BELOVED

ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”

“   Hungry? Eat the government. ”

“   Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”

“   Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”

“  They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”

“   Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”

“   Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”

“   Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”

“   What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”

“   I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”

“   I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”

“   I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”

“   The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”

“   Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”

“   If you’re short, simply get taller. ”

“   I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”

“   My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”

“   There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”

“   You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”

“   I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”

“   I really do hate thinking. ”

“   In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”

“   I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”

“   Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”

“   Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”

“   So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”

“   Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”

“   The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”

“   Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”

“   The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”

“   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”

“   Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”

“   What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”

“   Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”

“   RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”

“   Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”

“   My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”

“   It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”

“   Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”

“   How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”

“   I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”

“   You look so biteable today. ”

“   Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”

“   I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”

“   Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”

“   Third base is me telling you about my father. ”

“   Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”

“   Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”

“   I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”

“   Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”

“   I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”

“   Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”

“   I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”

“   Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”

“   You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”

“   You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”

“   It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”

“   Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”

“   No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”

“   No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”

“   I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”

“   Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”

“   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”

“   I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”

“   Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”

“   I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”

“   Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”

“   Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”

“   Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”

“   May I please get a crumb of affection? ”

“   I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”

“   You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”

“   Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”

“   Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”

“   All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”

“   How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”

“   What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”

“   I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”

“   Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”

“   Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”

“   I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”

“   Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”

“   I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”

“   You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”

“   Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”

“   Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”

“   I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”

“   If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”

“   Everything I want to do is illegal. ”

“   Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”

“   I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”

“   Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄

“  let’s go home.  ” “  um,  excuse me?  ” “  you broke it.  ” “  need a hand?  ” “  please,  help me.  ” “  i missed you.  ” “  i’m not sorry.  ” “  tell the truth.  ” “  what happened here?  ” “  got a minute?  ” “  life’s a bitch.  ” “  you’ve done enough.  ” “  i’m still learning.  ” “  don’t touch me.  ” “  was that you?  ” “  there’s no god.  ” “  you deserve better.  ” “  you’re a saint.  ” “  you are enough.  ” “  maybe you’re right.  ” “  this will pass.  ” “  you complete me.  ” “  you got this.  ”

𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑

“  don’t be so dramatic.  ” “  no guts,  no glory.  ” “  i’m calling for help.  ” “  run away with me.  ” “  it’s always been you.  ” “  some things take time.  ” “  you’re being awfully quiet.  ” “  please don’t hurt me.  ” “  snap out of it.  ” “  did you miss me?  ” “  how do i look?  ” “  i wanna get better.  ” “  whatever floats your boat.  ” “  i’ll love you always.  ” “  what are you waiting for?  ” “  at least i tried.  ” “  give me a kiss.  ” “  what’s the fucking point?  ” “  god,  i love you.  ” “  i’m doing my best.  ” “  i waited for you.  ” “  you woke me up.  ” “  stay with me tonight.  ”

𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄

to be gentle, even after everything, was her greatest strength.

[TXT] : answer the question.

[TXT] : you left your jacket here.

[TXT] : ignore that last message.

[TXT] : must be my fault somehow.

[TXT] : this was a bad idea but i'm doing it anyway.

[TXT] : guess i misunderstood the vibe.

[TXT] : i'm only texting you because i'm drunk.

[TXT] : i can't stop thinking about your hands.

[TXT] : you're not gonna believe this..

[TXT] : i'm blushing shut up.

[TXT] : okay wait no don't answer that.

[TXT] : i didn't say anything because i didn't want to argue.

[TXT] : be honest with me.

[TXT] : are you free tonight?

[TXT] : i'll explain later, just call me now!

[TXT] : i like it when you looked at me like that.

[TXT] : i should stop texting before this escalates.

[TXT] : i keep rereading that message.

[TXT] : are you trying to distract me on purpose.

[TXT] : i hate that you were right.

[TXT] : you'd be so proud of me right now and also disappointed.

[TXT] : cheers to bad decisions.

[TXT] : i had a dream about you.

[TXT] : i thought you were coming?

[TXT] : wow that's crazy.

[TXT] : it's whatever honestly.

[TXT] : your stuff is still here.

[TXT] : open the door.

[TXT] : what are you doing right now?

[TXT] : don't screenshot this.

[TXT] : don't make me ask twice.

[TXT] : i'm grabbing coffee, want one?

[TXT] : what are we?

[TXT] : no really it's fine.

[TXT] : you don't have to lie.

[TXT] : i don't feel great.

[TXT] : don't rush i've only been waiting.

[TXT] : i forgot the grocery list.

[TXT] : don't do this over text.

[TXT] : did i do something wrong?

[TXT] : i don't trust myself around you.

[TXT] : running late sorry.

[TXT] : you make it hard to be good.

[TXT] : i told myself i wouldn't text you tonight.

[TXT] : are you mad at me.

[TXT] : please answer me.

[TXT] : i told you not to do that.

[TXT] : can i come over?

[TXT] : i'm outside.

[TXT] : you're being unfair.

[TXT] : that's not an excuse.

[TXT] : can you stay on the phone with me?

[TXT] : are you busy?

[TXT] : please tell me you're okay.

[TXT] : i think i fucked up.

[TXT] : i need to vent.

[TXT] : do you want food?

[TXT] : this is messing with my head.

[TXT] : i should not be imagining this right now.

[TXT] : are you mad at me?

[TXT] : please say something.

[TXT] : can you lie for me?

[TXT] : i found your keys!

[TXT] : i just thought you'd let me know.

[TXT] : i know you're awake.

[TXT] : stay the night.

[TXT] : you look good and you know it.

[TXT] : this reminded me of you!

[TXT] : this conversation is not helping my self control.

[TXT] : i love how you only respond when it's convenient.

[TXT] : i love you and i hate that i love you.

[TXT] : you left me on read.

[TXT] : i cleared my schedule.

[TXT] : i can't keep doing this.

[TXT] : are you alone?

[TXT] : stuck in traffic.

[TXT] : you could've just said no.

[TXT] : i don't want to be alone.

[TXT] : who are you with?

[TXT] : something has to change.

[TXT] : if you were here right now i'd be in serious trouble.

[TXT] : i'm done.

[TXT] : don't tease me.

[TXT] : i'm getting worried.

[TXT] : oh okay i guess we're not talking anymore.

[TXT] : where are you??

[TXT] : i'm thinking about you.

[TXT] : i hate nights like this without you.

[TXT] : can you come get me?

[TXT] : look up.

[TXT] : i trust you.

[TXT] : i need help.

[TXT] : this is flirting right?

[TXT] : i changed my mind about earlier.

[TXT] : it's fine do whatever you want.

[TXT] : it's not what it looked like, okay?

[TXT] : my brain won't shut up about last night.

[TXT] : please come get me before i make worse choices.

[TXT] : that was not funny.

[TXT] : i'm proud of you.

[TXT] : i don't know why i'm telling you this.

[TXT] : i'm sorry, i should've said something sooner

[TXT] : please don't be mad..

[TXT] : are you coming over or just teasing me?

[TXT] : i won't bother you again.

[TXT] : i almost sent this three times.

[TXT] : did you get home safe?

[TXT] : you don't owe me anything clearly.

[TXT] : i miss you.

[TXT] : guess who i just ran into..

[TXT] : i can't sleep.

[TXT] : i need clarity.

[TXT] : tell me to behave.

[TXT] : okay fine you win.

[TXT] : hello?

[TXT] : you did good.

[TXT] : do you miss me?

[TXT] : i'm bored, entertain me.

[TXT] : are you safe??

[TXT] : you're unbelievable.

[TXT] : i shouldn't have said what i said earlier.

[TXT] : i hope you're asleep because this is embarrassing.

[TXT] : don't ever say that again.

[TXT] : are you flirting with me?

[TXT] : you owe me gas money.

[TXT] : stop avoiding me.

[TXT] : call me when you see this!

[TXT] : you still mad?

[TXT] : can we talk in person?

[TXT] : can i crash at your place?

[TXT] : you're going to get me in trouble.

[TXT] : i'm spiraling.

[TXT] : you're doing this on purpose.

[TXT] : okay i'm done texting now.

[TXT] : you look cute.

[TXT] : glad you had fun.

[TXT] : i'm exhausted.

[TXT] : i'm trying to be respectful but you're not helping.

[TXT] : why would you think that was okay??

[TXT] : i want to move on.

[TXT] : thanks for the heads up i guess.

[TXT] : you left your panties here for a reason didn't you.

[TXT] : you know exactly what you're doing.

[TXT] : please don't tell anyone.

[TXT] : remember when we said we wouldn't do this again.

[TXT] : i can't find my shoes.

[TXT] : do you always do this or just to me?

[TXT] : tell me you don't miss me so i can shut up.

[TXT] : you crossed a line.

[TXT] : you up?

[TXT] : you didn't have to do that.

[TXT] : don't get smug.

[TXT] : i'm on my way!

[TXT] : i should not be saying this.

[TXT] : remind me to tell you later.

over a year ago, i made this meme & since then, it’s blown up. so, over a year later — i thought i would make a new one. so here it is, after several requests & a pile of brains,  THE PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP MEME 0.2 send me a  ✿  and i’ll fill out the template below. bold for things i could definitely see or want, italics for things i could see or am unsure of and striked out for things i don’t want or cannot see.

FRIENDSHIP.     childhood friends  /  work buddies or coworkers  /  family friends  /  friends with benefits  /  smoking buddies  /  adventure buddies  /  fake friends  /  recently friends  /  party buddies  /  friendship of need  /  dying friendship  /  circumstantial friendship  /  partners in crime  /  old friendship  /  [ your muse ] is the good influence  /  [ your muse ] is the bad influence  /  [ my muse ] is the good influence  /  [ my muse ] is the bad influence  /  opposites attract  /  ride or die  /  frenemies  /  roommates or flatmates  /  penpals  /  exes to friends  /  enemies to friends  /  other

ROMANCE.     childhood sweethearts  /  [ your muse is mines ] childhood crush  /  [ my muse is yours ] childhood crush  /  exes  /  exes to lovers  /  forbidden lovers  /  highschool sweethearts  /  secret relationship  /  opposites attract  /  long distance  /  unrequited [ from your muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from my muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from both sides ]  /  skinny love  /  friends to lovers  /  enemies to lovers  /  spurious relationship  /  power couple  /  newly entered  /  soulmates [ metaphorical ]  /  soulmates  [ literal ]  /  awkward  /  turning toxic  /  toxic love  /  cheating [ on your muse ]  /  cheating [ with your muse ]  /  other 

FAMILIAL.     siblings [ half ]  /  siblings [ step ]  /  [ my muse ] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure  /  [ my muse ] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse  /  [ my muse ] is a parental figure to yours  /  [ my muse ] is a child figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal guardian  /  adoptive child  /  foster child  /  [ your muse ] is taken under mines wing  /  [ my muse ] is taken under yours wing  /  other

he's laughing as carter drags kip off to to the locker room with the others - and he soon follows. JUST FOR A MOMENT HE'S NOT THINKING ABOUT ALL THE THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG. they've just won the cup - he's come out , kip by his side. no longer hiding. it feels like nothing can touch him. he changes faster than he ever has before in his life , quick to grab his phone & respond when he sees a notification for a text message from katya.

the crowd was slowly moving around her, with much noise as everyone was talking of little else after such an eventful final. she remained in her seat, unwilling to be stuck between all these people as they swarmed to the exit.

i found this list and kinda fed into it each time i got the flu or a migraine, and u know what, it's just me revealing just how much i love the caring threads and the soft threads and the fondly exasperated "let me help you" threads! use at your pleasure, DO NOT ADD TO THE LIST NOR EDIT IT! i will be changing it accordingly!

" i found you passed out in the kitchen. you wanna stop working yourself so hard? or do i need to keep hitting the gym to carry you to bed every day? "

" you're burning up. "

" your neighbour called me and said you could use a nurse. looks like they were right, too. "

" you were told to take it easy, so... yeah. this is kinda on you. "

" you took a sick day. you NEVER take a sick day. so yeah, i got worried, and i figured i'd come over and keep an eye on you. "

" you texted me a long and incoherent text that held about 90% of the emoji list and about four different languages. figured it wouldn't hurt to drop by and see how you were doing. "

" how long have you been sick for? and don't lie. "

" you look like hell. "

" i brought you some soup; let me heat some up for you? "

" okay. it's time you went to the hospital. "

" hey… hello there, sleeping beauty. you gave me a bit of a scare yesterday. how are you feeling? "

" i swear, if you even think of getting out of that bed… "

" you know when i said to call if it's an emergency? a fever is most DEFINITELY considered an emergency! "

" if you think you're going to work like this, you better think again. "

" don't worry. my family swears by this remedy; just let it work its magic and you'll feel good as new in no time. "

" I don't care about getting sick. i'm not leaving you until you're back to full health. "

" you didn't stop to think that this might happen when you're burning the candle at both ends? "

" yeah, I can play the role of nurse AND say "I told you so" at the same time, actually. "

" you better drink every last drop of this tea, no matter how disgusting it is. "

" i told my boss it was an emergency so they've given me a full week to look after you. "

" quit being so stubborn and get into BED! "

" what part of doctor's orders hasn't sunk in yet? bed rest! for the WEEK! "

" right, where do you keep your saucepans? i'm going to make you my famous noodle soup. it's a cure-all, i'm telling you! "

" hey, unless you're going to the bathroom or the sofa, I don't want to see you out of that bed. got it? "

" when are you gonna start letting people look after you, huh? "

" i know, i know, i turned off all the lights once i figured you had the migraine. you want some tea? water? "

" don't be mad, but i saw your fridge, and... it frightened me. so i've taken you back to my place, and i'm gonna get deliveroo to bring some groceries to your place tomorrow. okay? "

" i know your appetite is a little off, so i ordered in a whole tonne of options. just try a little bit of something, please? for me? "

" i've brought half a pharmacy, enough movies and boardgames to last us a decade, and every single snack i could fit into the basket at the grocery store. so sit your butt down, eat your soup, and try and make the most of your bed rest for the next week, will you? "

ACTION PROMPTS ( SEND THE FULL LINE! and feel free to reverse if u wish! ):

[ TOUCH ]: sender gently rests a hand against the receiver's forehead to check their temperature.

[ DAMP ]: sender presses a cool cloth against the receiver's face, neck and forehead to try and lower their fever.

[ BLANKET ]: sender wraps another blanket around the receiver to try and stop them from shivering.

[ SPOON ]: sender gently coaxes spoons of soup into the receiver's mouth to build up their strength after an illness.

[ CARRY ]: sender, finding the receiver weakened/unconscious on the floor, immediately lifts them up and carries them back to bed.

[ AROUND ]: sender keeps a protective arm around the receiver to help them walk without the risk of stumbling or collapsing.

[ STAY ]: sender decides to stay by the receiver's bedside after learning that they're sick.

[ HAIR ]: sender smooths back the receiver's hair in a soothing gesture to try and help them go back to sleep.

[ TILT ]: sender tips a bottle of water up for the receiver to sip from.

[ HUM ]: sender hums/sings to soothe a sick receiver back to sleep.

[ BACK ]: sender gently rubs the receiver's back, either to soothe them or warm them while they're unwell.

[ SHARE ]: sender climbs into the receiver's sickbed with them, wrapping their arms around them to offer warmth and comfort.

[ SHOWER ]: sender, learning the receiver has a high fever, takes a cold shower with them in order to lower their temperature.

[ WAKEN ]: the receiver wakes up in bed, having been found unconscious by the sender and carried into the bed from the floor.