Quotes

There are still nights Where I lie in my bed Thinking of you, and what we could've been And there are still nights Where I lie in my bed Thinking of how much I hate you for hurting me And there are still nights Where I cry myself to sleep Killing myself thinking of reasons as to why you chose her instead of me Because you always reassured me not to be jealous of her Or how she looked Because you said to me, "you are the only girl for me" and with deep regret l believed you Along with all the other lies you told me

Today I saw you walking down the hall and I remembered how we used to be. I looked at you for acknowledgement, maybe a little smile or a wave, just to know that you knew that I was there. But you kept your head down, and kept walking, making us look like The complete strangers I guess we have become.

I woke up screaming get out of my head you were in my dreams I had flashbacks of those beautiful memories only to realize they don't happen anymore it's in the past you hurt me when you left it's been months but it still hurts you used to be the reason why I get up in the morning and now you're the reason why I don't want to get up in the morning I miss being yours and I missed calling you mine all the fun, all the happy times how did they all end? I want to blame myself but I can't because I know you weren't the one for me I'm not sitting here waiting for the right person to come along I'm trying to do my best to take you off my mind yet everything somehow reminds me of you this pure sadness swelling inside of me that I don't want to pour out and tell anyone else how I feel so I keep it inside. It's just really hard it takes every part of me to leave the bed go to the public and smile and act like everything is all right no one can make me feel the same way you did it's like once you have that from rememberable feeling that's all you want. You don't want that feeling to go away. I guess I've fallen harder than I thought. I guess I've fallen so hard I can't get back up. My heart hurts so much I can literally feel it through my chest. People tell me to throw away and delete everything I have about you like pictures and your phone number. But how can I delete memories? Someone else please tell me that because I keep holding onto these memories they keep taking me back to you.

I can't explain it. I know you're meant to be in my life. know we were meant to cross paths and our relationship is not a coincidence. believe there are people you're destined to meet during your lifetime and I, without a doubt, believe you are one of mine. I don't know who you are to me just yet. I don't know if you're a lesson waiting to happen or the closest someone will ever come to understanding me, above even myself. I just know you're meant to be where you are right now. You're not casually passing through, you're here to bring my life something I've never known up until this point. It's as if this role was written with you in mind and no one can fulfill it the way you do, you're just now stepping into your placement. You were written into my life and because of that you fit so snug, so perfectly. Certain traits of your personality exist purely to compliment mine, or maybe it's the other way around. Some piece of me exists for you alone, and it must be the same for you in turn. I don't know what you're meant to be to me just yet, but stay where you are. Please. I can't explain it, but I know you're meant to be here.

You haven't called in two weeks That's what I keep repeating to myself That you haven't called in two weeks so when I go to a restaurant And know what you'd want to order or when I see something in a window that I know you'd want to wear I tell myself that you haven't fucking called so it's time to start forgetting what you like from places that you're never going to be with me So when I laugh a little too loud at parties With a different boy hanging from my fingers that doesn't smile the same way Or delete your number in front of my friends as if I wouldn't get that rush to my heart if you ever called again Know that it's all for you and in spite of you Because you haven't fucking called And I don't really want to remember the sound of your voice or the way your laugh sounds when it's right next to my ear because I know I won't hear it not anymore. so when I go to a restaurant And know what you'd want to order or when I see something in a window that I know you'd want to wear I tell myself that you haven't fucking called so it's time to start forgetting what you like from places that you're never going to be with me So when I laugh a little too loud at parties With a different boy hanging from my fingers that doesn't smile the same way Or delete your number in front of my friends as if I wouldn't get that rush to my heart if you ever called again Know that it's all for you and in spite of you Because you haven't fucking called And I don't really want to remember the sound of your voice or the way your laugh sounds when it's right next to my ear because I know I won't hear it not anymore not in person not even over the phone.

The first one fucks you up, you know? You spend weeks trying to convince yourself that it is okay to feel: it's okay to want him, it's okay to hold his hand, it's okay to love this love that boils out of you like you're on fire and he's the burner. It's okay to let him touch you, to feel more than just yourself, to unclench your fists and loosen the noose fear holds around your neck, to lose your stiffness It's like once you get the hang of it, once your palms stop sweating in his presence, once you believe him when he tells you there is nobody else, when his shoulder blades feel like craters and you are sinking into the depression, that's when he leaves And suddenly, it's only you again and you beg but he won't come back and you feel so fucking stupid for having feelings, for letting him in, for ruining everything Now you are so full of the love you tried to give him but he wouldn't take. It's like there's a hole in his heart that devours every ounce of your love and leaves you with only sadness. You just want to hug him, to tell him you're sorry, to spend one more night with his dreams on your pillowcase, but instead you spend two weeks in bed just to watch him kiss someone else when you get out of it and you wish there was a way to die without terminating your existence You come with a disclaimer now: You are obsessive, crazy, your love is too loud to be reckoned with. When he tells you that you are the problem, you believe him; after all, he saw your fire and chose to run away from it. The fault lines in your palms have never seemed so big and even though you are the one with the broken heart, you are also the one who can't stop the apologies from running down your chin. The first one fucks you up, you know? But you're not fucked up; he is.

When does it stop hurting? Everything hurts. I hate myself so much. I feel as if there's no point in continuing. I'm finally letting go but once did I see everything fall apart around me. People who were once close and important are leaving Growing apart, going away. My life is crumbling. thought I was fine but I'm not. I just feel pure horrible. Friends can break your heart too. Lovers can break your heart too. Everyone has the ability to break your heart. What am l? What's wrong with me? Why do I always end up being this way? Why do I always get hurt? I want to cry and be alone. I've learned that there's no point in talking about how you feel because it doesn't matter and no one cares. They say to let go of pain yet somehow it keeps finding its way back. Everything l do is a burden. Everything speak is meaningless. Nothing matters. I don't matter. Ive heard the quotes of its just a bad day, you'll get over it, you gotta have your bad days to get your good ones. Then how come all I'm having is bad days? I wanna get better but it seems like an endless journey of not giving up. I don't want pain, sadness, agony and despair to get the best of me but I think I know now it's been a while since they did.

i thought with the passing time i would replace what i lost but i became fragile and emptier than before and all left was nothing i would never find a way to bring all my missing pieces together into one

I realize I never to say thank you, so here it goes Thank you for not being there when needed you, it taught me how to be my own best friend and I finally found peace in my own comfort Thank you for not loving me the way I deserve. l now give myself all of the love l deserve and more Thank you for walking away from everything we had, it gave me the chance to realise what we had couldn't of been love, you don't treat people you love like that. Thank you for not believing in me, it made me thrive and now I'm doing amazing things Thank you for saying all of those negative things you did, it gave me the strength to look in the mirror and rehearse those words until knew that they were more of a reflection on you. Most of all thank you for walking out of that door and never turning back. Without you leaving I wouldn't be as content as l am today. I would have never learnt to love every part of me, I never would have found a best friend in me. So from the bottom of my heart thank you for being the worst thing to happen to me.

You know you're fucked when you're only 15 but it feels like the world could end right there and you would be fine with it. It's fucked when girls and boys are so young yet so depressed, so heartbroken. Feelings fuck you up, I remember when I was a little girl I had this whole life ahead of me and all I wanted was a boyfriend. And now after having one I don't understand why I needed one, it messed me up. Emotionally and physically, I am fucked. He was the type of boy that you could just see yourself lasting forever with, And that's exactly what I did. He teased me so much I used to sook about it but that didn't matter because at least he was making me smile in someway. He cared so deeply, and he was so sensitive even though everyone saw him as this big tough guy. He was gentle, he was romantic, it was like we were 23 and madly in love. I love relationship was beyond what you'd expect at such a young age, but we were so maturely in love. But that's the thing, I'm not 23, i'm so young and so heartbroken and it's not as simple as going out every night to get him out of my head. I have to sleep because of school, I have to go to school, I have to study and commit to all of my commitmentsand it's impossible to get him out of my mind. He wasn't just my boyfriend he was genuinely my best friendand sometimes we fought as best friends would. But no matter how we were fighting, we fought as hard as we could for each other because that's what love does to you. But one day I guess he just decided to stop fighting, and it wasn't like I was expecting it. We always were we would fight for each other, fight for the relationship, fight for our fucking love but he didn't want to anymore. He didn't want me anymore, and I can say with all my broken heart that killed me. It's the worst thing to wake up happily in love and then go to bed broken because you've lost the reason you even got up that day. He said he lost feelings, but I can't place one. When did he lose feelings? With all of that sweet talk, the kisses, the text, the calls, the hugs, everything and at some point he somehow started to lose feelings. And it hurt and surprised me so much because everyone knew that he was crazy about me.I saw parts of him that he would never dare to show anyone, we were so comfortable with each other and we allowed each other into our hearts but for some reason he just didn't want that anymore. I cannot place that all in my head, so you can suddenly lose interest in someone you once loved. And it wasn't like the hurt stopped there, no a month later he found himself with a another girl. Making all the memories, the love, the jokes, that we were once doing. And the weirdest thing is, everyone around him can see that he doesn't love her. Not the way he loved me at least. And I can't seem to process the thought of why you would throw away a diamond for a fake one. Why would you throw away your perfect girl for someone who doesn't even come close? Fuck, she's not even pretty and yet I feel like I have to compete with her. And every month goes by and they are still going strong and from some reason my brain still can't process it. I still can't believe that he's just moved on from me because love doesn't just go away. You can't just get rid of love because you don't want it anymore, feelings don't leave when you ask them to. So what is he doing with her when he can be with me? I've never been the girl to wait for someone, I always want to try with everyone but for some reason I am constantly drawn to him, as if you truly made for me and I think he is. I think he's the love of my life and maybe I'm just not his. But when you love something you don't just let it go, you fucking fight like crazy for it and I can promise everyone I would never go down without a fight. OK maybe he's happily in love with her but what about me? What about my love for him? That doesn't just go away, that doesn't get excluded so fuck society in their expectations. Hope everyone who thinks I won't succeed. I know what I want, and I've never been so determined to get it.

It won't hit you until the morning after when you wake up without them next to you. It won't hit you until you're out with your friends and their name will be mentioned even once. It won't hit you until it's 3 AM and you've checked your phones messages multiple times but nothing is there. It won't hit you until you're at the supermarket and you'll have nobody to double check what you need with. It won't hit you until you got the greatest news and you can't tell the person always tell first. It won't hit you until you're watching a movie that you usually watch with them and when that scene where the both of you died of laughter plays, you find yourself sitting in silence. It won't hit you until you see a couple across the street gazing into each others eyes when you'll miss the familiarity. It won't hit you until you're drunk and lonely when you miss being held. It won't hit you until you're finally at your best, but they are not there. It will hit you then, that you're doing OK. That your heart is still beating, that you can survive without the help of anybody. That you can be happy on your own, that when you thought you'd be sad over it forever, you were wrong. When that happens, I want you to know that without you, their life wouldn't have been the same and sometimes they feel lost without you too.

Eventually you'll end up where you need to be, with who you're meant to be with, and doing what you should be doing. Patience is the key tho.

You're the first thing that comes to my mind every day and the last thought I think of every night.

I fell in love with the way you looked at me, spoke to me, touched me without using your hands and left me breathless but still full of life.

You could find another me tomorrow and that's the hardest pill to swallow.