Be Gay. Do Crime.

vampires kissing the spot they’re about to bite has me nodding my head like yup that’s the good shit right there

All the people want is vampires and a direct deposit of $5000

like in all seriousness your fangs look beautiful in this lighting. But we have to focus

you’re biting for kink purposes i’m biting for vampire purposes

ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to be into shit no one cares about

it's important for boys to kiss one another. for the ecosystem

having poor circulation is great because people will touch your hand and go 'oh! you're so cold!' and for a moment you get to experience what it's like to be a vampire in a romance novel

yeah the guy who talks about vampires all the time actually likes being bitten for real. Who would’ve thought

that’s sooooo crazy…

“what’s up with you and vampires, man?” we don’t have the time to discuss this

Ok, so in the original Bram Stoker novel, sunlight is not lethal to Dracula. He just loses most of his powers. I'm bringing this up cuz I want a horror comedy where the hero, sensing dawn, tears off the curtains as a last-ditch effort only to have the vampire go "Aw shit, there goes most of my fancy powers. Guess I'll have to beat your ass the old-fashioned way" then proceeds to just deck the hero cuz a vampire at half-strength is still a fucking vampire.

Last ten minutes of the movie is the vampire just beating the shit out of everyone to I'm Walkin On Sunshine. I would watch this.

“what’s up with you and vampires, man?” we don’t have the time to discuss this