King Sorrow

Damn these useless hands, these fingers cannot grasp, I find no purchase with anything I wish to hold.

It’s odd the type of sounds the wind can make. Howls bouncing through the empty spaces left behind. Often it can sound like voices. You find yourself seeing ghosts and tricks of the light. Shadows and dust.

Yeah I think I’m done

It’s crazy how I could be trapped in my head for days and then someone will bless were with some weed or xans or snow and it always gets me out of that dark place even for a little while. Today I got free weed I found outside, free blues and some snow from the homie. And then some random dude saw how exhausted I was working night and threw me some addy. All in the same day. It always happens like this when I’m at my lowest. God bless the pick me ups when you feel pressed to the floor.

I hate that a big part of borderline is paranoia and feeling like everyone’s against you. It makes it so hard to tell when they aren’t. It hurts when it’s the closest people to you and you can’t trust what they say cause it all sounds like gaslighting.

It’s a shame that the mess in my room is not only a product of my depression but in a way suicide prevention. The shame of them finding me in that mess or having to clean it up when I’m gone is a tether.