missing you

Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.

I’m too exhausted to explain my soul to someone again.

who would’ve thought saying goodbye would be so hard?

This is for Abraham;

This time it hurt, and hurt, and hurt.  Every lie I told was a coil of barbed wire around my chest, holding me back from breathing you in.  Fuck, I wanted to drown, but I settled for the burn of measuring every square centimeter I didnt have the right to occupy while pretending to be worthy of your voice in my ear and your hand on my thigh. I settled for something that stung a little deeper, too, but it never enveloped me in cherry red tear stained panic the way you did when you said you loved me.  You were amazing, amazing, amazing and my vision was going blurry and my lungs were burning and I couldn’t get up off the fucking bathroom floor.   

Maybe it’s not about happy ending. Maybe it’s about the story.