hush; (FORGET ABOUT IT)

there’s something to be said about mothers. how overbearing they tend be, how attentive, how sweet and how stubborn. yisol herself hasn’t spoken to her own in over a week—she knows, that’s on her—she’s the ungrateful child who left her mother alone in a barren house filled with unsavory memories. she’s the bad daughter who hadn’t been able to call her back nor make plans to visit for the holidays in the year and chump change she’s been in ville city. but residency is difficult for a reason and sufficed as a suitable excuse not to just as much.

what can i say? just like how mom’s folded into herself since the divorce, yisol has long outgrown the need for mother’s loving touch.

and it didn’t help that she’s welcomed dad back into her life (though, really, when did he leave? when had there ever been a day in which decisions  made aren’t influenced by him in either a glaringly obvious way or another?)—him and the chunk of money he put into her tuition. 

but, we’re not here to touch base on dad’s and the mess they’ve made out of their daughters. we’re here to talk about mothers. more specifically, we’re here to talk about @xdowonx’s mother. how she, bright eyed and brilliant and unstoppable force to her immovable object, had dragged yisol from the hospital straight to her apartment. 

words exchanged: ‘you’re so thin, yisol-ah.’ ‘ah, really?’ ‘do you even eat?’ ‘when i have time i-’ ‘come over tonight, you must let me feed you.’ ‘but-’ ‘no buts.’

so, here they are. here she is, sat at a table stacked too generously for two. unable to contain the growing unease tickling the back of her throat with every piece of jeon and meat that the older piles onto her bowl, quadrupling with every mention of her son that slips out of her lips.

ah, yes. min dowon. min dowon, whom she hasn’t spoke to since high school. min dowon, who either ducks from her line of sight or bores holes into the back of her head from a safe distance at the hospital. min dowon, who she had an interest in knowing. but does that even make sense? for her to be in his mother’s place despite all that.

                                                                                                     again, unstoppable force.

but at least. at. the. least, yisol thinks, lips forming a tight smile while the woman prattles off about their grade school days, it’s just us. 

ah. her chopsticks still, unconsciously straightening up in her seat with the creak of the front door. the deep timbre that follows has the hairs on the back of her neck bristling, smile thinning out in the face of ajumeoni’s obvious elation. fuck me.

“ah, dowon-ah! you’re just in time to join us for dinner.” 

fuck, goddammit. fuck! she bites the inside of her cheek, head turning slow to set her gaze on her long-time-no-longer-friendly friend and for the sake of both of them (but especially his mother), yisol manages a smile in greeting.

there’s simplicity in a good cut. sheer gratification from a scalpel in her hand, slicing like butter through skin. it’s unclear when this change occurred, for kim yisol had not once dreamed about a life of scalpels and organs as a little girl (at the time, it had only been ballerinas and going to outer space and owning a patisserie), but it’s undeniable now—that she’s a certified surgical junkie. that professional dance and outer space and cute cakes aside, nothing exhilarates her more than cutting into a body.

                                                                                       is that wrong to say out loud? maybe.

and for the most part, it’s worth it. for the most part, standing under the o.r lights for hours on end is worth it. these days, with an attending like @caelumms, brilliant and eager to teach and eyecandy all the same, it’s especially worth it. 

so when she steps into an o.r half past noon and exits a full eight hours later, yisol doesn’t mind the faint ache in her legs, more so preoccupied by the tremor in her hands—residual adrenaline if you will—that’s what happens when you’ve held a living beating heart in your hands. but more importantly, and her heart beats especially so at this, is the invitation for drinks from said attending at the end of it all.

now, who was she to say no? 

and so, let’s fast forward a moment here—past the quick post ops and chart notes and even quicker shower and the comb she rakes through her hair and what little makeup she manages to throw on before the clock strikes 10—and she’s ready to go.

suspiciously eager, almost akin to a schoolgirl (hell, she feels like one—embarrassing as it is), is our dearest kim yisol, standing idly by in the lobby in anticipation for the appearance of her latest ‘crush’. 

first some quick but relevant center point hcs: 

things she’s lost: hair ties (x4234), hair clips (x348237), socks (toe socks, usually in bee or fruit print, a couple of sanrio characters), piercing studs, hospital badge, wired earphones, contact cases, bic lighters, pendant necklace (from mom, if found please return), underwear (lol)

vending machine if she got to it first: energy drinks, take your pick! iced coffee, doubleshots, anything caffeinated god please 

catch her climbing the stairs if she sees the elevator’s coming down from the 12th floor (🤮)

been going to the roof to smoke as of late as the staff’s been shady about how they can’t get the stench of nicotine off the walls of her apartment

quick recap:

lived in seoul all her life, went to a fancy undergrad and med school before matching with a residency program in ville city

smart, very smart, a total keener/nerd (doesn’t like being caught not knowing anything so, naturally, also Hates surprises)

chock full of daddy + abandonment issues :) s’what happens when pops dumps you for a new family folks! 

later did reconcile with dad (they live in ville city) but it’s not really the same anymore is it?

has a twin @sinlim but they’re barely speaking rn lmao 

generally very work focused, literally slept in the hospital all last year but now that she’s a 2nd year she’s chilling a bit more

sprung for a serviced apartment bc she’s bit of a slob tbh 100% the comes home tired and lazy and sheds her clothes all over the floor like a snake type ((also why she keeps losing articles of clothing))

petty petty petty, absolute grudge holder, all about getting even and doesn’t forgive easy (i.e. outed her twin when he stole her boyfriend in hs)

following up on that, only interested in older guys (once again we ref daddy issues + her brother 2 for 2 sleeping with anyone she dated in her age range 🙃)

^ hasn’t dated seriously since college, claims she has no time but also she has trust issues after being cheated on twice now 

looks unapproachable but is... kinda unapproachable (not particularly bitchy/nasty just perpetually cranky) but overall socializes just fine, isn’t particularly eager to bond with anyone on a closer level

the ride or die type though :( lets be friends folks

wanted:

someone please give me a hospital gang it’s all i want T_T 

^ also work wife/best friend pls must be hospital staff bc she has like no time for anyone else outside of it rip

former friends from when they were kids (idk really want a ‘my mom told me we can’t hang out anymore bc ur dumb’ type beat- real playground grudges that they’ll keep for the rest of their lives) 

friends but not really friends she’s bad at keeping in touch ok feel free to @ her abt it

ex fling she backed off of bc it started touching intimate and she has #issues

casual hookups whateva! yk how it goes