Lost Mind

As crazy as they all may seem, at the end of the day they're the people who will always be there if you will let them.  Take some time out of each year of your life and try to spend as much time with them as you can.  I've missed so much from mine in the past 10 years it's ridiculous.  I plan on making up for that lost time in years to come.  May the powers that be bless me with positive vibes and successful outcomes.

Drank two beers today.  Haha I'm doing good though.  All I want to do is move down to Florida and continue chasing my dreams, and I will make it happen.  Not much here now, will check back in tomorrow.  To the powers that be I ask for positive vibes and successful outcomes.

Really not a whole lot of anything for today!  I want to check in when I remember to, due to the fact there will be days I forget.  I feel a little more normal and hopefully I have a job around the corner.  May the powers that be send me positive vibes and successful outcomes.

Got shwasted in Statesboro, GA over the weekend with a few friends.  Not proud but did make some solid memories.  Just really wish I could cool it.  Needing more strength as far as this is going.  I guess all I can do is pray for it.  Sending out that positive energy, trying to receive the same thing in return.  I ask the powers that be for positive vibes and successful outcomes.

lost and alone dont know where im really goin

no light in my phone ive been waitin to hear them voices

i try and stay strong but the weight of the world is realer

then whats weighed by god the dealer created doctors and killers

that balance just don't seem even steven just don't believe it

reapers and fucking angels heaven and hell both needed

most of yall pray to jesus while some of us pray we eating

wonder to ourselves why the fuck am i even breathin

needless to say im feelin confused and i dont see reasons

thank heaven for all the good and the negative blame the demons

irrelevant what your preachin i heard the lesson your teachin

you tell me to tell somebody their family burnin for bein

exposed to a different culture its different so they need healin

faith in raw emotion you planted ideas in thinkin

directing a mind thats innocent turn opposite to villian 

I've decided tonight to try a new way of bettering myself.  I heard on "The Joe Rogan Experience" tonight a unique way to make positive changes in your life.  The overall idea is taking 90 days to make the appropriate changes you believe you need to get yourself on the right track.  You have to commit to the entire 90 day period because once the 90 day period has passed, the person who stands on the other side, is a better version of yourself.

The hardest goal I think I've set for myself is to not drink or smoke for the entire 90 days.  My friends will laugh at me when I tell them but quite frankly that's where personal discipline comes into play.  There will always be people who ridicule you when you're trying to make positive  changes.  If you stay on the right track those same people who ridiculed you will hopefully see what you have done and want to do something for themselves.  I try to stick to the basic friendship rules I've heard from every successful person I've ever come across.  That's to surround yourself with people who make you better.  Separate yourself from the people holding you back.  The problem with this first goal though, is that I don't know if I've gone more than a month without getting drunk since I was 16 years old.  I know I haven't since I was 18.  Only thing I can do is stay positive and push through it.

I guess my second goal is going to be to work and save money.  I'm 22 and I've worked constantly since I was 19 and I have very little to show for it.  I made thousands and thousands of dollars and other than the countless experiences I would never trade, all I have is my vehicle.  I'm living with my aunt and uncle right now and I hope to be out of there hair soon enough and I'm sure I will.  So I'm going to be sure and put some money back and constantly remind myself that times won't always be good while I'm hopeful at the moment that things won't always be this bad.  Time to put some money up and begin laying the foundation for my life.

The thirds goal is simply to get back in shape.  I don't care if that means getting a gym membership and working out a few times a week, or doing something productive at home that gives me some form of exercise.  I used to be a very in-shape athlete especially in my high school days.  I want nothing more than to get back to where I was in my teenage years.  Oh, and I guess I could try to eat a little more healthy but we'll see how that goes.  Mainly I just want to be able to take a deep breath without the cigarette damage I've done to my lungs over the past 4 years to interfere.  I also smoked plenty marijuana in the past 4 years and plan on giving that up for the next 90 days as well.  I believe marijuana has little negative effect on our bodies but I'm still applying it due to the fact I'm going to have to pass a drug test to get a job.

The last thing on this list I hope to do in the next 90 days is complete my mixtape "Trollop Season".  I've had this thing planned out now for months and months and I'm ready to do some positive work on this project.  Plain and simple I've got talent, that's unmistakable but talent can only carry you so far, hard work is what pays off at the end of the day.

Basically that's the plan and I'm going to do my best to stick to it.  I'll post in this blog every day just to keep updated and stay motivated.  Not to mention I picked an appropriate time to start.  I'll be going down to Jacksonville, FL this weekend to visit family.  Maybe for most that doesn't mean partying but my family is full of full-time drinkers.  I get it honest but it's time to be the change.  To the spiritual powers that be, I pray for positive vibes and successful outcomes.

Take a moment of silence for the ones who never witness 

daddy pulling in from work, mama cooking in the kitchen.

The one's who search for purpose but it's forever missing,

Got to get it off your chest baby, I'm hear to listen.

You just kind of want to vent but everybody thinks you're bitching,

this is hard times, but not television it's life you're living

trust me problems are like outer space, they're fucking endless

so they're never going to go away, so you can give in.

Quit pretending that you don't care, four flats going nowhere,

Got a 12 pack and lawn chair and 12 gauge nothing wrong here.

Just a damn night by my damn self, want to end it all but I can't tell

if I really can because I'm shaking now and I'm losing sense of my damn self.

No self wealth, got a lost a soul, a fucked brain, and a blown fuse.

I work to feed my damn mouth not to prove to mom that I'm grown too.

Got a light bill and the rents due, probation fines, student loans too.