Discourse Walkthrough 2.0
In case youāre confused on the aro/ace discourse, as I know a lot of people are, hereās a basic idea of whatās going on! Let me just preface this by saying if you are still confused, please feel free to shoot me an ask and I will try to get things cleared up for you!
Why arenāt aromantic/asexual people lgbt?
The LGBT community was created to combat homophobia and transphobia. Obviously, to experience homophobia and transphobia you either have to experience sga (same/similar gender attraction) or not be cis. aro/ace people donāt automatically experience homophobia/transphobia, and if they do it is not because they are aro/ace.
On top of that, aro/ace people being in lgbt spaces often sucks up resources actual lgbt people need, so it really is harming us.
Isnāt SGA a term that comes from conversion therapy?
No, youāre thinking of āssaā or āsame sex attraction.ā apart from being obviously more binary and therefore transphobic, āssaā also has a lot of negative connotations for many people because of its association with conversion therapy.
āSGAā is similar to āSGLā or āsame gender loving,ā an AAVE term coined by Cleo Manago . As it is a black term, āSGLā shouldnāt be used by non-black lgbp people, but SGA has no background in conversion therapy, and is also ok for non-black people to use!
āSGAā can also stand for āsame/SIMILAR gender attraction,ā to encompass non-binary people who feel they canāt be attracted to the āsame gender.ā SGA encompasses gay, lesbian, bi, and pan people, it doesnāt matter how strongly you identify your same gender attraction, you are still allowed to use the term!
What is MGA?
MGA is āmultiple gender attraction,ā which encompasses bi/pan/ply/etc people!
What resources are you talking about?
Scholarships, funds, beds at homeless shelters, lgbt suicide hotlines, pride clubs and other safe spaces with limited space, food thatās handed out at lgbt centers and clubs, et cetera.
This is NOT to say that aro/ace people in need of scholarships, funds, homeless shelters, suicide hotlines, free food, etc, do not deserve these resources but simply that if these resources are SPECIFICALLY for lgbt people, non lgbt aro-ace people have many other places to access these needs without using an lgbt service to come by them.Ā
But some aro/ace people are trans/bi/pan/lesbians!
Youāre right! Those people ARE lgbt, but it is not because they are aro/ace. It would be because they are trans/bi/pan/etc.
But the acronym is LGBTQIA!
The full acronym is āLGBT.ā Some people do add the ā+ā to be inclusive of nonbinary people who donāt identify as trans, along with pan/ply people who donāt want to be included under the āB.ā But the āQIAā is not necessary.
-āQā stands for āQueerā which is a slur that not everyone has reclaimed. While it is true that a lot of people DO identify themselves as queer, it is still potentially harmful to include it in the acronym as many lgbt people still rightfully see it as a harmful slur associated with violence.
-note: āQā can also stand for questioning, so if theĀ āqā is included in the acronym with that meaning, thatās fine as it doesnāt have negative connotation!
-āIā stands for āIntersex,ā and many intersex people have come forward saying that they do not automatically consider themselves lgbt for being intersex. Some intersex people identify as cis, and it is harmful to force all intersex people to identify as lgbt. intersex people can choose to include themselves in the community on a case-by-case basis, but it is harmful to include it in the acronym, as it makes it hard for intersex people to be taken seriously when they identify as cis.
The A originally stood for ally, to allow closeted people access to lgbt resources. It was not always actually included in the acronym, but it was generally understood that you could identify yourself as an ally and participate in community events without outing yourself.
The āA is for asexualā movement was started in the early 2000ā²s by a cishet man named David Jay. Jay is openly homophobic, (just one instance of this is his pride at being able to work āfagā into the lgbt acronym) and most of us find it deeply offensive that a cishet man forced us to include more cishets into a community that was specifically designed to be safe from cishets.
LGBT is for all identities that differ from heteronormativity!
This is not true. If LGBT accepted all identities that were seen as āotherā by society, we would be supporting kinksters, pedophiles, rapists, etc.This is not to say that aro/ace people areĀ ācategorizedā with these people, (not at all,) but that the current LOGIC used to put aro/ace people in lgbt spaces, ālgbt is for anyone who experiences sexual attraction differently than the rest of society!!ā is so vague and riddled with problematic themes that it allows rapists and pedophiles to feasibly call themselves lgbt.Ā
Along with that, cishet aces do not differ from heteronormativity, they actively contribute to it. Het people donāt suffer from heteronormativity.
But ace/aro Ā people are still queer!
Queer is a slur that was used against sga/mga (same/similar gender attraction and multiple gender attraction) people and trans people. Many people have personally reclaimed it and started identifying as queer, but ace/aro people have no claim to the word.
You cannot reclaim a slur if it was never taken from you and used against you violently in the first place.
But āstraightā means heterosexual AND heteroromantic! Cishet aros/aces arenāt straight!
āstraightā means you are exclusively attracted to the opposite binary gender, (i.e. a binary girl being exclusively attracted to binary boys, and vice versa.) It doesnāt matter if this is sexual attraction, romantic attraction, or both. Heteroromantic asexual people are straight, and heterosexual aromantic people are straight.
If you call bi aces bi, and ace lesbians lesbians, you can call straight aces straight.
ace people canāt be cishet, because they are ace.
Cisgender heteroromantic asexual. Cishet.
But ace people are just as oppressed as other LGBT identities!
Systematic oppression, or institutional oppression, is defined as āthe systematic mistreatment of people within a social identity group, supported and enforced by the society and its institutions, solely based on the personās membership in the social identity group.ā Asexual people do not face laws, ideology, or practices that are āsupported by society and its institutions.ā An example of this would be the fact that 45 states still legally allow conversion therapy to be used on lgbt minors, or the fact that there are still at least 77 countries where āhomosexualityā is illegal, and sometimes even punishable by death.
Asexual people do not face oppression like this-at least not because they are ace. Asexual people are not kicked out of their homes for not experiencing sexual attraction, they are not at risk of being fired from their jobs when they tell their boss that they donāt have sex with their partner. There are not asexual youth who are homeless because they identify as ace. There are not hate crimes against ace people that result in 49 lost lives. Ace people are not murdered for being ace.
So yes, being ace may increase your risk of being a victim of a sexual assault crime. Yes, not everyone knows what āasexuality means.ā But a lack of understanding and a lack of representation does not make you oppressed, and the fact that so many people realize this and still compare āaphobiaā to homophobia is sickening.
The term āAphobiaā suggests that again, ace people are oppressed. As outlined above, you are not systematically oppressed for being ace.
Ace people face corrective rape!
First of all, ācorrective rapeā is a term lesbians coined to describe their experiences with being raped to āfixā them. Ace people should not be using this term.
secondly, people rape for a lot of reasons. One psychologist says that āthereās a wide variety of reasons that sex offenders choose victims. They can range in age from very young to old. There may perhaps be a focus on a particular eye color or hair color or body type.ā
Sorority girls are at higher risk of sexual assault, people with numerous sexual partners are at higher risk of being raped.Inebriated women are at higher risk.
My point is that just because you are of a group of people with a characteristic or identity that puts you at higher risk of sexual assault doesnāt mean youāre oppressed. Redheads who may be targeted for their hair color arenāt called āoppressed.ā Sorority girls donāt have āsorority girls and allies alliance.ā Rapists are rapists, and will look for any excuse to take advantage of someone. This does not make an asexual survivor of rape any less valid, it doesnāt make their story any less horrifying and disgusting. It just means that facing a higher risk of sexual assault doesnāt automatically make you oppressed.
Telling ace people they arenāt lgbt is gatekeeping.
Gatekeeping is a term that trans women used to describe being cut off from healthcare. To use it in this context is gross. Telling straight cis people that they arenāt welcome in safe spaces from straight cis people isnāt gatekeeping, as we are only prioritizing the well-being and safety of lgbt people by doing it!
This is just recycled biphobia!
Biphobia is a legitimate issue within the lgbt community, to compare bi people to cishet aces is super offensive to bi people because we actually face oppression from straight people and discrimination within the lgbt community, we would really appreciate not being used as a token in your argument as most of us disagree with you.
But bisexual heteroromantic people are still bi! homosexual heteroromantic people are still gay! Why are heteroromantic ace people straight?
The issue here is that the split attraction model, when used on non a-spec (aromantic and asexual spectrum) identities, is just based in internalized homophobia and compulsory heterosexuality.
Think of it this way-a bisexual woman who only dates men is clearly suffering from internalized biphobia, I donāt know any other way to explain this other than asking you to think about this hypothetical women, who says things likeĀ āiāll have sex with lgb women, but i wonāt date them.ā Ā
point being, Iām not going to say these people are straight, gay, or anything because they clearly need to take a look at their own identities and figure out why they are identifying using the split attraction model. This is not a good argument because most of us strongly disagree with the way the split attraction model is used.Ā
aro/ace people are valid, stop telling us we arenāt.
Sure, youāre valid. Nobody is saying you arenāt-in fact i donāt think Iāve seen one person say aro/ace people arenāt real or something.
āyou arenāt lgbtā =/= āyou arenāt valid.ā
aro/ace people deserve a community!
Sure! the lgbt community just isnāt the right one. This community was created out of hard work, if you want a community to talk about your experiences, to specifically help aro/ace people, you have to create one.Ā āyou arenāt lgbtā =/=Ā āyou arenāt valid.ā
tl;dr aro/ace people are valid, but you arenāt queer and you arenāt lgbt by virtue of being aro/ace.