Love Heal Grow Counseling

Food can be a complicated subject. It nourishes us, it brings us pleasure, it helps us connect to our culture; but at the same time, it can also lead to disordered eating, guilt, body image issues, and confusion about what to eat. But there are ways to rebuild and strengthen this relationship so that food becomes a source of nourishment and joy, rather than a stressor.

Remember, food is always personal. What works for one person might not work for someone else. It’s about finding a balance that suits your body, your lifestyle, and your emotional needs. If you’ve been struggling with your relationship with food, here are some tips to help guide you on your journey.

Practice Mindful Eating

Mindful eating is about bringing full attention to the act of eating. It’s easy to fall into the habit of eating on autopilot, like grabbing snacks while working, eating meals in front of the TV, or rushing through lunch to get back to your busy day. These habits can disconnect you from the experience of eating, making it difficult to listen to your body’s hunger and fullness cues.

Try to slow down and focus on the taste, texture, and satisfaction of each bite. Chew slowly, savor the flavors, and notice how your body feels as you eat. By practicing mindful eating, you allow yourself to be more in tune with your hunger signals and create a deeper connection with your food.

Ditch the Diet Mentality

Diet culture can warp your view of food, making you feel like some foods are “good” while others are “bad.” When you label foods this way, you may start to see your eating choices as reflections of your self-worth, leading to guilt or shame when you don’t eat according to those labels.

Instead of focusing on rigid diets and food rules, try adopting a more flexible mindset. Allow yourself to enjoy a variety of foods without judgment. It’s okay to eat a cookie, just as it’s okay to eat a salad. When you take the morality out of food, you can approach eating with a more relaxed, balanced perspective.

Honor Your Hunger and Fullness

Listening to your body’s hunger and fullness cues is essential for a healthy relationship with food. Often, we ignore these signals due to external pressures or busy schedules. You may eat because it’s “time” for lunch, even if you’re not particularly hungry, or you may skip meals because you’re too busy.

Start paying attention to how your body feels before, during, and after meals. Are you eating because you’re physically hungry or for another reason, like boredom or stress? Do you stop eating when you’re comfortably full, or do you eat past fullness because the food tastes good? Learning to respond to your body’s natural signals can help you develop a more intuitive eating pattern.

Let Go of Food Guilt

Guilt is a common emotion tied to eating, especially after indulging in something deemed “unhealthy.” You might feel bad after eating a piece of cake or pizza, leading to self-criticism or restrictive behavior. This guilt can fuel a cycle of overeating or restriction, damaging your relationship with food even further.

To break free from this cycle, try to let go of the idea that eating certain foods makes you “bad” or “good.” All foods can fit into a healthy diet. A balanced approach to eating means enjoying treats without guilt and knowing that one meal doesn’t define your overall health.

Focus on Nutrients, Not Calories

Counting calories can turn food into a numbers game, leading to stress and fixation on how much you’re eating rather than how that food is nourishing your body. While being mindful of portion sizes can be helpful, it’s more important to focus on the quality of the food you’re consuming.

Instead of obsessing over the calorie count, shift your focus to how the food makes you feel. Does it give you energy? Does it make you feel satisfied? Prioritize nutrient-dense foods that support your body’s needs, but also allow room for enjoyment. This approach takes the pressure off and encourages a healthier connection with food.

Eat Regularly to Avoid Extreme Hunger

Skipping meals or going long stretches without eating can set you up for overeating later in the day. When you become too hungry, it’s harder to make mindful decisions about what and how much to eat. You may find yourself eating quickly and consuming larger portions than your body needs.

To prevent this, aim to eat regularly throughout the day. Whether that means three meals and a snack or smaller, more frequent meals, the goal is to keep your energy levels steady and avoid extreme hunger. When you’re not overly hungry, it’s easier to listen to your body and eat in a way that feels nourishing and satisfying.

Be Kind to Yourself

Building a healthy relationship with food takes time and patience. It’s easy to be hard on yourself when you feel like you’ve “failed” or made poor eating choices, but self-compassion is key. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend.

There will be days when you eat more than you planned, indulge in comfort foods, or skip a workout. That’s okay. The goal is to create balance and flexibility, not perfection. Celebrate small wins and remind yourself that progress is not linear.

Surround Yourself with Support

Rebuilding your relationship with food can be challenging, and you don’t have to do it alone. Surrounding yourself with people who understand your goals and support a balanced approach to food can make the process easier.

This might mean seeking out friends who share similar values around health and wellness, or it could mean reaching out to a professional for guidance. A registered dietitian, nutritionist, or therapist can help you navigate your journey and provide personalized advice to suit your unique needs.

Seek Professional Help When Needed

If you’ve been struggling with disordered eating, food anxiety, or a strained relationship with food, it may be time to seek professional support. Working with a therapist who specializes in eating behaviors or a dietitian who understands the emotional aspects of eating can provide the tools and guidance you need to heal.

Professional support is especially important if you find yourself feeling out of control around food, constantly thinking about what you should or shouldn’t eat, or if food has become a source of stress in your life. There’s no shame in seeking help—sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is recognize that you need guidance.

Building a healthy relationship with food is about finding balance, listening to your body, and letting go of the pressures and guilt that may have been holding you back. It’s a deeply personal journey, and what works for you may look different from what works for someone else.

Understanding the Fear of Being Alone

Does everyone seem to be in a happy relationship around you? Do you feel more alone than ever? Research indicates that the fear of being alone, often termed “loneliness anxiety,” is a common experience. A study published in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships highlights that many individuals, particularly in young adulthood, grapple with concerns about being single and societal pressures surrounding relationships (Lammers et al., 2011). This anxiety is not only prevalent but also rooted in our evolutionary biology; humans are social beings, and the desire for connection is hardwired into us.

You may be actively dating and pursuing a romantic relationship – or perhaps you don’t feel ready yet. The following are some ways that you can cope with loneliness anxiety, regardless of where you are at with this process:

Feel Your Feelings

Firstly, recognize that your feelings are normal and human. Understanding that many others share similar concerns can alleviate feelings of isolation. You are not alone.

Society often places a premium on romantic relationships, but we can challenge this narrative. Research shows that people can lead fulfilling lives being single, and many individuals report greater happiness outside of traditional relationships (DePaulo & Morris, 2005).

Strategies for Managing Anxiety

Shift Your Perspective:Focus on the benefits of being single. A study in Psychology Today found that single individuals often enjoy greater personal freedom, opportunities for self-discovery, and the ability to cultivate diverse social connections (Waller, 2016). Emphasizing these advantages can help reshape your mindset.

Build a Supportive Community:Surround yourself with friends and family who uplift you. Studies show that social support plays a vital role in mitigating feelings of loneliness (Thoits, 2011). Engaging in group activities, hobbies, or community events can help you forge deeper connections.

Practice Self-Compassion:Be kind to yourself. The fear of being alone can stem from societal pressures or unrealistic expectations. A 2020 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that self-compassion can significantly reduce anxiety and improve emotional resilience (MacBeth & Gumley, 2020). Treat yourself with the same understanding you would offer a friend facing similar fears.

Cultivate Self-Discovery and Personal Growth

Engage in Hobbies and Interests:Invest time in activities that bring you joy. Research indicates that pursuing personal passions can boost self-esteem and foster a sense of fulfillment, reducing anxiety related to being single (Ryan & Deci, 2000).

Focus on Self-Improvement:Use this time for personal growth. Whether it’s learning a new skill, traveling, or taking courses, self-improvement can enhance your sense of self-worth and independence. This may also be a good opportunity to learn about your attachment style; this will serve you in your next romantic relationship by providing insight and awareness as to how you show up in relationships.

Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude:Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can help ground you in the present moment, alleviating fears about the future. Additionally, keeping a gratitude journal can shift your focus to positive aspects of your life (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).

Embrace a Balanced View of Relationships

Redefine Relationships:Consider the different forms of connection in your life. Friendships, family bonds, and community ties can also be fulfilling relationships. Research published in The Journal of Marriage and Family emphasizes that diverse relationships contribute significantly to overall well-being (Amato & Hohmann-Marriott, 2007).

Be Open to Possibilities:While it’s natural to want a partner, being open to the idea that fulfillment can come from various sources can alleviate pressure. Relationships can develop unexpectedly, and being content in your current situation can create space for new connections.

Limit Social Media Comparison:Social media often presents an unrealistic portrayal of relationships. Be mindful of how much time you spend on these platforms and consider curating your feed to include content that inspires and uplifts you, rather than triggers anxiety.

Conclusion

In any workplace, having your voice heard can be challenging, especially if you’re navigating layers of identity, company hierarchy, or personality dynamics. Whether it’s because of systemic issues or personal experiences, many people find themselves feeling overlooked or unheard in professional settings. This can be particularly true for women, minorities, LGBTQ+ individuals, introverts, or those in lower-ranking positions.

If you’ve ever felt like your ideas and opinions don’t carry as much weight as they should, you’re not alone. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to assert your ideas and make sure your voice is heard. In this blog post, we’ll explore why some voices go unheard, the impact of intersecting identities in the workplace, and actionable tips for speaking up. We’ll also explain how working with therapists, such as those at Love Heal Grow, can help you navigate these challenges.

Why Some Voices Are Less Heard in the Workplace

The workplace is not immune to the societal structures and biases that exist in the wider world. Some voices are more readily listened to, while others are dismissed or undervalued due to a variety of factors, including:

Gender: Women often find themselves in situations where their ideas are ignored until echoed by male colleagues. Studies have shown that women, especially in male-dominated industries, are frequently interrupted during meetings or have their contributions credited to someone else.

Race and Ethnicity: Minority employees may struggle to have their voices heard in predominantly white workplaces. Implicit bias can lead to a perception that their ideas are less valuable or relevant, which can stifle their participation and growth.

Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity: LGBTQ+ individuals often face workplace environments where their perspectives are either underrepresented or ignored. Fear of judgment or discrimination can further silence their voices, making it difficult to share ideas freely.

Personality: Those who are more introverted or naturally reserved might have trouble speaking up, especially in environments that reward bold, extroverted behavior. Being quiet doesn’t mean someone lacks ideas, but it can make it harder for them to contribute in a meeting dominated by louder voices.

Rank and Company Hierarchy: Junior staff or employees in lower-ranking positions may feel that their contributions are less valued. When leadership is predominantly older or more experienced, newer employees might shy away from sharing their thoughts, fearing that they’ll be dismissed as inexperienced or irrelevant.

Understanding these challenges is the first step toward overcoming them. Recognizing that the workplace has inherent biases and power dynamics allows you to navigate these waters more effectively.

The Impact of Intersecting Identities

The challenge of being heard can be compounded when someone occupies multiple marginalized identities. For example, a woman of color might face both gender and racial barriers, while an LGBTQ+ person from a minority background could deal with additional layers of bias and misunderstanding.

In these cases, workplace environments can feel doubly isolating. It’s not just about being the “only woman” in the room, or the “only person of color”; it’s the unique challenges that come with being both, or more. People who live at these intersections often have to work harder to have their contributions recognized.

This compounded effect means it’s even more important for organizations to foster inclusive work environments where all voices are valued. But for individuals, it means developing strategies for self-advocacy and being intentional about making their voices heard.

Tips for Making Your Voice Heard

Regardless of the barriers you may face, there are steps you can take to ensure your voice is heard at work. Here are some practical tips for asserting your ideas and standing up for your needs:

Prepare and Practice

One of the most effective ways to be heard is to be prepared. When you have a clear understanding of the topic or issue you’re addressing, you’re more likely to speak with confidence. Take time to research, prepare your thoughts, and anticipate possible questions or counterpoints. Practicing what you want to say beforehand can also help you feel more comfortable and assertive during meetings or discussions.

Speak with Confidence

Confidence is key when it comes to being heard. This doesn’t mean you have to be the loudest person in the room, but you do need to communicate in a way that conveys belief in your own ideas. Avoid prefacing your thoughts with phrases like, “I’m not sure, but…” or “This might be wrong, but…” Instead, speak directly and clearly. Confident communication encourages others to listen and take your ideas seriously.

Use Strategic Body Language

Your body language can either reinforce your words or undermine them. Sit or stand with good posture, make eye contact, and use gestures to emphasize your points. Non-verbal communication plays a significant role in how others perceive your authority and confidence. Projecting a strong, self-assured presence through your body language can make others more likely to listen and engage with your ideas.

Don’t Wait for the Perfect Moment

In fast-paced work environments, waiting for the perfect opportunity to speak up can mean missing your chance entirely. Don’t hold back until you think everything is aligned; jump in when you have something valuable to contribute. If you tend to hold back, remind yourself that your input is just as valuable as anyone else’s.

Request Feedback

If you feel like your voice isn’t being heard, ask for feedback from your peers or supervisors. Sometimes, a candid conversation can reveal areas for improvement in your communication style. Alternatively, it might shed light on the unconscious biases at play in your workplace, which could prompt discussions about creating a more inclusive environment.

Find Allies and Build a Support Network

You don’t have to navigate these challenges alone. Find allies within your workplace who understand and respect your perspective. These could be mentors, peers, or supervisors who can amplify your voice, support your ideas, or advocate for your inclusion. Building a network of supportive colleagues can help you feel more confident and give you the strength to speak up when necessary.

Speak Up for Others

Sometimes, the best way to make your voice heard is to use it to amplify others. If you notice a colleague, particularly someone from a marginalized group, struggling to be heard, you can help by acknowledging their contributions and creating space for them to speak. Doing so builds goodwill and fosters a more inclusive work environment where diverse perspectives are valued.

Your Voice Matters

In any workplace, every employee deserves to have their voice heard. No matter who you are, your ideas and contributions matter. By taking proactive steps to assert yourself and seek support when necessary, you can ensure that your voice is part of the conversation, helping to shape your workplace into a more inclusive and collaborative environment.

Chronic pain is a condition that affects millions of people, but its causes can sometimes be more complex than physical injury or illness. For many, chronic pain is tied to emotional trauma, often in ways that aren’t immediately obvious. If you’ve experienced trauma, you may notice that physical pain persists long after the initial injury or stressor has passed. This connection between trauma and chronic pain can feel frustrating, but understanding it can offer insights into how to heal.

The relationship between trauma and chronic pain is deeply rooted in both the body and the mind. Trauma can leave lasting imprints on the nervous system, leading to heightened pain sensitivity and persistent discomfort. By learning more about how trauma influences chronic pain, you can begin to explore different ways to address and manage both aspects of your experience.

The Link Between Trauma and Chronic Pain

Trauma has a profound impact on the body, especially when it comes to long-term pain. Whether it’s emotional trauma, physical trauma, or a combination of the two, the body often holds onto the experience in ways that can manifest as pain. When you experience trauma, your body’s nervous system is put into a heightened state of alert, which can continue long after the traumatic event has passed. This prolonged state of stress can make you more sensitive to pain and create a cycle where pain feeds off of emotional distress and vice versa.

In particular, trauma can affect the way your brain processes pain signals. The body’s natural fight-or-flight response, which is designed to protect you from danger, can become stuck in overdrive, leading to increased pain sensitivity. Even if the original injury has healed, the nervous system can remain in a hyper-vigilant state, sending constant pain signals to the brain. This means that for some, chronic pain is less about ongoing damage to the body and more about how the brain and nervous system are responding to past experiences.

Trauma and the Mind-Body Connection

The mind-body connection plays a significant role in how trauma influences chronic pain. When you experience emotional or psychological trauma, it can manifest in physical symptoms, including pain. This isn’t “just in your head”—your body is reacting to the emotional weight of trauma in very real ways. In fact, many people who have experienced trauma report chronic pain in areas of the body where no injury is present, suggesting that the pain is linked to unresolved emotional distress.

The body remembers trauma even when the conscious mind does not. This means that past traumas, even those you may have tried to move on from, can linger in the body and contribute to pain. For example, people with post-traumatic stress disorder frequently report experiencing chronic pain alongside their emotional symptoms. In these cases, addressing trauma can be a key part of managing pain.

It’s important to recognize that trauma can take many forms. It doesn’t always stem from a single event, like an accident or an injury. Long-term stress, emotional abuse, and adverse childhood experiences can all contribute to trauma that affects your body and your pain levels later in life.

How Trauma-Related Chronic Pain Feels

If you’ve experienced trauma, the chronic pain you feel might seem confusing or inexplicable. You may wonder why your body is still hurting even though nothing appears to be physically wrong. This type of pain can feel different from pain caused by an injury or medical condition. It may be diffuse, moving from one area of your body to another, or it may feel like a constant ache that never fully goes away.

Trauma-related pain often doesn’t respond well to traditional pain treatments. Physical therapies, medications, and even surgeries may have little impact, leading to frustration and hopelessness. In these cases, the pain may be a reflection of deeper emotional wounds that need to be addressed in order to find relief.

Common areas of the body affected by trauma-related pain include:

The back and neck

The shoulders and jaw

The abdomen and digestive system

The head, manifesting as chronic headaches or migraines

This type of pain can come and go, often flaring up during periods of emotional stress. The unpredictability of trauma-related pain can make it even more distressing, as you might feel like you have little control over when it will strike.

Addressing the Root Cause of Trauma-Related Pain

Healing from trauma-related chronic pain requires a holistic approach. It’s not just about treating the physical pain; it’s also about addressing the emotional and psychological factors contributing to it. This means acknowledging the trauma and finding ways to work through it, both mentally and physically.

Therapies that focus on the mind-body connection can be especially helpful for people dealing with trauma-related chronic pain. Somatic therapy, for example, emphasizes the role of the body in healing emotional wounds. By working directly with the body, somatic therapy helps you release stored trauma that may be contributing to your pain. This type of therapy encourages a deeper connection with your body and helps you understand the signals it’s sending.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is another effective tool for addressing chronic pain linked to trauma. CBT focuses on changing the negative thought patterns that may be exacerbating your pain. By learning to reframe the way you think about your pain and trauma, you can begin to break the cycle of pain and distress.

In addition to therapeutic approaches, mindfulness and relaxation techniques can help manage the physical and emotional aspects of chronic pain. Practices like meditation, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation can calm your nervous system and reduce the intensity of your pain. Over time, these practices can help you build a stronger sense of resilience in the face of pain and stress.

The Importance of Seeking Support

Living with chronic pain can feel isolating, especially when it’s tied to trauma. You might feel like others don’t understand your experience or that you should be able to “just get over” the pain. But it’s important to recognize that trauma and pain are complex, and healing takes time.

Seeking professional support can make a huge difference in how you manage both your pain and your emotional health. A therapist who understands the connection between trauma and chronic pain can offer guidance and coping strategies tailored to your needs. They can help you process your trauma in a safe, supportive environment, while also offering tools to manage your pain on a day-to-day basis.

If your pain feels unmanageable, or if it’s affecting your quality of life, it may be time to reach out for help. Chronic pain doesn’t have to control your life, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. With the right support, you can begin to heal both your body and your mind.

Take the First Step Toward Healing

The connection between trauma and chronic pain is undeniable, but it’s also a reminder that healing is possible. When trauma leaves its mark on your body in the form of pain, addressing both the physical and emotional aspects can help you find relief. Understanding this connection is the first step toward managing your chronic pain in a way that feels compassionate and effective.

Nearly 30% of American adultshave been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives. It’s one of the most prevalent mental health conditions, and it can be extremely challenging to deal with. Depression can look like a black hole; it saps your ability to work, to play, to feel anything at all. Depression isn’t just about feeling sad; many times, it can look like having deadened or even no emotions.

And if you love someone with depression, watching the toll it takes can be an incredible challenge. When your partner is seriously depressed, they might have a hard time perceiving a future, let aloneplanning for one. Things they enjoyed often no longer bring any pleasure, and it can be intensely stressful trying to figure out how you feel about these changes. And depression famously wreaks havoc on romantic feelings and the libido.

If you’re dating someone with depression, it can feel like you’re mired in their maelstrom. How do you navigate the stormy seas of mental health with someone you love without losing yourself? That’s what we’re here for. Here are our best tips for taking care of you and your loved one.

Learn About Depression

The first step to supporting your partner is understanding what depression is and how it affects them. Depression is more than just sadness or a bad mood. It’s a mental health condition that impacts a person’s thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and even physical health. While depression varies from person to person, common symptoms include persistent feelings of hopelessness, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, irritability, and a loss of interest in things that used to bring joy. (The fancy word for that is anhedonia.)

Educating yourself about depression can help you navigate your relationship more compassionately. When your partner withdraws or seems indifferent, it’s important to remember that these behaviors are not a reflection of their love for you but rather symptoms of their depression. Recognizing that these challenges are rooted in mental illness, not in their character, will help you remain supportive even when things are tough.

Be a Source of Support– But Not Their Therapist

It’s natural to want to help your partner, but you have to understand that you cannot cure their depression. Your role is to support them, not to become their therapist or caretaker. Encouraging them to seek professional help and attend therapy is critical, but you don’t need to shoulder the burden of being their sole source of emotional support.

Be there for them by listening, offering empathy, and creating a space where they can share their feelings without judgment. However, be mindful of setting healthy boundaries. If your partner constantly relies on you to process their emotions, it can be draining and may eventually lead to compassion fatigue or burnout. It’s okay to let them know when you’re feeling overwhelmed and suggest that they speak to a therapist for more intensive support.

Keep Communication Open and Honest

Clear communication is crucial when navigating a relationship with someone who has depression. There may be times when your partner struggles to express themselves or is unaware of how their behavior affects you. Instead of making assumptions, ask questions and express your own feelings in a respectful and non-judgmental way. For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been really quiet lately. Is there anything on your mind that you’d like to talk about?”

Similarly, let your partner know how their depression is impacting you. It’s important to acknowledge that their mental health affects the relationship, but be careful not to frame it as blame. Use “I” statements, such as “I’ve been feeling a bit distant lately because we haven’t spent as much time together. I understand it’s because of the depression, but I wanted to talk about how we can reconnect.”

Take Care of Your Own Mental Health

While it’s important to support your partner, you cannot neglect your own well-being. Dating someone with depression can be emotionally draining, and it’s easy to feel like you’re constantly giving without getting much back. This can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, or even burnout.

To avoid this, make self-care a priority. It’s crucial that you continue to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether that’s spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or practicing mindfulness. Taking breaks and focusing on your own needs doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your partner. It means you’re ensuring that you have the emotional strength to continue supporting them.

In addition to practicing self-care, don’t hesitate to seek therapy for yourself. You may feel overwhelmed by your partner’s depression, and a mental health professional can help you process these emotions and offer strategies for maintaining balance in your relationship.

Understand When to Encourage Professional Help

There may be times when your partner’s depression worsens, and you’re unsure how to help. It’s important to recognize when the situation is beyond your capacity to manage. If your partner is showing signs of severe depression– such as talking about self-harm, expressing feelings of worthlessness, or withdrawing completely– it’s important to encourage them to seek professional help immediately.

Let them know that you’re concerned and offer to help them find a therapist or make an appointment with their healthcare provider. It’s important to approach these conversations with care and understanding, rather than making them feel like they’re being criticized or pressured.

Encouraging therapy can also be beneficial in less severe cases. Even if your partner’s depression isn’t debilitating, having a therapist to talk to can provide them with tools and coping mechanisms to manage their mental health more effectively.

Be Patient and Flexible

Depression can be unpredictable, and there will likely be ups and downs in your partner’s mental health journey. Some days they may feel fine, while others they may struggle to get out of bed. Patience is key. Understand that their mood and behavior may fluctuate, and try not to take it personally when they withdraw or seem less engaged.

Flexibility in your plans and expectations is also important. If your partner cancels plans because they’re feeling too low, avoid getting frustrated or assuming they don’t care. Instead, offer alternative ways to spend time together that might feel less demanding, such as watching a movie at home or going for a quiet walk.

Protect Your Relationship from the Impact of Depression

It’s no secret that depression can strain relationships. Romantic feelings may wane, intimacy can be affected, and day-to-day interactions may feel like they’ve lost their spark. However, depression doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship; it just requires extra care and attention.

Look for ways to nurture your relationship despite the challenges. Keep communication lines open, and focus on small acts of connection, such as leaving a thoughtful note or offering a comforting touch. Even in difficult times, these small gestures can reinforce your bond.

Reach Out for Help

If you find yourself struggling to navigate your partner’s depression or feeling overwhelmed by the toll it’s taking on your relationship, don’t hesitate to seek help. Love Heal Grow’s therapists are here for you. While your partner may already be seeing a therapist for their depression, it’s just as important for you to have a space where you can express your concerns and learn strategies for managing your own mental health.

Beginning therapy is truly a commitment. Although it is typically one hour a week or every other week, it can open up so much between sessions. You might find yourself feeling depleted or emotionally drained. Sometimes there is anxiety or exhaustion before or after a therapy session. This is normal! We often say that therapy can feel worse before it feels better. Compartmentalizing can make it all feel unmanageable if you are packing it away after each session

The truth is, therapy works best when you are making changes between sessions as well as during. I know this may feel frustrating. You just took this big step to help yourself and your relationships, committing to regular sessions, digging up big feelings and maybe even stuff you haven’t thought about in a while. Now you are having to do even more in between? Yes… But! It will help the therapy be more effective and even a little more comfortable. Think of it like daily stretching between a weekly exercise class or reviewing your notes on readings before a course lecture. It keeps it in practice and relevant in your mind.

Here are some things to practice in between sessions:

Practice your coping skills.

It is very unlikely that you will pull out a new skill and use it when you are emotionally overwhelmed. By practicing a new coping skill (breathing exercise, journaling, guided meditation, etc) when you are in a calm, regulated state, you will have it in your “tool kit” and more likely to access it when dysregulated. Finding coping skills that work for you and making them a self care routine can be a great step.

Journaling or processing.

Journaling isn’t for everyone but I often recommend clients to try it when starting therapy. Even if you have tried it in the past, it can be a different experience while working through some big ideas or feelings. It can also be a great way to jot down some things you want to discuss at the next appointment, or thoughts you had after a previous session. Sometimes a therapy session “plants a seed” that grows between sessions. If journaling is not an option for you, some folks find making voice notes or recordings to be helpful between sessions.

Caring for your body.

We hold emotions in our bodies. Sometimes people feel a sense of physical and emotional exhaustion after a therapy session. It is important to nourish yourself through nutrients in food, rest, and movement. Caring for your body helps you care for your mind.

Focus on community.

Lean on your support system! Therapy is not a replacement for other relationships. So much reparative healing can happen when you utilize the skills you learn in therapy with the people in your life. Seek additional support from your people or even find new ways to connect with others.

Gentleness and patience.

Be patient with yourself. You are likely bringing a lot of things to the surface, feeling emotions that you had neatly tucked away, and learning new ways of being. It can feel really raw and challenging. Practicing self-compassion and allowing yourself to make mistakes is a part of the process.

Try not to feel overwhelmed by all the changes and new skills. You are taking big steps to care for yourself and your relationships. Therapy is hard but it shouldn’t feel paralyzing, daunting, or overwhelmingly triggering. Take care of yourself and take it one day at a time. Communicate with your therapist about what’s working and what’s not. It can really help to create a plan to implement before and after sessions. You’re doing great!

Disordered eating is a big problem, especially for women and girls. Globally, almost a third of girls demonstrated disordered eating, and the prevalence of disordered eating continues to increase. While the DSM-V only includes five diagnosable eating disorders– anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID), and other specified feeding and eating disorder (OSFED)– there are many other disordered patterns that can have major impacts on your life.

Today, we’re talking about one of these disordered patterns that is increasingly prevalent due to social media: orthorexia.

Defining Orthorexia

Orthorexia nervosa, a term coined by Dr. Steven Bratman in 1997, describes an eating disorder characterized by an excessive preoccupation with healthy eating. His idea was that sometimes, the effort to maintain a healthy diet could result in unhealthy outcomes like social isolation, anxiety, a mentally unhealthy preoccupation with food, and even malnutrition. Unlike other eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, which primarily focus on the quantity of food consumed, orthorexia revolves around the quality of food. People with orthorexia become fixated on consuming foods they perceive as clean, pure, or natural, often to the point of obsession.

Recognizing the Signs of Orthorexia

Identifying orthorexia can be challenging, as the behaviors associated with it often overlap with those of a health-conscious lifestyle. However, there are several signs and symptoms to watch for:

Obsessive Focus on Food Purity: People with orthorexia may spend excessive amounts of time researching, planning, and preparing their meals to ensure they meet their strict criteria of healthfulness. They will demonstrate black and white thinking about food and whether or not it’s “healthy” or “bad.”

Social Isolation: They may avoid social gatherings or situations where they cannot control the quality of food served, leading to isolation from friends and family.

Anxiety and Guilt: Feelings of anxiety or guilt may arise when “unhealthy” foods are consumed, leading to self-punishment or stricter dietary restrictions.

Physical Consequences: Orthorexia can lead to nutritional deficiencies, weight loss, fatigue, and other physical ailments due to an imbalanced and restricted diet.

It’s not a bad thing to be conscious about the food you eat– but when food restrictions control you, it can lead to detrimental effects on both your physical and mental health. The bottom line is that orthorexia hinders your ability to enjoy life fully and engage in other important aspects of well-being.

Orthorexia and Social Media

Orthorexia has a strong correlation with social media use. In one study of instagram users, orthorexia was present in 49% of respondents, compared to just 1% of the average US population. Disordered eating content on social media is a rising problem; a study in 2020 found that in just 30 minutes, a new teenage user on TikTok is exposed to dangerous eating disorder content. The rise of everything being shared online contributes immensely to disordered eating, since people feel pressured to share their eating habits and are frequently judged for them.

This is especially problematic for kids,particularly girls, who are still developing their body image. Kids need to eat well, of course, but kids with orthorexia often aren’t getting the calories they need to grow. And social media often reflects a relationship with food and withbody image that just isn’t healthy or sustainable– for anyone.

Social media platforms frequently feature influencers, celebrities, and fitness enthusiasts showcasing their toned bodies and promoting certain diets or lifestyles as the key to achieving similar results. Constant exposure to these idealized images can create unrealistic expectations and pressures to attain a certain body type, leading people to adopt extreme dietary practices to reach those standards. The pervasive diet talk and restrictive language of “clean eating” creates a perfect storm for orthorexia to take hold.

How To Help Someone With Orthorexia

If you suspect that someone you know may be struggling with orthorexia, it’s essential to take proactive steps to show them that they are supported and that they are more than their eating disorder. Here are some strategies for helping someone with orthorexia:

Be Supportive

A strong support network makes a big difference for people with disordered eating. Encourage connection with supportive friends and family members who can offer understanding, empathy, and encouragement throughout their recovery journey. Support groups and mental health professionals who specialize in eating disorders can also be a big help. They can provide personalized treatment and support tailored to the person’s needs. Support groups are particularly helpful because they show the person with orthorexia that they aren’t alone; that others have gone through similar experiences and struggles. Connection is key for recovery from any kind of disordered eating.

Encourage Holistic Well-Being

Encourage your friend or loved one with orthorexia to cultivate self-compassion and challenge perfectionistic tendencies. Remind them that it’s okay to enjoy a variety of foods in moderation and that health is about balance, not perfection. Emphasize the importance of holistic well-being, including physical, emotional, and social health. Encourage activities that promote relaxation, enjoyment, and fulfillment outside of food-related concerns.

Challenge Distorted Beliefs

This is hard, but important, and it’s one of the reasons that mental health professionals and support groups are so useful for recovery. At its core, orthorexia is a pattern of distorted thinking and distorted beliefs about food. People with orthorexia need help to identify and challenge any distorted beliefs or fears surrounding food, nutrition, and body image. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques can be particularly effective in addressing these thought patterns, so encourage them to seek a therapist who has experience with disordered eating and CBT techniques. CBT is one of the most successful techniques for treating disordered eating.

Navigating Recovery

If you are struggling with orthorexia, there is hope. Recovery is possible with the right support, guidance, and treatment. Here are some tips for navigating the recovery process:

Set Realistic Goals

Set realistic and achievable goals for recovery, focusing on gradual progress rather than perfection. Celebrate small victories along the way to maintain motivation and momentum.

Focus on creating a balanced relationship with food. Remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect diet. Food doesn’t have to meet a certain standard of perfection in order to nourish your body.

Practice Mindful Eating

Cultivate mindfulness practices such as mindful eating, which involves paying attention to hunger and fullness cues, savoring the flavors and textures of food, and fostering a non-judgmental awareness of eating habits. Work with a therapist or nutritionist to develop a balanced and flexible approach to eating that prioritizes overall health and well-being rather than rigid rules or restrictions.

Look At The Big Picture

Working with a mental health professional can help you explore and address any underlying emotional, psychological, or environmental factors that may contribute to orthorexia, such as perfectionism, low self-esteem, or past trauma. Orthorexia doesn’t come out of nowhere, and a therapist can help you figure out the cause of the disorder– and how to deal with it.

Stay Connected

Without a support system, recovery from disordered eating becomes much more challenging. Stay connected with supportive friends, family members, or support groups who can provide encouragement, understanding, and accountability throughout the recovery process.

Election Day can stir a lot of emotions, and for couples with differing political beliefs, it can be especially challenging. In today’s polarized climate, it’s increasingly common for partners to find themselves on opposite sides of the political spectrum. While these differences might not always be an issue, the tail end of a presidential election cycle tends to highlight them in a way that can create tension or conflict.

Before we talk about reconciling political beliefs, though, it’s important to recognize that these differences are not always minor, and it’s ok if politics is a dating dealbreaker for you. Even if you don’t feel like you’re a political person, many Americans can’t escape being politicized due to who we love, how we identify, and where we came from. The gaps in the mainstream US party stances are growing by the year, and they aren’t just about things like taxation and the role that the federal government should play versus state governments. Things that are fundamental to peoples’ ability to live, like reproductive rights and the rights of marginalized people, are heavily politicized. If your partner’s political stance fundamentally disagrees with your right to exist, you may want to reconsider the safety of the relationship. Some people say that politics aren’t worth ending relationships over, but the people saying that are typically not the people most impacted by hateful rhetoric and discriminatory policies.

But that’s the nuclear option, and is not necessary for many couples! Politics is an extremely complicated subject, and every couple’s political situation is different. Let’s take a look at how you can have reasonable discussions about political disagreements with those you love. As Abraham Lincoln famously said, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” Let’s talk about how to tackle those divisions and keep your state united.

The Reality of Differing Political Beliefs in Relationships

It’s important to remember that having different political beliefs isn’t uncommon. Each person is shaped by their unique life experiences, and those experiences naturally influence their political views. One partner might have grown up in a more conservative household, while the other was exposed to more progressive ideas. This variety of backgrounds is normal, and having different political opinions doesn’t mean you’re incompatible as a couple.

The key word here? R-E-S-P-E-C-T. If you and your partner can treat each other with respect and see each other as whole people, not just the sum of your political beliefs, you have the baseline you need for these tough conversations.

How to Talk to Your Partner About Differing Political Beliefs

One of the most difficult aspects of navigating political differences in a relationship is learning how to talk about them in a productive way. Here are some strategies to help ensure your political conversations are respectful and meaningful:

Practice Active Listening

When discussing politics with your partner, you absolutely must practice active listening. This means making an effort to truly hear what your partner is saying, rather than waiting for your turn to respond or counter their points. Active listening requires patience and empathy, two key elements for fostering mutual respect in any discussion. Instead of focusing on where you disagree, try to understand why your partner holds certain beliefs. You may not come to an agreement, but this approach can help create a deeper level of understanding and reduce the likelihood of conflict.

Avoid Personal Attacks

Political discussions can quickly turn into arguments if they become personal. It’s important to stay focused on the issues rather than resorting to insults or accusations. Saying things like, “You’re ignorant,” or “How can you think that way?” is unlikely to change your partner’s mind and will only cause more tension. Remember, political beliefs are shaped by personal experiences, and attacking your partner’s views is akin to attacking their character. By avoiding personal attacks, you create a safer space for discussion, making it more likely that both of you will remain open to hearing each other’s perspectives.

Take Breaks When Necessary

If a political discussion with your partner becomes too heated, it’s perfectly okay to take a break. Sometimes, taking a step back allows both parties to cool down and approach the conversation with a calmer mindset. Continuing a discussion when emotions are high often leads to frustration and unproductive dialogue. Establish boundaries around political conversations, such as agreeing to pause when emotions are running too high. You can always revisit the topic when both of you are in a better mental space.

Finding Common Ground

While it’s unlikely that you and your partner will agree on everything, it’s possible to find common ground, even when discussing politics. Focusing on shared values can help bridge the gap between differing political beliefs. Another strategy for finding common ground is to focus on local or community issues that matter to both of you. Sometimes, national political debates can feel distant and abstract, but local politics can offer opportunities for direct involvement and collaboration. Volunteering for a shared cause, regardless of political affiliation, can bring you closer and remind you of the things you do agree on.

Recognizing When Political Differences Hurt Your Relationship

While it’s possible to navigate political differences in a healthy way, there are times when politics can begin to hurt your relationship. You need to recognize when this is happening so you can address the issue before it escalates. Some signs that political discussions are negatively impacting your relationship include:

Constant arguments: If every conversation turns into a debate or argument about politics, it may be time to step back and evaluate whether these discussions are productive.

Emotional disconnect: If political disagreements are making you feel distant from your partner, it’s important to address the underlying emotional tension.

Feeling unheard or disrespected: If you feel like your partner isn’t listening to your perspective or is dismissing your views outright, this can create feelings of resentment.

If you notice any of these signs, it’s time to sit down and have a candid, open talk about how political differences are hurting your relationship. It may require setting boundaries or finding new ways to engage in political discussions that are respectful and constructive.

The Importance of Respect and Understanding

At the heart of navigating political differences in a relationship is mutual respect and understanding. It’s important to recognize that your partner’s political beliefs are a reflection of their values and experiences, just as your beliefs are a reflection of yours. By approaching political discussions with respect and empathy, you can create an environment where both of you feel heard and valued.

Political disagreements don’t have to be a source of division in your relationship. With the right tools and mindset, you can engage in meaningful conversations that deepen your connection and help you better understand each other’s perspectives.

Politics Isn’t Everything… But It is a Big Thing

In recent years, political polarization has reached unprecedented levels. No matter where you fall on the political spectrum, it’s likely that you’ve experienced some degree of stress or anxiety surrounding elections. As emotions flare up and political discussions become more heated, the divide between opposing views can make it hard to stay grounded. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed by political tension, you’re not alone. Many people are facing the same struggles.

While you can’t always control the external environment, you can take steps to manage your election-related stress and anxiety. The goal is to create space for healthy emotional responses without letting politics consume your thoughts. Here are some tips for managing election stress during politically charged times.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

The first step in managing political stress is acknowledging that your feelings are valid. It’s easy to dismiss your anxiety or frustration, but trying to push these emotions away can make them stronger. When you allow yourself to recognize your feelings, whether it’s anger, fear, or sadness, you create space for understanding.

It’s okay to feel deeply about political issues, especially if they affect your life or the lives of people you care about. Give yourself permission to feel stressed, but also remind yourself that those emotions don’t have to control your every thought.

Limit Your Media Consumption

One of the primary sources of election stress comes from the constant stream of news and social media updates. With information at your fingertips 24/7, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. The problem is, the more you engage with this content, the more anxious you may become.

Try setting boundaries around your media consumption. This could mean designating specific times of day to check the news or limiting the amount of time you spend scrolling through social media. You might even consider taking a complete break from certain platforms that contribute to your stress. When you set these limits, you create mental space for other aspects of your life and can better focus on the things that bring you joy and calm.

Stay Grounded in Your Values

During times of political divide, it’s easy to feel like everything is out of your control. One way to counter this feeling is by staying grounded in your personal values. Take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you. When political stress starts to rise, remind yourself of these core values. Let them guide your actions and responses, rather than getting swept up in the noise of political debates. Grounding yourself in what you stand for can provide a sense of stability in an otherwise chaotic environment.

Engage in Healthy Discussions

It’s tempting to avoid political conversations altogether when tensions are high, but shutting down discussions can sometimes make stress worse. Instead of completely avoiding these topics, try to engage in healthy, respectful conversations with people who may have different views.

The key is to approach these discussions with the intention of understanding, rather than convincing. Listen to the other person’s perspective without judgment and share your own thoughts calmly. However, sometimes it’s impossible to have a healthy conversation. Some political disputes go beyond just disagreement about policy. If you’re trying to have a healthy conversation with somebody who believes that core elements of your identity should be criminalized or that you should be harmed for who you are, it might be impossible to have a safe conversation. Remember, you can always walk away. Yes, it might be awkward, but your mental health and emotional wellbeing must come first.

Focus on What You Can Control

A lot of political stress comes from feeling powerless. You can’t always control the outcome of an election, and that uncertainty can create a sense of helplessness. However, while the larger political situation may be beyond your control, there are still actions you can take to feel more empowered.

Focus on what you can control, such as participating in the democratic process, volunteering for causes you care about, or supporting organizations that align with your values. Taking action, even in small ways, can give you a sense of purpose and help reduce feelings of political helplessness.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is essential when managing any type of stress, and election stress is no exception. When political anxiety starts to take over, it’s easy to forget about taking care of yourself. Make sure to prioritize activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and peace of mind.

Whether it’s spending time in nature, practicing mindfulness, engaging in a hobby, or connecting with loved ones, make self-care a priority. When you take time to nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being, you’re better equipped to handle the stress that politics may bring.

Be Mindful of Your Physical Health

Stress has a direct impact on your physical health. When political anxiety builds up, it can affect your sleep, appetite, and overall well-being. That’s why it’s important to be mindful of your body’s needs during stressful times.

Try to maintain a regular sleep schedule, eat nourishing meals, and incorporate movement into your day. Exercise, in particular, can be a powerful way to relieve stress and clear your mind. Even a short walk or stretching session can help reduce tension and provide a much-needed mental break.

Set Boundaries with People

As much as you may want to engage in political conversations with friends and family, sometimes it’s best to set boundaries. If you know that a certain person’s political views cause you stress, it’s okay to limit or avoid conversations about those topics.

Setting boundaries doesn’t necessarily mean shutting people out of your life; it simply means protecting your mental health. You can kindly let others know that you’d prefer not to discuss politics or ask to steer the conversation toward more neutral topics. By setting these boundaries, you give yourself permission to prioritize your own well-being.

Seek Support When Needed

If political stress becomes too overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek support. Talking to someone about your feelings can help you process your emotions and gain clarity. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or mental health professional, having someone to confide in can make a big difference.

For some, political anxiety may become so intense that it affects daily functioning or mental health. If you’re finding it difficult to manage your stress, or if it’s impacting your relationships and well-being, professional support may be beneficial. A therapist can provide tools and coping strategies to help you navigate this challenging time in a healthy way.

Take Control of Your Well-Being

Election seasons and political divides can stir up strong emotions, but they don’t have to consume your life. By acknowledging your feelings, setting boundaries, and focusing on what you can control, you can navigate political stress in a healthier way. Managing election-related anxiety is about finding balance and protecting your mental and emotional well-being.

While non-monogamy and polyamory are on the rise today, most American adults probably had monogamy as your relationship model. Just you and one partner– and while that works for many people, it doesn’t for others. There are many reasons that your partner might want to open up the relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean they want to cheat on you, or that they don’t love you anymore. But while that’s true, it’s also true that just bringing it up can feel like a betrayal. The concept of an open relationship can be an extreme challenge for a partnership, but it doesn’t have to be an omen of doom. Today, let’s take a look at what can happen when one partner wants to open the relationship and the other doesn’t.

Understanding the Desire for an Open Relationship

When your partner expresses a desire to open the relationship, your initial reaction might be one of shock, hurt, or even anger. These feelings are valid, especially if you’ve always envisioned your relationship as monogamous. However, it’s important to understand that a desire for non-monogamy doesn’t automatically mean that your partner is unhappy in the relationship or that they want to be unfaithful.

There are several reasons why someone might want to open a relationship, and these reasons often have little to do with dissatisfaction. For some, it’s about exploring a natural inclination toward multiple relationships, where they believe they can love more than one person simultaneously without diminishing their love for their current partner. Others might feel a need for variety or excitement that isn’t necessarily tied to their partner’s qualities but is rather a reflection of their personal desires and curiosity. In some cases, a partner might seek out new experiences or connections that can bring growth or new perspectives to the relationship.

It’s also worth noting that for many, the idea of an open relationship stems from a belief in personal freedom and autonomy. They may view relationships as fluid and evolving, rather than fixed and permanent, and might want to explore what non-monogamy could offer without abandoning the bond they’ve built with you.

The Risks of Opening a Relationship Under Pressure

While understanding the reasons behind the desire for an open relationship is important, it’s equally crucial to recognize the potential dangers of opening a relationship when both partners aren’t fully on board. If you feel pressured to agree to non-monogamy as a way to keep your partner happy or to save a relationship that feels shaky, it can lead to resentment, mistrust, and further complications down the road.

Opening a relationship requires a tremendous amount of open communication, honesty, and trust. Both partners need to be on the same page, with clear boundaries and mutual respect. If you agree to open the relationship solely out of fear of losing your partner, you may end up feeling undervalued or ignored, which can erode the foundation of your partnership.

It’s also important to avoid using non-monogamy as a “last-ditch” effort to fix existing problems in the relationship. Opening a relationship won’t automatically resolve issues like lack of communication, emotional distance, or unmet needs. In fact, it can often magnify these issues if they’re not addressed before exploring non-monogamy. The decision to open a relationship should come from a place of mutual understanding and genuine interest, rather than as a desperate attempt to hold things together.

Navigating the Conversation: Open Communication is Key

When one partner wants to open the relationship and the other doesn’t, it’s essential to have open, honest, and respectful conversations about each person’s feelings, concerns, and boundaries. This can be a challenging discussion, but it’s necessary to navigate these complex emotions and find common ground.

Start by acknowledging your partner’s feelings without immediately dismissing or reacting defensively. This doesn’t mean you have to agree, but understanding their perspective is a crucial step toward resolving the issue together. Express your own feelings and concerns candidly, but try to do so without blaming or accusing your partner. It’s important that both of you feel heard and understood.

During these discussions, focus on establishing clear boundaries. What are your non-negotiables? What aspects of non-monogamy make you uncomfortable, and why? It’s okay to assert your needs and to be honest about what you can and cannot handle. If the idea of an open relationship is something you’re genuinely uncomfortable with, make that clear and explain your reasons without judgment or resentment.

The Role of a Couples Therapist

Given the complexity of emotions and dynamics at play, seeking the guidance of a couples therapist can be incredibly beneficial. A therapist who is familiar with non-traditional types of relationships can help both partners navigate these difficult conversations, mediate conflicts, and explore underlying concerns that might not be immediately apparent.

A therapist can also provide a safe space to discuss fears, insecurities, and boundaries without the pressure of immediate decision-making. They can help you and your partner understand the implications of opening the relationship and assess whether it’s a step that both of you are truly ready and willing to take. Additionally, a therapist can assist in building or rebuilding trust, which is crucial if the idea of non-monogamy has caused a rift in your relationship.

Importantly, therapy can offer support for both partners, regardless of the outcome. Whether you ultimately decide to open the relationship or not, a therapist can help you navigate the emotional landscape and ensure that both partners feel respected and valued in whatever decision is made.

Trust and Communication: The Pillars of a Healthy Relationship

At the heart of any discussion about non-monogamy lies the need for trust and communication. Regardless of whether you decide to open the relationship or maintain monogamy, these two elements are essential for a healthy and fulfilling partnership.

Trust is built over time through consistent actions, honesty, and respect for each other’s feelings and boundaries. When discussing something as sensitive as opening a relationship, it’s crucial that both partners feel secure in the knowledge that their needs and concerns will be taken seriously. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about believing that your partner has your best interests at heart, even when discussing difficult topics.

Communication, on the other hand, is the tool that allows trust to flourish. It’s important to check in with each other regularly, not just when issues arise. This ongoing dialogue helps to prevent misunderstandings and allows both partners to feel connected and supported.

Making the Right Decision for Both Partners

Deciding whether or not to open a relationship is a deeply personal choice that requires careful consideration and mutual agreement. It’s not a decision that should be made lightly or under pressure. If your partner wants to open the relationship and you don’t, it’s important to communicate openly, set clear boundaries, and consider seeking the guidance of a couples therapist who is experienced with non-traditional relationship dynamics.

Remember, the ultimate goal is to ensure that both partners feel valued, respected, and fulfilled in the relationship. If non-monogamy is not something you’re comfortable with, it’s okay to say so and to work with your partner to find a solution that honors both of your needs.

Sometimes it seems like it’s impossible to get away from the bad stuff. Our world is complicated, and while there’s a lot of good and beautiful things, reality can be very disturbing. You might find yourself constantly exposed to images of distress, whether it’s scrolling through social media or watching the latest headlines on TV. Images of war, natural disasters, or acts of violence can stick with you long after you’ve turned off the screen. This constant exposure can affect you in ways you might not even realize. Vicarious trauma, a term used to describe the emotional residue of exposure to the pain and suffering of others, could be taking a toll on your mental and emotional health.

Understanding Vicarious Trauma

Vicarious trauma is the emotional impact that occurs when you hear about or witness the traumatic experiences of others. It’s most commonly discussed in relation to professionals like healthcare workers, therapists, or first responders who frequently encounter trauma in their work. However, this type of trauma is not limited to those professions. In today’s media-saturated environment, anyone who regularly consumes news or follows events like those in Gaza, Ukraine, or domestic events of violence like mass shootings can experience vicarious trauma.

When you’re exposed to traumatic events, even indirectly, your brain can begin to mirror the emotions and stress of those who are directly affected. This isn’t just feeling empathy or sadness for others; it’s a deep, emotional reaction that can influence your thoughts, feelings, and even your body. Vicarious trauma can develop gradually, as repeated exposure accumulates, and it can have significant effects on your well-being.

How Vicarious Trauma May Show Up in Your Life

Recognizing vicarious trauma isn’t always straightforward, as its symptoms can be subtle and varied. You may not immediately connect your feelings or behaviors to the traumatic content you’ve consumed. If you recognize these common signs, it may indicate that vicarious trauma could be affecting you.

Emotional Numbness

You might notice that you feel detached or numb when confronted with new stories of suffering. This could be a way your brain tries to protect itself from being overwhelmed.

Increased Anxiety or Worry

Constant exposure to traumatic news can heighten your overall sense of anxiety. You might find yourself worrying more about your safety or the safety of your loved ones, even when there’s no immediate threat.

Physical Symptoms

Stress from vicarious trauma can manifest physically, as trauma impacts the nervous system. You might experience headaches, fatigue, insomnia, or digestive issues without a clear medical cause.

Changes in Worldview

Repeated exposure to trauma can alter your perspective. You may become more cynical or fearful, struggling to find hope or positivity in the world around you.

Difficulty Concentrating

Vicarious trauma can make it harder to focus on daily tasks or responsibilities. Your mind might wander back to the traumatic images or stories you’ve encountered, making it difficult to stay present.

Increased Irritability or Anger

You might notice that you’re more easily frustrated or angry, particularly when faced with situations that remind you of the traumatic events you’ve seen.

These symptoms can interfere with your daily life, affecting your relationships, work, and overall sense of well-being. It’s important to recognize that these reactions are normal responses to abnormal circumstances, and acknowledging them is the first step towards managing vicarious trauma.

What Can Help: Strategies for Coping with Vicarious Trauma

If you’ve noticed signs of vicarious trauma in your life, know that there are steps you can take to care for yourself. Managing vicarious trauma involves both addressing your emotional needs and finding ways to limit your exposure to distressing content. Here are some strategies that can help:

Set Boundaries with Media Consumption

It’s important to stay informed, but constantly immersing yourself in traumatic news can be harmful. Consider setting limits on how much time you spend consuming news or social media, and be selective about the sources you follow. You can also designate “media-free” times or spaces in your day where you focus on other activities.

Practice Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques

When you feel overwhelmed by the emotions triggered by vicarious trauma, grounding exercises can help bring you back to the present moment. Simple techniques like deep breathing, focusing on your senses, or even taking a short walk can reduce feelings of anxiety or distress.

Engage in Regular Self-Care

Taking care of your physical and emotional needs is crucial when dealing with vicarious trauma. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and engaging in physical activity. Additionally, find activities that help you relax and unwind, whether that’s reading a book, taking a bath, or spending time in nature.

Seek Support from Others

You don’t have to navigate vicarious trauma alone. Talking about your feelings with friends, family, or a therapist can help you process your emotions and feel less isolated. Support groups or communities, both online and offline, can also provide a safe space to share your experiences and learn from others.

Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms

It’s important to find healthy ways to cope with the emotions triggered by vicarious trauma. This might include creative outlets like writing, painting, or playing music, which can help you express and process your feelings. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse or withdrawing from loved ones, as these often just make things worse.

Consider Professional Help

If you’re finding it difficult to manage vicarious trauma on your own, seeking professional help can be a powerful step. Therapists who specialize in trauma can provide tools and strategies to help you cope and heal. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, can be particularly effective in addressing the thought patterns that contribute to vicarious trauma.

Taking the Next Step

Vicarious trauma is a real and significant issue that can impact anyone who is regularly exposed to the suffering of others, whether through their work or the media they consume. Recognizing the signs and taking proactive steps to care for yourself is crucial for maintaining your mental and emotional health.

Friendships are some of the most meaningful relationships we have, offering companionship, support, and shared memories. But life happens; people get busy, priorities shift, and sometimes, we unintentionally drift apart from friends. Maybe you were overwhelmed with life, and before you knew it, weeks turned into months or even years without contact. If you find yourself missing a friend you once ghosted and wanting to reconnect, you’re not alone. Rekindling a friendship after a period of distance can be challenging, but it’s also possible to rebuild that connection.

Understanding Why Friendships Drift Apart

It’s important to first acknowledge that drifting apart from a friend is a common experience. Life’s transitions– like moving to a new city, starting a new job, or dealing with personal challenges– can naturally lead to a decrease in communication. Sometimes, the distance wasn’t caused by a particular event but rather a gradual fading of contact.

Ghosting a friend doesn’t necessarily mean that the friendship wasn’t valuable. In many cases, it’s simply a reflection of the complexities of adult life. However, when you find yourself missing that connection, it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions, like regret, guilt, and even anxiety about how to reestablish the bond. These feelings are valid and part of the process of rekindling a friendship.

Tips for Rekindling a Stale Friendship

Reconnecting with a friend you ghosted can feel daunting, but with the right approach, it’s possible to rebuild a meaningful connection. Here are some tips to help you navigate the process:

Reflect on Your Motivations

Before reaching out, take some time to reflect on why you want to reconnect with this particular friend. What do you miss about the friendship? Are you seeking closure for unresolved feelings, or do you genuinely want to rebuild the connection? Understanding your motivations can help you approach the situation with clarity and sincerity.

It’s also worth considering whether the friendship was healthy for both of you. If there were unresolved issues or negative dynamics, think about whether you’re both in a place where you can move past them. Rekindling a friendship should be about fostering a positive and supportive relationship.

Start with a Simple, Honest Message

Making the first move is often the hardest part. Start with a simple, honest message that acknowledges the distance and expresses your interest in reconnecting. A text, email, or social media message can be a low-pressure way to reach out. You might say something like, “I’ve been thinking about you lately and realizing how much I miss our friendship. I’m sorry we lost touch. I’d love to catch up if you’re open to it.”

It’s important to acknowledge the time that has passed and to express genuine interest in how they’re doing. Avoid diving into heavy topics right away—keep the initial message light and open-ended, giving them the space to respond in a way that feels comfortable to them.

Manage Your Expectations

When reconnecting with a friend after a period of distance, it’s crucial to manage your expectations. The friendship might not pick up exactly where it left off, and that’s okay. Both of you have likely grown and changed during the time apart, and it may take some time to find a new rhythm.

Be prepared for the possibility that the dynamic of the friendship could be different. They might be hesitant at first, or they might have moved on from the friendship in a way that makes rekindling it more challenging. It’s important to approach the situation with an open mind and a willingness to accept whatever response you receive.

Address the Elephant in the Room

If you ghosted the friendship, it’s likely that there’s some level of awkwardness or discomfort about the situation. Addressing this directly can help clear the air and pave the way for a more open and honest conversation. You might say something like, “I realize I dropped the ball on keeping in touch, and I’m really sorry about that. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you or let our friendship slip away.”

Acknowledging your role in the distance shows maturity and a willingness to take responsibility. It can also help reduce the awkwardness by putting everything out in the open, making it easier to move forward.

Be Prepared for Awkwardness

Let’s be honest: Rekindling a friendship after a period of distance can be awkward. There may be moments of discomfort, especially if there are unresolved feelings or if the conversation doesn’t flow as easily as it once did. This is normal, and it’s okay to acknowledge that it might take time to get back into a comfortable groove.

One way to reduce awkwardness is by focusing on shared interests or memories. Reminiscing about past experiences can help reestablish a connection and remind both of you why the friendship was meaningful. You can also plan a casual, low-pressure activity for your first meeting. Grabbing coffee or taking a walk together can provide a relaxed environment to ease back into the friendship.

Rebuild the Connection Gradually

Rekindling a friendship is a process that takes time. Don’t expect everything to fall back into place immediately. Instead, focus on gradually rebuilding the connection through consistent, meaningful interactions. This could involve regular check-ins, making plans to spend time together, or simply being there for each other in small but significant ways.

Consistency is key: showing up and putting in the effort to maintain the friendship demonstrates your commitment to rebuilding the bond. Over time, these small acts of connection can help strengthen the friendship and create a new foundation.

Be Patient and Respect Their Pace

It’s important to remember that your friend may need time to process their feelings and decide how they want to move forward. They might not be ready to dive back into the friendship right away, and that’s okay. Be patient and give them the space they need to figure out what they want.

Respecting their pace shows that you care about their feelings and are willing to rebuild the friendship on their terms. If they’re open to reconnecting, let the relationship develop naturally over time.

Navigating the New Dynamic

As you work to rekindle the friendship, it’s important to be mindful of the new dynamic. Both of you have likely grown and changed during the time apart, and the friendship may evolve in new and unexpected ways. Embrace these changes and be open to the possibility that the friendship might look different than it did before.

It’s also worth considering that some friendships are meant to be for a season, and it’s possible that the connection might not be as strong as it once was. If that’s the case, it’s okay to acknowledge the value of the friendship for what it was and to appreciate the growth you’ve both experienced.

Moving Forward with a Rekindled Friendship

Reconnecting with a friend you ghosted can be a deeply rewarding experience, offering a chance to rebuild a meaningful relationship and create new memories together. It’s a process that requires patience, honesty, and a willingness to embrace the awkwardness that might arise. By taking the time to reflect on your motivations and approaching the situation with care, you can rebuild a connection that enriches both of your lives.

Did you know that nearly 1 in 3 Americans experience an anxiety disorder at some point during their lives? And this number is growing higher every year. Anxiety can affect anyone, and it often manifests in various ways that can impact a relationship. Understanding how to recognize the signs of anxiety in your partner and knowing how to offer support can make a significant difference in their ability to manage their symptoms. This blog post will explore common signs of anxiety and provide practical tips for supporting a partner who is experiencing anxiety.

Recognizing the Signs of Anxiety in Your Partner

Anxiety can present itself in many different ways, and the signs can vary from person to person. However, there are some common indicators that someone may be struggling with anxiety. Being aware of these signs can help you identify when your partner is in need of support.

One of the most common signs of anxiety is excessive worrying. Your partner may frequently express concerns about various aspects of their life, such as work, finances, or health. They might struggle to let go of these worries, even when there is no immediate reason for concern. This constant state of worry can lead to a sense of overwhelm, making it difficult for them to relax or enjoy the moment.

Physical symptoms can also be a sign that your partner is experiencing anxiety. These symptoms might include headaches, muscle tension, fatigue, or digestive issues. Your partner may also have trouble sleeping, either finding it difficult to fall asleep or waking up frequently during the night. These physical symptoms can contribute to a cycle of anxiety, where the discomfort leads to more worrying, which in turn exacerbates the physical symptoms.

Another sign of anxiety is a tendency to avoid certain situations or activities. Your partner may start to withdraw from social events, cancel plans at the last minute, or avoid situations that they perceive as stressful or overwhelming. Irritability and mood swings can also indicate that your partner is struggling with anxiety. They may become easily frustrated or upset over small things, or they might seem on edge much of the time.

How to Support a Partner with Anxiety

Once you have recognized the signs of anxiety in your partner, the next step is to consider how you can best support them. Supporting a partner with anxiety requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to listen. Here are some ways you can help your partner manage their anxiety.

Encourage Open Communication

One of the most important ways you can support your partner is by encouraging open communication. Let them know that they can talk to you about their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment. When your partner feels safe expressing their anxiety, it can help them feel less isolated and more understood.

To foster open communication, create a space where your partner feels comfortable sharing their thoughts. This might mean setting aside time to talk without distractions, actively listening to what they are saying, and validating their feelings. Remember that you do not need to have all the answers; sometimes, simply being there to listen is enough.

Be Patient and Understanding

Anxiety can be unpredictable, and your partner may have good days and bad days. It is essential to be patient and understanding, even when it is challenging. Your partner might need extra reassurance or support on certain days, and they may struggle with things that seem simple to you.

Avoid taking their anxiety personally or becoming frustrated if they seem distant or withdrawn. Instead, try to empathize with what they are going through and offer your support in a way that feels comfortable for them. Recognize that their anxiety is not something they can simply “snap out of,” and it may take time for them to feel better.

Offer Practical Support

Sometimes, the best way to support your partner is through practical actions. This might include helping them with tasks that feel overwhelming, such as running errands, managing their schedule, or handling stressful situations. By taking some of the pressure off your partner, you can help reduce their overall anxiety levels.

You can also support your partner by encouraging healthy habits that can help manage anxiety. This might involve suggesting activities like going for a walk, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in hobbies that bring them joy. Additionally, making sure they are eating well, getting enough sleep, and staying active can all contribute to reducing anxiety symptoms.

Educate Yourself About Anxiety

Understanding what your partner is going through can make it easier to offer the right kind of support. Take the time to educate yourself about anxiety, its symptoms, and how it can affect a person’s life. There are many resources available, including books, articles, and support groups, that can provide valuable insights into living with anxiety.

By learning more about anxiety, you can develop a greater sense of empathy and be better equipped to help your partner manage their symptoms. You will also be able to recognize when their anxiety is becoming overwhelming and when they might need additional support, such as from a therapist or counselor.

Encourage Professional Help

While your support is incredibly valuable, there may be times when your partner needs professional help to manage their anxiety. Encourage your partner to seek therapy or counseling if their anxiety is significantly impacting their daily life or their ability to function. A mental health professional can provide tools and strategies to help them cope with their anxiety more effectively.

If your partner is hesitant to seek help, try to approach the topic gently and without pressure. You might suggest exploring therapy together, or offer to help them find a therapist who specializes in anxiety. Let them know that seeking professional help is a sign of strength, and that you will be there to support them throughout the process.

Respect Their Boundaries

It is essential to respect your partner’s boundaries when they are dealing with anxiety. While you may want to help, there may be times when your partner needs space to process their feelings or manage their anxiety on their own. Recognize that giving them this space is an important part of supporting them.

Respecting boundariesalso means being mindful of how you approach conversations about their anxiety. If your partner is not ready to talk about something, do not push them to open up before they are comfortable. Allow them to take the lead in these discussions and be there to listen when they are ready to share.

Moving Forward Together

Supporting a partner with anxiety is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and compassion. By recognizing the signs of anxiety and offering practical and emotional support, you can help your partner navigate their challenges and strengthen your relationship in the process. Remember that while you play an important role in supporting your partner, you are not their therapist. You can help them with their anxiety, but it’s up to them to manage it and work through it.

Sometimes it seems like it’s been a while since we’ve heard good news. In times of global turmoil, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or even hopeless. The world can seem like a chaotic place where problems feel too big to handle as an individual. From geopolitical conflicts to environmental crises, the magnitude of these issues can leave us feeling small and powerless. However, these complex emotions are a normal response to the stress of living in a world fraught with tension and uncertainty. It’s crucial to acknowledge these feelings and take proactive steps to care for your mental health.

Understanding and Normalizing Your Emotions

When the news is filled with stories of conflict, injustice, and suffering, it’s easy to become consumed by feelings of despair. You might experience a range of emotions, from anxiety and sadness to anger and frustration. These emotions are not only valid but also a natural response to the distressing state of the world. You’re not alone in feeling this way—many people are grappling with similar emotions as they try to make sense of the global events unfolding around them.

One common reaction to global tension is what psychologists refer to as vicarious trauma. This occurs when you are repeatedly exposed to the traumatic experiences of others, even if you’re not directly involved. Watching or reading about the suffering of people across the world can deeply affect your emotional and mental well-being. Symptoms of vicarious trauma might include increased anxiety, feelings of helplessness, and difficulty concentrating. Understanding that vicarious trauma is a legitimate psychological response can help you take steps to address it.

Taking Care of Your Mental Health

Caring for your mental health is more important than ever when global tensions are high. Here are some strategies to help you manage your emotions and maintain your well-being during these challenging times:

Limit Exposure to Stressful News

While it’s important to stay informed, constant exposure to distressing news can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and helplessness. Consider setting boundaries for your news consumption. This might mean limiting the time you spend watching the news or engaging with social media. Instead, choose specific times of the day to catch up on current events and then give yourself permission to step away.

Connect with Loved Ones

Social support is crucial when dealing with difficult emotions. Talking to friends, family, or a trusted confidant can help you process your feelings and feel less isolated. Sharing your concerns and listening to others can provide comfort and a sense of solidarity. Remember that it’s okay to lean on others for support during tough times.

Engage in Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation, can help you stay grounded in the present moment. These techniques can reduce stress and anxiety by helping you focus on the here and now, rather than getting lost in worries about the future.

Stay Active

Physical activity is a powerful self-care tool for managing stress and improving mood. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. Whether it’s a walk in the park, a yoga session, or a workout at the gym, moving your body can help you release pent-up tension and feel more energized.

Engage in Creative Outlets

Creativity can be a therapeutic way to process complex emotions. Whether it’s writing, painting, playing music, or crafting, creative activities allow you to express your feelings in a healthy and constructive way. These outlets can provide a sense of accomplishment and a break from the stress of the world.

Seek Professional Support

If you find that your emotions are becoming too overwhelming to manage on your own, consider reaching out to a therapist. Professional counseling can provide you with coping strategies tailored to your specific needs. Therapists are trained to help you navigate difficult emotions and can offer support in processing trauma.

What You Can Do as an Individual

While it’s easy to feel powerless in the face of global issues, there are meaningful actions you can take as an individual. By focusing on what you can control, you can channel your energy into positive efforts that contribute to change, both on a personal level and within your community.

Educate Yourself

Knowledge is power. Take the time to educate yourself about the issues that concern you. Understanding the root causes of global conflicts or environmental challenges can empower you to engage in informed discussions and make conscious decisions in your daily life.

Vote

One of the most impactful ways you can influence change is by exercising your right to vote. Voting allows you to support leaders and policies that align with your values. Whether it’s on a local, national, or global level, your vote is a powerful tool in shaping the future.

Get Involved in Non-Profit Work

Non-profit organizations often work on the front lines of social, environmental, and humanitarian issues. Consider volunteering your time or donating resources to a cause that matters to you. Whether it’s helping at a local shelter, participating in environmental clean-up efforts, or supporting international aid organizations, your contributions can make a difference.

Raise Awareness

Use your voice to raise awareness about the issues that matter to you. This could be through social media, community events, or personal conversations. Sharing information and advocating for change can inspire others to get involved and help amplify your impact.

Support Mental Health Initiatives

Mental health is a crucial aspect of global well-being. Supporting mental health initiatives, whether through advocacy, donations, or community involvement, can help ensure that more people have access to the care they need during times of crisis.

Navigating Complex Emotions and Finding Hope

It’s important to acknowledge that feeling overwhelmed by global tensions is a normal and human response. The world can be a daunting place, especially when faced with complex problems that seem beyond our control. However, by taking care of your mental health, staying connected with others, and taking actionable steps to contribute to change, you can find a sense of purpose and resilience.

Relationships can be incredibly fulfilling, yet they often come with challenges that can feel insurmountable. One of the most frustrating experiences for couples is the sense of running into the same arguments repeatedly, with no resolution in sight. These recurring conflicts, known as “perpetual problems,” are not only common but also a natural part of most relationships. Understanding why these issues persist and learning how to manage them can be key to maintaining a healthy and satisfying partnership.

Why Perpetual Problems Are Normal

To start, it’s important to recognize that perpetual problems are a normal part of any long-term relationship.They don’t have to be the end of things; instead, you and your partner need to work out how to handle them. Research by Dr. John Gottman, a prominent relationship expert, suggests that approximately 69% of conflicts in relationships are perpetual. These issues often stem from fundamental differences in personality, values, or life goals, making them difficult to fully resolve.

Perpetual problems might revolve around things like differing attitudes towards money, varying levels of desire for intimacy, or divergent parenting styles. These are deep-seated issues tied to who we are as individuals, which is why they tend to resurface again and again. The fact that these problems are persistent doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed; rather, it indicates that you and your partner are distinct individuals with your own perspectives and needs.

Common Reasons for Recurring Arguments

There are several reasons why couples may find themselves embroiled in the same arguments repeatedly. Understanding these underlying factors can help in addressing the conflict more constructively.

Differing Core Beliefs and Values

At the heart of many perpetual problems are differences in core beliefs and values. For instance, one partner might value saving money for future security, while the other values spending money to enjoy life in the present. These core differences are not easily changed because they are deeply ingrained in each person’s identity and worldview.

Unmet Emotional Needs

Recurring arguments can also stem from unmet emotional needs. For example, if one partner feels consistently undervalued or unsupported, they may bring up the issue repeatedly in different contexts. The argument is less about the specific issue at hand and more about the deeper emotional need that isn’t being addressed.

Communication Styles

Differences in communication styles can exacerbate perpetual problems. One partner might prefer to confront issues head-on, while the other might avoid conflict altogether. This mismatch can lead to frustration and misunderstanding, making it difficult to reach a resolution.

Fear of Vulnerability

Sometimes, couples avoid resolving deep-seated issues because addressing them requires a level of vulnerability that feels uncomfortable. Admitting fears, insecurities, or unmet needs can be daunting, so instead, couples may argue about surface-level issues that are safer to discuss.

Why It Feels Like You’re Not Getting Anywhere

When couples face the same issues repeatedly, it’s easy to feel like they’re not making any progress. This can lead to frustration, hopelessness, and even resentment. Let’s take a look at several reasons why couples might feel stuck in these cycles.

Focus on Solutions Rather Than Understanding

One common trap is focusing too much on finding a solution rather than understanding the underlying issue. For example, if the argument is about how to spend weekends, the couple might try to compromise by alternating activities, without ever discussing why these activities matter to each of them. Without addressing the underlying values and emotions, the same argument is likely to resurface.

Lack of Emotional Connection During Conflicts

Conflicts often escalate when partners don’t feel emotionally connected. When arguments become heated, partners may become defensive or shut down, leading to a breakdown in communication. This lack of connection makes it hard to resolve the issue at hand, resulting in a feeling of going in circles.

Avoidance of the Real Issue

Sometimes, couples avoid tackling the real issue because it feels too overwhelming or because they fear the potential fallout. Instead, they argue about smaller, more manageable issues, which keeps the real problem simmering beneath the surface.

Why Perpetual Problems Can Be Managed

The good news is that while perpetual problems may not be fully resolvable, they can be managed in a way that allows the relationship to thrive. The key is to shift the focus from trying to solve the problem to learning how to navigate it together.

Acceptance and Compassion

Accepting that perpetual problems are a normal part of relationships can be incredibly freeing. When both partners understand that these issues are not a sign of a failing relationship but rather a natural consequence of being two distinct individuals, they can approach conflicts with more compassion and patience.

Focus on Understanding

Instead of rushing to find a solution, couples can benefit from taking the time to truly understand each other’s perspectives. This involves active listening, empathy, and a willingness to explore the underlying values and emotions driving the conflict. By understanding the “why” behind each other’s positions, partners can find ways to navigate the issue without trying to change each other.

Developing Effective Communication Skills

Improving communication is crucial for managing perpetual problems. This includes learning to express emotions and needs clearly, without blame or criticism. It also involves developing the ability to listen without becoming defensive. Effective communication fosters a deeper emotional connection, making it easier to manage conflicts when they arise.

Compromise and Flexibility

While some issues can’t be fully resolved, compromise is often possible. This might mean finding a middle ground that respects both partners’ needs and values or agreeing to take turns in decision-making. Flexibility is key; rather than insisting on a perfect solution, partners can strive to find a workable one that both can live with.

Regular Check-ins

Regularly checking in with each other about how you’re feeling in the relationship can help prevent perpetual problems from becoming overwhelming. These check-ins provide an opportunity to address issues before they escalate and to reaffirm your commitment to working through challenges together.

When Enough is Too Much: Seeking Professional Help

While many couples can manage perpetual problems on their own, some may benefit from the guidance of a therapist. A skilled therapist can help partners navigate these complex issues, offering tools and strategies for better communication and conflict management. Therapy provides a safe space to explore difficult emotions and to work towards a deeper understanding of each other.

This goes without saying, but breakups are tough. Following a breakup you may have trouble eating and sleeping, you may cry (a lot), and you may feel a physical aching or heaviness. You may find yourself waking up in the morning, and for a brief second, feeling okay…that is, until you are once again hit with the reality of the breakup. You may feel emotionally raw and feel a mix of deep sadness and anger when seeing other couples out in the world. Breakups bring a whirlwind of emotions, and it’s often hard to make sense of why it hurts so much. But understanding the science behind breakups and how therapy can help might make the healing process a bit easier. Let’s dive into how our brains react to breakups and how therapy can support you through this challenging time.

What Happens in Your Brain During a Breakup?

When a relationship ends, your brain goes through a series of changes that can make you feel intense emotional pain. Here’s a simple breakdown of what happens:

Reward System Disruption:When you’re in love, your brain releases a chemical called dopamine that makes you feel happy and rewarded. After a breakup, your dopamine levels drop, which can feel similar to withdrawal from a drug, making the emotional pain feel even more intense. This disruption is explored in research by Acevedo et al. (2012), which shows how the brain’s reward system is involved in romantic attachment and how it can be disrupted after a breakup (Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 7, 239-249).

Pain Response:The same part of the brain that deals with physical pain also gets activated when you experience social rejection. This is why the emotional hurt from a breakup can feel like a physical ache. Eisenberger et al. (2003) demonstrated that social rejection activates similar brain areas as physical pain, highlighting why breakups can feel physically painful (Science, 302, 290-292).

Emotional Processing:Your brain’s “emotion center,” known as the amygdala, can become overactive, making you feel anxious and distressed. This can make it hard to think clearly or make rational decisions about the situation. Murray and Drevets (2011) review how emotional processing areas in the brain become overactive during emotional distress (Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 35, 740-752).

Struggling to Cope:Another part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, helps regulate emotions and make sense of things. During a breakup, this part might struggle to keep up with the flood of intense feelings, making it harder to stay calm and collected.

How Attachment Styles Affect Breakups

Attachment theory explains how our early relationships with caregivers influence how we handle breakups.This is supported by foundational work from Bowlby (1969) and Ainsworth et al. (1978), who detailed how early attachment experiences influence adult relationships (Attachment and Loss: Volume 1. Attachment; Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation).

Here’s a quick look at the different attachment styles and how they might affect your breakup experience:

Secure Attachment:If you have a secure attachment style, you’re likely to handle breakups in a balanced way. You’re able to process your emotions and eventually move on without too much difficulty.

Anxious Attachment:If you tend to need a lot of reassurance and closeness, a breakup can be especially hard. You might feel intense fear of abandonment and struggle more with moving on.

Avoidant Attachment:If you value independence and find intimacy challenging, you might handle breakups with less emotional upheaval. However, you might avoid dealing with your feelings, which can delay healing.

Disorganized Attachment:Individuals with insecure or disorganized attachment styles may experience significant confusion and distress during a breakup. This attachment style often stems from inconsistent or traumatic early relationships, leading to a mix of anxieties and difficulties with both intimacy and separation. During a breakup, you might find yourself caught between fear and anger, struggling to make sense of your emotions and responses. This can make the process of moving on particularly complex and painful.

How Therapy Can Help

Going through a breakup is challenging, but therapy can make a big difference. Here’s how working with a therapist can support you:

Understanding Your Emotions:A therapist can help you make sense of the intense emotions you’re experiencing. By talking through your feelings, you can better understand what’s happening in your brain and why it hurts so much.

Processing the Pain:Therapy provides a safe space to process your emotions. Therapists can guide you through techniques to manage and reduce the emotional pain, helping you feel more in control. Cuijpers et al. (2016) highlight the effectiveness of therapy in treating emotional distress and depression (Journal of Affective Disorders, 202, 511-517).

Exploring Attachment Styles:Understanding your attachment style with the help of a therapist can offer insights into why a breakup affects you the way it does. This knowledge can help you make sense of your reactions and develop healthier relationship patterns. Diamond and Bacigalupi (2011) discuss how attachment-based approaches in therapy can address relationship issues and personal emotional struggles (Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 10, 117-137).

Building Coping Strategies:Therapy can teach you practical strategies for coping with the aftermath of a breakup. This might include ways to manage anxiety, improve self-care, and rebuild your sense of self.

Moving Forward:With the support of a therapist, you can work on healing and finding new ways to approach relationships. Therapists collaborate with you in setting goals for personal growth and guide you through the process of moving on in a healthy way.

Conclusion

Today, let’s break some of these taboos. Let’s talk about financial intimacy and how to talk about money within your relationship. These conversations can be tough, but they are absolutely worth it.

Why Financial Conversations Matter

Money plays a critical role in the health of a relationship. Financial disagreements are the third leading cause of divorce in the United States, and 73% of couples report having at least one fight about money in the past year. But when you talk about finances, it helps deescalate and can even prevent these fights. Open, honest communication about money management, investing, saving, and spending can help keep you and your partner on the same page regarding your financial security and expectations.

Building Trust Through Financial Transparency

Financial transparency is crucial in any relationship. When partners are open about their financial situation, including income, debts, and spending habits, it builds trust. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and being honest about money can prevent misunderstandings that might otherwise lead to conflict. Discussing finances openly also helps couples set realistic goals and expectations, ensuring that both partners are on the same page regarding their financial future.

The Role of Financial Intimacy

Financial intimacy refers to the comfort level couples have when discussing money matters. Just as emotional and physical intimacy are vital for a strong relationship, so too is financial intimacy. When couples are financially intimate, they can openly discuss their financial goals, fears, and expectations. This level of openness fosters a deeper connection and helps couples work together to achieve their financial objectives.

Tips for Talking About Finances in a Relationship

So now that you know why you need to talk about finances… how do you do it? How do you bring up these challenging topics? Achieving financial intimacy is a process that requires consistent communication, patience, and understanding, and that means carefully framing these conversations to minimize tension.

Start the Conversation Early

One of the best times to discuss finances is early in the relationship. Waiting too long to talk about money can lead to surprises that might strain the relationship. When you start dating someone seriously, it’s important to have a conversation about your financial values and habits. Discuss how you handle money, your views on saving and spending, and any financial goals you have for the future. Early conversations set the stage for a healthy financial partnership.

Create a Safe and Non-Judgmental Space

Money can be a sensitive topic, and it’s essential to approach these conversations with empathy and understanding. Create a safe and non-judgmental space where both partners feel comfortable sharing their financial situation, concerns, and goals. Avoid criticizing or blaming your partner for their financial habits, as this can lead to defensiveness and shut down open communication. Instead, focus on understanding each other’s perspectives and finding common ground.

Be Honest About Your Financial Situation

Honesty is key when discussing finances. Be transparent about your income, debts, savings, and any financial obligations you have. Hiding financial information can lead to mistrust and resentment, which can harm the relationship in the long run. If you have debt, discuss how you plan to manage it, and if you’re saving for a specific goal, share your progress and challenges. Honesty helps build trust and ensures that both partners are aware of the financial landscape they’re navigating together.

Set Financial Goals Together

Setting financial goals as a couple is an excellent way to align your financial priorities and work together towards a common objective. Whether it’s saving for a house, paying off debt, or planning for retirement, having shared goals can strengthen your relationship. When setting goals, make sure they are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART). This approach ensures that your goals are realistic and that you can track your progress over time.

Discuss Spending Habits and Budgeting

Differences in spending habits can lead to conflict in a relationship, especially if one partner is a spender and the other is a saver. It’s important to discuss your spending habits and agree on a budget that works for both of you. A budget helps you manage your money effectively and ensures that both partners are contributing to shared expenses. When creating a budget, consider each other’s financial habits and find a balance that allows for both spending and saving.

Plan for the Future

Planning for the future is a critical aspect of financial discussions in a relationship. This includes discussing long-term goals such as buying a home, having children, or planning for retirement. It’s also important to talk about how you will manage finances in the event of an emergency, such as job loss or a medical issue. Having a financial plan in place for the future can provide peace of mind and ensure that both partners are prepared for any eventuality.

Revisit the Conversation Regularly

Financial situations and goals can change over time, so it’s important to revisit the conversation regularly. Schedule regular financial check-ins to discuss your progress, address any concerns, and make adjustments as needed. Regular communication helps keep both partners on the same page and ensures that you’re working together to achieve your financial goals. It also allows you to address any changes in your financial situation before they become a source of stress.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

If you’re struggling to have productive financial conversations or if money is a significant source of conflict in your relationship, consider seeking professional help. A financial advisor or couples therapist can provide guidance and help you navigate these discussions more effectively. Professional help can offer a neutral perspective and provide tools to improve communication and financial decision-making.

The Impact of Financial Communication on Relationship Satisfaction

Open and honest financial communication has a positive impact on relationship satisfaction. The good news is that couples who regularly discuss their finances tend to have stronger, more resilient relationships. Couples who communicate effectively about money report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and are less likely to experience financial conflict.

Talking about finances in a relationship is essential for building trust, setting goals, and ensuring a stable future together. While these conversations can be challenging, they are crucial for the health and longevity of your relationship. By starting the conversation early, being honest and transparent, and setting shared financial goals, you can create a strong financial foundation for your relationship.

If you and your partner need help developing financial intimacy, don’t hesitate to reach out to the therapists here at Love Heal Grow. Our relationship experts can help you and your partner have these tricky conversations and facilitate greater financial intimacy.