Submissive (second) life

say it quietly to yourself right now

Just a little list of ideas that I came up with on the topic of speech control. Some of these are about in person speaking, some are about texting, some are applicable to both. Some of these I’d like to try, some of these I have tried, some of these I would probably not want to do, some I’m indifferent to.

Word Restrictions

No swearing.

No puns.

Only being allowed to use words once per day. 

Only being allowed to use words from a list of pre-approved words chosen by my partner.

Not being allowed to use words from a list of off limits words chosen by my partner, but otherwise able to speak freely.

Not being allowed to use words containing a certain letter of the alphabet, but otherwise able to speak freely.

Only being allowed to use short and simple words, limited by number of letters or number of syllables, or simply at my partner’s discretion. (Imagine typing out an entire text and being met with “hmm, I think that word might be too big for you,” and having to agree and reword what you’ve said.)

Having to refer to myself in the third person.

Having to refer to my partner by a title, honorific, or nickname they have chosen.

Having to use a lowercase “i” to refer to myself. 

Having to use capitalized pronouns to refer to my partner. 

Limited Speech

Only being allowed to say a certain number of words (or less) per day.

Only being allowed to say a certain number of words (or less) per text message. No double messaging, of course.

Having to keep track of how many words my partner uses, and always using less throughout the day.

Having to start each sentence with “Please” and/or end it with “Thank you,” even if it doesn’t technically make sense. 

Having to rhyme. Or else fulfil the requirements of some kind of specific poetry such as a haiku. 

Having to ask permission to ask for things. “Please may I ask to use the bathroom?” 

Only being allowed to say “Please” and “Thank you.”

Not being allowed to ask for anything.

Only allowed to speak to my partner in public. 

Not being allowed to speak on specific topics, particularly when they’re super relevant. For example, we go to the zoo and I’m not allowed to talk about animals. 

Only being allowed to say the opposite of what I mean/want. 

Restricted Speech

Having to ask permission to speak at all, either through a non-verbal signal, or else the only thing I’m allowed to say without permission is “Please may I speak?”

Only allowed to speak when spoken to.

Having to be in a specific position - the more submissive or uncomfortable, the better - to speak. Additionally, having to wait in that position until I am acknowledged and allowed to speak. 

Having to go a set length of time without speaking each day. The timer starts over each time I speak. (Imagine it’s an hour and at 55 minutes you get asked a question you can’t ignore. Each attempt like that would mean you talk less throughout the day.)

When possible, set entire days, or even a weekend as “quiet time.”

Surprise quiet time. That is, a spoken or text command, “It’s quiet time,” and I am expected to be silent until I am released. (A potential training opportunity: this could happen many times throughout the day, each session lasting only a few minutes before the next.)

Starting every day without the ability to speak until I have completed my morning routine. Finishing each day by not being allowed to speak once my nighttime routine is done. 

Having a set day of the week during which I am expected to remain silent. 

Having a cost to speak. A mild-moderate punishment for each time I wish to speak, such as having to put nipple clamps on first or having to write lines for each time I spoke afterwards.

Having to trade my ability to speak for rewards, such as not being allowed to orgasm unless I agree to a two days of no speaking.

Trading chunks of silent time for edges. Each edge is half an hour of silence. Maybe I know before I start edging, maybe I don’t. 

Having to be silent until I have completed a task, such as linewriting, or an edging session, or even something mundane like having to stay silent on a long drive, even while playing a board game. 

Having recurring tasks during which I am not allowed to speak, such as never being allowed to speak during meals or while watching movies. 

Only being allowed to speak while wearing my collar. 

Not being allowed to speak while wearing my collar. 

Only being allowed to speak while naked. 

No words, only sounds. Easy enough when you’re gagged, but having to make the deliberate effort to only make sounds is nice. 

Wearing a bark collar. Each time I speak, I get shocked, until I learn not to speak while wearing it. It then becomes a very effective gag. 

Forced to Speak

Being asked a series of questions and having to provide at least X words to answer, on topic. (It wouldn’t even have to be a high number. Imagine having to use 50 words to answer a yes or no question. Even 20 might be a challenge. But being asked to say/text 300 words on why I shouldn’t have an orgasm? Just a thought.)

Agreeing to X number of questions (number could be in trade for edges, or in trade for lessening a punishment) and having to answer them fully, even if it’s embarrassing. (Obviously within limits. Questions I refuse to answer don’t count towards the number.)

Having a mantra to repeat every time my partner says a certain word, whether that word is part of the mantra or not. (Having someone trigger a mantra like this is great fun, especially mid-conversation, or while I’m trying to ask for something, or while I’m trying to explain something.)

Having to repeat after my partner, perhaps modifying pronouns. (“You will obey” being modified to “I will obey.”)

Being tasked with writing up a fantasy, and then being made to read it aloud.

Being Physically Gagged

Being expected to be gagged or otherwise prevented from speaking at all times. (Ballgag might be too harsh for “at all times,” but tape is effective, too.)

Being gagged at random. Not just during scenes, but during mundane activities, such as watching a movie together or doing housework. (I like the idea of being interrupted while in the middle of something, maybe even in the middle of a conversation, and my partner simply holds out a gag. Or sitting at my desk working when my partner comes up behind me and slips my gag between my lips. Being told to kneel and open my mouth, excited to get to suck cock, and instead gagged. Comes with a bonus of being trained to readily take my gag.) 

Being told I can only speak while being gagged, despite knowing it will be unintelligible.

Planning a voice call with my partner, but right before we begin I am instructed to put a gag on so that at no point during the call can I actually speak.

Games

Playing the quiet game, either with my partner or with another submissive. I am rewarded if I win, and punished if I lose. 

Always exercise caution and negotiate what form of control you want someone to have over you. Please do not rush into something that makes you uncomfortable.

Many of these forms of control are more extreme and appropriate only for those in trusting, long term commitments. Absent of consent these things are not appropriate and even when consensual may only appeal to a specific set of masochistic subs that crave such forms of controlling and seemingly abusive behavior.

1) Use apps to keep control of their location

2) Require them to keep a food log and report to you what they eat

3) Make them share their email, Facebook, Tumblr, or other social media account passwords with you. Set up the security questions and recovery email so that only you can reset them.

4) Keep a safe where you can lock up some of personal items as punishment

5) Plan their outfits for them. Budget what money they can spend on clothes or just do the shopping for them so they never wear clothes they pick for themselves.

6. Gain admin access to their bank account so you can track their spending.

7. Set up a protocol for their behavior in public: how they should address you, when to speak to others, what sort of eye contact they should make. Punish them in private for breaking protocol.

8. Make them wear a fitness device so you can track their activity and sleep schedule and hold them accountable to it. Set a bedtime for them.

9. Keep them locked up in a chastity device.

10. Pick out their barber or hairstylist for them. Make them groom themselves to your liking.

11. If they work outside the home, have them set up their paychecks for direct deposit into YOUR bank account. Transfer a small stipend to them to restrict their spending.

12. Keep tabs on who their friends are and what relatives they speak to on a regular basis. Intervene when there’s a relationship that isn’t to your liking.

13. Use “parental” controls whenever necessary to limit their access to pornography so they will channel their attention to You alone.

14. Set up a protocol for punishment when you’re in a public area. One code word could mean they must get to a private area like a restroom for a spanking or lecture. Another code word could mean they’ll get punished later at home.

15. Find other submissives in the BDSM community that can befriend your sub and then report back to you on their private conversations. Use them as spies to find out how your sub REALLY feels.

16. Make your sub keep a diary that you have access to so you can read their personal thoughts.

17. Order for them when you go out to eat at restaurants.

18. Say things that subtly demean then when you’re with other people, like “he can’t ever think straight” or “they’re not very good at math.” You can also tell embarrassing stories. This will make them feel flustered and keep your power dynamic balanced properly.

19. If you decide to not be monogamous, create an arrangement where only you can decide who will fuck them and when.

20. Make them wear fetish or bondage gear under their clothes when they’re in public.

21. Make them check in with you at specific times when you’re apart.

22. Control the amount of water they drink and when they get to pee. Have fun watching them squirm when you’re out in public together. If they wet themselves- laugh, pretend you don’t know them, and leave them to find a ride home on their own.

23. Make them recite mantras to themselves throughout the day such as “I am property. I will serve my owner. My body belongs to Master.”

24. Enroll them in classes such as cooking or massage therapy so that they can serve you more fully.

25. Set up a protocol for how they will refer to themselves in public and in private. They might have a different protocol for each. Make them change their name or use a nickname if you wish when in public.

26. Give them a strict daily schedule. When they wake up. When they fix you breakfast. When they exercise. When they leave for work, etc.

27. Restrict what type of access they have to transportation. For example, if they can get to work by bus, make them sell their car and not renew their driver’s license to affect their ease of getting places without your permission.

28. Find a place where you can keep them chained up, such as a basement or closet space, when they won’t be fully necessary.

29. Use punishments accordingly to control their behavior. Some subs may require physical discipline while others may just require a lecture or restriction of privileges.

30. Try hypnosis as a means of reprogramming your sub’s mind to fully surrender to you.

31. Install surveillance cameras in your home that only you have access to. Even if you don’t regularly rewatch the footage, this will be enough for fuck with your sub’s mind.

32. Keep food and other household items locked up so that the sub can only access them with your permission.

33. Try to strike feelings of jealousy in your sub when they’re slacking. Pull up Grindr and scroll through it in front of him of find another sub to fuck and tell them how AMAZING the sex was.

34. Marry them so you will be in a legally binding agreement and cement their commitment to you. Find ways to arrange the pre-nup so they’ll be at an extreme disadvantage to leave the relationship.

35. Teach them to be very complementary and respectful to you while around other people. Reward them when they sing your praises and describe what an incredible partner you’ve been to them.

36. Give them incentive and appreciation for the service they’ve done for you. This will provide extra motivation for them.

37. Tattoo or pierce them if you wish.

38. Be the head of the household who decides any major financial decisions or if you decide to move homes. Consider the sub’s input but veto it if necessary.

39. Find ways the sub can make extra money on the side for you.