Every good girl who wants to try being a slut should have at least one sexual relationship with a man substantially older than her. This list is funny but it’s 100% accurate, and it could be much longer. Older men know how to communicate. They know how to listen and create a sexual experience that is what the little slut wants and needs. They understand mental foreplay.

1) Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

2) If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it. 

3) Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

4) Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’

5) Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

6) All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

7) Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

8) If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

9) No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.