I'm better than I used to be.

when you smile at me… it’s just the best

god every time I think I’ve seen all the cat material the internet has to show something new and absolutely delighting appears

it’s so difficult not being able to use milennial humor in a corporate setting. like i made a mistake today and i wanted to tell my supervisor it’s because i suffer from Dumb Bitch Disease, but do you think that would fly?? fuck no. i gotta say shit like, “sorry for the misunderstanding!” i can’t wait till the workforce is made up entirely of millennials and i can say “sorry i drank idiot juice for breakfast this morning” and my coworkers will be like “oh worm.”

i taught my boss the meaning and usage of “yeet” after i accidentally let it slip in the office and a day later he walks up to my desk and says “i just yeeted you an email” with a completely straight face and i nearly bowled over

Mentally ill? Nah I’m mentally SICK my brain does cool kick flips while wearing shades and I cry a lot

last night i woke up because two dudes were fighting underneath my window and one dude kept screaming “BRO!! BRO YOU CALLED ME A BITCH IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE BAR BRO!! THE WHOLE BAR!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT BRO??” he sounded so heart broken. why bro. why did you do this.