Lucy

"Hi dad how have you been? Sorry I haven't text much this week work has been crazy" I said 

"Y/n are you sat down?" My dad asked 

"Yeah why?" I questioned 

"God I don't even know how to say this, your mum passed away this afternoon" he said solemnly 

"What? How? I spoke to her yesterday, I text her this morning it's not possible" I rambled 

"I know I can't believe it either the hospital told me she had a heart attack they said she didn't suffer" he said 

I didn't know what to say. What is there to say. Of course I knew this day would come at some point but I didn't think it would be any time soon I'm only 22 and now I've got to navigate the rest of my life without my mum. She was supposed to be there for my wedding day to calm my nerves before walking down the aisle. She was supposed to be there to meet her grandchildren and be the voice of reason when taking care of a newborn got overwhelming. She was supposed to still be here. 

"I'm sorry sweetheart I know it's going to be tough I'm going to let you process this but you can text or call me anytime if you need to talk and I mean anytime I'm always on the other end of the phone" my dad said before hanging up 

Suddenly my appetite was gone, in fact I felt sick so my dinner went in the bin. It didn't take much longer for the tears to start and once they started I completely broke down. So many memories flashed through my mind, all the big moments in my life so far that my mum has been there for and now she's gone. Right now I don't even know how I'm going to get through the rest of the day let alone the rest of my life without her here or on the other end of the phone like she always is. I could see my phone lighting up across the room but that's the last thing on my mind it will only be my friends wanting to go out or Pedri checking in but I can't check it, I can't even bring myself to move. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Pedri's POV

"So what your plans for our days off?" Ferran asked me as we were walking out after winning our match 

"I don't know I'll probably try and take y/n to dinner she has been so patient with how busy the schedule has been recently I need to make it up to her" I said 

"Was she here today I didn't see her?" He asked 

"No she had a tough week at work I think she just needed to rest this weekend although I haven't heard from her at all I texted and called but she hasn't answered me but I'm sure she's fine" I said 

"You're worried about her aren't you I can see it on your face" Ferran said 

"Yeah I was going to go round hers on the way home just to check on her but I don't want to disturb her if she's just trying to disconnect for the weekend you know" I said 

"If it were me I'd just go round there make sure she's ok she'll be happy to see you either way I see how much you love each other" Ferran said 

"You're right" I said 

The whole drive all I could think about was the many things that could be wrong. It's stupid I know half of them are near impossible but I can't help but worry. She told me she was planning to have a relaxed weekend after working super hard for weeks but I would've thought that she would at least answer my texts, she always answers me within a few hours. For some reason I just have a bad feeling I can't shake. 

The drive to her place didn't take long but it sure felt like forever. Once it got there I rang the doorbell twice but she didn't answer so I used my key to let myself in. I didn't see her to start with but then I spotted her curled up on the sofa sobbing. Her hair was a mess, her face was red and her eyes were completely blood shot so she'd clearly been crying for a while. My feet moved me towards her while my brain was elsewhere but it caught up as soon as I sat next to her and pulled her into my arms. She held on incredibly tight and continued to sob into my shoulder. I've never seen her this upset ever, I have no idea what happened but I just wish I had been there when it did. 

"Tell me what happened amor" I said softly 

"My mu mum she she's dead" she stuttered 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry amor I'm sorry I haven't been here but I'm here now and I'm not leaving your side" I comforted 

Her words hit me like a truck. We grew up together back home I knew her mum well, we've always gotten along she's always baking delicious cakes and desserts when we are back home or when she comes to visit. Y/n has always been incredibly close with her mum especially since her parents split up they talk pretty much every day, she's always the first person she would go to when anything happened good or bad. I can't even begin to imagine how devastated she is I couldn't imagine living the rest of my life without my mum but that's her reality now. 

Your POV 

After ignoring everyone for days Pedri turned up I knew he would eventually. I should've just text him and told him to come over but I haven't looked at my phone since my dad called, I have barely moved since then. I've slept on the sofa and I haven't changed all; I've done is cry which isn't healthy I know but nothing about grief is healthy. Straight away he pulled me into his arms which somehow made everything just a tiny bit better. I cried in his arms for a while until he asked me what was wrong and I finally had to say the words, the words I'd not said out loud, the ones I didn't want to believe. Like I expected Pedri didn't know what to say, I mean what do you say when someone tells you their parent has just died. 

We sat there for a while in silence until Pedri got up to get me some water and a snack. I tried to push it away but he made me at least take a few bites and after barely eating the last few days I didn't realise how hungry I was. For the first time since Friday I stopped crying, I still felt the overwhelming sadness but the tears weren't flowing this time. I also checked my phone for the first time, I had messages from so many people back home family and friends sending their condolences and some messages from my dad with details of the funeral. It's all happening so quick I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye forever yet but I have to find a way to be ready. 

"The funeral is Tuesday I need to get a flight back home" I said thinking out loud 

"I'll come with you I have a few days off and I can get more time if I need to you don’t have to do this alone" Pedri said 

"You don't have to do that I'll be fine" I said knowing it wasn't true 

"I'm coming with you no matter what I want to be there for you and I want to attend the funeral I loved your mum too I want to say goodbye with you" he said 

"Thank you" I said 

"No need to thank me I'll sort it all out I'll book the flights and I'll call your boss to sort out some time off for you in the meantime try and get some sleep I'll be back in a bit" Pedri said excusing himself

~~~~~~~~~~

Stepping foot in my mum's house when we landed was hard. It's the house I grew up in with both my parents until they separated and my dad moved out but my mum stayed; she couldn't leave the memories behind. Now the place is mine, left to me by my mum. The first thing I thought about was selling it but I know my mum would want me to keep it so I'm going to do that for her. Pedri told me we could stay with his parents but I wanted to come here and see all the things that remind me of the good times, maybe that will make things hurt less. 

The place was exactly like I remember it all the family photos, the drawings I did as a child and my old room exactly where they have always been. There were a couple pictures on the wall in the living room that really took me back. The first was a family photo taken on my first day of school; I remember crying not wanting my parents to leave at first but by the time the day was over I didn't want to leave and that was just the start of my love of learning. The second was a picture of me and Pedri when we were little, he was teaching me how to kick a ball which I wasn't very good at while he could do all sorts of skills even at such a young age. The last picture was a new one I hadn't seen before from the last time we visited my mum. We had a beach day and the picture was one my mum must've take of Pedri and I cuddling sat on the sand as the sun began to set. 

It's crazy to see in a pictures how much and how little has changed at the same time. I'm still useless at football no matter how much Pedri has tried to teach me and he's obviously incredible he has me in awe every time I watch him play. That beach holds a lot of memories too we spent countless hours there over the years we had our first kiss there and it's where Pedri asked me to be his girlfriend just before he left for Barcelona. My mum saw how we grew up and how our relationship evolved into what it is now but she will have to watch from up above when hopefully one day we get engaged and married. 

It made me emotional all over again looking at all those old photos remembering the happier times. For the first time in days I felt a small smile spread cross my face. We walked around the whole house looking at everything; it was like digging up a time capsule especially when I looked through her wardrobe filled with memory boxes of stuff from my childhood. Then I found a box of diaries my mum wrote in throughout her entire life they had her life story including things she'd never told me before. I only read a few pages but I'm definitely going to take them home and read the rest, just reading those few pages made me feel like she was still here telling me stories. I think it will be comforting to read these when I miss her in the coming weeks and months. 

Pedri and I spent the rest of the day reminiscing as we looked through everything my mum has kept. We also went for a walk round her favourite places and went to dinner at her favourite restaurant to honour her in a small way before the funeral tomorrow. I also had to write my speech which I've been trying to do since we got on the plane this morning. There's so much I want to say but I don't know how to say it or where to start. In the end I had to give up nothing felt right when I wrote it down so I'm just going to have to wing it. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Unsurprisingly this morning has been tough I really didn't want to get ready because that meant it was time for the funeral and time to say goodbye. Pedri has been by my side all morning checking in on me to make sure I'm doing as well as I possibly could be considering the circumstances. Every time I got a little teary he was there to try and distract me and even make me laugh a little. He's been great throughout all of this he's listened to me when I'm breaking down, sat in silence with me when I needed it and comforted me when I needed to hear that life will go on. 

At the funeral everyone wanted to talk to me to share their stories or give their condolences. It took everything I had in me not to break down in tears as each person came over but having Pedri by my side made it bearable. He held my hand squeezing it when he could near my voice quivering and he took me to one side when he thought I needed a break which was much appreciated. That was all before the service even started and somehow that was the easy part. 

As soon as the service actually began the tears started streaming down my face. Pedri was in tears too which made me emotional for a whole different reason. He loved my mum nearly as much as me, they got along so well they would happily spend time together without me, talking for hours no doubt exchanging embarrassing stories about me. Especially since we started dating my parents have become a second family to him just like his have for me. Thinking about how he must be hurting too but held it together for me made it cut just that little bit deeper. I was still thinking about Pedri when my dad got up to make his speech which was really beautiful, definitely hard to follow but I had to. It was difficult but I got through my speech without overthinking too much I just tried to talk about the great thing my mum did for everyone in that room and how she'll be missed more than we could ever imagine. 

The rest of the service was a blur I don't even really remember how we made it to the wake but we did. By that point I just wanted to be left alone with Pedri, my social battery was completely drained, the energy to put on a fake smile was no longer there. To avoid all the interacting with other people I took Pedri outside to a quiet step where we could just sit. 

"Your speech was beautiful I'm so proud of you for getting up there I know it can't have been easy your mum would be proud too" Pedri said

"Thank you I'm just glad I didn't freeze up seeing as I had nothing planned" I said 

"I know things are still going to be tough for you but I'll be with you every step of the way anytime you need to talk or a shoulder to cry on I'll be there for you" he said 

"Thanks I don't know what I'd do without you" I said

"When we get home why don't you stay with me for a few weeks just so you don't have to be alone quite so much" Pedri suggested 

"As long as you are sure I don't want to get in your way" I said 

I wasn't able to be there for the rest of the World Cup but Ferran insisted that I had to be here for the final no matter what. He paid for my flight, my hotel, everything he just wanted me to be here for this moment win or lose he wanted us to experience it together. The whole match I felt sick with nerves every challenge had my heart in my mouth, every chance had me at the edge of my seat and every Argentina counter attack had me biting my nails. I've never been more stressed watching a match but seeing Ferran score made me forget all of the stress like it was nothing. 

After the match finished it felt like it took forever to get the presentation done but eventually they allowed family and friends onto the pitch. I let Ferran's family go and greet him first because they deserve to have their moment all together, plus I enjoyed taking it all in filming everything so I can always remember this moment. It wasn't long before I saw Ferran looking around for me for a few seconds before we made eye contact. He started running towards me with his arms wide open and I did the same until we met somewhere in the middle. He picked me up and span me round until we were both too dizzy to keep going. 

"I'm so proud of you that goal was incredible the whole country is going to love you forever" I said 

"I still can't believe it the whole thing doesn't feel real" he said 

"You better believe it, that was all you the hero of the nation" I said

"Thank you for being here I wouldn't want to do all this without you here winning wouldn't be the same" he said 

"I wouldn't want to miss it for the world but you are the reason I'm here I couldn't afford this trip without your help" I said 

"Best investment I've ever made" he joked 

"Come on let's celebrate" I said dragging him into the chaos in the middle of the pitch 

I took so many pictures of everything going on as well as with Ferran and with the trophy. The trophy was surprisingly heavy even thought it wasn't huge it weighed more than I thought it would. It felt surreal to get to hold the real World Cup trophy it's not something I ever thought I'd get to but here I am. Being best friends with a footballer really does have its perks and this is definitely one of them. Before leaving the pitch I did a whole lap of the pitch looking up at the stands and across from one goal to another trying to see what Ferran gets to see when he's down here playing. He joined me about halfway round walking with me in silence until we go back round to the tunnel. Before parting ways Ferran gave me his man of the match trophy name told me he wanted me to have it at least for now. I don't really know why he did it as I would’ve thought he’d want to keep it himself. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Getting back from New York to Madrid was crazy. Their airport was packed and flights were delayed but eventually the plane touched down on Spanish soil and the race to get to the celebrations began. First stop was the hotel because I can't bring my suitcase with me and I desperately need a shower after spending so long in an airport and on a plane. Ferran got me a room in the same hotel him and some of the other players will be staying in which is pretty close to where the bus parade ends and the presentation begins. 

The close proximity to where I needed to be was great until I had to walk half the way there because that's as close as the taxi could get with all the road closures. Eventually I made it to the hotel and jumped straight into the shower washing my hair as quick as possible. I didn't take much out to New York as I was only there a few days which was fine but now I have nothing to wear. I took out Ferran’s man of the match trophy and put it in the bedside table with a little smile on my face as I looked at it. Under it was a Spain shirt I didn’t wear so I quickly put that on and headed back out.  

I made it just in time for the start of the presentation. Every player was introduced one by one all getting a great reception, then it was time for Ferran. The noise from the crowd made me so proud to be friends with Ferran and have believed in him all this time even when others didn't. The second I saw him I could tell he'd drunk a little too much the look in his eyes gave it away straight away. I don't see him drunk very often in fact the only time I've seen him this drunk was after Man City won the league, his first ever league title as a professional. That time he FaceTimed me in the middle of the night jumping and dancing around showing me the trophy. This time I have no idea what he's going to do but I can only imagine it will be interesting. 

After the presentation finished and fans began to leave I stuck around waiting to see Ferran. Somehow he managed to sneak up on me scaring the life out of me to the point that I nearly punched him thinking he was some stranger. He apologised and slid his arms over my shoulders and leaning over to kiss my cheek. The next thing I knew he picked me up and took me over to the rest of the guys who were sat on the stage. He sat me on his lap and placed his arms around my waist like it was nothing, like he didn't have me thinking all sorts of things I shouldn't be thinking about my best friend. 

Ferran has always been physically affectionate he likes to give me hugs and he'll kiss my cheek. When we watch movies together we often sit right next to each other and Ferran will put his arm over my shoulders but that's as far as it ever goes. I should've known that he'd be a little more affectionate when he's drunk but I didn't expect him to be this clingy. The way his hands felt on my waist and the way he occasionally leant in to whisper in my ear made my cheeks the colour of the Spain shirt I had on. I also couldn't help but melt into his touch as he squeezed my hips without really thinking. 

I never wanted to be the person who fell for their best friend. I never really wanted to feed into the stereotype that women can't have guy friends without developing a crush on them but the way Ferran is touching me I can't stop my mind wandering. It's happened a couple times before but it was only for a few brief seconds, this time I can't seem to shake the thoughts. This time it's not just the thoughts, I can even feel the hairs on my arms standing up and electricity shooting up my spine. I keep trying to tell myself that he's only doing this because he's drunk but it doesn't stop my cheeks blushing or my heart racing. 

Even back at the hotel he wouldn't let me go he wanted to cuddle and watch our favourite show together as we haven't watched any while he's been away. Usually I wouldn't mind cuddling with him but tonight even having his arm around my shoulder had me as stiff as a board, I just couldn't relax. 

"What's wrong amorcito?" Ferran asked leaning right in 

"I'm fine just a little tired" I lied 

"Then settle in if you fall asleep I'll turn the tv off" he said encouraging me to lay my head on his chest 

I did just that hoping I could just fall asleep and forget about this whole day by the morning. Of course I couldn't sleep, one because my mind was racing and two because Ferran wouldn't stop talking. He gets very chatty when he drinks, usually he talks a whole lot of nonsense and that was no different today until he started saying things that weren't just nonsense. 

"You know amorcito I love you so much probably more than I should I just can't help it you always look so beautiful every time I see you all I can think about is how much I want to kiss you but I won't because I know I shouldn't just know I'm always thinking about it" he said like it was nothing 

"Your eyes are mesmerising I could spend hours lost in them, the way your nose scrunches up when you laugh makes my heart flutter and don’t even get me started on your laugh it sounds like music to my ears" he continued on 

Ferran went on to compliment basically everything about me until he finally fell asleep. I snuck out the room and back to my own with the intention of getting some sleep but after what just happened I couldn't. It was so hard not to interrupt Ferran's rambling to tell him I love him too but I couldn't not when he won't remember all the things he said. I'll remember every word he said for a long time and that's going to make my life hell for the next few months at least. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I don't think I slept even for a second at least it doesn't feel like I did. I laid there for a while staring at the trophy on my bedside table then I watched tv until the sun rose and lit up my room just enough that I'd never fall asleep. Still I didn't want to get up but a knock on my door made it so that I had to. Ferran was waiting the other side of the door with coffee and a pastry for me. Seeing him brought me right back to last night, it made a lump form in my throat that I couldn't seem to get rid of I matter how hard I tried to clear my throat. 

"I remember everything I said last night you know and I meant every word of it I love you way more than I should" Ferran said completely taking me by surprise 

"Really, you meant it?" I questioned 

"Of course I did you are the most beautiful woman in the world and every day I wish I could call you mine" he said 

"I wish you were mine too" I whispered scared to say it out loud 

"Then will you be mine?" He asked 

"I'd love nothing more" I smiled 

My nerves haven't shown much on the track somehow as I qualified 4th and I had good pace in practice but the race is a whole different story. I didn't sleep at all last night or at least it doesn't feel like it I've already consumed way more coffee than I usually would in a month but it hasn't even made a dent in the tiredness. Everyone has just left me to it this morning I didn't need to go to the morning briefing as the aims are pretty obvious and they wanted to give me space to get myself ready but space is honestly the last thing I need. 

I've been trying my best not to let the pressure get to me but it's next to impossible. There so many people out there willing me over the line which I appreciate but the expectation is crushing me. I know my dad is watching me back home and I know my mum is watching down on me both of them hoping I can achieve my lifelong dream. The whole team are also waiting to see if we can win the moto2 and 3 title in the same year which would be a real achievement for everyone but it all rests on my shoulders. And of course there's Pedro who is already planning for both of us go to the awards tonight as champions which I love the idea of but all of it is making this so much more stressful. 

I know I'm capable of winning the title I'm more than capable but all the pressure is making it feel like an impossible task. I just don't want to let anyone down, myself included, because I can't bear the disappointment. All I can think about is the looks on everyone's faces if I don't get that title and the way they'll try and tell me I did my best when I know that it will be my fault for not being ready for the race today. The million thoughts flowing through my brain quickly became too much to handle to the point that I couldn't breathe from the anxiety. I tried to control my breathing, but every time I tried to calm down things only got worse it felt like no air was getting into my lungs at all no matter how much I gasped. Just as I was thinking I was going to suffocate Pedro came into my trailer and immediately rushed to my side. He got me to breathe with him which slowly started to help regulate my breathing but then I couldn't stop myself from crying and once the tears were flowing they didn't stop. 

"Hey it's ok I'm right here" Pedro said as he rubbed my back trying to calm me down 

"I can't do it" I said 

"Can't do what?" He asked 

"I can't go out there I can't disappoint everyone what if I don't win the title I will have let everyone down" I rambled 

"No you won't, you've worked so hard this year I've seen the hours you've put in and so have the team and anyone else who's opinions matters I promise you. If you don't win the title we won't be disappointed we will all be so proud of everything you've achieved this year because even second in the world is a huge achievement" he said 

"How can you be so sure?" I asked 

"Because I know that's how I'd feel. I'm already so proud of you for everything you've done and I know your dad is too, and Aki is always singing your praises whenever he can not winning that title doesn't take any of that away I promise you" he said 

"How did you do it like how did you cope in Malaysia and when you won the moto3 title?" I asked 

"Honestly I didn't it's really tough there's a lot of pressure but somehow when you get on the bike you just forget about it all and I had the right people in my corner making sure I had everything else I needed to go out there and give it my all" he said 

"You've got this I've seen you out there this weekend just trust yourself and that title will be yours" he added 

"Thank you I think I'm ready to get this over with now" I laughed lightly 

"I'll be right there waiting for you in parc ferme when that title is yours now go show everyone what you can do" Pedro hyped me up

He gave me a tight hug and a quick kiss before leaving me to get my leathers on and show everyone what I've got just like Pedro said. As long as I give my all I'll know I did everything I could to win that title so if I didn't win it I'll have to find a way to be ok with that. 

Heading out on the grid the bike felt pretty good like always the team gave me everything I need to win. The grid is always busy but it gets even busier at the last race of the season when the title is still up for grabs so to keep myself calm I put my helmet on and closed my eyes. I couldn't hear all the noise and I couldn't see all the people it was just me and my bike which is all I need. The grid eventually cleared and it was time for the most important race of my career so far. 

Pedro's POV

Standing in the garage waiting for the race to start I felt sick from the nerves and I'm not even the one out there. I've never been this nervous to go out there myself but I know how much this means to Lily and how much pressure she is putting on herself and I want nothing more than for her to achieve this. I know she's really feeling the pressure but I know once the race starts she'll forget all about the title and let the adrenaline take over. 

As the lights went out everyone in the garage seemed to hold their breath. Lily didn't get a great start which I expected but she still held onto 7th and settled into the race. Every corner and every overtake only created more tension in the garage which is to be expected as moto3 can be crazy. Even I was holding my breath when certain riders were getting to close to Lily but she didn't seemed fazed at all she pushed on like she always would only fighting harder when someone made a harsh move on her. Watching her out there now had me thinking back to when we first met and her first race, she's come such a long way since, her confidence has grown exponentially and her race craft is incredible. The girl that spent hours trying to figure out how to do better or where she was going wrong is now out there fighting for a title and I'm so glad to have been able to be there for it all.

After a rough start she fought right back and was in second with a few laps to go. Second was more than good enough to win the title but still she kept fighting for the win. Everyone in the garage including me was almost begging her to slow down and settle for second but like the true racer she is second wasn't good enough when the win was within reach. The laps counted down with Lily still in second but then in the last corner she made her move which was flawless there was no way back past her even with the finish line approaching. Then she crossed the line winning the race and the title which had tears pricking at my eyes.

Lily's POV

The final corner on the final lap approached quickly and I knew I had to make my move so I did and to my surprise there was no back and forth I just had a straight line to the finish. Then it happened I did it I actually did it. It didn't feel real until I saw some of the team waiting for me with the celebrations they had planned that's when it sunk in I'm actually the champion. Putting on the t shirt the team had made and the gold helmet felt so surreal even though I watched Pedro do it just a few weeks ago I never really thought about getting to do it myself. There was a group of fans with flags with my number on so before I headed back to pit lane I ran over there and threw them my gloves which I know I'm not supposed to do but I don't really care. 

Back in parc ferme everyone was waiting for me all with huge smiles on their faces. Out of all the people there was only one I was looking for and he was right there front and centre holding his phone which had my dad on FaceTime. I've never heard cheers as loud as I did when I took my helmet off I felt like an a-list celebrity with all the attention. I spent some time thanking all my mechanics before I got to Pedro who handed me his phone. 

"Dad I did it I actually did it" I exclaimed 

"Of course you did I always knew you could do it I’m so incredibly proud of you I’m going to feel everyone I see on the streets how amazing you are" he laughed 

"Thank you for always believing in me I wouldn't be here without you" I said 

"Don't be silly I simply nudged you in the right direction this is all you so enjoy it every second of it" he said 

"I love you" I said 

"I love you too Lily" he said hanging up 

I gave Pedro his phone back and finally gave him the hug I knew he was waiting for. 

"You are amazing that race was amazing that was the best way to win a title" he said 

"It sure felt great but it doesn't feel real yet" I said 

"It's definitely real you are the moto3 world champion and no one can ever take that away from you" he said 

"We are both champions" I said 

"We are now go do your interview I'll see you when it's time to get ready for the awards" he smiled pushing me away lightly 

I did my interview but I really didn't know what to say there's way to many people to thank in just one interview and it still feels so surreal that I couldn't even tell you how I feel. Walking round the paddock between interviews so many fans were stopping me asking for pictures and signatures even other riders I've never spoken to were congratulating me. I knew winning the title would come with more attention but I didn't realise that suddenly everyone would know who I am and want to talk to me. 

During every interview and the press conference no one mentioned anything negative, there wasn't any questions about my ability or backhanded compliments just genuine praise and regular questions. I got to freely talk about everything it's taken to get here and finally thank everyone who has helped along the way in keeping me racing. All my media duties seemed to go on forever but for once I didn't mind as it was actually enjoyable but it did leave me very little time to get ready for the awards tonight. 

Just like he said he would be Pedro was waiting for me back at the hotel with my dress all ready to go. I'm not usually one to wear fancy dresses or dresses at all but this is a special occasion and I don't think jeans are really appropriate. I picked the dress out last week between the last race and this one but I refused to show Pedro just for a bit of fun. By the time I got out the shower he was already mostly ready so I worked quickly to get my hair and makeup done to the best of my abilities before it was time for me to finally put my dress on. I tried on loads of dresses a few of which I liked and then I tried this one and I was sold instantly. It's a beautiful red colour floor length dress with a slit up the leg which was just the right height to not make me feel uncomfortable all night. 

"Wow you look incredible that dress is perfect for you" Pedro complimented me

"Thank you as soon as I tried it on I knew it was perfect" I said 

"It is definitely perfect I'll be fighting everyone off all night" he said 

"I don't think that will be necessary I'll give them a look before it even gets that far" I joked 

"Now that's my girl" he laughed 

"Seriously though you look so beautiful I won't be able to keep my eyes off you" he said 

"I love this suit on you too you look so good" I said 

He smiled at me the shy smile he always does when I compliment him. In an attempt to hide the fact that he was blushing he leant in to kiss me but only on the cheek as he knows better than to ruin my lipstick. As much as we both wanted to stay in the hotel room in our own bubble for a bit longer we had to go so I put my heels on and we headed out to the car waiting for us. At first I was a bit worried what people would think if we turned up together but Pedro promised me that it would be fine as plenty of people arrive together and I trust him so I tried to stop thinking about it. Although the thought of someone asking us about it kept popping up in my mind. 

When we arrived I was surprised at how many people and cameras there were. I watched someone else walk down the red carpet, which already seemed way too much, and all I could see was flashes from cameras. When I got into this sport I never thought it would lead to me walking down a red carpet at a fancy venue in a floor length dress they just seem so juxtaposed but here we are. Our car soon stopped right at the top of the red carpet where someone was waiting to open the door for us. Pedro got out first and offered me his hand to help me out which was for the best as I'm not the most steady on my feet in these heels. It also gave me time to take a deep breath to try and calm my nerves a little. 

The director at the end of the carpet sent me down by myself first without Pedro. I had no idea what to do with myself, my hands felt out of place no matter what I did and my smile felt so forced but I didn't know what else to do. Actually inside the building there was even more people and I was told to stand in front of this background and pose for pictures which was so incredibly awkward. Luckily Pedro quickly joined me which made me feel a lot less uncomfortable as I can just copy what he does as he's done all this before. We were both then taken to do an interview which is slightly more in my comfort zone. 

"Here we have the moto2 and 3 world champions it's good to see you guys how are you doing" the interviewer said 

"We're doing good happy to be here" Pedro answered 

"Lily you obviously won the title today earlier you said it hasn't sunk in has it begun to sink in now?" The interviewer asked 

"Sort of it's still strange hearing people call me a world champion but I'm sure I'll get used to it" I replied 

"You two are clearly very close we always see you celebrating each other's wins are you just friends or something more?" We were asked 

"Oh no nothing more just friends we spend a lot of time together so we are just really close" Pedro said 

"Pedro was the first person I met when I first started out here and we've been friends ever since seeing as I live over here by myself we spend plenty of time together outside of racing too so we probably seem closer than just teammates because we are friends outside racing too" I added 

"So we won't be seeing you two as a couple any time soon?" The interviewer pushed 

"No you won't" Pedro said firmly 

With that we were let go from that interview only to be pulled into another and another who all asked similar questions about our relationship but they all got the same answer, the same lie. I always feel bad lying to so many people but Pedro just does it like it's nothing. I guess it's just part of it all sometimes there are things the team don't want said but the media still ask so you lie and then there's questions about contracts which you also have to lie about. I've never been a good liar but I guess I'll have to learn to be as good at it as Pedro. 

Eventually the actual award show began with a whole long winded introduction but then it was time for me to collect my medal. It was cold and much heavier than I expected but I loved the feeling of it round my neck it was like a symbol of success one that I will treasure forever. In the crowd I could see Pedro sneaking pictures like a proud parent which nearly made me laugh but I held it in until I was off the stage. Then it was Pedro's turn and of course I had to do the same I couldn't miss my chance to add these pictures to my ever growing album of photos of Pedro. 

It's not been Pedro's best weekend he qualified 6th which definitely isn't bad but I know he wanted to be further up the grid. My results have suffered this weekend as I've been so worried about Pedro and how he'll manage the pressure and expectation, but he's been completely relaxed acting like this isn't one of the most important races of his career. I know he's been in this position before and he struggled then so I didn't expect him to completely break down but I expected a few more nerves than he's shown so far. 

Last night Pedro and I slept separately for the first time on a race weekend in a long time because I wanted to make sure Pedro got a good nights sleep and if he wanted to get up early to prepare he could so without waking me. My morning was the same as it always is on race day I got up and got ready then went to leave for the track only to have a heart attack when I saw Pedro stood outside my door. As I recovered from the shock I could see that Pedro was finally feeling the weight of the situation. He was much more quiet and reserved than he usually is which was a dead give away to what was going through his mind but I could also see it in his eyes they just didn't have their usual spark. 

Pedro isn't one to talk too much about his feelings which I've been trying to help him change but today isn't a day to push him too much. Instead I grabbed his hand and distracted him by talking about anything other than racing. There isn't much else to talk about though as neither of us have much of a life outside of racing at least not separately we spend most of our days together doing the same things and watching the same shows. The only thing I could think to talk about was football because I love it so I watched a match before I went to bed last night so even though Pedro hates football I rambled on about anything I could think of to distract him. 

By some miracle I waffled on until we got to the track when we had to go our separate ways as we both have meetings with our teams then I have to race. My mind has been so focused on Pedro that I kind of forgot I also have a race today which really isn't great as every point counts at this point in the season especially when it's so close in the championship. I really need to get my head in the game though not just for me but for Pedro too because I know he'll be watching me out there intently. If I go out there and do well it will help Pedro forget about how important his race is and if I can do that for him I will try my best. 

It was an extremely tough race the tyre wear was insane and it's so incredibly hot but I survived and managed to get on the podium which the team were happy with as it keeps me in front in the championship but I thought I could've done better. That's not really important at the moment though all I care about is Pedro and making sure he's ready to get out there. I know I'm going to be late to the press conference if I stay to make sure Pedro is ok but I don't really care sometimes other things are more important. The podium seemed to go on forever but eventually I was allowed to go and head back to the garage to drop off my trophy and my helmet. As I ran down pit lane all the moto2 teams were getting their bikes out and ready to be taken to the grid so my jog turned into a sprint but I made it before Pedro headed out. 

"How are you feeling?" I asked 

"Nervous" he replied 

"You've got this you've been in this situation before and you did it this time is no different but remember if it doesn't work out for whatever reason then you've got more chances to win the title" I said 

"I know it just doesn't feel that way right now" he said 

"I know the feeling but I promise nothing changed if you don't win today I will still be incredibly proud of you" I said 

"Will you watch the race I'll feel better knowing you are here watching" he asked 

"Of course I will be now go and there and kill it" I said 

He put his helmet on and I gave him one last hug before he disappeared off down pit lane leaving me with a dilemma. I know I should be doing my media and going to the press conference but I promised Pedro that I would stay and I really want to watch him win the title because I know he'll do it today. I wasn't sure what to do until I saw Aki walk in and I thought I had to at least ask if there was any way for me to stay and watch. 

"Aki is there any way we can push my media so I can watch the race I promised Pedro I would and I don't want to let him down" I asked

"If you give us a quick statement we can cancel all your media commitments" Aki said 

"Thank you so much" I said 

"No need to thank me I know Pedro has been worried that you wouldn't be able to celebrate with him if he wins the title but I won’t let that happen" Aki added 

"Thank you Aki I know Pedro will thank you too after the race" I said 

He gave me a pat on the back and left to go on the grid while I sat in Pedro's chair and settled in for the race. Pedro had a little shark plush on the shelf with his spare helmet which I picked up to help calm me down because I have to have something to play with when I'm nervous. As the race began I could barely watch even though I know Pedro knows what he's doing but I couldn't help myself. Every overtake caused me unbelievable amounts of stress I quickly curled up into a ball and started biting my nails which I haven't done in years but that was the least of my worries. There was no need to worry that much though as Pedro was just fine out there sitting in second way off the win but 2 seconds from third and way in front of Tony who was struggling out there. Still I couldn't bring myself to get excited even on the last lap as I know anything can happen out there but as the last few corners came up I started to relax a little. 

As Pedro crossed the line everyone in the garage erupted into cheers me included. This win means so much to everyone in the team who has worked so hard to help Pedro get to this point. Aki congratulated everyone before we all headed to parc ferme to congratulate the new champion. When Pedro took off his new gold helmet he was all smiles which was so nice to see after seeing him so nervous all morning. I let him talk to the team first before it was my turn to give him the tightest hug I could. I would love to kiss him instead but we are still keeping our relationship a secret so I couldn't as much as it was all I could think about. I was able to whisper in his ear how proud I am and how much I love him but it wasn't quite the same. 

Seeing Pedro up there as the moto2 world champion and soon to be motogp rider made me realise that in the next two races that could be me winning my first title in the world championship which is a nerve wracking thought but that's for another day. Being the new champion Pedro had to go straight to a press conference leaving me with a lot of time to kill before I can have my boyfriend back. To kill some time I looked at all the tweets and edits on TikTok of Pedro which were all so sweet and I wish I could like them all but that would look a little suspicious so I didn't. Eventually Pedro appeared at my trailer door with his bottle of champagne and his new helmet. 

"Mi campeón winning looks good on you" I teased 

"Thank you I can't wait to see you do the same soon" he said 

"I hope so it's super close though" I said 

"Forget about that for now I want to celebrate do you have any glasses in here?" He asked 

"I have a couple mugs somewhere I think" I said 

"That will do we've got a bottle of champagne to finish" he said 

We drank some of the champagne before heading back to the hotel where there was more champagne waiting as well as a card and some chocolates from the hotel staff. We had a lot of fun celebrating, eating, drinking and taking lots of silly pictures and videos which can never see the light of day but we will look back on them fondly. I did let Pedro post one we took in my trailer of me in his gold helmet because it was just a normal picture plus we do post together sometimes when we train together so I told myself it's ok that people see we are friends. 

After my press conference I went with the team's media person to the interview which was set up a lot more formally than I thought it would be. There was a chair set up in front of a black screen with loads of lights pointing at it like an interrogation, but it looks professional so that must be what they are going for. I tried to introduce myself to the interviewer but he kind of ignored me and only gave short answers so I just took my place on the chair instead.

"So Lily the first thing we have to ask is what do you think about the people who say that girls aren't cut out for racing?" The interviewer asked 

"I would say that's not true I like to think that I'm a good example of that girls are just as capable if they work hard and ignore the people who don't believe in them" I answered 

"Do you not think there's any truth in the idea that girls are weaker physically and mentally?" He asked 

"No I don't if you are quick then the physical strength doesn't matter as much and in terms of mental strength to be a girl doing any form of competitive racing you have to be tough so no I don't think that's true at all" I said 

"We've seen you act more emotionally at results than other riders is that not part of that?" He questioned 

"I'm just one person I don't represent every girl but also I choose to show that side of things more because I like to show that side of racing but others don't like to show that and that's ok" I replied 

"You don't really think you can win titles or make it to motogp though do you?" He asked 

"I believe I can but I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion" I said trying my best to remain professional 

"Now we want to ask you about your family you've said before that they don't come to races anymore is this because they don’t agree with you still racing?" He asked 

"No that's not true my family support everything I do" I answered gritting my teeth slightly 

"What about your mum we've never seen her come to a race of yours is there a reason for that?" He asked 

"I won't be talking about that anything to do with my family that is personal so I won't answer anymore questions about it" I said maybe slightly rudely but this guy was really starting to bug me 

"The last thing I wanted to ask you about is the rumours about who you are dating we know you are close with Pedro Acosta, you are also close with some of the other riders too is there any truth to these rumours?" He asked 

"No there isn't" I replied bluntly 

"Do you think these rumours hinder your career as people wonder if you are just trying to get attention or if you are trying to sleep with people to make it to the top?" He asked trying to completely assassinate my character 

"I'm sorry but I'm ending this interview now I won't answer anymore questions but for the record I'm not sleeping with anyone to get anything" I said getting up and leaving my mic on the seat 

I felt rather dramatic storming out like that but I had to do it because I knew if I didn't I'd either say something I'd regret or burst into tears. Currently I feel like it's going to be the latter as I can feel the tears brimming in my eyes even just thinking about the horrible things I was just asked. After leaving like that I didn't want to go back to the garage and face the team for the scolding I'm sure I'll get, so instead I ran to the one place I knew I'd be understood, Pedro's motorhome. I knew he'd be there as he was going to meet me there after my interview so I ran straight there not caring who might see me. I didn't knock I just burst through the door just as the tears started to uncontrollably stream out my eyes. Pedro heard me enter and looked up from his phone which he quickly dropped and wrapped his arms around me to pull me in close. 

"Hey it's ok let's just breathe for a second" he said trying to stop me hyperventilating 

"It's ok I’ve got you you're safe with me" he repeated over and over until I started to calm down 

"Some people are so horrible" I managed to say 

"Whoever hurt you I'll make sure they regret it, what happened?" He asked 

"The interview I was really excited for the guy was so mean he asked me if I thought I was weaker than everyone else, he asked about my dad and my mum not coming to races and he basically called me a slut and implied I slept with loads of people to make it this far then I just left so I'm going to be in trouble" I rambled 

"Woah thats not ok, he should never have asked any of that and you are not a slut or anything else that was implied, he just wanted to get a rise out of you or a headline but I promise no one else here thinks of you that way" he said 

"Also I'm sure you won't be in trouble you were being repeatedly disrespected no one would expect you to stay and just take it" he added 

"I got a bit snappy before I ended the interview which I knew I shouldn't have" I said 

"This is not your fault and it will never be your fault no matter what you did or said, anyone who says otherwise send them my way and I'll set them straight" he said 

"You are too good to me" I laughed 

"Always, anything for you" he said completely seriously 

He wiped the tears from my face and cleaned the mascara from around my eyes which I put on especially for this interview. He then found me a water bottle and a random granola bar he had to stop me feeling awful later from all the crying. Once I was feeling better he offered to come with me back to the garage to talk to the team but I told him that I would be ok although he insisted on walking me there. As promised Pedro walked me to the back of the garage I wanted to kiss him so bad and I could tell he felt the same but of course we couldn't so instead he gave me a long hug and said he'd find me later. 

Everyone in the garage looked at me as I walked in which made me want to cry all over again but I stayed strong and quickly found my seat by my crew chief to talk about the plan for this weekend. Still no one said anything while I just hoped that the earth would swallow me whole until Aki came in and walked toward me. To my surprise he came and gave me a hug which was the last thing I expected but it was actually really nice it made me feel a whole lot less nervous. Aki then took me to his office in the hospitality building where the media person was waiting. They quickly apologised for everything and promised me that nothing like that would ever happen again. They went on to explain that they told the interviewer that he wasn't allowed to ask any of those questions before I even arrived for the interview, but he just didn't listen so they were just as blindsided as me which is why one one else stepped in to stop the interview. I was also promised that the interview would never see the light of day which was such a relief. 

After a longer conversation about what can be done to stop this ever happening again I was finally able to go and talk with my crew chief. I was there no more than 10 minutes before Pedro came into the garage. He stayed the whole time I was planning with my crew chief occasionally piping up with advice but mostly just sitting quietly waiting for me to be done. Once I was and everyone was out of the way he grabbed hold of my hand while giving me a look which I knew meant he wanted to know if I was ok. After I reassured him everything was ok we got ready to finally leave the track but first we almost bumped into Aki as we left the garage. I have never let go of something as quickly as I let go of Pedro's hand in that moment hoping that Aki didn't see and wouldn't notice the heat rising to my cheeks from the awkwardness of the moment. 

"Are you doing ok Lily?" Aki asked 

"Y-yeah I'm o-ok" I stuttered 

"Good make sure you take care of her tonight Pedro it's been a rough day today" Aki said 

"I will" Pedro replied 

"Enjoy your evening and get ready to show them out on track tomorrow" Aki said 

"Always" I replied 

With that Aki left leaving Pedro and I trying to calm ourselves down after so nearly getting caught. We really should probably tell Aki at the very least but I'm so terrified that we will both be punished as I know we aren't supposed to date and I can't let that happen to Pedro and potentially jeopardise his chances of getting a MotoGP seat. It will affect my chances of continuing with the team too which has been in the back of my mind since Pedro and I became official but I've tried to ignore it until now. 

"He definitely suspects something" I said 

"I know I've seen the questioning looks he gives us whenever we are talking but until we are ready we don't have to say anything" Pedro said 

"I know I just don't want him to catch us we need to say something before that happens" I said 

"And we will just not this weekend you've been through enough already we can worry about this another time" he said

"You're right I'm exhausted already and it's only Thursday" I laughed 

"Let's get some rest then" Pedro suggested 

~~~~~~~~~~

After the events of media day I made sure I focused solely on my racing and setting myself up as best as I can for the race. I've spent less time with Pedro but he understood that I needed to focus on myself to prove that I'm more than the things I was reduced to in that interview. I know I shouldn't let it affect me especially as that interview will never see the light of day, but I feel the need to show everyone else what I can do so that they don't start to believe those things. 

With all the effort I put in this weekend I knew I had a good chance at getting the win and I did. It wasn't easy there was a big group but I had my strategy just right and was rewarded for it. Usually I would try and find time to see Pedro after I win but I didn't have time right after the race and then I decided to call my dad as I haven't called him all weekend. Like always he had watched the race and was proud of me. Hearing him say that took me right back to when I was little and he used to tell me after every race, no matter the result, that he couldn't be prouder of me. In that moment I realised that he did that so that I would grow up believing in myself no matter what. Of course things aren't that simple but to this point I haven't believed in myself enough I've cared too much about what others have to say and I need to change that. 

I spent ages catching up with my dad telling him all about the weekend before he told me that I should go and enjoy my win so I did. To celebrate properly I knew I had to go and find Pedro who finished 2nd in his race. I had no idea where he would be and he didn't answer my text so I went looking for him which was easier than expected as he was just walking through the paddock in his own world. He wasn't paying attention so I took my chance to jump on his back which scared the life out of him to the point he nearly dropped me until he realised it wasn’t a stranger. 

"Well hi there you seem happy" Pedro commented 

"I am it felt good to win after everything that happened this week and I got to talk to my dad who made me realise I need to care less about what others think so here I am carefree" I said 

"It's good to see your beautiful smile again I've missed the way you light up every room you're in" he said 

"That's not true" I said 

"It is you probably haven't noticed it but this weekend while you've been so in your own head about everything your entire team has been less cheerful than usual because you bring the energy to the team" he explained 

"Really?" I asked 

"Yeah you somehow manage to brighten everyone's day and that's one of the many reasons I love you" he said 

The words left his mouth so casually but they hit me like a truck. We've not said I love you before so I wasn't expecting to hear it at all. For the last few weeks I have been thinking that I love Pedro because I always catch myself getting excited to see him or smiling at the texts he sends me but I haven't wanted to say anything in case it was too soon. The way he said it so casually threw me off too like it's something that's been on the tip of his tongue for weeks and it just slipped out like it was nothing. 

"You love me" I questioned 

"I actually said that out loud didn't I" he said 

"Yeah you did" I laughed 

"Since it's out there yeah I do love you I have done for a while you are the best thing that has happened to me" he said 

"I love you too" I said slightly nervously 

He smiled and pulled me in for a quick kiss completely forgetting that we were stood out in the open in the middle of the paddock. We were very lucky that no one seemed to notice but just to be sure we put a bit of distance between us so we looked less suspicious. Both of us were starving as we hadn't eaten lunch yet and all I wanted was a bowl of pasta so the hospitality was our next stop. I've never devoured anything that quickly but I was just that hungry and the pasta was that good. Then we just sat and talked like we usually do about nothing in particular, I honestly think if you gave us long enough we could solve some of the secrets of the universe but someone always interrupts us, today it was Aki. 

"Just the people I've been looking for" Aki said approaching us 

"What can we do for you?" I asked 

"I have just one question, is there something going on with you two?" He asked completely out of the blue 

"Um we um" I stuttered 

"Don't worry I'm not going to be mad I just want to know" he reassured 

"Yeah we've been together for a few months now actually" Pedro answered somewhat reluctantly 

"I'm sorry we didn't say anything we just wanted to keep things to ourselves to avoid any judgment" I explained 

"That's ok I understand as long as you two are happy then that's all that matters and if you ever need help with keeping things under wraps come to me I'll do my best" Aki said 

"Thank you Aki" I said while Pedro nodded 

"That is not how I expected that to go" I said once Aki was out of earshot 

"Me either but it's kind of a relief that someone here knows at least we have someone we can go to" Pedro said and I agreed 

So far it's been working pretty well but it is only been two days. We still sit and go over data together, we eat lunch together, then when we get back to the hotel we get to cuddle up in bed together and do whatever we want. We always wake up next to each other and then I sneak back to my room to get ready so no one suspects anything. Today is race day though so things will be different, we each have our own races to prepare for and race day always comes with an unpredictable schedule. Like the last few days I woke up next to Pedro who was already awake and scrolling through his phone. Once he noticed I was awake he put his phone down and rolled over to give me a few kisses before I had to leave. 

We arrived separately to the track and then I had to head to a team meeting and get myself ready for the race. It was all quite chaotic so I was feeling really tense on the grid I tried all the techniques I learnt to supposedly relax me but none of it seemed to help. My shoulders were still tense and I just felt like I wasn't ready which isn't ideal when the race starts in less than 5 minutes. Then my knight in shining armour appeared, Pedro came out onto the grid, even just seeing him made me relax a bit. He made sure that I was feeling calmer then before he left he reminded me that I can do it and I believed him because I know he wouldn't lie to me. 

The race went way better than expected I got away well and took the lead from the first corner and never looked back. By the end of the race I had a 2 second lead on the rest of the group giving me my first win of the season. Like always Pedro was waiting in parc ferme with the rest of my team he gave me a quick hug but that was it. He had a cheeky smirk on his face which I know is because he's thinking about how great he did at making it seem like he's just my friend. Then it was my turn I gave Pedro a pep talk before his race and before I did my media, which is where I watched Pedro win and where I sprinted from to make it to see him before the podium. I did the exact same thing he did for me I gave him a quick hug and tried to replicate the smirk he gave me but I don't think it had quite the same effect as he just laughed at me. 

While the MotoGP race was on I was wandering the paddock in my own world thinking about the race and the year ahead. I was having a great time just walking around until I felt a hand on my arm and someone pulled me in between some of the trucks. Next thing I knew Pedro's face was just a few inches from mine as his arms slid around my waist to pull me in even closer if it's even possible. I took a quick look around before closing the gap between us and kissing him, he didn't think even for a second before kissing me back. One quick kiss turned into a short make out session before I realised anyone could looked around the corner and see us so I forced myself to pull away even though it's the last thing I want to do. He gave me one last quick kiss before we both went separate ways as not to be too suspicious. 

~~~~~~~~~~

After the first race in Portugal I was really feeling confident going into Argentina until race day came and the track was soaking wet. I've raced in the rain before but I've never been very good I never know when to push and when to be more cautious especially round tracks I'm not familiar with, and this is definitely one of those. I spent all morning watching the rain from the garage hoping for some sort of miracle that would stop the rain and dry the track before the race. Of course that didn't happen and I had to go out there in the wet. Just walking across the pit lane felt slippery let alone taking a bike around a track at far too many miles an hour. Usually I stay on the grid after the formation lap but I wanted to get out the rain this time so I ran back to the garage to find Pedro waiting for me. 

"I would love to offer you some advice but I'm not great in the rain either, the only thing I can tell you is to just be calm. You can do it if you just focus on your own race, some people will try and go quick off the start but they will crash and some will be too careful you just need to do what feels right" Pedro encouraged me 

"But what if I'm too slow" I said 

"You won't be just trust yourself you're good enough to not fall into the at trap you've got this" he said 

"Just promise me you won't be disappointed if I crash" I said 

"I will never be disappointed in you no matter what now go kill it out there" he smiled 

I got on the bike feeling a little scared but replaying Pedro's words in my head helped a little. The warm up lap was sketchy to say the least I was sliding in every corner but I realised that at a faster pace it would probably be ok. Off the start a few people did go off ahead but Pedro was right, one by one they all crashed as others struggled and kept dropping back while I found my pace and just stuck to it. It worked out well for me as I felt pretty comfortable while others were struggling and I ended up with my first ever win in the wet. 

Pedro had to race in rain too so I tried to tell him what it was like out there which turns were the worst and which turns were still somewhat ok. Of course things are different for the moto2 bike but I tried my very best to give him all the advice I could think of so that we can both hopefully win in the wet. There wasn't quite as many journalists that made the trip out to Argentina so I was done in time to watch most of the moto2 race but it wasn't going too well for Pedro he was really struggling down in 12th. The team said he didn't get a good start at all and dropped right back but had worked his way back up to 12th which is where he eventually finished the race. 

I know for a fact Pedro will be annoyed at himself for not doing better because we've both been practicing riding in the wet when possible. I also know that the fact that I won won't make him feel any better, he'll be happy for me because he always is when I achieve something, but the fact that he couldn't do the same will definitely be hurting him. For that reason I left him alone for a while just to think because that's what I would want if things were flipped. Eventually there came a time that I couldn't bare to sit and think about how Pedro may be feeling any longer I had to go and find him. 

I assumed that Pedro would be sat in his motorhome so I made my way there and snuck up to the door when no one was looking. Usually I would knock but I didn't want anyone to see me so just went straight in as the door was unlocked. The room was a mess Pedro's boots, gloves and leathers were all left on the floor which I imagine was done in frustration. Then there was Pedro sat on the bench with his head in his hands still with wet hair from the rain. The image was so sad to see; Pedro has been there for me since we have known each other making sure I know that I deserve to be here and that I'm good enough but now he's the one that's not believing that himself. 

He clearly didn't hear me come in as he didn't look up until I sat on the floor in front of him and took hold of his wrists to get his hands out his face. His eyes were red and puffy and he still had tears in his eyes which completely broke my heart. I never like to see anyone cry especially someone who means so much to me. 

"Talk to me tell me what's on your mind" I said 

"How did you do it?" He asked 

"Do what?" I asked back 

"Win in the wet I thought I'd made good progress with our training I thought I could do it but I just felt so uncomfortable in every corner" he said 

"I did it because you believed in me and made me believe in myself. I also practiced when I was back home too I was out there every day even just riding down the street to get used to having less grip. You will get there I promise" I said 

"But people expect more of me" he said

"You don't have to be perfect Pedro, everyone has a weakness but you just have to keep working to make sure that even your weak point is better that others strong points. It just takes time, we are both young still we have plenty of time to get better" I said 

"You really believe that?" He asked 

"Of course I do I'm not perfect either but I want to keep working to reach my full potential, plus one race doesn't define you next time there's a wet race you can go out there and show people that you've improved. Use this as motivation not a reason to best yourself up" I said 

"Thank you I needed to hear that" he said 

"Of course I'll be here any time you need someone to tell you how amazing you are because you really are the best rider and nicest person I know" I said 

He didn't respond he just pulled me up from the floor to sit in his lap and kissed me. His hands quickly traveled from my waist down to my ass while my hands went into his hair. I probably should've stopped him before it got to that point but I was enjoying myself too much plus it's a good way to release stress and we've both had a stressful day. We were enjoying ourselves so much that we almost didn't hear the knock on the door until it was too late. I've never moved as quickly as I did when I heard the door opening, somehow I managed to get to a reasonable distance away and adjust my top that had ridden up slightly just in time. 

Just as I said that my alarm to remind me to take my birth control went off. Pedri turned it off with a smirk on his face as he went to find the pills and throw them away. Next thing I knew he was carrying me upstairs to our bedroom to get a start on trying even though we both knew my birth control would still be in my system but it doesn't hurt to get some practice in. 

~~~~~~~~~~

No pressure. That's what we said when we started this whole journey but the more months that went by the more the pressure started to settle in. After three months of trying neither of us were too bothered about not seeing a positive test. After six months I started to worry that we were doing something wrong but Pedri reassured me that our time will come. After nine months even Pedri started to worry a little but he tried his best not to show it even though I could see right through it. A year passed by and still no positive test or even any real symptoms my period was like clock work every month. Then two years came and went and still nothing changed. 

Once we hit the year mark we took things more seriously. Every month I took ovulation tests and I tracked everything meticulously thinking it would help. We tried everything anyone had ever recommended from medications to acupuncture anything that could help fertility we tried it. Then as we hit two years we both went to the doctors to get tests done to see if there was anything medically wrong but according to the doctors there isn't any reason we can't conceive. All they recommended was to keep trying or to do ivf which is what we were both dreading hearing. 

I cried for hours after that appointment. In the two years we spent trying so many of ours friends had babies if not multiple which only ever drove the knife further into my chest. I wondered why we couldn't have the same what had we done to deserve the misery of the last two years. I know Pedri thought about it too but he did his best to be my rock throughout everything he knew that for every months that went by I thought less of myself and he did his best to stop that. Pedri cried too when we were told there was nothing wrong he tried hiding it but I could feel his tears in my hair as he held me tight for the rest of that awful day. 

This situation would test any relationship and I've read many stories about couples who broke up or divorced over it but Pedri and I have stayed strong throughout it all. There's definitely been hard days but we've always made sure to keep talking to each other and just being honest about how we feel. Pedri held me when I cried after seeing yet another negative test and I supported him whenever things got to him even when he tried not to show it. We've both dealt with it in different ways but we've been through it all together. 

I didn't want to think about ivf at the time because in my mind that meant failure so we agreed to try for another six months and then we'd revisit ivf. Well those six months went like all the others of course so today we have an appointment to start the process. I've had the time to mourn the fact that we just can't seem to conceive naturally and now I just want us to be able to start a family like everyone else we know. Part of me is excited that the pressure is off and it will be down to science now not us. 

Pedri picked me up after he finished training and we went straight to the doctor's office which was filled with pregnant women and their partners as well as people with newborn babies which stung a little. Once we filled out all the paperwork we were taken into a room where they drew my blood for some tests then we just had to wait. Pedri never let go of my hand the entire time we waited, he played with my rings the entire time too which is his way of calming his nerves. It felt like we were waiting in there forever but eventually a doctor came back in with  smile on her face which felt a little misplaced in this situation. 

"Sorry that took so long we had to run some tests a couple times to check the result but I'm happy to able to tell you that you're pregnant" the doctor said 

"Wait I'm pregnant I can't be I took a test a few days ago and it was negative" I said 

"You are definitely pregnant your hgc levels are through the roof so congratulations, on your way out you should set an appointment for your first ultrasound in a few weeks" the doctor said leaving us to process the news 

"It's finally happening" I said 

"We're going to be parents" Pedri stated 

"How typical that we find out I'm pregnant just as we finally give up trying" I laughed through the happy tears 

"This baby is already trouble and they're not even here yet" Pedri joked

"I can't wait to meet them" I smiled 

"Me too" Pedri said 

~~~~~~~~~~

The first few days I almost couldn't believe that I was actually pregnant it then it became hard not to notice. The nausea hit me like a truck along with the tiredness but I wouldn't change it for the world we've waited so long for this I'd take much worse if it meant we have a healthy baby. Don't get me wrong I've not been having a good time I've spent most of my time laying in bed or on the sofa but it's all becomes worth it when I look at my tiny little bump. According to the dates I worked out I should be about 10 weeks and I’ve already got a small bump which I wasn't expecting but it's definitely there. 

Today is our first ultrasound. It was supposed to be at around 8 weeks but Pedri had so many games that we couldn't find a time we could both go together until now. There's no training today so we had the whole day to think about the ultrasound. Pedri couldn't wait he wanted to see our baby for the first time but I worried that we'd get there and they'd tell us that something is wrong or that somehow I'd never been pregnant in the first place. It's stupid really there's no way I could be this sick if I wasn't pregnant and I've taken my own tests since the one they did at the doctors all of which have been positive it just doesn't quite feel real. 

Being back at the doctors felt different this time seeing the people with their babies didn't hurt like it did last time instead I was able to picture that being us in just a few months. The tiny baby in a car seat fast asleep, that will be us after all this time. Even the other heavily pregnant women had me picturing myself at 7 or 8 months pregnant probably incredibly uncomfortable eagerly awaiting our bundle of joy. 

It wasn't long before we were called in and they started the ultrasound. The doctor moved the wand over my stomach a couple of times before going back and forth and looking at the screen intently. Immediately my heart rate jumped to a million miles an hour I thought something was wrong, like really wrong. Pedri must've thought the same as he held my hand a little tighter but at the same time we both relaxed as we looked at the doctor who didn't seem concerned at all in fact she had a small smile on her face. 

"From your chart I read that you'd been struggling to conceive is that correct?" The doctor asked 

"Yeah we were just about to start ivf when we found out I was pregnant" I said 

"Well it seems like you've been rewarded for waiting so long you are expecting twins" the doctor said 

"Twins" Pedri questioned 

"Yes here's baby A and here's baby B which explains your high hcg levels in your blood test and I imagine that's why you've felt so tired growing a baby takes a lot out of you but two takes even more" the doctor explained 

"Wow I can't believe it" I said 

"With twins especially as your first pregnancy we like to keep a closer eye on things so you'll have a few more appointments than usual but it's all to keep you and baby happy and healthy" the doctor said 

"Thank you" Pedri said 

Disbelief doesn't even begin to explain how I think we both felt in that moment. All this time waiting for one baby and now we're going to have two. We'll have two car seats, two cribs and two sets of clothes. There's going to be so much we need to buy and sort out but I've been waiting for those days since we started trying so I can't wait although I think our bank account will enjoy it less. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm four months along now and time is flying. It feels like just yesterday that we found out about the twins and today we have our gender reveal. We had the appointment a few days ago but we asked for the gender to be put in an envelope which we gave to Pedri's brother leaving it up to him to choose a way to reveal the gender to everyone as well as us. Pedri is convinced that we're having one of each but I think they are identical but I can't decide if it's two boys or two girls. I had a dream the other day about us having two girls which felt really real but honestly I don't know. 

I've not been involved in planning anything Pedri took over everything along with Fer. All morning they've been setting stuff up in the garden while I just watch as they won't let me do anything. All I had to do was get ready and wait for Pedri to come and get me to see everything they've set up outside. Pedri did just that, first he helped me zip my dress as I couldn't do it by myself then he led me outside making sure I closed my eyes not to ruin the reveal. We walked slowly so I didn't trip over until we stopped and I was allowed to open my eyes. To start with I didn't know where to look they'd really gone all out with decorations and food for everyone. It was everything I imagined and more I can't lie it even brought a few tears to my eyes. 

People started to arrive not long after, all of them were dressed in either pink or blue and most of them had gifts for the babies even though we said we didn't want gifts. Everyone ate and took part in the games Pedri and Fer had set up before it was finally time for the reveal. Fer went with balloons filled with confetti for the reveal which were kept inside so they didn't fly away until needed. Once the ballon and the needle were in my hand the nerves started to kick in nothing really changes if we have two boys, two girls or one of each but it will help us to get to know our babies, we can decorate the nursery and decide on names, it's the start of them becoming people not just blobs which we've been calling them.

3...2...1

Pop

Pink confetti floated down on top of us. Two girls. I can't believe it my dream was right. In seconds Pedri had picked me up and started twirling me round. I thought he'd be at least a tiny bit disappointed that we aren't having a boy but he didn't seem bothered at all. His smile went ear to ear and the look in his eye told me that he was thinking about what our future looks like. We had our moment together before people started to congratulate us. Pedri's parents were the first to congratulate us Rosy was so excited to have two granddaughters after having two sons of her own. Fer was next, of course he knew but he still he wanted to congratulate us. Everyone else came over one by one some shared advice and others just wished us luck which I think we are really going to need. 

~~~~~~~~~~

After a lot of thinking and many questions to my doctor we decided to schedule a c-section. Having a natural birth with twins is possible but any number of things can go wrong and it can end in having an emergency c-section anyway so we decided it would be safer for all three of us to let the professionals take over from the start. My doctor also didn't want me to go over 38 weeks so today at 38 weeks exactly is the day we get to meet our girls. Pedri was allowed the day off training which meant we got a bit of lie-in although I haven't really slept much in weeks because I get uncomfortable in one position after not too long. Pedri slept in while I made sure I had everything we needed packed in the hospital bag then I did a few other chores to take my mind off things. 

The drive to the hospital and the wait to go into the operating room felt like weeks but really it was just a couple hours. Once I was given the spinal block things became really real the entire lower half of my body was completely numb which really started to freak me out but Pedri was quick to calm me down. Even as the surgery started his attention on me didn't waver he didn't look the other side of the curtain or at the doctors even once.

"I'm right here amor focus on me not what's going on" Pedri said trying to calm my nerves 

"When they arrive go with them I'll be ok I don't want them to be alone" I said 

"I'll be by your side until you are all stitched up then I'll go but I'm not leaving you open on an operating table" he said 

He stroked my hair and held my hand right up until our first little girl was born as they handed her to Pedri. She was so beautiful with her masses of dark hair and her tiny little hands and feet. She let out a few small cries as her sister was handed to me over with the same dark hair and tiny little features. Both of them were perfect so perfect it had tears in my eyes and Pedri's too. Our girls are finally here after years of waiting for this moment we have our babies healthy babies in our arms. 

The doctors finished my surgery before taking our girls to do all the necessary tests on them so I sent Pedri with them. I was taken to a recovery suite where I was going to wait for Pedri to come back with the girls which felt like it took forever but that was just because I was nervous that something might be wrong. In reality it was only around 10 minutes until Pedri walked back in with one baby in each arm. We've been together for many years at this point but I don't think I've ever found him more attractive than I did in that moment looking at him holding our little girls with the biggest smile on his face. 

"How are you doing amor?" Pedri asked 

"I'm fine in a bit of pain but that's to be expected" I answered 

"You look beautiful you'd never know you'd just given birth" he complimented 

"Thank you but I didn't do any of the work" I laughed 

"You still look gorgeous" he said 

"How are the girls?" I asked 

"Both perfect the doctors said they are both perfectly healthy you did a great job of growing them" he said 

"I'll have to add that to my skills" I joked 

We spent some time soaking in the moment before we told any one that the twins were even here but as soon as we did we had constant visitors. Pedri's family came first with food for both of us then my parents turned up with some things to hopefully make my recovery easier. They all took turns holding the girls as they are the first grandkids on both sides which makes this all a little more special. After they left a few of the guys turned up Ferran bought some really cute matching outfits with him, Gavi had my favourite chocolates with him and Lamine had a toy for the girls that they won't be able to use for months but it was a sweet gesture nonetheless. Pedri was stressed watching them hold the girls but all was fine. 

I started dating my first boyfriend at 17. Things started really well he was always super sweet before we started officially dating but once we put a label on things he changed. He was incredibly intense he was always texting me wanting to know where I was and what I was doing and whenever we were together he would not leave me alone. His hands were always on me and he was always kissing me even when I asked him to tone it down. He told me he loved me in just a few days which at the time I thought was weird but I assumed that some people just like to move quicker. Now I know that it was textbook love bombing but at the time I had no idea I just thought he wasn't the person I first thought he was. Looking back I was extremely lucky the relationship only lasted two months and that things didn't go any further but that was only because I got fed up with his constant texts and calls and stopped responding at all until he broke up with me. 

My second relationship wasn't much better. I was 18 and had just started university when I met this guy that I fell for quickly. To me he was perfect he was cute, sweet but not controlling like my last boyfriend and he seemed to fall for me just as quickly a I fell for him. I was careful this time though I spent longer getting to know him and going on dates before I agreed to be his girlfriend. By that point I thought I knew him pretty well and I trusted him. He was a good boyfriend or so I thought but in reality he'd been cheating on me our entire relationship. I was crushed when I found out because I really liked him and I thought he was different but of course that wasn't the case. 

It took me a while to get over that relationship and learn to trust someone again but two years later I met a guy at work who over time I learnt to trust. I told him all about my last relationships and he promised me time and time again that he would never do any of that. He wasn't lying he didn't love bomb me and he didn't cheat on me but he certainly wasn't a good guy. In the 6  months we were together I ended up in the hospital 7 times with cuts and bruises from him hitting me with anything within his reach at the time. I remember the first time it happened like it was yesterday, I got caught up at work and was late getting to his place for our date night and before I could even say sorry let alone explain anything he had slapped me and hit me with a glass that was on the kitchen counter. I should have left him then and there but I was scared of what he'd do it me if I broke up with him. In the end a few good friends helped me get out of the relationship and I haven't heard from the guy since but I always worry about bumping into him somewhere. 

A few days after getting out of that relationship the first time I went out after staying with friends for a few days I happened to meet a couple Barcelona players while at work. They came in not long before my shift ended so I served them while chatting with them as they were more than happy to have a conversation. Then I went to do all the things I'm supposed to do for the new person to take over. Just as I was leaving I was stopped by Gavi who asked for my number. I was hesitant at first because I'd just got out of an abusive relationship but he flashed me his puppy dog eyes and I just couldn't say no. Later he text me to continue the conversation we were having earlier like we'd known each other for years not hours.

He text me everyday for a couple weeks and we saw each other a couple times when our schedules aligned. He was always incredibly flirty, to start with I thought that was just how he was but I quickly realised that he was into me. I told him I had been in a few bad relationships and that I couldn't think about a relationship at least not at the time but he persisted. He never pushed me further than I could handle but he kept flirting no matter how much I turned him down, until one day I flirted back. Of course I always thought he was cute but one day a switch kind of flipped in my head and I decided that I could trust him enough to show him that I was into him too. 

The look on his face when I actually joined in his little flirting game was priceless it was like he'd finally won a battle on the pitch. Things continued like that for a few more weeks until one day he asked me on a date which I agreed to but I made him promise that we wouldn't go anywhere fancy I wanted a night with him to see where things go. The date was months ago now but I still can't help but smile when I think about it. 

~~~~~~~~~~

All day I've been thinking about my date with Pablo I've run through just about every possible scenario most of which are probably ridiculous but with the way my love life has been so far nothing seems too ridiculous. I want to trust him so badly but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't incredibly nervous. Pablo is intense with how he shows his emotions but that's just him he's like it with friends too but still I worry that things will turn out like my first boyfriend and I don't want to fall into that trap again. There is also the little voice in the back of my head that keeps reminding me of the reputation footballers have for not being particularly loyal. I would like to think Pablo isn't like that and deep down I know he's not but I can't get rid of the voice telling me to be cautious. I know most of these fears stem from my past relationships but I can't help it I've been too trusting too many times and only got hurt and I can't do that again. 

After stressing all day I somehow completely lost track of time and only had half an hour to get ready. Luckily I used to like to sleep in during my teen years so I've learnt to get ready quickly but I would've liked to spend more time on my hair and makeup especially for a date. I managed to time it perfectly just as I put my lip balm down Pablo text me to say he was waiting outside. He was waiting for me leaning on his car with his usual bright smile on his face which is so infectious I couldn't help but smile too. Seeing him pushed all my fears to the back of my mind as I remembered how much I enjoy being around him. He opened the passenger door and reached in to grab a huge bouquet of pink and purple flowers. 

"Wow these are so pretty thank you" I said 

"You're prettier" he was quick to say making me blush like crazy

"I love how pink your cheeks get when I compliment you it's cute" he said 

"Do you have a vase at your place? I don't want to go back up with these" I asked trying to change the subject so I wouldn't get any redder 

"I'm sure I can find something if it means spending more time with you" he said 

He finally let me in the car which gave me a chance to recover my composure. We agreed to spend the evening at his place so that we could be alone and there's no chance anyone will take pictures of us which I really don't want. Pablo planned everything so I have no idea what he's set up but based purely on the flowers I'm going to guess it's going to be a lot. Just the thought makes me nervous I know it comes from a good place but all it does it remind me of my first boyfriend. 

To my surprise things started off quite chill we just sat and talked. We could talk for hours and still find more things to say. I've never had that with anyone else Pablo brings out another side of me, a happier side that I haven't unlocked with anyone I've dated and even some good friends. He made me feel totally comfortable, we've not known each other that long but everything is just easy with him it's like he just gets me. 

Mid conversation about this tv show we both love the doorbell rang so Pablo went to answer it. He came back with boxes which he took to the dining table before pulling out a seat for me and going to get some plates. The food looked and smelled delicious and I could tell it was definitely from some fancy restaurant by the way it was put together. One of the boxes had a logo from the most exclusive restaurant in Barcelona it's near impossible to go there I don't know anyone who's ever been it's mostly celebrities and other high profile people. I'm also pretty sure they don't deliver either so Pablo must've called in favour or something to get them to do this. As much as I appreciate him doing all this for me it feels a little much, I mean I'm not anyone special we only met a couple months ago but he's already treating me like I deserve the world. 

So many girls would love to be treated like this from the very first date and I should too it's nice to be appreciated but I can't help but feel uncomfortable. To me it's too much too soon I've been here before and I've been burned before and that's not something I want to do again. I know I have serious trust issues at this point but that's not something that's going to change overnight. Pablo deserves someone who can love him the same way he loves them and I'm not sure I can do that right now as much as that saddens me. Thinking about all of that took away my appetite. I ate a few small mouthfuls of food before just pushing stuff around my plate which of course didn't go unnoticed by Pablo. 

"Are you ok? Is there something wrong with the food I can call them if you want me to" he asked 

"No, no everything is ok the food is lovely" I lied 

"There's something going on I can tell remember you can talk to me I want to know what's on your mind" he said 

"This is going to sound stupid and it's nothing to do with you but I just don't feel worthy of all this I mean we barely know each other and you already managed to get food from the most exclusive place in town for us" I said 

"Of course you are worthy I did this because I really like you and I wanted to respect your boundary of keeping things private while also making things special" he said 

"There's more to it than that though isn't there I get if you aren't ready to tell me but when you are I'm here to listen" he added 

"My first boyfriend completely love bombed me he was obsessive always had to know where I was and who I was with, but he also gave me everything if I so much as looked at something while we were out shopping he'd buy it for me, it was too much and I know this isn't what you're doing it just brings back bad memories whenever anyone is too nice to me. Then my second boyfriend he was really nice to me treated me really well from the beginning but he never actually liked me he cheated on me from the day we started dating" I explained 

"I'm sorry that's awful, you deserve better and I know my word doesn't mean too much right now but I promise you that I'm nothing like either of those guys we can move as slow as you want I won't go too over the top and I can promise you that I will never cheat on you" he said 

"Thank you it means a lot that you'd do that for me" I said 

"Of course I want you to feel comfortable with me no matter how long it takes" he said

~~~~~~~~~~

That night was almost 8 months ago now since then we've been on plenty more dates each of which just as great as the last. True to his word Pablo gave me time to trust him and never gave me a reason not to he did everything he could to show me that he's not like my exes. 3 months ago he asked me to be his girlfriend and they've been the best 3 months of my life. He lets me live my life without having to know where I am all the time and he does nice things for me but he never goes over the top. As far as I'm aware he's not been cheating on me but honestly I never really think about it Pablo is loyal to a fault I don't think he could cheat. He truly is the best boyfriend and by this point I think I'm a pretty good judge I've experienced everything bad in relationships but this has been nothing but sunshine and rainbows. 

Throughout the last 8 months I've told Pablo more and more about my past relationships so that he could better understand me. The only thing I haven't told him about is my most recent ex because that one has deeper scars I still worry about bumping into him on the street, I get nightmares about him hurting me and I still jump when people touch me accidentally even if it's completely unintentional. I should tell Pablo I know but I know it's going to hurt to talk about it more than it hurts to live with the memories and the fear. 

Last night I spent the night at Pablo's for the first time. He had to leave early for training but he made me promise to stay, seeing as I have the day off, so we can spend the day together. Before he left he made breakfast for us both which I cleaned up and since I've been watching tv waiting for him to come back. I knew the team trained for a long time but the more time that passed the more bored and hungry I got. I somehow found myself looking through the kitchen cupboards at what I could make us both for lunch. I never really get to cook for Pablo as we either order food or make something together so I decided to make us some pasta using the recipe my grandma taught me. 

I got so focused on cooking that I didn't hear Pablo arrive home I didn't hear his car, the front door or hear him call my name. In fact I only noticed when I felt a hand on my waist and one tuck my hair behind my ear. In that moment I nearly jumped out of my skin the spoon I was holding fell to the floor with a crash as I tried to get away. My ex always used to put his hands on my waist to control me before he hit me so it was just instinct to try and get out of the situation. Pablo of course let go instantly and took a step back when he saw the sheer panic on my face. Seeing him made me calm down a little but still my heart was racing and my breathing uneven.

"It's ok it's just me can I come closer?" He asked 

All I could do was nod. He quickly pulled me into his arms which is when tears I've been holding in for months all came out at once. I never cried when I felt my ex and I never cried when he hit me but now I can't stop. Pablo held me tight, he just let me cry rubbing my back and occasionally wiping my tears until there was no more tears left for me to cry. Once I calmed down Pablo led me to the sofa with a glass of water so that we could talk.

"Talk to me love who hurt you?" He asked 

"My last boyfriend he used to hit me I've still got the scars from the glass bottles and I'm always scared of seeing him in public somewhere I'm scared he could still hurt me" I admitted 

"As long as I'm around no one will hurt you there's things we can do I'm sure a lawyer could help you get a restraining order and we could go to the police but if you just want to move on I will be here with you every step of the way" Pablo said 

"I think I just want to move on I've tried but clearly I've not got very far I'm sorry for freaking out on you" I apologised 

"You don't need to be sorry in fact never be sorry for how you deal with your trauma now I know I'll be more careful and we'll work through it together you don't have to deal with your pain on your own" he said 

"Thank you" I said

This weekend I've been doing a bit better but not as well as I know I can do but I have to start somewhere; at the very least I've been able to put my personal problems aside when I'm on the bike which is a huge help. On the grid to keep myself focused I simply closed my eyes and tried to visualise the lap and think about all the passing opportunities to help me out later. Then before I knew it we were starting the warm up lap. Off the actual start I did well making up a few places to get into 6th where I sat quite comfortably for a while. After settling into the race I tried to make some progress and got up to 4th before Fernandez came out of nowhere and tried to get up the inside of me when there was no room at all and I went tumbling into the gravel. Luckily I wasn't hurt but I'm sure I'll have a few bruises in the morning I was more annoyed than anything because nothing is going my way at the moment. 

It's safe to say that I wasn't in a good mood after the race so as soon as I was allowed I went to sulk on my own in the small room where my leathers are kept for me to change into. Everyone left me alone to work through my feelings until someone knocked on the door. I knew it would be Pedro and I knew he'd come in no matter what I said so I just said nothing. Like I predicted he came in and sat on the floor next to me and put an arm around my shoulder which made me tense up slightly. Still he persisted until I relaxed a little bit even then we sat in silence for a while. 

Pedro was patient with me as I just sat quietly and played with the hairband on my wrist thinking about everything from racing to what my dad said at Silverstone. It's all too much and I can't even talk through all of it with the one person who might understand because it involves him. The worst part about it all is that it remind me way too much of the one other time I asked out another rider I thought about it for weeks before I was finally brave enough and it blew up in my face. I suppose in a way I got the last laugh because I'm the one in moto3 and he's definitely not but that doesn't make me feel any better. 

"Talk to me what's on your mind?" Pedro finally asked 

"Just the race" I lied 

"You know that wasn't your fault right you did nothing wrong at all and you were doing a lot better this weekend" he said 

"I know but I didn't change anything on the bike so its not the bike that's been the problem it's me" I said 

"Then what's distracting you?" He asked 

"I don't want to talk about it" I said 

"Why not you know you can tell me anything" he said 

"But I can't" I said 

"I can tell there's been something bothering you since Silverstone even at dinner with your dad you were different, more quiet than usual and you've been that way ever since I promise you whatever you say I won't judge you I want to help you" he said 

"I like you Pedro" I admitted 

"I know that" he replied 

"Not like that I mean that I really like you as more than a friend and if you don't feel the same then just promise me you won't mock me in front of anyone else I can't do that again" I said 

He didn't respond and for a few seconds he just sat staring at me. Until he leaned in putting a hand on my face to pull me in and kissed me. His lips moved against mine like we'd kissed a hundred times before. The feeling was like no other I was almost in heaven as I felt Pedro's lips on mine and the feeling of electricity spreading down my spine as his hand moved to the back of my neck to pull me in closer made the whole thing even better. Eventually we both pulled away but Pedro left his hand under my jaw so that I had to look him in the eye. 

"I like you too a lot I'm glad you feel the same way" he said 

"Oh thank god I was so worried I was going to ruin it all" I said 

"You don't have to worry about that now" he said 

"In fact I think it's time I ask will you be my girlfriend?" He asked 

"I can't think if anything I want more" I replied 

He kissed me again then we talked about going on our first official date next week. Most people would go on a few dates before they become official but I think every time we've hung out together since Silverstone has been some sort of unspoken date. Dating in the normal sense also feels kind of pointless we know nearly everything there is to know about each other already so there's no need to get to know each other it's just about exploring this new side of our connection. I've never been in a real relationship so this is all new to me but I'm excited to explore where it might go. 

~~~~~~~~~~

After the race in Thailand we had a week off before Australia so I decided I wanted to go back to Spain and train at home before the next race. Pedro also went home but we haven't seen each other in the few days we've been back as we've both had different things to do and our schedules haven't aligned. Tonight though we are going on our first official date which Pedro planned so all I know is when he's coming to pick me up. He said he would pick me up at 7 so I had basically all day to do whatever, so I went for a run this morning and then did some weights at the gym then I spent some time reviewing some races at Phillip island until I needed to start getting ready. 

I've never been on a real date before so I had no idea what to wear nor do I have any friends I can call to help me pick an outfit so I called my dad. He's just as clueless as I am on what you wear on a date but I showed him a few options which we both debated before he picked one so that's what I went it was simple but cute. I did a bit of makeup and curled my hair to go with my outfit which is not something I would usually do but this is a special occasion. Then all I had to do was wait but I didn't have to wait long as 10 minutes later there was a knock on my door. 

"You look beautiful" Pedro exclaimed 

"Thank you you look great too" I said 

"You really do look beautiful I'm so lucky I get to call you my girlfriend" Pedro complimented 

"Aren't you being sweet I lucked out just as much to have such a sweet boyfriend" I teased 

He gave me a quick kiss before taking my hand and leading me to his car where he opened the door for me like a proper gentleman. He drove us out of the city more towards the beach where we stopped in a lovely little beach town which I've heard of but never visited. We went down all these tiny little back streets to get to this Italian restaurant which had such a homely feel about it. You could tell it was family run and that so much pride went into not just the food but also making the place look authentic it really was like stepping into a local restaurant in Italy. The whole place smelt amazing it was some kind of combo of garlic, tomato and cheese and every dish other people had on their tables all of which looked delicious. 

We were seated at a table by the window which had a view down the street and it the beach at the very end. The menu was all in Italian but luckily Pedro knows a bit so he helped me decipher it and then he ordered for me so I wouldn't have to embarrass myself with my very basic Italian skills. Our food came out and it was amazing just as good as the food I've had in Italy. As we ate we talked about what we've been doing since we got back from Thailand as we've texted but not had chance to actually talk. He's been busy doing events with his sponsors while I've been training hard to get myself ready for Australia. 

After dinner, which Pedro paid for, he insisted we go for a walk on the beach so that's where we went but as soon as my feet touched the sand my heels sunk right in and I felt like I was walking through treacle so they had to come off. I took them off and held them in my right hand so I could still hold Pedro's with my left but he quickly took them out of my hand to carry them himself and pulled me in by my waist. We walked slowly across the sand looking at the stars in the surprisingly clear sky. My dad told me that my mum was always loved the stars so when I was younger I went through a phase of learning everything I could about the different constellations. There was a few in the sky tonight so I told Pedro all about them and what they meant. 

"You know a lot about stars" Pedro said 

"Yeah I went through a phase when I was younger wanted to know everything about them now it's in there forever" I said 

"It's cool I never knew there was so much to the stars" he said 

I should've told Pedro the real reason I know so much about the stars but I've never told him about my mum before and now didn't feel like the right time. It seems silly to keep something so big from my boyfriend but I've always struggled to talk about my mum because honestly I don't know much about her other than what my dad has told me. It's a side of myself I always keeps under wraps and for now I feel like I need to keep it that way. 

"You know we never really talked about what happens now that we're together like do you want to tell people or keep it secret?" Pedro asked snapping me out of my thoughts 

"I think its best if we keep things to ourselves for now I don't need the extra eyes on me right now" I said 

"I'm glad you said that because I was thinking the exact same thing for now this can be our little secret I don't want anyone else to treat you differently so I won't even tell anyone in the team" he said 

"Agreed" I said 

Friday practice was tricky but I got better with each lap which was enough to get me into q2. Saturday everything was a bit easier the lap time came more naturally and I qualified 5th which is where the team wanted me to be. Then all focus should've been on the race but after qualifying I called my dad to see if he could make it for the race but he told me his boss needed him to do an extra shift and he wouldn't make it down in time. I really wanted him to be here to see my first race at home but like a lot of other times in my life I don't always get what I want. For some reason this time it really affected me and I couldn't stop a few tears from falling. 

"Hey that was a great lap you should be proud of that" I heard a familiar voice say from behind me 

"Woah whats wrong did someone say something to hurt you?" Pedro asked 

"No it's just my dad can't make it for the race and I really wanted him to be here I don't know why I'm crying though I should be used to him not being here" I said 

"It's ok to be sad and disappointed I would be to if my family couldn't make it to a race but we both know that your dad is really proud of you and I bet he's just as disappointed that he can't be here too" he said 

"I know I just wish neither of us had to feel that disappointment after this I won't get to see him until the season is over that's why I wanted him here so badly" I explained 

"I know but remember we are your family too the team, the other guys and me all of us will always be here for you" he said 

"And I'm lucky to have all of you" I said 

"Come on let's get something to eat" Pedro suggested 

~~~~~~~~~~

It was a long night I didn't sleep well between thinking about the race and my dad there wasn't much time for sleep. By the time I was heading into the garage to talk with the team before I get my leathers on I already had two cups of coffee but I was still tired. The team were unusually quiet when I walked in and they were all staring at me which was weird. Then I noticed someone sat in my chair which is odd but not a reason for everyone to stare at me then it all made sense. The person in my chair was my dad he was right here actually here to see me race. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked 

"You really thought I'd miss my little girl's first race at home in years and I thought I'd make it a bit more fun by telling you I couldn't make it" he explained 

"I'm so glad you're here there's so many people I want you to meet"I said excitedly 

"We will get to that but first I want to see you go out there and show them what you're made of" he said 

Suddenly I didn't feel tired at all I've never been more ready for a race I really want to go out there and make my dad proud especially after he made such an effort to be here to see me. After getting myself ready to take the bike out I had a few minutes to show my dad the bike because I know he loves the technical side of things. He was fascinated by all the little things on the bike that help me to be as quick as possible. I gave him a quick lesson with all I've learnt about the bike so far before it was time to go to the grid. I told my dad he could join me on the grid but he wanted to watch from the garage so I left him there with the team. 

The race was chaotic people crashing left and right but I kept focused and made sure I was clinical with hitting my markers and not pushing beyond the limit. I was careful but not too cautious I didn't give up easily on any position, I wanted a podium and I was going to get it no matter what. I pushed and pushed until it was the last lap and I knew it was my last opportunity to get into third so that's what I did. Then by some miracle the front two riders who were well out of my reach crashed into each other putting me in first with only a few corners to go. In that moment it was hard to keep my calm but I did it and crossed the line in first. 

In parc ferme my dad was waiting for me along with Pedro who I didn't have time to introduce him to yet. I could hear the crowd going insane because they got a home rider winning for the first time in a long time but I didn't care about them all I cared about was my entire team in front of me.

"That was amazing darling I knew you were good but my god that was incredible" my dad said 

"Yeah that was incredible lils the crowd definitely seems to agree" Pedro added 

"Thank you both of you sorry I didn't have time to do this earlier but dad this is Pedro and Pedro this is my dad" I introduced 

"We've been talking all race Pedro came to watch in the garage and introduced himself I'm glad you've found such a good friend to be there for you when I can't" my dad said 

~~~~~~~~~~

Pedro's POV

I missed the start but I managed to make it into Lily’s garage before the end of the second lap. I saw someone in there I didn't recognised but when I saw his face I knew it must be her dad they look quite alike the only feature of his she doesn't have is his eye colour. From what she said yesterday I assume he surprised her this morning I can only imagine the beautiful smile she had on her face when she found out she would've been so happy. 

"Hi you must be Lily's dad I'm Pedro I'm in the KTM moto2 team I'm friends with Lily" I said introducing myself 

"I know who you are kid Lily talks about you a lot when she calls and I've seen you race you are incredible" he said 

"Thank you sir" I said 

"Please call me Frank" Frank said 

"Lily is an amazing rider too you did a great job teaching her" I said 

"I would love to take the credit but past teaching her how to use the bike the rest she learnt on her own that's why I knew she'd make it I knew from the start that she'd end up here one day I'm just glad I get to see it happen" he said 

"I'm glad we became so close she's made me a better rider too she pushes hard even in training I've never worked so hard in my life she's got a great drive she's taught me that too and I try to give her more confidence in her abilities" I said 

"You sound like a great friend but you like her more than that don't you" he said catching me off guard 

"Oh uh I erm" I stuttered 

"It's ok you can tell me I won't tell her" he said 

"How did you know?" I asked 

"The way you talk about her and the smile on your face I used to be like that when I met lily's mother plus she told me all about what you did for her birthday and I thought that someone would only do that if they really liked someone even as a friend but the thoughtfulness of the gifts are what gave it away" he explained 

"She's special but she has a lot on her plate already she doesn't need me confusing things by telling her how I feel" I admitted 

"You don't have to tell her anything until you are ready my lips are sealed" he smiled 

~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV

If I thought I had a lot of media to do on Friday I somehow had even more to do after my win. They all asked the same question about how it feels to win at home and they all got the same answer. A few asked who I had here to celebrate with they got a slightly more interesting answer as I finally got to talk about my dad because no one has ever asked me about my family. It all took me so long that I missed the entire moto2 race but Pedro did well and would be busy doing his own media so I had some free time to talk to my dad. 

I found him walking round the paddock just taking it all in so I took him on a tour of the paddock and the hospitality which he was amazed by as it had so much stuff in it there was screen that shows the lap times and then there's a screen to watch the track action. There's coffee machines and fresh food which even I was amazed by when I first came in here. We got some food and sat eating together while a multitude of people came over and congratulated me on my win. Every time someone said congratulations my dad had a beaming smile it was like he was reliving the podium celebrations over and over again. 

"You're like a celebrity here" he commented 

"If you think I'm a celebrity you should meet Marc half the paddock practically follows him round like a shadow even Pedro has people following him around" I laughed 

"Well you're my little celebrity" he joked 

"You know Pedro seems like a great friend" my dad said 

"He really is he keeps me company and he makes sure that I don't let what people say get to me" I said truthfully 

"And you let him call you lils" he stated 

"Yeah its a pretty common nickname for Lily" I said

"I know that but you hate it you've only ever let me call you it" he said 

"Well Pedro's different I guess" I said 

"I know you like him you can't hide that from me I can read you like a book the way you talk about him and the way you light up when he's in the room you really like him and it's ok to feel that way" he said

"I know but I don't want to ruin our friendship I don't know what I'd do without Pedro and the last time I liked a guy it led to an entire championship of boys ignoring me for a year" I said 

"Believe me I remember that but I don't think Pedro would do that actually I know he wouldn't do that but I'll leave you to figure it out" he said

"Thanks for the advice dad" I said 

Pedro

Hey if you're training today want to join me I'm going to my usual place in Valencia I can send you the address 

Lily

I would love to I'm just getting my stuff together I'll see you there 

Pedro 

Make sure you bring your best I don't play even in training 

Lily

Oh bring it on 

It was about an hours drive to the address Pedro sent me but I was in a great mood the entire way because I've missed Pedro. We texted a few times while I was at home but mostly he left me alone to enjoy my limited time with my dad. When I arrived Pedro was waiting for me by his van which was the only thing in the car park. He greeted me with a hug then helped me get my bike out my van and check it over to make sure it was ready to go. 

Once our helmets went on we were no longer friends we were rivals. I've never raced against Pedro so I don't know how he'll race or how harsh he'll be on me but I do know no matter what I won't give in. We started slow warming up as neither of us have trained in the last week but then it was time for us to race each other. I got a better start off the line because I'm lighter but Pedro braked later so he was in front at the first corner. For the next 5 laps we overtook each other at every corner until I decided I was just going to go for it so at the next corner I got back in front and just never looked back. Over the next 5 laps the gap steadily grew until I crossed the line half a second in front of Pedro. 

"That was so fun" I said once we made it back to the pit lane

"I'm glad you had fun clearly I need to up my game next time we race you were on a completely different level at the end there" Pedro said 

"Are you sure you want to be beaten again" I laughed 

"Who says I'm going to" he quipped 

"Thats a bold statement from someone who just go beaten by half a second" I said 

"Bring this fighting talk to the next race and you'll smoke them all" he said 

"If we keep training together I just might I've never pushed myself that hard before" I said

"Me either" he said 

We agreed to train together more often but first Pedro suggested we go and get lunch together and I agreed. He suggested a place nearby and said he'd drive so I could leave my van at the track and he'd drive us back after. First I got changed in the back of the van then I was ready to go. Pedro got us there in what I can only assume is record time because I swear we were going way over the speed limit the whole time but we made it in one piece, although it did remind me why I get so stressed driving in Spain. 

Pedro led me to this lovely looking cafe where all you could smell even walking down the street was the pastries from this place. Seeing as I've never been there before I told Pedro to order for me as he knows what's good and he knows what I'd like. I tried to give him cash to pay for my food but he wouldn't take it he just told me to find a table for us instead. A few minutes later he joined me at the table with the most delicious looking sandwich and a fresh juice for me. We ate and talked about setting up a training schedule so that we can train together a few times a week to make training less lonely. Then we got to talking about our childhoods which were actually quite similar both our dads sacrificed a lot to make sure we could keep racing each year. 

"How did you get into racing?" Pedro asked 

"My dad always rode a bike to work and I was fascinated by it so he got me a bike as soon as I was old enough to ride one and I fell in love with it straight away, from there my dad took me tracks to learn to ride properly then once he realised I was pretty good I started racing" I said 

"Sounds like you were a child prodigy" he laughed 

"I think some of it was luck, I've always been a quick learner so that helped, but always being the only girl meant that I usually got accepted to ride in any championship I wanted because they liked the idea of the diversity" I said 

"It's a good thing they did or we wouldn't be here now" he said 

"I often think about that do you ever wonder where you'd be if say you never got into rookies or if you had to stop racing because your family couldn't afford it?" I asked 

"I used to but I try not to anymore I found it made me more nervous on track like I really needed to keep proving myself which isn't true anymore and I know it's hard but you should try and put those thoughts behind you too" he said 

"I know I need to forget about it all but part of me still feels like I'm not worthy of my spot" I confessed 

"You are worthy I promise you Aki chose you for that seat and he doesn't have anyone in his team he doesn't see the potential in so even if you don't see it he sure does I can promise you that" he said 

"Thank you I needed to hear that" I said 

"You're confidence will grow with time trust me" Pedro reassured me 

We got back to lighter conversation topics as we finished off our food and headed back to Pedro's van. He drove us back to the circuit where my van was still waiting for me. We said our goodbyes but as I went to walk away Pedro stopped me and pulled me into a hug. We've hugged before but this time was different it wasn't just a greeting or a celebration of a win or podium he hugged me because he wanted to be close before we parted ways. The feeling of his hands on my back gave me butterflies like I've never felt before but it must just be because I didn't expect it. I never get butterflies not even when I'm nervous I've only ever had them one other time. He eventually let go of me and told me to be prepared to lose next time we race.

~~~~~~~~~~

Pedro 

Happy birthday lils 🎂 🎈 🥳 

Lily

Thank you 

Pedro

Have you got any plans I know you said your dad couldn't make it 

Lily

No plans might attempt to make myself a birthday cake later to entertain myself though 

Pedro

I'm coming over then and we're going to the beach so be ready 

Lily

Yes boss 🫡

This morning I woke up honestly a little sad because for the second year in a row I was going to be spending my birthday alone which can't be helped my dad had work and there's a race this weekend so I couldn't go home but still it hurt. I had a few texts from family to look at when I got up then it was business as usual until Pedro text. He immediately brought a smile to my face which he's been really good at doing recently. My day is always made better as soon as he texts me or when we hang out. We've been training together three days a week and when we aren't Pedro usually texts me at least once a day to check on me. 

Instead of rotting on the sofa like I had planned to do for most of the day I got myself up and ready to go to the beach once Pedro arrived. He arrived not long after with a beach towel and two other bags in his hand. He put the beach towel down and then handed me one of the bags with a big smile on his face.

"What is this?" I asked 

"Birthday presents" Pedro said like it was obvious 

"Thank you but didn't need to get me anything" I said 

"Well I wanted to I didn't think you'd get anything from anyone else and I wanted you to have presents to open" 

"Well thank you" I said 

The first present he got me contained two little charms one was a gold medal and the other was a motorbike. 

"You always have that bracelet on so I thought you need some charms to celebrate all your victories and your career" Pedro said looking at the charm bracelet on my wrist which was originally my mum's that I've slowly been adding charms to.

The second present was a massage gun like the one Pedro owns that he let me use when my arm was giving me trouble after a training session last week. The last present was a pair of trainers I mentioned wanting as mine were starting to get old. 

"Thank you so much you really didn't have to do this you know I'd have been happy just to have someone to spend the day with" I said 

"I know but who doesn't like being appreciated on their birthday plus you deserve it you work harder than anyone I know you deserve to be appreciated for at least one day" he said 

"Look at you being all sweet" I joked 

"Only this once" he laughed 

"Ok now I have to know what is in the other bag" I said 

"Its ingredients to make a cake you said you wanted to so I thought we could do it together" he said 

"I look forward to that chaos later" I laughed 

We walked to the beach grabbing some snacks from a store along the way. The beach was busy as its summer but we managed to find a quiet spot not too near anyone else. We set out our stuff I sat down and looked over to Pedro who was taking his shirt off. I caught myself staring at him for a few seconds as my cheeks flushed a whole new shade of pink. Luckily I think my sunglasses covered it up pretty well but if they didn't I just have to hope that Pedro isn't observant enough to notice. 

He didn't seem to notice instead he reached his hand out to pull me up and dragged me towards the sea. The water was so cold despite it being so hot out so I stopped in my tracks so I could get used to the cold but Pedro had other ideas he picked me up over his shoulder and threw me into the slightly deeper waters. By the time I surfaced and got the water out my eyes he was doubled over laughing so I took the chance to get my revenge and pushed him in. That started a war between us, we kept splashing each other and pushing each other into the water. Eventually we called a truce and headed back to our stuff on the beach to dry off. I took the opportunity to relax for a bit thinking Pedro was sitting next to me but then I looked over to show him a funny tiktok but he was gone. A few minutes later he came back with ice cream for us both which we enjoyed before packing up and heading back to my place. 

We each showered to get the salt water off our skin and out of our hair then it was time to bake. My grandma taught me how to bake when I was little so I'm not a complete novice but I've never made a cake before. We looked up a recipe and Pedro started measuring ingredients while I found my mixer and some tins for the batter. We worked together measuring everything accurately and then taking it in turn mixing everything together until we had something that resembled cake batter which went in the oven. While we waited we watched replays of Silverstone last year as that's our next race and we both want to be ready. Pedro taught me all he could remember from his race last year and then we worked together to analyse the moto2 race so we are as prepared as possible. 

Next thing I knew the timer was blaring and it was time to get the cake out the oven and for two people who don't bake it actually looked pretty good. Together we made some icing to decorate with but Pedro told me I wasn't allowed to decorate the cake with him instead I had to sit in the living room and talk to him from there. He soon came out the kitchen holding the cake with candles in and the icing on the top said 'happy birthdays lils' in wonky writing but that didn't matter it was special because Pedro made it for me. He sang me happy birthday in English and in Spanish then he cut us both a slice of cake. 

"Thank you for today this is the best birthday I've had in a while" I said 

"I'm glad you had a good time I wouldn't want you to be alone on your birthday" he said 

"You know if you are ever feeling lonely you can call me, it can't be much fun living in a foreign country all alone I'm always here for you if you need me just remember that" he added 

"I know and I promise I'll call if I ever need someone to talk to" I said 

"Good now enjoy the rest of your birthday I'll see you tomorrow in the gym" he said as he got ready to leave 

That wasn't the only tough part of getting to where I am either. Being British means that half the year the few tracks available are too wet or too icy so if I wanted to make it in racing I had to move away. It has always just been me and my dad so he sacrificed everything to get us out to Spain for me and my career. He worked basically every waking moment to make the money for me to keep doing what I loved. Since my first red bull rookies race I have gone out there every weekend for my dad to prove to him that it was all worth it. He can't always be at every race especially now as he had to go back home to find a better paying job but I always race for him. He has my all my trophies in his house, because they are just as much his as they are mine and I'm hardly ever in my tiny apartment anyway. Now I've really made it I get to show everyone else the rider my dad taught me to be. 

All week I've been so incredibly nervous for this day because this is the big leagues now, this is where all the stars of today started out and where all the future stars are currently. So far everything has been ok, I've done a few interviews and done some videos for the team and now we are doing some more. I got told just to wait with my bike which the team had put out on the track. Next thing I knew Pedro Acosta came walking out onto the track; the moto3 world champion, rookie sensation, the so called next Marc Marquez. Somehow, we have never shared a track together I've never even met him before despite us being the same age. I've watched him race many times and always admired him and how he races. 

"Hi, you’re Lily right? You just won rookies?" Pedro asked 

"Yeah I am, you watched the races?" I asked in disbelief 

"Of course you were great your race craft is next level" he said 

"Well thank you" I replied definitely blushing a little at the thought of the Pedro Acosta watching me race

Then everyone else turned up and it was back to work. I wanted to talk more to Pedro and get his advice but no luck this time. 

~~~~~~~~~~

After a full day of practice my brain was scrambled. It felt so good to be out there but it's much tougher than I expected. Don't get me wrong I know how to ride the bike I just couldn't seem to put a good lap together, at least one I know I'm capable of. I ended the day 14th, which means a spot in q2 but I was lucky as there was a late yellow flag that ruined a lot of people's laps. Like always I went straight into looking at the data but it’s a minefield. Missing my braking marker by even a millimetre changes the lap time a lot more than I've ever experienced before. You have to be perfect out there every lap to stay competitive. 

The rest of the team came and went leaving just me sat there staring at the numbers trying to figure out where I can do better. I know I should just leave it and call it a day get some rest, but I can't stop until I figure it out that's what my dad would tell me. I was so focused on the data in front of me that I didn't notice anyone else was there until I felt a hand on my shoulder and nearly jumped across room it scared me so much. While I was still recovering from the shock I looked over my shoulder to see Pedro there and nearly had a heart attack. 

"What are you still doing here?" Pedro asked 

"I could ask you the same question" I teased

"I came to check on you, I heard Aki saying you were still here and I thought I'd make sure you were ok" he said 

"I'm fine just trying to work out how I can do better I'm really struggling in the final sector" I explained 

"Let me have a look" he said 

"Have you tried hitting a later apex at turn 15 and braking a little less in the last corner so you have more speed coming out of it" he suggested (fyi I know nothing about the technical side of racing so I’m just kind of making it up)

"How did you figure that out so quickly I've been staring at it for hours?" I asked 

"Because I haven't been staring at it for hours and I've been there it takes a bit of experience you'll get there" he said 

"Thank you, I think I'd have been here all night if it wasn't for you" I said 

"It's no problem, I'm happy to help anytime" he smiled leaving me on my own again 

~~~~~~~~~~

Pedro has done as he promised, each weekend after practice he's either gone over data with me or been there as I try to figure it out myself. Over that time we've become good friends, we spend our free time between practices talking, not just about racing and we take it in turns to get coffee for each other each morning. I wish I could offer Pedro as much help as he offers me but I don't know enough yet luckily he doesn't seem to mind. This weekend has been my best weekend by far I had good long runs in practice and qualified 4th which is my best qualifying by far. Instead of advice on how to improve Pedro has been giving me tips on how to handle a race in the front group, which have been super helpful but they don't help the nerves. I can't seem to shake those. 

All morning I've been a nervous wreck even more so than I was before my title winning rookies race. I struggled to eat breakfast but I knew I had to eat if I wanted to have a good race. Then I was left on my own to get ready for the race which I did in a few minutes leaving the rest of the time for me to just sit and think. I thought about my dad who will be sat at home watching rooting for me as always. Right now he would be telling me that everything would be ok and that it doesn’t matter how the race goes as long as I give it my all. I need to start believing that too but it's hard when you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. I know there is so many little girls out there watching me and I feel the need to show them that they can do it too. 

Even on the grid the nerves didn't go away I like to try and focus on my plan for the race but I couldn't think straight. Then I had to do an interview which made me lose my focus all over again. Putting my helmet on helped a bit as it muffled the sounds of other people talking and meant I could only really see what was in front of me. That really helped my plan was clear in my mind and I was feeling a lot calmer as my mechanics left the grid. Just before my crew chief left he pointed to the pit lane where Pedro was standing watching me. He gave me a thumbs up which helped me feel even better if he believes I can do it then I can do it. 

It all happened so quickly. Before I knew it it was the last lap and I was still in fourth but third or even second was well within my reach. It was my time to shine and I wanted to do it quickly so by turn 3 I went up the inside into third then my full focus was on taking second place. I tried a few times to overtake but I just couldn't find a way past until the last corner when I decided it was now or never so I went for it and somehow pulled it off. 

I did it. I actually did it. My first podium. I always thought I would cry when I got my first podium like I did in rookies but I didn't all I felt was pure excitement and pride for proving to myself and everyone else that I can do it. Coming into parc ferme the whole team was there cheering for me even Pedro was stood there with them. I had to be weighed first but then I was free to jump into the crowd who picked me up and lifted me in the air. They were just as happy as I was which is exactly how I know I'm in the right team they care about me just as much as the results. 

"Well done you were great out there" Aki said 

"Good job kid all that hard work has paid off" my crew chief said 

"Congrats you deserved that you were brilliant out there you're almost too good soon even I won't be able to help you" Pedro laughed 

"Thank you but you'll always be better than me mr rookie sensation" I joked 

"We'll see about that but seriously well done you really deserve this and all the praise you're going to get" he smiled 

"Thanks that means a lot" I said 

"How about we celebrate tonight before we both go home nothing crazy just room service to my hotel room what do you think?" He asked 

"That sounds great now you need to go out there and win so we have even more to celebrate" I said 

"Deal" he laughed before running off to get refresh for his own race

I watched as much of Pedro's race as I could while I was doing my media I missed some of it but I saw him cross the line to win his first moto2 race. All I wanted in that moment was to run to parc ferme and congratulate him but it doesn't work that way I probably won't see him until after we've both done our media. I finished all my media and headed back to the garage to debrief the team which was more of a celebration than a debrief. By the time we were all done and I got changed out of my team clothes Pedro had text me saying he was waiting for me in the parking lot with a taxi back to the hotel we are both staying in. 

I left Pedro on the 3rd floor so I could go to my room and freshen up quickly, which took me less than 10 minutes, but by the time I made it up a few floors to Pedro's room he'd already set a movie up on the tv and ordered room service for us both. He ordered me exactly what I would've ordered myself because he knows me well enough by now. We ate all the food which was way too much but we did it anyway then instead of watching the movie we just talked. We've talked a lot over the last few races but we've never really had any deep conversations but this time Pedro went straight in at the deep end. 

"What has it been like for you racing? Do people treat you differently?" He asked 

"Yeah they do, it's always felt like people are waiting for me to fail so they can reinforce their belief that racing isn't for girls or they like to tell me I can't do it until I believe it myself" I said 

"That's horrible I'm so glad you never gave up now a bunch of little girls can look up to you and believe they can do it too" he said 

"Don't say that you'll make me cry all I want is to be able to show just one little girl that it's possible" I said choking back tears 

"I bet after today there are so many little girls who want to get into racing or continue racing because of you and that will only increase the more you achieve" he said 

"Hopefully by the time they make it to moto3 or rookies attitudes will have changed too because I know I'm still up against it people will call my podium a fluke or they'll expect me to win every race from now that's just how it is" I explained 

"That makes me so mad I never had that kind of pressure or expectation from anyone other than myself I don't know how you do it" he commented 

"I try to ignore it as much as I can I have certain tags blocked on Instagram so I can't see what people say about me and I don't even look at Twitter I try and protect myself from it as much as possible" I said 

"If you ever need to get something off your chest or need a shoulder to cry on I'll always be here for you" he said

"Thank you I appreciate that" I said 

"Remember amor whatever the result is things will be ok we will be ok we will get to have a family of our own when the universe thinks the time is right" Carlos reassured me 

"Are you ready?" He asked 

"I can't do it can you do it" I said 

He simply nodded and picked up the test still not looking at the result. I hadn't had any symptoms so we both knew what the result was going to be but that didn't make the nerves any better. He slid one of his arms around my waist to hold me close to him as he looked at the result which is when I felt his whole body go rigid. To start with I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing but then he showed me the test and it had two lines on it one was faint but it was definitely there. Carlos picked me up and held me tight as a few tears of pure joy slipped down my face. 

"We're going to be parents" Carlos said in disbelief 

"I don't know what to say I'm just so happy" I said 

"You don't need to say anything let's just enjoy this" he said 

~~~~~~~~~~

The first appointment is always the most nerve wracking one at least that's what my mum told me. It's exciting too because you get to see the baby for the first time but it's also the time you will find out if anything is wrong and I don't think I could handle that. I'm only around 9 weeks based on my own estimates but I'm already so excited to meet this baby after we tried for so long. I've been a nervous wreck all morning while Carlos has been practically bouncing off the walls with excitement which describes our relationship perfectly I worry while he doesn't have a care in the world. 

He calmed down on the drive to the doctors which is when I think he started to feel the nerves too so he took hold of my hand to help me relax a bit as well as himself. He had to skip training to be here which was difficult as we haven't told anyone yet so he had to lie but he did it with no hesitation to be here with me. We walked in to the doctors and had to fill in a load of forms which was hard to do with my hands shaking so much so Carlos took over and then all we could do was wait until we were called in. 

It wasn't a long wait but it sure felt like forever until a nurse called my name. The first thing they did was ask a load of questions then they checked my heart rate, blood pressure and my weight then it was time to draw my blood which I've always hated but Carlos distracted me until it was done. Then it was time for the ultrasound a grainy picture quickly filled the screen there wasn't a whole lot to see but I didn't care because it was our baby no matter how small. The nurse then went searching for the heartbeat which took just long enough that I started to panic but then she found it and we could hear our babies heart beat. It was way quicker than I expected but it was such a relief to hear. 

We had a quick conversation with the nurse about extra supplements I need to take before we were on our way home. As soon as we got home the ultrasound pictures got put on the fridge so we can see them everyday. We also started talking about ways to tell our friends and family because it's about time we share the great news with everyone. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I would love to say the first trimester has been a breeze but it really hasn't my sickness started late compared to some women but it definitely hit hard. I've spent many days just laying in bed just trying to keep down just enough nutrients to keep me and baby going. Carlos has been amazing he's taken on a lot of extra tasks at home that I just can't do and he still finds time to dote on me every day. It was rough for a good few weeks but I have really started to feel better especially yesterday it was the first time I've gone all day without even feeling nauseous in months. I did have some cramping in my lower stomach but I've been really bloated the last few days so I'm sure it's to do with that so hopefully that doesn't last too long. 

Waking up this morning I still had some cramping but I ignored it as I've had worse period cramps. I rolled over to see the other side of the bed empty which usually means Carlos is making breakfast so I thought I'd join him which I haven't done in a long time as I've been bedridden with nausea. As I climbed out of bed something just felt wrong then I saw the blood all over the sheets and me. My heart actually stopped beating for a second as I looked at how much blood was everywhere and wondered how I didn't notice sooner. 

"Carlos help" I yelled not knowing what else to do 

"I'm coming what's wrong?" He asked entering the room and stopping dead in his tracks when he saw what I was looking at 

"Are you ok?" He asked running to my side 

"No something is wrong I shouldn't be bleeding and my stomach has been cramping since last night and I ignored it" I said 

"Ok we'll go the the hospital but first let's get you changed" he said trying to be calm but I could hear the worry in his voice 

The drive to the hospital was tense my cramping got worse the longer we drove and I was desperately trying not to cry. Carlos explained my situation at the hospital and they rushed me straight back to be checked. The way they were rushing I just knew it wasn't going to be good news but I also didn't want to believe it because we've waited so long for this it can't end this way. The nurses were quick to get the ultrasound on me and try and find the heartbeat but no matter how much they searched they never found the heartbeat. Then we had to listen to them tell us the bad news and explain what the next steps were but I couldn't take any of it in all I could think about is what I could've or should've done differently to prevent this. 

I had to take a pill to make sure that I passed everything on my own and I had to stay overnight so they could monitor me to make sure I was ok but honestly I couldn't bring myself to care. I just felt empty like nothing mattered nor would it ever matter again. The world could be collapsing around me and I'd struggle to care because my world has already come crumbling down right in front of my eyes. 

"It's all my fault" I whispered from my position in a ball in the floor

"It's not your fault amor not at all" Carlos said 

"But it is I should have done something when I first felt the cramping and maybe something would've been different maybe it wouldn't have ended this way" I cried 

"There was no way for you to know this is how it would end" he said 

"Maybe my body just isn't built for this that's why it took us so long to get pregnant there must be something wrong with me" I said 

"Don't say that I know it hurts but I promise you none of this is your fault or your bodies fault remember the nurse said this happens in 1 in 10 pregnancies you aren't alone one day we will have a family one way or another" he comforted 

"We will get through this together there is light at the other end of the tunnel even if we can't see it right now" Carlos added before pulling me into his arms 

~~~~~~~~~~

I thought the night at the hospital would be the worst part of having a miscarriage but I was wrong. Having to then tell everyone who knew about the pregnancy and see their disappointment was worse. All of the pity just made me feel so much worse and everyone asking how I was doing when it's quite clear that Carlos and I are both devastated. Life is painful at the moment and there is nothing anyone can do to change that but they keep trying. I appreciate the sentiment behind it but all I want is to be left alone and work through everything myself. 

Of course life goes on so I still have to go to work everyday and the grocery store and bump into fans of Carlos on the street and pretend to be ok.  But everywhere I go all I see is families enjoying time at the park or new mothers with their babies and it stings every time. I always wonder why that couldn't be me too why my baby had to be taken from me in the cruelest of ways. Every night I go home and cry myself to sleep and every night I can see the way Carlos looks at me helplessly not knowing what to do to make me feel better but honestly there is nothing he can do. 

Today has been a particularly rough day all I've seen is people with babies; couples, grandparents and even a duck with ducklings. Usually I hold my tears until I am alone with my thoughts in bed but today I couldn't hold them in any longer as soon as I walked in the door they were streaming down my face. Carlos was already home and must've heard my sobs from the other room as he quickly came over and held me close trying his best to calm me down. It's futile really but still he held me close until I had no more tears left to cry. 

"It's so hard Carlos everywhere I go I see people with babies and I wonder why that couldn't be us what I did to deserve this hell" I said 

"You didn't do anything it just wasn't meant to be this time but we will have a baby I promise you one way or another we will start a family together whenever you are ready of course but we will I won't give up as long as you don't" Carlos said 

"How can you be so sure?" I asked 

"I can't but I believe in us I believe in you I know at some point you will be ready to try again and we will have our baby I know we will" he said 

"How do you always know the right thing to say" I laughed 

"It's a skill" he joked 

~~~~~~~~~~

"Carlos there's no way I'm pregnant we only started trying last month last time it took over 8 months I've just got a sickness bug there's one going round at work anyway" I said 

"Please just take a test then we'll know for sure you can't even stomach the smell of food that's not a sickness bug you were like that when you were pregnant" Carlos argued 

"Fine I'll take a test but it'll be negative" I said 

I did as I promised and took a test and then forgot about it while I cleaned the bedroom then I saw the test on the counter again. I picked it up thinking nothing of it but there was two lines on the test. Seeing that made me drop the test again and run to find Carlos. He saw the look in my eyes and knew instantly I didn't have to say a word he just picked me up and pressed a million kisses all over my face. 

"I hope you're ready to be spoiled for the next 9 months you won't be lifting a finger until this baby is born you're carrying precious cargo" he smiled 

"I'm definitely ready" I laughed 

~~~~~~~~~~

The best sound in the world filled the room as our daughter let out her first cry as she was placed in my arms. Seeing her little face was the best feeling in the world sure she was still covered in all sorts of stuff but to me she was the cutest baby in the entire world. Carlos clearly felt the same as he also had tears in his eyes as he watched me hold our baby. He's achieved so much in his career but I could tell that to him this was the best moment of his entire life.