convey his own turmoil with it. He had been struggling for months to quantify his feelings for Luka. First, heâd realized that calling Luka a friend like anyone else he occasionally slept with wasnât fair, especially when occasionally had become a less-than-perfect descriptor for how often Luka was at his townhouse and how much Han wanted him there. The transition from ânot just a friendâ to putting a label on it had been harder. Han still had mixed feelings on the feeling of love. He still struggled with whether to call his turmoil love. But he couldnât come up with any other word, and even Henry seemed to understand that while Han couldnât say it, he was feeling it.
But that wasnât enough for Luka. Luka deserved to hear it. As Han broke the kiss, he immediately dropped his head to press against Lukaâs shoulder. Perhaps he was a coward for it, but Han needed that solid presence and the shield of an invisible face.
âI think I love you too, Luka,â he managed, then flushed. âNo, think isnât the right word. I only think I understand love and what it actually means, but I- I know I love you. Iâve known it for a while know. I just⌠couldnât figure out how to put it in words.â
Lukaâs heart was beating so quickly he wasnât sure if he was really able to pay attention to what Han was doing. He was so nervous that this was going to be the thing that finally did it. Luka expected pain in his life, it was something that he always accepted, but the idea that he might shatter hadnât occurred to him.Â
He wanted to turn and run. He didnât want to know the reaction to this, a part of him knowing that it had to be bad. Still, he froze slightly feeling Hanâs hands on the sides of his face. Opening his eyes up to look at him bewildered. For an awful moment thinking that he might find pity there, and knowing that would be worse.Â
He wasnât expecting a kiss, frozen for a moment before he could process was happening. He didnât know what it meant but almost immediately the fear went away as he lightly pulled Han to him. It wasnât words, but it comforted him to know that Han wasnât about to break his heart. You didnât kiss someone you were going to hurt, not like this.Â
As Han broke the kiss Luka blinked slightly not really knowing what to expect but feeling Han hide in his shoulder. Without thinking he wrapped his arms around the other and for a moment a strange feeling flooded him. Maybe it was the juxtaposition of Han seemingly needing comfort from him and the fear ebbing but Luka kissed the top of Hanâs head fondly - as if to reassure the other it was okay.Â
He didnât think heâd hear anything on Hanâs end and he could feel a sort of nervousness there too as he tried to put words together. If he knew it wouldnât make Han more nervous he might have pulled away to look at him, but instead he put his hand up to Hanâs hair and said softly. âOkay. Thatâs okay. You donât have to worry about your words Han.â He squeezed Han a little, a smile playing on his face although he also felt almost like he could cry with relief.Â
âThank you.âÂ














