Tell Me A Secret:

You know what one-sided love is?

It’s like two people who have shared the most intimate moments together, whether it be conversations, experiences, or even intimacy.

It’s as if one moment you two used to walk past each other on a stairway and share a glimpse, smile, or even a quick kiss or hug.

It’s one day waking up and realizing that even after the countless meetings on that stairwell, that one day you wake up and something shifts. Love is released and everything is transformational.

It’s one day walking past each other on a stairwell, but only you catch yourself stealing a glimpse, expressing a smile, or even attempting or hoping for a kiss or hug. But the other person doesn’t do anything back.

One-sided love is one day walking down the stairs to see, stop, and realize that you’re the only person who pauses. It’s understanding that you are no longer people who share an affinity for each other; but rather, you are people who only wish to either hold or push memories into or out of your minds and hearts.

One-sided love is always, and never will be returned.

The easy one where you can leave because the person hurt you.

I run away from my past.

I run away from the good people in my life.

I run from heartbreak after heartbreak.

I run from death.

I run for my health.

I run for my mind.

But my vision was blinded by clouds.

Last night I cried myself to sleep.

I stayed up as long as I could because I was afraid of my dreams.

This morning I didn’t want to get out of bed.

I had to force myself my anxiety was all in my head.

Today I was working and thought many times about what would happen if I died.

I didn’t think I was worth a second of someone’s time.

Today I answered a call like I do every other hour.

A gentle voice was on the other end and didn’t know it’s power.

We spoke of God and faith, even though I question Him some days.

We shared heartbreak of losing someone to dementia or Alzheimer’s - memories that fade.

We shared the need to want to be heard and not forgotten.

We spoke for what seemed to be days, something that’s not very common.

Did you know I wanted to die today? Did you know I had a plan?

Did you know that my depression began?

How could you know?

How could you know?