love & deepspace (on hiatus)

a box awaits each of the boys, wrapped neatly with a note attatched.

rafayel…

… immediately calls you, panicking that some crazed fangirl or someone he wronged in the past has found his address.

“what if it’s a bomb?” he shouts into the phone, peering through the crack in his front door at the box. “or worse! what if it’s some woman’s used underwear?!”

you fail to contain your laughter on the other end of the call, covering your mouth as you double over.

“how can you laugh in such dire times?” rafayel wails, clutching the phone to his ear. “this isn’t funny!”

after a moment you were finally able to compose yourself and say, “the box is from me, dumbass. i dropped it off on my way to work this morning. i tried to give it to you personally but someone wouldn’t answer the door.”

cue a sheepish chuckle from rafayel as he opens his front door and stoops down to open the gift then and there. he smiles to himself as he finds a blue hand knit scarf sitting in the box, his fingers running gently along the material.

“it’s so soft,” he says softly and you laugh again, amused by his genuine reaction. “i’m putting it on and never taking it off.”

“so dramatic,” you mumble, cradling the phone between your shoulder and ear as you pick up your book once more. the line went silent and you quirk a brow. “rafayel?”

your phone buzzes and you pull it away from your shoulder to find three image attachments sent your way with more piling in every second. each photo is one of rafayel in a different, exaggerated pose with the scarf wrapped around his neck. you laugh at his theatrics and save a couple to your camera roll before shooting him a quick text.

you look like a dork.

he answers immediately, as to be expected from your clingy artist:

i think i look amazing

xavier…

… opens the box as soon as he pulls it in his apartment without a single concern. if anyone could handle some danger, it’s him, so why worry?

the yellow scarf is soft in his lap as he reads the card you wrote for him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. he sets the little card aside and wraps the scarf loosely around his shoulders before pushing himself off his couch, sending you a text that he’s coming over.

it doesn’t take long for him to arrive at your front door or for him to fish out the spare key you had given him, unlocking the door and pushing his way in. xavier shuffles into your apartment, leaving his shoes by the door as he calls out your name. he moves from the main room to your bedroom, finding you sprawled out on your bed. without a second thought he crawls into bed beside you, startling you awake.

“huh — wha? xavier?” you lay back down, groaning. “scared the shit outta me.”

xavier hums and pulls you into his embrace, your face burying in his chest. “i got your gift and needed to come say thank you.”

“you couldn’t have just texted me?” you ask sleepily, wrapping your arms around his midsection. “you’re welcome, by the way. tara taught me how to knit and she gave me some extra yarn. i thought the color would suit you.”

you pull back a little and eye the scarf around his neck before adding, “it does suit you.”

xavier nods in agreement, kissing your forehead. “you have a good eye.”

zayne…

… completely forgets about the gift. one day he comes into the office to find a box on his desk and makes a mental note to open it after his first patient.

then one patient becomes two back to back emergency surgeries and by the time that was all complete it was well into the night. finally having a second to himself, zayne plops down on his couch and leans his head back. his eyes finally close only to snap open again at a knock on his door.

“zayne, i brought you some dinner,” you say as you open the door to his office. he lets out a sigh of relief and relaxes once more as you shut the door behind you, setting the lunchbox on his desk. “oh! you still haven’t opened it?”

“opened what?” zayne asks, turning his head slightly to look at you. you pick up the gift on his desk and hold it out to him. “oh, that. i assume it’s from you, then?”

you nod excitedly and place the box on his lap. “go on, open it!”

“i’m sorry, today’s been a hectic day,” zayne apologizes as he carefully opens the box. the stress melts away as he looks into the box at a black hand-knit scarf with a small smile. “you made this?”

you take a seat next to him, reaching over and grabbing the scarf out of the box as he reads the card. “i did! and since you’re mr. jack frost over here, i think a scarf is the perfect accessory! do you like it?”

you wrap it haphazardly around his shoulders and zayne sets the card down on the coffee table before fixing it around his neck.

rafayel

had your occupation as a hunter not made you to be more aware of your surroundings, you would have never caught onto the man who had been tailing you.

you stopped giving him the benefit of the doubt when he turned the corner of the dark alley many knew to be populated with the homeless and subsequently avoided. as soon as the man thought he had you cornered he picked up speed and that’s when you turned on him, pistol in hand.

“h-hey, let’s put that away,” he stammered, raising his hands up as he skidded to a stop. you didn’t budge, trying your damndest to keep your hands steady.

“turn around,” you hissed, “and walk away.”

the man didn’t waste a second, taking a few steps back before turning on his heel and making a run for it. once he turned the corner you let out a sigh of relief, shaky hands placing the pistol back into the holster at your hip. you headed back onto the main path with a clouded mind, your heartbeat ringing in your ears. without a second thought you followed the sidewalk towards the large white building that overlooked the beach, your steps hurried.

you pushed the gate open and practically ran up the paved path towards the large front doors of rafayel’s studio, grateful to find that he had accidentally left them unlocked once again. as soon as you stepped inside you pulled the doors shut once more, the lingering feeling of being followed making your skin crawl. after locking the doors you kicked off your shoes and shuffled into the main room, finding rafayel sitting on the floor with a canvas propped up in front of him.

he turned at the sound of your approaching footsteps, looking up at you with a raised brow. you clenched and unclenched your fists as you tried to think of something — anything — to say but all that came out was a choked sob. panicked, rafayel pushed himself to his feet and grabbed your shoulders then your face, looking for any injuries.

“what happened?” he asked, checking your arms and torso. “take a breath, i can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

you swallowed harshly, tears rolling down your cheeks. “a man,” you choked out, “was following me. had to threaten him for him to leave.”

rafayel’s face contorted with some combination of disgust and anger but softened as you sniffled. he held his arms out and you collapsed into his embrace, a feeling of security crashing over you as he held you tight.

“i’ve got you,” he murmured, resting his chin atop your head. “you’re safe here.”

xavier

it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

this mission was supposed to be easier yet, here you were, fighting a god damn elysian cervus. your fill-in partner was unconscious somewhere, leaving you to fight this beast on your lonesome. your shirt was soaked with blood from a gash on your torso and you were pretty sure some ribs were broken but you pressed on until delivering the final blow.

the wanderer fell, motionless on the ground. slowly you move and collect the protocore, stashing it away before searching for your partner. you found her slumped against a tree a little ways away, using your watch to call for help as you slowly settled down next to her. as you talked to the operator you pressed two fingers to the side of her neck, relieved to find a pulse.

help came not too long after you had called, carting you and your partner to the hospital for the both of you to be treated. you ended up with three broken ribs, a fractured ankle, and lots of stitches across your abdomen.

“you got very lucky,” a nurse had informed you the following day as she checked your vitals. “whatever had caused that nasty gash just barely missed some of your organs.”

“lucky me,” you muttered, laying back in the hospital bed. “when will i be able to go home?”

the nurse checked some papers on her clipboard. “the doctor wrote here that he’d like to keep you another couple days. just get some rest, sweetheart.”

she left and you sighed, turning your head to look out the window. the silence was peaceful and you admired the city, thinking of how serene it looked from this angle. a small knock at your door had you flinch and you covered your heart with a sigh of relief when you saw xavier standing there.

“how’re you feeling?” he asked, settling in a chair at your side. the bouquet of flowers he had brought were set gently on your bedside table, his eyes never leaving you. the guilt in his stare was unmistakable and you knew it was eating him up inside that he had been unavailable to accompany you on the mission.

“like shit,” you responded with a low chuckle, “but i’ll be okay. doc says i should be able to head home in a couple days but i’ll be off active duty for some time.”

xavier nodded, reaching out and grabbing one of your hands in both of his as he said your name quietly. “you need to rest. you’ve been pushing yourself so hard and haven’t been giving yourself a break like i’ve suggested.”

you tried to interrupt but xavier squeezed your hand and you noticed the slight tremble in his grip and the tears that were forming in his eyes as he continued.

“i could’ve lost you! so, please, think about yourself for once or — allow me to be selfish — think about me. think about how much losing you would impact my life!”

you stared at him as he swallowed harshly, taking one hand away to wipe at his eyes while he mumbled an apology. you reached out and cupped the side of his face, running your thumb over his cheekbone tenderly.

“i’m sorry,” you murmured. “i’ll rest. i never meant to worry you so much, xav.”

he sighed, leaning into your touch. “i came here to comfort you and look at how the tables turned.”

you smiled. “you did more than enough, xavier. as much as i need rest, you need to be comforted and that’s alright.”

zayne

the last couple hours were no better than a blur to you.

one second you’re standing outside your grandmother’s front door, the next you’re on your stomach, surrounded by flames and the house in front of you was no more than rubble. your body ached and you weakly call out for caleb and your grandmother, trying desperately to pull yourself toward the house. your fingers meet something cool and you glance down to find the chain of caleb’s necklace caught on your pinky.

your heart sinks and you pull the necklace close to your body, sobbing caleb’s name as you curl up on the walkway. your eyes shut and you aren’t sure how much time passed because when you open them again you’re in akso hospital, laid on a bed in a dimly lit room.

you look to your hands and feel panic rise in your chest when you don’t see caleb’s necklace. your heart hammered in your chest as your hands scanned the blanket covering your lower half, hoping it was somewhere on the bed.

“i put it on your bedside table.”

zayne, sitting on a couch near the window of your room, stood and moved to stand by your bedside. he picked up caleb’s necklace from your bedside table and he gingerly placed it in your awaiting hands, grief evident in his expression.

“i’m sorry for your loss,” he murmured, his hand lingering near yours as he spoke. he slowly sat on the edge of your bed and finally grabbed your hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. “i’ve taken the next week off to stay with you, if you’d like. you should be able to leave tomorrow morning and whether you want to stay at your place or mine is up to you entirely.”

your eyes stayed glued to your hands, one clutching caleb’s necklace while the other held zayne’s tightly. you wanted to respond or even show a sliver of gratitude but your mind was weighed down by the heavy loss of caleb and your grandmother. the heat and force of the explosion was still so fresh on your skin and all you could do was grieve. sobs shook your whole body and zayne tentatively moved closer, carefully pulling you into his embrace.

༊*·˚ . xavier

curled up on the couch with remote in hand, you were absentmindedly scrolling through movies when there was a loud knock at your door.

food’s finally here, you thought excitedly while kicking the blanket off your legs. you grabbed your wallet and fished out a ten to tip the driver before heading to the door.

“thank you so — much.”

the last word fell flat as you opened the door only to find xavier standing there. he looked at you with half-lidded, tired eyes and a tight-lipped grimace as you took in the shell of a man standing before you.

his clothes were wrinkled and stained; his hair was messy and it was evident he hadn’t showered in at least a couple of days. his cheeks were red and tear-stained and you couldn’t help but think that he looked downright pitiful.

“xavier, what’re you doing here?” you asked, pocketing the money before crossing your arms over your chest. “i thought i made myself clear.”

the blonde rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “i know but i just couldn’t get you off my mind. i miss you and what we had.”

you raised a brow at him. “things with her didn’t work out?”

“she doesn’t matter,” xavier retorted with a frown. he stepped closer to you and you stepped back just as fast. “you’re all that matters to me and —”

he stopped as a voice behind you called your name and, a moment later, a pair of arms wrapped around your waist from behind. you felt your face flush as sylus pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“food’s here?” he asked you as his eyes moved from you to xavier. noticing the lack of food and the subdued yet very evident fury in xavier’s eyes, he quickly added, “guess not.”

“i’m —” xavier started but you held up a hand to cut him off.

“i think it’s best if you left, xavier,” you interrupted, leaning back against sylus. “we’re trying to have a relaxing evening.”

xavier faltered, giving you an incredulous stare before nodding slowly. “right. i guess i’ll leave, then.”

you gave him an unenthusiastic half-wave and shut the door in his face, leaving him alone in the hallway of your apartment building.

he felt the hot sting of tears in his eyes as he heard you and sylus laughing about something behind the closed door before forcing himself to walk away.

༊*·˚ . rafayel

with the days finally getting warmer you refused to stay holed up in your apartment all the time, often opting for outings to the park for some fresh air.

on a particularly fateful day, you were standing in the shade of a beautiful cherry blossom tree, admiring the picnic you had set up so perfectly. with your hands on your hips you racked your mental checklist, making sure everything was set out and ready for your —

“well, well, long time no see.”

shit.

pinching the bridge of your nose, you didn’t even bother to look over your shoulder as you addressed rafayel with a dull, “what do you want?”

rafayel clicked his tongue, sidling up to you. “aww, c’mon, that’s no way to treat your favorite artist.”

“you say that as if you have any right to be my favorite anything,” you retorted, side-eyeing him with a frown. he was watching you with that usual cocky grin but you could tell time had not been the kindest to him — dark circles under his eyes, unkempt hair, and this awful odor that made you gag as he moved closer.

“about that,” he muttered, trying (and failing) to put on that usual innocent guise that would’ve had a more naive version of you falling head over heels, “it’s been a while since i’ve last seen you. i’ve changed, i promise. i’ll be a better —”

“you won’t be anything, not to me at least,” you snapped, stepping away from him. “go run back to whatever her name is, since you wanted her so bad. i’m waiting for someone and don’t need you scaring them away looking like a lost puppy.”

rafayel staggered backwards at your harsh words, his demeanor changing as the idea of you seeing someone else really sunk in.

“who are you —”

“ah, fuck.”

rafayel’s jaw clenched as he slowly turned, eyes ablaze as they settled on thomas. his manager offered a sheepish grin before quickly heading to your side, muttering an apology to you.

“i can’t believe this,” the artist hissed, looking between the two of you. you shrugged nonchalantly and drove the point further by placing your hand in thomas’, slotting your fingers between his. “you - and you —!!”

“you made your choice,” you said plainly. “now, would you please leave? i’d like to enjoy my afternoon.”

rafayel gaped at you before muttering something under his breath, turning on his heel and storming away. the last thing he needed was for you to see the way tears had started to form in his eyes or the ugly sobbing that came seconds later as soon as he was out of sight.

༊*·˚ . zayne

you had finally found some balance in your life, a rarity that you held onto desperately. things had finally calmed down months after your breakup with zayne and you had bounced back in ways you didn’t even imagine.

hell, you even found yourself putting yourself out there and — with your newfound confidence — things were going really well for you!

so well, in fact, that you were sitting in the destiny cafè with a book in hand while you waited for your partner to return with your order. so captivated by the text, you didn’t look up when the chair across from you was once again occupied. it was only when the occupant said your name did you grimace and take a mental note of the page number before closing the book and setting it down in front of you.

“gods i do not have the energy to talk to you right now,” you said bluntly, putting your head in your hands. “or ever, for that matter.”

“well, hello to you as well,” zayne replied, sitting up straighter in his chair as you took your hands away to glare at him. “you look beautiful.”

“i know,” you deadpanned. giving him a once-over, you can’t see much difference from the last time you saw him save for the fact he looks more sleep deprived than usual. “now, let me be direct: i don’t want to talk to you.”

zayne sighed. “fine, but i need to talk to —”

he was cut off by the soft thunk! of two mugs being firmly set down on the table.

“here you are, pipsqueak.” caleb slid one mug in your direction with a sweet smile then turned to zayne. his expression quickly became menacing hidden behind a fake smile. “i’d say it’s nice to see you again, zayne, but i’m about three seconds from punching your face in. get out of my seat and leave my partner alone.”

zayne’s jaw clenched as he looked from caleb to you. “i just need to talk to them.”

caleb laughed and leaned in a little the smile dropping from his face. “you don’t need to do anything, zayne. so how about you get out of my seat and go yap to that girl you were getting all handsy with, hm?”

the air was thick and you could only watch with a smirk as zayne stood and quickly exited the cafè. caleb reclaimed his seat and reached across the table to give your hand a reassuring squeeze.

“you okay?” he asked, grabbing his mug with his other hand and taking a sip.

“we should probably see other people.”

༊*·˚. xavier

it had been a couple of months since you broke things off with xavier and the way his face had contorted into one of subtle shock made you feel, well, better about things. although it had pained you to say the words, knowing that he was instantly hit with something — be it guilt, regret, sadness, whatever — made you feel better knowing it meant he still cared enough about you.

though the months of silence that followed had you second guessing that notion, no matter how many times you tried to tell yourself it was normal for this to happen and that you should take advantage of this time. you would never admit to anyone the many nights you would spend on your couch, waiting around late at night hoping that knock would come on your door and your sleepy hunter would be on the other side.

perhaps you ended up manifesting it one too many times, however, because now you stand pj-clad in your doorway with one hand on your hip and a raised brow as xavier held out a round, marshmallow-looking stuffed bunny to you.

“what’s this?” you deadpanned, knowing exactly what he was doing — you just wanted to hear him say it.

xavier’s lips pressed into a tight line as he avoided your eyes and muttered, “i really screwed up. i didn’t realize how good things were with you until i lost you.”

you stayed silent, motioning for him to continue when he glanced your way.

“i don’t deserve to ask you for forgiveness, let alone should i expect you to take me back,” he said, holding your gaze, “but i’d be even more of a fool not to try. i’m so, so sorry i put you in such a shitty situation.”

xavier pushed the bunny a little closer to you, brightening a bit as you took it into your arms. it was soft and downright adorable, a stuffed reflection of the man in front of you(though, again, something else on the list of things that wouldn’t be admitted by you).

“i don’t expect you to answer me any time soon,” he added quickly, filling the silence, “so i’ll just —“

“xavier.”

the blonde immediately shut his mouth, giving you his rapt attention. with a sigh you look from the bunny to him before extending a hand to him, albeit hesitantly.

“i was in the middle of watching a movie,” you said, earning a confused look. “do you want to finish it with me?”

if your heart wasn’t racing by that point, the way xavier’s face broke out in a grin before he grabbed your hand excitedly and pulled you into your own apartment had it pounding against your rib cage like a drum.

༊*·˚. rafayel

you recieved a torrent of snarky, snappy texts following your brief break-up with rafayel. he switched between gaslighting you that nothing was happening and that you were overreacting to him acting nonchalant about the whole thing; it was so bad that you had to block his number before you even got back to your apartment, which was a few blocks away.

it was weird to not have your phone blowing up all day long but, at the same time, the silence was a sort of reprieve while you dealt with the emotional repercussions of the whole situation. it allowed you some peace of mind and gave you the space needed to cope and, with the months that followed, grow more comfortable with not being in a relationship anymore.

you had finally found yourself at peace once again, keeping yourself busy with things to do like trying out the new restaurant downtown. as you were getting ready to head out, a knock came from your front door.

“just a minute!” you called, adjusting the collar of your blouse in the mirror before heading to the door and opening it. “oh.”

standing in front of you was rafayel and thomas, the latter giving you a sweet smile and a wave.

“nice to see you!” he chirped before giving rafayel a shove on the shoulder and gesturing to you. “i’ll be in the car.”

“good seeing you, too, thomas,” you called as he walked off, then turned to rafayel. “so. it took your manager forcing you for you to come see me?”

rafayel pouted at you and crossed his arms over his chest. “last i checked, you’re the one who blocked my number.”

you barked out a laugh, unsure as to why you’d be surprised about the audacity of this man. “well, maybe it’s because you tried to downplay my feelings!”

“well i’m sorry, okay?” rafayel retorted, matching your raised volume. “there, happy?”

“happy?” you echoed, running a hand down your face. “rafayel, if you really think —”

“you’re right.”

you froze, biting back the rest of your statement and raising a brow. “i’m right?”

rafayel nodded, dropping his arms to his sides. “i fucked up. like truly, undoubtedly fucked up. and here i am, thinking i can just say sorry and fix it all but that’s not how it works. i’ve got this whole front to keep up to protect my stupid ego but. . .” he sniffles and you realize there are tears in his eyes but he continues before you can speak up.

“fuck my ego,” he spat, clearly more angry at himself with every word he spoke. “my life has been complete and utter shit without you in it. i thought i knew what i was doing but i was wrong and i can’t even begin to express how sorry i am. i don’t deserve forgiveness or anything from you but gods you deserved an apology and i hope this is at least somewhat sufficient.”

rafayel sniffled again, the tip of his nose reddening as he wiped at his eyes. you were shocked to say the least, rooted to the spot as you watched the man you always thought to be so invulnerable breaking down in front of you.

slowly you reached out and your hands pulled his away from his face. he looked at you with wide, teary eyes as your hands cupped his face, your thumbs brushing the few remaining tears away. he whispered your name and you sighed, feeling all the hardened feelings towards the artist and your breakup softening to mush.

“i’ve missed you,” he whispered, leaning into your touch, and everything gets thrown out the window as you press a quick kiss to his forehead, then his cheeks, then the corner of his lips.

“i missed you too,” you said quietly. “come inside — i’ll tell thomas that i’ll drive you home later.”

༊*·˚. zayne

his coldness towards you was to be expected but still stung more than you could’ve expected. what made the break-up even worse was that you had to do it at the hospital and she was present for it all. you had tripped over your words and felt like a fool but knew, deep down, it needed to be done to prevent you from spending another sleepless night.

you had accounted for the way you’d feel when you’d find his clothes in your laundry; you’d accounted for the way your heart would surge whenever the rare occurrence came that you’d see him out and about in linkon city; everything was thought out and prepared for to avoid feeling too harshly.

what you had failed to account for, however, was how you’d feel when you came home one day to find zayne sitting on your couch with at least ten different bouquets of flowers surrounding him.

first it was shock — you quite literally dropped all your belongings. zayne raised an eyebrow at your reaction as if it wasn’t incredibly surprising to see him sitting in your apartment after having months of no contact.

second it was realization — you hadn’t taken your spare key back. as soon as it hit you your shock wore off and you groaned, running a hand down your face. after a long day at work this was the last thing you were expecting and needed.

last came the indifference. you gestured to him, then to the door. zayne stood slowly and walked around the bouquets, heading for the door. you were surprised up until he shut the door and headed back to his original spot on the couch.

“zayne,” you deadpanned. “that was a sign for you to leave.”

“do you really want me to leave?” the doctor asked, his steely gaze sending shivers down your spine.

no. “why are you even here?” you asked, defeated, purposely avoiding the question. “months of not talking and you suddenly appear in my apartment? what gives?”

“i need to apologize,” zayne replied bluntly, gesturing to the plethora of flowers surrounding him. “did the flowers not make that obvious? are they not enough? should i have gotten more?”

he looked somewhat distraught as he looked around him and you shook your head with a sigh to cover up the way the corners of your mouth twitched. you’d hardly seen zayne so stressed let alone stressed over flowers and if they were enough for you.

“zayne, the flowers are lovely,” you assured him. “more than i know what to do with, though.”

zayne nodded slowly, a bit more at ease. he stood once more and walked over to you, stopping right in front of you. he took a deep breath and looked you square in the eye, though you noted the way his eyes flitted down to your lips for a split second.

“what i did, how i treated you, all of it was unacceptable,” he said softly and you couldn’t help but already feel him worming his way through your walls. “i don’t know what i was thinking — or if i was even thinking at all. you are the most caring, respectful, and loving partner anyone could ever ask for. i was so lucky to have you by my side and i foolishly messed everything up.”

you wanted to reach out and wrap your arms around him, truly, but he still looked as if he had more to say so you held yourself back for a moment longer.

“you are everything to me,” he said, “and i will do whatever i need to do to regain your trust, your love, everything. however long it takes — days, months, years, nothing else matters to me more than you.”

you were in awe of the man standing before you, so moved by his words and actions that you couldn’t help but wind your arms around him and pull him close to you. you could feel him relax in your embrace, something that nobody else could do no matter what. with your cheek pressed to his chest, you smiled to yourself as you felt him press a kiss to the crown of your head and his arms wrap tightly around you.

“since i went a little overboard with the flowers,” he mumbled, “do you think we should take them down to the hospital and give them out to the patients?”

there he was. your zayne. sweet, compassionate, loving zayne.

༊*·˚ xavier

you were curled up on xavier’s couch, engrossed in some cable drama that you had originally put on for background noise while you tidied. you didn’t even blink when the front door open and shut, signaling xavier’s arrival.

"how was work, xav?" you called, glancing over at him as he tossed his jacket onto the loveseat. you subconsciously leaned over as he approached the couch, your lips pursed as you awaited the usual ‘i missed you’ kiss that became a routine thing. however, he walked right by you and headed to the kitchen, eyes on his phone.

"it was fine," he responded absentmindedly, pocketing his phone and rummaging through the fridge. "i’m real tired, though. think i’m gonna head to bed early tonight."

you turned off the tv and stood, coming up behind him. your arms wrapped around his waist and you pressed your cheek to his back, sliding your hands into the pocket of his hoodie.

"are you okay?" you murmured, giving him a comforting squeeze. "did something happen at work today?"

xavier shut the fridge and put his hands inside the pocket as well, over yours. "i’m okay. just tired is all."

he pulled your hands out of his pocket and turned to face you, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead before shuffling off to the bedroom. you frowned and wrote it off as a tough day, thinking it was just a once in a while thing.

until it became an every day sort of thing.

over time it grew more and more obvious that there was something else going on with xavier outside of work — he would come home later, his already kind of spotty communication became worse, and then the affectionate gestures became a chore to him.

you would try to hold his hand? oh, he needs to hold his phone or it's in his pocket suddenly. want a hug? expect one of those brief side-hugs. expecting a kiss? quick peck on the cheek at most.

it was heart-wrenching, watching the man who had loved you like you had hung the moon in the sky for years suddenly stop. the thoughts of where things had gone sour commanded your mind day and night, searching for the answer tirelessly. then, one day, the answer presented itself to you out of the blue.

or, rather, she presented herself to you.

you and xavier were spending a quiet (not by choice) morning in the cafe when a woman approached, calling xavier's name. you noticed the way he straightened and the way his eyes lit up before he quickly covered it up. your heart shattered but you swallowed the hurt, smiling at the woman as she looked between the two of you and introduced herself to you. xavier invited her to sit with you two and she accepted, allowing you front row seats to watch the man who was supposed to love you fall in love with someone else.

༊*·˚ rafayel

work had finished early today, leaving you the afternoon to do as you pleased. seeing as your last mission was located just a couple blocks from rafayel’s studio, you took it upon yourself to pick up some snacks from the cafè to surprise him since he had been working hard for days on end now.

with pastries in hand you walked up the pathway to the mo art studio, a skip in your step as your excitement became palpable. as you go to open the door it swings open for you, revealing not rafayel but a woman you’d never seen before. you faltered for a second as she brushed by you with a muttered apology, heading the way you came.

probably just some fan of his work, you thought to yourself as you headed inside. kicking off your shoes at the entryway, you head for the main room and find rafayel lounging on his couch. he sat upright once he noticed you, squaring his shoulders and forcing a grin.

“you’re here,” is all he said to you, a stark contrast to his usual witty comments on how you just couldn’t seem to stay away for long.

“work ended early, so i thought i’d bring you some snacks,” you replied, placing the paper bag on the coffee table as you took a seat next to him. “how’s the painting coming out?”

“fine,” he replied, digging into the bag and pulling out a tart. you waited for him to continue, to whine and complain about thomas or some media outlet being on his ass about something but nothing followed his curt response.

“so,” you drawled, filling the silence, “another fan found your address?”

rafayel’s brow furrowed and he swallowed before asking, “what do you mean?”

“the woman who left when i came,” you pointed out, a heavy feeling settling in your chest. “a fan of your art?”

rafayel shook his head, leaning back against his couch with a wistful smile. “oh, her? don’t worry about it, just a deepspace hunter looking into some things about my paintings.”

you wanted to not worry — truly you did — but something about the whole thing just didn’t sit right with you. despite the nagging feeling in your mind, you went to place your hand over rafayel’s so you could focus on something else. just as your pinky finger was about to interlock with his, he quickly pulled his hand onto his lap.

with a small nod, you stood and mumbled, “i’m gonna head home.”

you hoped that rafayel would say something — better yet do something — to get you to stay but no, he was off in his own little world, staring out the window at the sea. fighting back tears, you take your leave, slipping on your shoes and heading back towards the streets.

the sunny day was no longer warm and welcoming but hot and suffocating with your heart drowning in pain at the idea of the man you loved with all your being and more having someone else.

༊*·˚ zayne

things between you and zayne had always been kind of like a scale — some days it would lean to one side, some days the other.

he was stoic yet sweet, soft and caring in just the right moments. the times you were together were some of the most blissful times you could ever have imagined. just the right amount of intimacy, domesticity, and partnership that a relationship needed to blossom.

this would be outweighed, however, by the days straight without communication but you always chalked it up to his profession and never really had too much of an issue with how things went. you couldn’t begin to imagine the amount of stress that a doctor took on, especially in the day and age of wanderers. so, like a good partner would, you did all you could to be as supportive as possible in every way he needed.

from homemade lunches to silently holding him in your arms after a rough day, there was nobody better for him than you.

one morning after you had stayed the night, you woke up to a text from him asking if you could deliver his lunch that he’d left on the table. after sending a quick reply to assure him you’d swing by in a bit, you got out of bed and found some clothes folded neatly on top of the dresser for you.

soon after getting yourself together, you grabbed zayne’s lunch and packed one for yourself, deciding that it’d be nice to have a meal together in his office again since it had been some time since the last one. you enjoyed the brisk walk to the hospital, soaking up the early spring sun.

yvonne gave you a polite wave as you walked past the receptionist’s desk and down the hall towards zayne’s office. you knocked once before opening the door, stopping short as you noticed a woman sitting on the couch beside him.

“my bad, i didn’t know you had a patient,” you said with an awkward chuckle before holding up his lunch bag. “brought your —”

“just leave it on the desk,” zayne interrupted, nodding toward the desk in the corner. “thank you.”

“yeah, no problem,” you replied, doing as asked. you stand there for a second longer and zayne cleared his throat, gesturing towards the door. “oh, sorry. i’ll, uh, see you later then?”

your statement switched to a question when zayne raised an eyebrow at you, quickly shutting down any confidence you had. with a curt nod you exited his office and left the hospital, mind clouded as you aimlessly wandered until you found yourself at the park. sitting on a bench you took out your lunch and began to eat until you couldn’t stomach anything anymore with the image of zayne and the woman on the couch burned into your mind.

the way they were shoulder to shoulder; her hand centimeters from his knee; his eyes, usually icy and reserved, looking at her with a sickening fondness that you only saw from time to time; the way he addressed you not as a partner, but as someone who had intruded on something so important to him.

"rafayel, where are we going?"

with his hands covering your eyes, you were helpless as he led you down what could only be described as a beaten path given how many times you almost tripped. as if you questioning his plans gave any indication you could see, he tightened his hold.

"for the third time now, it's a surprise," he stressed, tapping your temples with his thumbs. "don't you trust me?"

you chuckled and replied, "well, seeing as this whole escapade started because you faked an emergency to get me to rush over, not really."

your smile grew when you heard rafayel huff behind you and you could just imagine the way his cheeks were puffed out.

"it's all part of my plan! you'll see," he retorted, directing you to the right and muttering, "there was a rock."

you laughed and reached up, gently patting his hands. "alright, alright, i trust you. though i hope you know i've got the slightest inclination on what this excursion is for."

"i'd be more concerned if you didn't, honestly," rafayel shot back, suddenly stopping. "i'm gonna take my hands away so close your eyes. don't open them until i say so, got it?"

you nodded, shutting your eyes as asked. you felt rafayel slowly peel his hands away from your face, then take them back as soon as he was sure your eyes were shut. excitement coursed through you as you heard hurried footsteps go from behind you to in front of you, then a bit of a ways away.

"raf?" you called out after a moment, brows furrowing as you grew slightly impatient.

"alright, alright, open your eyes!"

blinking a few times to adjust to the bright sunlight, you gasped when you were able to make out the sight of an elaborate picnic set up overlooking the most picturesque field of flowers you'd ever seen. sitting atop a checkered blanket you recognized from rafayel's studio sat an array of your favorite foods, two glasses, an expensive looking bottle of wine, and the man himself, grinning with his arms spread.

"well? what do ya think?" he asked, extending a hand for you to take. as soon as you got over the initial shock you put your hand in his and allowed him to pull you down next to him. "i found this spot months ago, right before i met you. i was at a real low in creativity and other aspects in life but this view sparked such a vivid inspiration that i thought nothing could rival it."

as he spoke you drank in the scenery, in complete awe of such raw beauty. hues of red, blue, yellow, and green stretched as far as the eye could see, illuminated by the early afternoon sun. you didn't dare pry your eyes away from such a sight, even as rafayel dropped his head to your shoulder.

"how wrong i was," he continued, his fingers lacing between yours. "it was as if the world said 'hold my beer, i got this'. then, bam, you appeared a couple days later! now all sights come second to the one i've got sitting right next to me."

with an embarrassed chuckle you give his hand a loving squeeze, resting your cheek atop his head. with his free hand, rafayel reached behind him and grabbed a small box. he toyed with the ribbon for a second before putting it in your lap gently.

༊*·˚ . RAFAYEL - "my love"

the first time rafayel tests out the nickname, it takes a moment or two for it to register in your brain that he's talking to you. there's no cocky undertone, no snarky remark to pair it with — just genuine, unfiltered adoration.

"my love" because that's how deeply he feels for you after you chose to stick by his side and not only deal with his shenanigans but also partake in them from time to time. "my love" because he can think of no higher honor than to be his love (he had to find some way to make it about him, after all). "my love" because saying the words with you in mind feels so right to him, like anything else would be doing you a disservice.

"i need a break before i chuck this painting into the ocean. care to join me on a walk, my love?"

༊*·˚. XAVIER - "princess"

funny enough, xavier found this nickname to suit you during a back-and-forth the two of you were having. you were being quite stubborn about how to approach an upcoming mission and wouldn't let xavier's input sway your decision.

"alright, princess, have it your way," he said dismissively, picking up his mug and taking a sip from it. when met with stunned silence, he peered over the rim of the mug with raised brows. your cheeks were a rosy red and you gaped at him, the rest of your argument dying on your tongue. xavier smirked and set his mug back down, resting his elbows on his knees.

"don't you — "

"oh, you did this to yourself," he interrupted, "princess."

༊*·˚. ZAYNE - "sunshine"

something so sweet, so gentle, it only makes sense for it to come from zayne. you first catch it murmured on a lazy sunday morning, his lips inches from your ear as he rests his chin on your shoulder so he can be as close as possible while staying out of the way as you make breakfast.

"good morning, sunshine," he mumbled, voice thick with sleep. "did you sleep well?"

you blinked and tried to blame it on him being sleepy, waiting for the ever stoic dr. zayne to clear his throat and ask again sans nickname. you could no longer deny what you had heard when he tilted his head ever so slightly to catch your eye, confused.