We're All Afraid Of The Dark.

heart when I felt it breaking,

sometimes I disappear, but I

never leave, I want to kiss you

once more, or twice, or

forever, one of the things I

love about you is everything -

ha your heart ever bleed so

much that time froze in the

memories flowing through it?

he’s the kind of beauty you

miss even if you've never met,

I didn’t realize how much I

could love until I

somewhere out there, someone’s waiting for you to meet them. and how can you meet them unless you’ve had a nice rest? sure it’s hard to fall asleep sometimes, but gentle now and let your dreams dream and let your body rest easy

your smile is my favorite way to start the morning, you know i have a mental collage of them. i think the one i revisit the most isn’t even a visual one, it was the first time i heard your voice— did you know that you can hear a smile? that’s the craziest feeling, to know that you made someone smile without even seeing it. without a doubt, my most favorite version of lips and teeth dancing because happiness came easy and it’s a trip because i couldn’t even see it, but i just knew. that makes me happy.

through the ups and downs, every single day i fall in love with you more and more. i’ve been closed off for so long, at one point i even considered myself to be unlovable. but everything changes. everything is temporary. nothing lasts forever. i get it. i really do. so this shared freedom of ours, to love each other as hard and as gentle as we please— i want to feel it. all of it. i don’t want to miss any seconds. i don’t want any refunds or rain checks. i want to be present. i want to be here even if you’re so far away.

i think the craziest thing about a long distance relationship is the initial fear of not knowing if you’re going to like the person when you meet one another in person— would you like to hear the best part? i never had that fear, not really. i kinda always knew, i just knew. knew that we’d be good to one another. knew that we’d build bridges to see one another. knew that we’d be okay, that we’d be safe.

your eyes hold the weight of the sun as they drown back into the horizon— and by sunrise or sunset, you’ll always be ready for the day. regardless of how it ends, regardless of how it begins. your love is all that i want to know like how the sun will always brighten up the day, i don’t want to be a heart attack, i want to be an involuntary thing to you. a breath. a pulse. an effortless means of loving someone, if at all possible, i want that.

so i miss you starts at 8:29 am, i could fall asleep right now, it’s so peaceful and i’m thinking about you.

trust and truth, my lover you see through all of my flaws— “you exist differently” your favorite thing to say to me, you’re the kind of weather that gardens love

i’ve been learning about myself as of late and i’ve realized a few things, jealousy… it doesn’t feel good. but i guess a part of my fears of losing you is something that i’m trying to let go of because baby, love doesn’t last forever and that’s okay. i want to let go of all the anxiety, the sadness, the grief, the pain. i want to accept them wholeheartedly. you will not hurt me, because i trust you won’t. you have my heart, you have it all.

i can hear the thunderstorms closing in, i wonder if you’re having a sweet and soft dream about your favorite places— do you think that the universe tries its hardest every single day to bring us together? i can only hope that there’s divine intervention happening somewhere, but humans being humans can also be something familiar enough for us to stay. just kiss me wherever you need to, i’ll be right here

it’s 8:37 am and my mind is running wild, hey, do you remember when we walked downtown late at night and got lost in the city? i can still hear your laughter, i can still see my smile. let’s get back to that sometime soon, yeah?

i think i have a terrible time keeping secrets away from you because i’m so excited to talk to you, to tell you that i’ve been thinking about you, it seems you also have the same problem

you say that it takes courage to own up to your mistakes, i don’t want to live a life of shame. my heart raised high, my soul open wide, my love attached to your heartstrings, they say that unknown locations are the best vacations— get lost with me anywhere, anytime and i’ll fall in love with you more than enough times

your intuitions are correct, always. i just wanted to tell you that. i think you have a hard time trusting yourself sometimes because of the way that you’ve perceived the world from your youth— trust that thing beating inside of your chest, it knows. i promise.

you’ll always be my favorite way to experience love, light-hearted and tender, rough on the edges when necessary, but all things great fire-started by your constant need to know if i still love you.

i do. i do still love you. we’re alright, sweetheart. we’re going to be alright.

and if the rain stops, and you’re awake while i’m asleep, i just wanted you to read this and know that it’s authentic and genuine.

thank you for being my best friend, even if we’re no longer a couple so day, even if we do prove that things can last forever. you know something?

it’s going to be a grand adventure regardless of our outcome.

if you want to take me into your soul, you need to take my history with you, and if i let you into my soul and lose you, you’ll become a part of that history.

you will be loved desperately but the moment i hit a low point i will hide from you because i will always believe that i can somehow hurt you, destroy you, ruin you, lose you if i so much as approach you with my fire too closely.

you’ll have to teach me that i can trust you, unlike the people who have broken me over and over, told me i was everything but wanted, and walked all over me while i let them.

if you become toxic to me, i will be the last one to know.

i’ll ask the world of you but settle for a grain of sand, and i’ll always feel unsatisfied because i kept my stupid mouth shut. 

it’s my fault. it’s always my fault. i promise.

there is a world of feeling behind my rough exterior, just push yourself until i can’t breathe, and i’ll submerge myself in your existence.

the only way to love me is wholly.

the only way you will be loved back is holy.