Hey.

*hesitantly steps closer*

*slowly takes a few more steps forward*

You’re welcome! So… what kinda shit you gonna start?

*in tears* that sounds absolutely lovely~

DID I JUST GET FUCKING KISSED BY thE MOST ADORABLE FUCKING POKEMON IN EXISTENCe?

If you don’t have a Pikachu kissing you on your blog, then what blog are you running?

Not a very good one obviously.

i’m watching an art theft documentary and they’re interviewing this art history professor from new york who was asked to go with the fbi to authenticate a rubens that had been stolen but it was a sting operation so they had to pretend like they weren’t the fbi, that they were some private buyer about to pay $3.5 million for it, and the fbi was like “this is a VERY delicate operation because you never know how they will react to what you have to say so let the agent do all of the talking, don’t say a word to anyone just nod if it’s the rubens, the last operation we did the guy in your position got shot because things went wrong in a second” and then it cuts to the professor’s interview and he says “i wasn’t going to fly down to miami to be a part of an undercover fbi sting operation to handle what could be rubens’s aurora and just NOT say anything. i was gonna have to ad lib a little” and then he tells the interviewer that when he & the fbi agent got to the hotel while he was examining the painting he started lecturing the other people, first on how badly they had wrapped it, and then about like how it had been painted, the history of it, what the subject was and what she was doing, etc etc, and he was like “i hadn’t taught a class on rubens in 15 years, so for me it was like being back in the classroom except my students couldn’t leave” 

at one point during the deal the professor turned to the woman selling it and he said “isn’t this just the most beautiful rubens you’ve ever seen outside of a museum?” (because the fbi had told him earlier that this piece had been stolen from a museum) and THEN he said “where on earth did you get it from?” and the group of people the woman had with her was like taxidermy-fox.png but the woman was like “inheritance” can you IMAGINE the fbi agent about to have a fucking aneurysm when this random guy you’ve brought in just to nod if it’s the right painting not only starts giving an impromptu lecture but then he asks how they got it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B4Zm-Aa74Y&t=2613s

omg BLESS YOU for the link and the time stamp that was as glorious as described by the OP

“Guy that puts you to sleep and messes with your internal organs” is a creepy way to describe a surgeon.

Ick. That’s creepy thing to read after my appendix surgery.

reason 36588535 why i don’t date men. i have to worry, as a vegan, that they’ll think it’s “funny” or “proving a point” to trick me into eating animal products. my male relatives have already tried that shit but i clocked it.

Someone in your life has likely had a sexual thought about you, wanted or unwanted at one point

Oh my.. I’m blushing. But also eww.

There’s a high chance one of our ancestors were gay and were forced to get married and have kids because of the strict rules pre 1900

This is so pure

This is the most wholesome thing.

We did a pretty good fucking job, Jesus Christ

Remember this the next time you want to complain about GMO’s, we may not have done it in a lab but they still are that.

Bananas looked like lemons wtf

Isn’t this more of a combination of selective breeding and GMOs? Not just GMOs?

I for one am glad I live in a time where watermelons aren’t giant tomato abominations

The issue with GMOs is that corporations like Monsanto are patenting GMOs and arresting indigenous farmers for cross pollinating with they seeds. But there is nothing dangerous about the science.

Did you just say spider goats? He said spider goats. Did you all read him talking about spider goats or am I hallucinating