haley

“How could lips that whispered “I love you” to me caress her body without so much as a damn second thought about us?”

“i. separate yourself. discipline is key. remember you’re better than him. block him. text your best friend instead. and turn the pictures around. ii. lie to yourself and say that the good times weren’t that good. repeat this until the voice that’s arguing against it is silent. iii. delete the screenshots. you won’t need them. iv. cry. a lot. it’s okay. cry with your friend. cry alone. cry to your family. it’s okay. v. get angry. you’re allowed bitterness. vi. spit the putrid taste of his lips out of your mouth and onto the ground. curse his name until it is raw on your tongue. scrub your skin so you are clean of his touch. vii. replace him with that friend you haven’t spoken to since august. it’s worth it. viii. reject the phone call. that one, too. ix. smile. force it if you have to. smile at strangers. and at children. and at your mother. and at the “other girl”. and at yourself. x. forgive if only you wish to.”

“I found out that I was cheated on. It hurt, a lot. I put my trust in someone who I loved and cared for and they betrayed me. He mistreated me and disrespected me in ways that I can’t even begin to try to understand. For me, it wasn’t the cheating that hurt most. It pained me to think of him with someone else when he was supposed to be with me, promising someone else the same things he’d told me. That hurt of course but what hurt the most was the lying that followed. He told me it was only me, that he only wanted me. He made me think I was crazy for thinking he would ever do that to me and so I began to believe that too. I knew he treated me badly but in my head, I never thought he would go that far, I never thought he would do the one thing that would hurt me the most. We had our moments, we weren’t perfect but I thought we both knew the moment one of us done something with someone else that was it, he promised me he’d tell me if he ever done that but he didn’t. He lied to me for months, made me think I was the guilty one, the horrible one but it was him, it was always him. I tried to love someone who done unlovable things, someone who didn’t actually want me to love them in the first place and do you know what? That’s a pretty fucking shitty thing to find out but I’ll survive. I’ll learn and I’ll grow and I’ll love and most importantly I will hurt. I will continue to hurt until I stop but I’ll know I done all I could. I took a chance on someone because I loved them and I managed to love an unlovable person and I am proud of myself for doing that and I’ll be even more proud when the day comes that I am over him and what he done.”

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