porcelain

“Life’s not fair!” She laughed at her, turning the corner just before her. “Come on, keep up!” West passed the threshold of the room, jumping onto the couch. “That was close! I’ll let you pick though, I just felt lke running”

Lucy forced a smile and stood next to the couch after she ran the last stretch to the area the it was in. She found herself breath from that short race, to her dismay. “O-oh, I don’t know what to watch,” she said, her face a bit flushed. “What kind of movies are you interested in?”

“I understand,” he assured her gently. “Don’t worry about stressing me out. I shouldn’t be here in the first place, so I’m not… Don’t be concerned about me.” 

Even though she’d just finished crying, she still looked like she held the weight of the world on her shoulders. It sounded tough, being in the spot she was, with everything sliding out of place at once, too fast for her to fix. 

He was familiar with it, but in a different way. When he’d gone to live with his fake parents, they treated him like he was someone else. They took him on road trips to see his not-grandparents, they brought him to the movies with Jean, or past his old high school. It was an effort to trigger something. They wanted back what he’d been before, but that boy was happily in his gave. It all fit Logan like a mouthful of vinegar, rubbing salt in him when all he wanted was to find Miss again. They threw him into therapy and prompted his old friends to text him. He wasn’t interested, and still wasn’t, but his only escape was nowhere to be found. Brielle was preferable to them.  

But, it was painful when the world soured into battery acid. He felt for her.   

“Hey, don’t say that. You just told me that the reason you feel so bad is because you give so much of yourself away to your patients. I’d say that’s pretty non-sucky stuff, wouldn’t you? And I bet your dog and colleagues and friends would agree with me.”

Lucy shrugged, shaking her head sadly. “It doesn’t make it any better, though,” she said, sounding simply hollow inside. She’d exasperated every shred of positivity she had and words could no longer help get her out of the rut she’d dug herself into. Everything Logan was trying to do to comfort her just didn’t change her mindset; she was past the point of believing her life was worth it to anyone. She wasn’t helping anyone anymore-- she’d become too gloomy and sarcastic to make anyone feel better. What kind of therapist was this far gone? Lucy was giving everything she had to her patients but that wasn’t much... It certainly wasn’t enough anymore. 

A sharp pain in her chest knocked the wind out of her momentarily, but it left within seconds. Lucy ignored it, though the thought of its cause and affects flit through her mind briefly. She didn’t care about the damage her disorder was doing on her body anymore. She’d learned to love the feeling of being sick and miserable and constantly exhausted in a twisted way. It meant she was winning. But what was she winning? That was the million dollar question. The cost of winning was her life... How was that a victory in her mind?

Lucy coughed and rubbed her chest as she tried to regain her breath. She hugged her knees and rested her chin on her knobby kneecaps, feeling very small suddenly. She felt like she wanted to go home, but home didn’t even sound comforting to her anymore. It was cold and lonely at home, except for Lena, her dog. Home meant there were no distractions from her thoughts, though. All she had the energy for was lying on the couch and watching movies but she’d found that lately she couldn’t even concentrate long enough to watch a move all the way through. Everything lost its appeal... 

“Yeah, it…. it isn’t always obvious,” The words had hit Aspen likely more than Lucy knew, and definitely more than what Aspen had expected. The girl was not one to share her personal problems with people… which is also partially why she was here in first place. Facades were her strong suit, that was for sure. “Oh, nothing, just that you don’t think whatever you have is contagious or anything,” she smiled.

“Right,” Lucy nodded, remembering. She sat back a little, resting her heavy head. “The flowers are beautiful, by the way... Thanks for bringing them. I’ll probably put them in my office later today if that’s alright with you. It’ll brighten up the room, I think. How are you liking the new facility so far?”

Lucy lifted the last box of books onto her desk, feeling a bit exhausted from packing all day. All of Serenity looked like her room did-- brown cardboard boxes stacked on top of each other. The walls were empty, and it made her a bit sad. A new facility would be a nice change, though. She didn’t have any appointments set up for that day, which was why she was surprised to hear a knock on her closed door. Lucy looked up and turned her head, then took a few long-legged strides to answer the door. Her eyebrows raised a bit when she opened the door to see her most stubborn patient. “Hazel, what a surprise to see you here.”

lucygriffithpsych:

“Ugh Dr. Seuss is going to pissed with me.” She said, sighing and taking off the cuff and rolling down her sleeve. “She said that my vitals need to improve or whatever before we can start to even discuss doing anything about discharge or a change in meal plan.” Hazel explained, “but im sure you know this.” Taking the thermometer, the brunette held her breath, waiting for the little monitor to beep which would allow her to breath normally again.

Originally posted by redbandsocietysource

Lucy nodded, her expression honest as to how she felt. “Well it isn’t unwarranted... She wants you gaining... Maintaining at a higher weight at the very least,” she sighed matter-of-factly. “Paying at least a little attention to your meal plan might help a little with that.” Lucy sniffled a bit and cleared her throat as Hazel fell silent with the thermometer in her mouth, also waiting for the anticipated beep. She took it back from Hazel and read the number, her eyebrows furrowing slightly at the sight. “A hundred-point-eight... That’s certainly not gonna help. Do you feel like you have a fever?”

“No, I suppose you’re fine.” She said, walking towards the closet-like room where there were chairs, a cabinet, a scale and a vitals machine. Walking over to one of the chairs, the brunette sat, rolling up her sleeve and waiting for Lucy to attach the little purple cuff to the monitor before attaching it to her arm. It was the smallest cuff. Hazel waited for Lucy to press whatever she needed to in order to have the cuff inflate and begin to doom her with her BP and pulse. The beeping of the vitals kart meant the part one was over, and that she would have to sit for a couple minutes before standing and having them taken again. The screen was angled away from her and so Hazel had no way of knowing what exactly the little purple cuff had just told the doctor in the room. All she could do was wait. “You don’t have a very good poker face, Luce. What is it?”

“What? I’m not making a face,” Lucy said, raising her eyebrow at Hazel. “I told you I wasn’t going to say anything.” She entered the numbers into Hazel’s chart, saying them in a quiet voice as she did so. “Ninety-six over fifty-one... and heart rate of fifty-four.” She looked up at Hazel with a blank expression. “There you have it. Oh, and temperature.” Lucy pulled out the handheld thermometer set and covered the metal stick with a new plastic cover. “Can you hold this under your tongue for a moment?”

“Not really. My head has been pounding since yesterday but whatever.” She said. At Lucy’s comment she rolled her eyes. Of course that was the only thing she cared about. Making sure she made it to lunch, despite the fact that the brunette was standing there telling her how sick she felt. “No. I only let Quinten take them without a fight and he hasnt been around lately so the nurses really havent been able to get any vitals taken on me.” She admitted shrugging a bit. She knew they would only make the situation worse.

Originally posted by eleanortheprincess

“As has mine,” Lucy sighed melodramatically. Not that she meant from restricting, specifically, since she was sick anyway. “Would you put up a fight if I took your vitals? Just for the records, I’m not gonna nag you about anything else. Besides, we should make sure you aren’t coming down with whatever I got,” she said gloomily. Lucy cleared her throat and gestured toward the door. “We should go do that.”

Hazel paused for a moment. It was a strange and definitely unexpected proposition. Could she actually do it? “I don’t know.” Her eyes fell to the floor. It was probably one of the only honest things the came out of the brunette mouth. Eating would mean gaining. Gaining would mean things she didn’t want to face. Her vitals were dangerously low. And her weight had dropped even more. If she didn’t start at least somewhat complying, they’d put a NG tube in. Decisions decisions.  “I don’t know if I can. Besides I don’t feel good right now, Lucy…”

Lucy raised her eyebrows and tilted her head. “Are you alright?” she asked in a mildly concerned tone, though she wasn’t entirely convinced. “Either way, you still have to have lunch,” Lucy said after a beat, giving her a look that said that Hazel should know better. She looked at her watch and sighed. Lunch was going to start being served soon so she didn’t want to let Hazel out of her sight yet. She didn’t exactly trust that Hazel would actually show up for lunch unless she made sure. “Look, lunch is soon but we have a few minutes. Did anyone take your vitals this morning?”