Queen Uni

I wrote our story in ink. How will I erase you?

This isn’t the movies. There’s no point in time when you’ll realize you’re still in love with me. You won’t search for me in the city we fell in love in. You won’t sit on the step where we took our first kiss and long for me to lean in. You won’t go over in your head the ways you could have loved me if you would have stayed. You won’t play my laugh on repeat in your mind. You won’t think of me singing you all the love songs, or attempting the rap ones. You won’t smile thinking of me being dumb. You won’t hold your chest because it feels like your heart is missing.

I have an undeniable desire to let her be. To let her go. I’ve wasted time trying to fit her into a box. To tell her who to be. For what? For me? The insanity. A beautiful soul. A beautiful mind. A beautiful body. And I had the audacity to try to change the very things I fell in love with. Freedom my dear. That’s all I want for you.

Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.

I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

watch out for if you try to talk about how your feeling and they position it as an attack on them.

It will hurt. And then one day it won’t. And until then, I will allow this pain to let me grow.

Anything that cost you your peace is too expensive.