has this summer left your sweet tooth craving something a little…different? are you afraid of that popsicle in your hand melting before you can really savor it? well here at the cream machine, we believe in putting our faith in the stars and maybe that ice cream cooler that’s older than you are. our humble shop owner, hoestradamus kendall herself, would love to help you decide if it’s time to finish the cone, pick a new flavor, or stick with an old favorite with some good old fashioned astrological compatibility readings! so without further ado, let us introduce:

the sweet connections menu, starting july 21st and good until august 31st!

our offerings include:

✦ two scoops of love on a cone: give me your moon and venus sign as well as the same for your f/o or their birth date (can be an approximate guess/you can make it up) and i will tell you based off of these placements how your dynamic lines up astrologically. our freezers are full meaning there are unlimited supplies available to anyone, mutuals and non.

✧ one milkshake, two straws: give me your mars and venus sign as well as your f/o’s (or their birthdate/approximate guess of a birthdate so i can find it for you) and i will give you three kinks that may spice things up. we love to mix up something sweet for everyone so these spots are unlimited and open to all.

✦ The Big Sundae (extra cherries are complementary!): give me your birth chart in full as well as your f/o’s (or provide information so i can create one for them) and i will give you a full compatibility reading. our cherries are unlimited but they are available to mutuals made prior to july 21st only.

we will also accept special orders in the form of general questions about compatibility or astrology itself, big 5 questions (sun, moon, rising, mars, venus), new f/o exploration, and basically any other astro question you may have within reason!

thank you for visiting the cream machine! we look forward to servicing, i mean, serving you again!