Lesbian Poetry

Really I do, I know nothing can be changed

He is who he is now and I will never know the him before

But even now, even as I remind myself that he is sick

That it was never my fault

That he was supposed to care for me

I cry, and I cry, and I cry, big ugly tears

The kind he used to wipe away with his rough hands

The kind that used to make him hold me

Now they are just tears, and they make my face burn

He isn't here to wipe them away for me anymore 

Not the sad frightened one who made herself as small and quiet as possible;

The one who loves to explore and run

To fall and dirty their hands

Who squeals and giggles loudly

You think it hurts me, and sometimes it does, but you are not hurting me.

Yes it burns, a bit like a small sun bursting in my chest

And it makes me tear up and long for you even when you are there

another exhausting message on top of two dozen others.

do you sigh with relief when I have to leave?

finally able to breath, finally able to take a break.

do you wish I was quieter? calmer? more passive?

do you tire of my constantly spinning brain?

I imagine the hands of a god, holding me softly

Blessing every inch of my skin with affirmation

Ichor spilling from your lips and tongue onto me

Immersing myself so fully into you that I forget myself

But I also hate it

With every pang of anger, shame and sadness you feel

It is reverberated in my body, my mind, my heart

And all I want to do is rip apart the seam that ties me so closely to you

It is a blessing and a curse to morph into you

To feel so intensely my body may violently burst

But to love so hard, and suffocate in the feeling of you

I will manage

The way your hands would feel against my beating chest

How you, so delicately, would peel back my layers

Kissing away all the thoughts that enter my mind

The bliss your touch will cause me

The soft gasps it will pull from my mouth

The tight, hot curl in my stomach

I hope I was your lover in that last life

Carefully mapping the curves of your body, forging constellations across the planes of your back and thighs, your breasts and stomach