sometimes u just gotta put on your cowboy hat and be both the cowboy shooting at your own feet in rapid succession and telling yourself to dance and also the cowboy dancing away from your own bullets with stunning accuracy 

my brother is teaching his cat how to high five by giving her a treat every time she successfully taps her hand to his hand, which is all well and good, but now she thinks that she is entitled to food every time she high fives someone.  i can’t eat in the same room as her anymore because she’ll just bap my hand rapid fire and then go nyoom straight in for my pizza like no Kelly that’s illegal go finish ur own dinner

“No Kelly, that’s illegal.”

hey, how long does it take before the forest god comes to get you after you leave a strand of your hair and a fresh loaf of bread in a mushroom circle by the lake? asking for a fr

Bubbles, when they pop, whisper secrets that the dead took with them to their graves.

I didn’t read the url at first and I was fully prepared to accept this as reality.