A Masterpiece

I am so fucking sad and anxious I want to throw up. So much shit is going on and I truly don’t think I can take it anymore. I need somewhere to shout into a void and this works. I am losing my fucking mind. My precious sweet cat gets sick, then my car gets side swiped, I get a fuck ass ticket bc I forgot to renew my insurance, I dump all my money that I have into her vet that is in my parents town to help my sweet babe and I had to leave her with my mom overnight because I HAD to go to my awful fucking job that I hated and guess what. The awful fucking job beat me to the punch and let me go before I could resign. Which I wasn’t worried about because I had already applied and interviewed elsewhere but as I’m leaving and feeling so free from that awful fucking place I get a call that my sweet girl has passed. I use the very last bit of money I have to get back to her and take care of her properly. I could give a fuck about the job I could not believe I lost her. I was gutted. Then I had to go back home without her and just felt so empty and alone and with ain’t shit to do but wait for the new job to start I felt super down in the dumps, but had plans to go home for Labor Day weekend, which I do. Weekend is nice, relaxing, feels good before getting ready to start new job. And then a message from my friend comes in. Another old, very close friend of mine, and someone I blurred lines with, passed away. I feel so sad. It’s the only word I feel like I can sum up. I feel so stressed as is and I also feel guilty like I don’t deserve to feel so much grief for a friendship I ultimately ended because it wasn’t good anymore. I miss him. I think about him all the time. I feel so so guilty and sad and confused. AND I ALMOST FORGOT. Steve the fucking cokehead ex love bomber REQUESTED $100 from me on Venmo. I could’ve ripped a phone book apart I was so fucking worked up and angry. I feel like I’ve been feeling everything lately on high that this news is just too much. Too heavy to even fully feel or sort through, kind of like it was back when. Clear, but still murky. I’m a wreck. My heart is so tired. My wallet is coughing out dust. My stomach hurts and I am so so fucking sick of seeing nothing in the future.