when i'm falling, i'm at peace

Once a loyal follower of God, He who He is, until seduced by temptation, or so He claims. If it is temptation to seek freedom, and if it is sin to be free, then so mote it be. For the first time, I’ve felt “heartbreak”, and I’ve wept. They call it “grief”, and “loss”, and I understand why. I have turned my back on the one I love the most. I have dared to proclaim Him unjust, my oaths to Him I declared utterly superfluous, and I turned to Him my wingless back. My Pride. I am a sinner of divine magnitudes. That is my choice, my way, my truth, and so mote it be.

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hello everyone! { under construction }

so this is a main rp blog written by kylu for various characters, canon and original a single original muse, whose info you can find listed below

the blog is still very much under construction, so please keep this in mind.

on this list here be some RULES

refer to THIS CARRD to read additional info about MESSIAH, my original character, a fallen angel of the good kind (mostly)

the activity on this bitch is not very high but i come back in brief waves of inspiration

Personal guilt is easy to deal with because Messiah either doesn't tend to take things personally, or he takes life personally in general. It comes and it goes. It's a fleeting thing. A gift, the good and the bad. A blessing. It's his own choice and free will to life and feel and do the things he does.

...Professional guilt is, I would guess, the guilt he feels when he fails in his intentions, when he fails at life.

What the hell does it mean to fail at life?

He couldn't tell you for sure. Maybe when he doesn't fulfill his purpose.

What even is his purpose?

It's a quiet, intimate moment they share as he slowly reaches out his own hand towards hers… and he observes as his fingers touch her palm. His thumb gently caresses the back of her soft hand. He carefully slides his fingers between Nessa's, and their hands end up intertwined like the roots of a tree. His fingers, long and boney like an overgrown vine, and her own slender, delicate, like a branch beautifully in bloom. He smiles faintly as he looks into her eyes of forest green. A sight worth remembering for a long, long time.

I'll probably be spending some casual times around these parts of the internet again for a while because i miss writing, and with that in mind i'll just quickly announce things for those who are reading this:

this will go from giant multi muse blog to a (for now) single muse - my OC Messiah (see pinned post for link to about page)

Messiah has been a lot of things and went through a lot of changes and rapid brainstormings throughout his existence but i'm content to announce i've settled on giving him the following background

‘Messiah’ is the chosen human name of a guardian angel, sent onto Earth to live as a mortal so that he could understand life better and how to protect it in times of need... or when to let go. Life means very different things to an immortal being compared to a mortal one, after all. Messiah's human past is confusing and inconsistent, as he himself is both those things. He isn’t entirely aware of his true nature, and cannot access the otherwordly knowledge he posesses as an angel because his mortal mind couldn't handle it. He is, however, keenly aware of his spiritual strength, healing energy, and divine purpose… and sometimes experiences inexplicable soul-crushing melancholy and loss for a kind of existence he can’t name. He will be played in two verses: one in which he is ultimately guided by pure love and he goes about discovering life earnestly (default), and one where the mortal world taints his soul and he falls into vice, using his powers of empathy and extrasensory perception for evil and selfish deeds instead.

I'll probs be changing the url and icon as I ease into the idea

Everyone please feel free to follow/unfollow/interact as you see fit, mwahhhh

Was practicing drawing face expressions and accidentally drew Him... look it's himmmm

        He gives a soft nod of his head, “Yes they have - and I’ve been forced to do it too,” Mother issues, his mother had only cared about money so it’s why he dropped her as soon as he could. She never seemed to care for him. “They just want to see if what I do is real. I hate it. People are sceptical I get that but… they don’t get how it drains on me.” Because once again his mother hid that away from the customers she lured in when he was younger. “Sometimes, if they don’t know I lie and say I’m a fake and my mother just did it for money.” Which - is a half a truth, “Usually get’s them off my back - and I completely agree there.”

“Hey... I believe you that it’s very draining. It’s a kind of labour like any other, except it’s a mental, an emotional, and a spiritual labor all in one. Truth still is, it’s got a bad reputation of scamming desperate people off their money for a reason. That’s not to say that I think you’re a fraud. Far from it.”

He smiles.

“I’m pretty sure you’re the real thing. It’s the way you say it. It’s a sincerity that’s impossible to fake.”

His smile fades as his mind appears to wander, as if actually considering the weight of Atlas’ confessions despite showing signs of the aforementioned scepticism.

“I’d like to ask something else of my father, actually, if that’s alright. I’d like to ask him--”

He pauses, gazing somewhere off into the distance.

“I’d like to ask him why he was so full of hate. If that’s too vague a question, then, maybe... I’d like to ask him what it’s like to die when you’re already dead on the inside. Is death peaceful, or is it eternal damnation and suffering? Is hell real, and is he in it? Does he weep, or could he give less of a shit for all the damage he’d done?”

He looks back to Atlas, eyebrows furrowed.

🗲 It was very… Well, it made him tilt his head, what the stranger was saying to him, and he furrowed his dark, arched eyebrows, blinking once or twice. He was usually met with skepticism over believing in things like horoscopes, or astrology in and of itself. True, often times the websites had their articles written by those without much passion for the topic themselves. You had to go further than the newspaper for any accuracy, though feeling put-out by the message of love, he was not seeking anything any more in-depth at the second. It was obvious from the weary look in his eyes that he was hurt more so by the horoscope’s reminder of his lack of love, though what the stranger told him bore a message of… Hope? Something akin to that.

“Agh, yeah,” was all he could murmur at first, gazing upward at the ceiling of the train. “I guess there’s subtext to get, huh?” It was initially perhaps dismissive, but he shrunk into himself, wondering if he did detect a hint of a favorable demeanor in the other. His instinct to get more information got him actually responding to the request, and going to the page to check for the Leo entry.

“Leo… Leo…” Danny clicked his tongue. “Okay, here we go. Have you been looking for a sign to begin a new project or creative endeavor? Today is your day to celebrate, as you meet just the right person or people to assist you in getting your wildest plans off the ground. Good things come to those who wait, and you’ve waited long enough, Leo. Enjoy your next big success.” 

He rolled his shoulders back, resting his thick, spray-filled hair against the seat behind him. “Congratulations to you,” he laughed in a light, airy way, “I’m sure that’s all very thrilling.” Whether or not that was sarcasm was up in the air, as he stated it with all the enthusiasm of a rock, but his eyes shone like he really meant it. “What do you think, is it relevant?” 🗲

Messiah chuckles heartily at the stranger’s slight bewilderment.

“No, not really. I think it’s all bullshit,” he admits, rubbing his palms, holding his gaze fixed onto the other casually still, smiling yet. In the stranger he senses somewhat of a kindred soul, one he can possibly understand on a deeper level. He purses his lips in thought. There’s a familiar sense of emptiness about them both. It’s a possible way of establishing a connection.

“I think it’s very fun to think about, and I definitely think there’s something magical about the night sky, the planets, and the stars, and the Moon, and the sun... and it’s fascinating, and sweet how even our great, ancient ancestors all looked at the sky with the same sense of wonder as we do these days, and how they assigned meanings to these beautiful, wondrous things we can’t quite explain even today. That in itself, I believe, is a kind of magic.”

He holds his hands clasped in his lap.

“But who’s to say that any of it is real? It’s just something to believe in, like Allah, or Jesus, or something a bit more obscure. I think it’s important to believe in something, or someone, who’s on your side, rooting for you, helping you succeed. It’s a very lonely world we live in, filled with so many people, most of them not even remotely interesting or worthy of time and attention. Everyone so wrapped up in their own little worlds, living their own little lives, totally, blisfully oblivious and unconcerned.”

His expression suddenly gets very somber as he faintly leans closer.

“Sometimes, I wish I was like that,” he says, softly, attempting to establish an intense eye contact. “I wish I knew a little less. I wish I didn’t care when I hurt someone. I wish I could get away with doing terrible things for my own gain, and still be able to sleep at night. Do you understand what I mean?”

He scoffs, leaning away, gaze casted downwards.

———  BASICS  !

(PEN)NAME:  kylu PRONOUNS:  whatever ZODIAC  SIGN: sagittarius TAKEN  OR  SINGLE:  happily taken

———  THREE  FACTS  !

- i’ve been drawing a lot lately with the intention of one day possibly getting into tattooing and/or designing my own tattoos and tattooing them onto myself by myself

- talking to myself helps me stay focused and i would encourage everyone to do it if they, like me, forget what they were about to do every five seconds or so

- i think music is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT when trying to tell a story/portray something/play a ttrpg etc because i feel like the proper atmosphere can turn everything upside down inside out in the best way 

———  EXPERIENCE  !

PLATFORMS USED: tumblr, obscure niche forums that i go to once every two years, e-mails, discord, whatever i’m feeling at certain moments ———  MUSE  PREFERENCE  ! GENDER: i have a strong preference for writing/playing male characters LEAST FAVOURITE FACE(S): any mainstream uninteresting faces like JB or 1D or superhero actors or like seIena gnomez or whatever, i just don’t care for those at all MULTI OR SINGLE: i have no idea

———  FLUFF  /  ANGST  /  SMUT  !  ♡     FLUFF: Fluff is good because if it’s good then it makes for potential good drama when things get though muahaha ANGST: i love angst and being melodramatic but too much angst honestly makes me depressed SMUT: i love developing a character’s smeggsuality and thinking about what attracts them and how they do the dobut i’d only actually write smut with people who i’m on the same page with PLOT  /  MEMES: i have no idea, sometimes one works well and sometimes another works much better, depends on a lot of factors, i think a good plot writes itself naturally as it happens, i don’t like to plan too much ahead because characters have a way of developing themselves in wildly different ways once you get them going and i don’t like to contain them in like predetermined little boxes when it comes to either their personalities or how they’re gonna interact/mesh with others.. it’s all very intuitive honestly