Even if I still had any faith in transition it would take another 2 years for me to get testosterone through legal means (I am 3 almost 4 years into a waitlist) and surgery even longer. I don’t even want top surgery unless I qualify for keyhole which I probably don’t. And i’d still be 5’5 and dickless so then what

Surpressing the urge to poon out

Humiliating myself in increasingly creative ways

I have gotten into genuine arguments with people who claimed to not be afraid of death because I don’t think that is possible. I think it is the driving force behind most if not all of us. If you do not fear death (whether consciously or subconsciously) why not just die? Maybe this is a fallacy developed from my own debilitating anxiety but when I look around me I get the feeling that everyone is constantly trying to stave something off (mainly through distractions, often destructive but effective things like meaningless sex, drugs, alcohol) and I interpret that as trying to run from the never-ending looming inevitableness of death. We’re all terrified

If I could rid myself of all feelings I would

Hate1827472

I am letting my soul rot away by adjusting myself to be more palatable for people who will never love or understand me