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♡ playlists
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♡ fanfics
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and if izzy held onto this shirt from november into december. if she came home from idris and edom to see it flung across her bed right where she'd left it. if she secretly slept in it every night until she got fed up with herself and chucked it across the room with a growl. if it stayed there in the corner haunting her until she gave into her grief and pain once again and flattened it on her lap looking at the loch ness monster and thinking about how her and simon's love was itself nothing but a myth now. something that was and wasn't and never would be and had always been.
the beauty of simon and isabelle's double love story is that both these songs and their lines about the gravity that persists between the two of them can be true and accurate to izzy's pov
tripped, victoria justice // gravity, lyric
been toying with the idea of a dyslexic izzy for no reason at all today
the more i think about this idea, the more i love it actually like.. okay (pulling my original tags out here)
think of how many little isabelle things can be contextualized with this.
like that night when she's drunk and half-asleep and her walls are already down, it's then when she asks simon to tell her a story. and he thinks nothing of it bc yeah they could use some good guys winning rn and he'd do anything in that moment to make her feel safe and comfortable. but imagine izzy having asked her parents a similar question at bedtime when she was a kid. "no i don't wanna read for myself pls can't you just tell me a story like you used to?" but they're busy and she's a big girl now. and because shadowhunters have no concept of learning disabilities and because the lightwoods are proud and because it's important to isabelle to be strong and able, she eventually just stops asking. maybe she tries sneaking herself and her magic tree house book into alec's room and asking him to read to her, but it's late and he's worried about getting in trouble, so it doesn't go on long. so maybe her question to simon that night is coated with unseen vulnerability. bc it's connected to this "weakness" in her mind, and in asking, she's actually bearing even more of herself than just an admittance of fear. and maybe even before she realizes what she's asked, he starts telling his story, and the comfort she's been longing for under the surface for so long is there without her having to do anything more than ask.
and i think there's something about her inability to prove herself in the classroom, so she spends more time training, more time honing the physical skills while she leaves alec to pay attention in class (iirc he does literally make a comment about this toward the beginning of tmi). maybe she becomes one of the best shadowhunters, in league with jace who notably has an angelic leg up, because of talent, but maybe it's also because of a effort put in in order to compensate, or a diversion tactic she employs so her parents and hodge won't notice or care that she's taken a backseat academically.
and then of course we have the cooking. which we all know i could talk about for years, so i'll save the rants, but i do think at the very least it creates even more weight to add to her inability to cook. i can see her wanting to cook like her mom and opening the recipe book only to be met with the same limitation she's been met with whenever she's tried to read any other kind of book. but her drive and desire to make food for the table are too strong for her to give up and move on, she diverts once again. she starts making her own food, recipes be damned. and it backfires, ofc, but at least no one can say she should have been able to get it right with the recipe right in front of her like that.
i think we could also make a connection here to isabelle's sense of style. specifically as a way to express herself. growing up in the cold institute, it's not like she could do so in many ways. she didn't have friends to be herself with outside of her siblings, and if the written word was a no-go, she also wouldn't have been keeping a diary. and what is personal style if not a way to express ourselves (specifically as an art that izzy could actually give attention to, given the lack of encouragement toward the arts in general in shadowhunter culture)
idk i think having her own thing to hide makes her instinct to protect alec even stronger and her denial of vulnerability even more likely, and i think having some kind of disability does something to balance her character out. it makes her story line not just about love and romance and overcoming her fears there, but about learning to be vulnerable with more than just her heart. i think it establishes a good base ground for the idea of simon pulling the nerd out of her, too, because if she's always been inclined toward stories but was just unable to get into books (and didn't have access to tv), then how would she have known she was ever the kind of person to pay attention to characters and who their best friends were. and i think it stretches the idea behind her confidence, because despite it being well-warranted, it does also maintain holes that she's spent her life trying to navigate around.
sizzy fam we stay winning

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Could be considered a bit morbid but what do you think they do to honor max on the anniversary of his death?
man.. yk it must be such a weird feeling for conclaves built into cathedrals and old churches, with abandoned graveyards just being par for the course, to not be able to have some version of that for themselves, for the only shadowhunter graves to belong to those who didn't deserve to be burned..
i wonder if, come that first anniversary of max's death, any of the lightwoods wish they could have something to visit and gather around, especially given how rocky their family dynamic is. i think that inclination would bring alec back to the institute for the day, i think maryse would already be in max's room. maryse isn't a particularly sentimental person, but i think she'd have left the room untouched out of.. idk. fear? honor? vain hope? but a year later.. it just seems like the right time. so alec joins her in going through some of max's things for the first time. jace leans in the doorway, distant but present until maryse sits on max's bed with one of the toys jace had given him and he joins her. maybe alec finds an old sleep shirt that had been his and then isabelle's and then max's, and tries to picture the last time he'd seen him wear it. it had been too tight then, even on his small body, but he'd refused to give it up. alec goes to find isabelle then, shirt in hand. she's in her room with the door closed, but she lets him in. her emotions are all over the place [insert unnecessary ramble about said emotions] but they sit and talk and hold each other and she ends up following him back to max's room. there are empty boxes now, and it's hard and there are tears, but it's cathartic. even if they aren't all there. robert is still in idris, of course. even so, he thinks about max all day, about his kids, about maryse. and maybe when he goes home he lights a candle in the window, a dim flickering light on the street of alicante, a small defiance against the dark for his son who was that and so much more.
"send sizzy asks" i scribble on a note before rolling it up and pressing it down the neck of a bottle, which had washed up on the shore of my sizzy drought island, and tossing both bottle and note back into the ocean of tsc tags
there's a common conception i've seen in fanon that between simon and isabelle, it's the latter who is the top/dom. i happen to hold the opposite belief (currently and to an extent). this is an explorative "essay" based on the thesis that in any roleplay/bdsm/etc. that takes place in their bedroom, simon is the primary top/dom.
there are a few significant threads in simon and isabelle's romantic arc and relationship that back up this thesis, the first of which i've actually discussed in this post regarding, primarily, trust.
isabelle learning to trust simon with her heart is, in many ways, her learning to entrust all of herself to him; her vulnerabilities, her passions, her deepest cuts and greatest loves. by the end of the series, she's managed to lay herself bare before him in a way she never has before, and her conversation with jordan about not being able to trust anyone who isn't related to her, followed by this line to simon and the resultant biting/feeding, is a clear communication of this.
before simon, isabelle was likely almost always the top. i don't know how much kinky fun she got into before him, but at the very least, i do believe she was always the one in control. because that was what she needed. holding intimacy at a distance was the only way she knew to navigate, well, intimacy, without it biting back. so when she did allow herself to dive into true intimacy with simon and all the trust and vulnerability that required, it makes sense that her stripped walls would leave her on her back, willfully offering up control as an act of love, an expression of trust, and the desire to sink into the security she's come to know in his arms alone.
of course, this isn't to say she completely loses control as the bottom/sub. simon respects her too much not to listen to her and abide by her wishes. the lord montgomery scene is a perfect example of this dynamic as isabelle purposefully establishes a scenario where she is in the role with less power.
simon's response to isabelle's initiation is the result of an intersection of this thread of trust and another that follows simon claiming his identity and worth. if we back up to the biting scene, we see that simon doesn't believe he's a worthy candidate for isabelle's trust---not that she can't trust him, but that she's been so guarded and he doubts whether he's worth letting those walls down for. it's his previous actions that make him hesitate, this lack of certainty he's developed in himself, in his desires and abilities. as soon as isabelle convinces him he needs to stop trying to hide his true self from her, his instincts take over and he's on top of her, administering pain and pleasure.
the immediate aftermath of that moment is full of questions and communication, a check-in on isabelle's wellbeing, a confirmation that they both enjoyed it.
this enjoyment was, of course, partially the nature of vampires and the process of blood-sucking, but in the context, there's an undeniable connection to the aspect that was handing simon the reigns and trusting his actions and instincts. isabelle is as much telling him that she liked him taking control of her, liked seeing him take what he wanted without denial or embarrassment or humility.
this communication and understanding, but also the confidence that simon gained from the conversations and experience, allow him to respond to isabelle's lead in kind when she prompts him with the concept of lord montgomery.
here, they are comfortable to further pursue the roles previously established---isabelle in her teasing manner and simon with an amount of surety that, yes, takes a second for him to grasp, but that he eventually claims.
early in the series, clary tells us that simon is the kind of person who knows what he wants. as the events of tmi occur, we see this aspect of his personality challenged repeatedly as he's pulled in a number of directions after having lost all that was stable in his life, all that he knew he'd wanted from it. it's this simon we become familiar with through the books, but it doesn't negate the piece of him that likes to function in that definitive way. we see it in his argumentativeness, in his ability to come up with a plan and stick to it, and, finally, in the end, we see it with isabelle. when his spinning compass finally settles, it lands facing her, as the only thing he really knows he wants. and, no, that determinedness is not necessarily an indicator of a more powerful position in the bedroom, but in the context, we see it line up with something like a reclamation of control. there's a space in which he knows what he wants and how to get it, and that space is with isabelle. when so much of his life has fallen out of his grasp, there's something to be said about the peace and thrill he might find in being able to exert some amount of control.
on the other hand, as previously stated, it's the relinquishing of control that isabelle finds herself practicing as she's pursuing simon. she's been careful with her heart for a long time but at her core isabelle wants to be free and reckless, and with simon she finds a safe space to open herself up to that lack of dominion.
all this to say, it does make sense why the standard understanding of their sexual dynamic is entirely opposite from the one i've proposed here. isabelle is more experienced; simon is more tentative with physical initiation; isabelle is the type to charge while simon likes to assess first.. but the counterintuitive nature is precisely why i think the reversed roles work. they're each other's exceptions.
reasons i don't think izzy would be the dom (primarily):
1)
i've talked before about isabelle's blood being a metaphor for her heart, about how her trusting simon to bite her and not hurt or kill her was representative of her willingness, however coated in fear it was, to entrust her heart to him in the same manner. and reading cohf with that in mind has me on my knees fr. i mean..
was it because he drank her blood or was it something deeper? can we argue both? she's given him the product of her heart in a very real way, let him pierce the hard walls she's put up to hold those softer parts of her within himself. he's become something of an auxiliary protector of her heart because what else could he be when she's laid herself as bare as she has for him, and the natural conclusion of that role is that he'd be uniquely aware. he has to be aware in order to not abuse the trust she's put in him.
beyond that, it's also her heart he wants, her blood that entices him. he's had a taste, and it's more than he would have ever asked for, more than he feels he deserves, but even as much as he respects her boundaries, he wants more, wants to know her intimately. wants to love her, wants to be loved by her.
and in the course of this scene, she as much as tells him that she does, hiding the words behind the truth that she's never understood how people can say them with such ease. then she gives (loans) him her amulet, and what does simon do after she leaves but relate it to a heart.
she's given him pieces of her heart to keep his beating before, and this is just the next iteration. this talisman which has kept her safe for so long, she's now left in his posession, as much to keep safe as for him to protect. it's a loan not a gift, a test that he can be trusted with more than pints and pieces, with the whole of her beating heart.

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fun little pattern i noticed on my essence of sizzy playlist today
the temptation i have to write a sizzy 'tis the damn season fic is so strong - like they would be PERFECT for that song
i just wanna put all my other wips (in another fandom) aside and focus all my attention on this because it's consuming
...and if one person tells me to do it, i will
<333
well you came to the wrong place if you wanted someone to quell this spark of an idea... bc I NEED THIS. do it bestie. do it do it. and have so much fun with it <3 and tag me in it when it's posted or else ;*
you guys ever think about how izzy was sitting on an unspoken i love you for years. because i do. i do a lot.
like okay
was this essentially an i love you? yes. but it wasn't the words. the big bad three-little-words that isabelle has been scared of and even now has to wade into using, even when she's come to terms with the extent of her emotions and knows her heart's safe with simon. they're big words for anyone, but they are especially so for isabelle, which makes the advent of saying them for the first time that much more important. that much greater of a milestone.
and after simon disappears from edom, leaving his memories of her behind.. it's like pinching out a match that's just begun to burn in earnest. we don't have an izzy pov after simon "says it sober" until half a year post-edom, but i can only assume she would have started building back up the walls around her raw and broken heart as soon as possible, and that those walls would have been even harder to tear down for anyone whose name wasn't simon lewis. because there's still a fully formed "i love you" burned against the inside of her chest that had all but been spoken, and taking measures to defend against further pain isn't the same as healing. it just means she had to build her walls thicker and stronger this time, locking the words inside, in a way that leaves them knocking, suffocating, demanding. that leaves her yearning.
the second time simon confesses his love, isabelle once again offers a confirmation that she feels the same while avoiding the words themselves. this time, of course, it was intentional. for the meme, as they say. but i would also not be surprised if it was also the final chip through the simon-sized hole in her walls, and after holding that "i love you" in for over two years.. it's natural, especially for isabelle, that it would take a moment. and ofc immediately after that we see she's incapable of holding it in.
it's like the floodgates have opened and every time she ever thought those words, every time they ever surfaced against her will and kept her wounded heart from healing over, comes spilling out, unable to be kept at bay.
what's interesting about this passage in angels twice descending, though, is that she still hasn't really said the words in a way that the audience can hear her. we're just being told about them through simon. and that kind of distance from the page feels a lot like privacy. (which, then, one could argue, well couldn't her first "i love you" have been lost in the private whispers they shared in the cave in edom after simon said it sober? to which i would say, absolutely 100% yes it could have. but that is not the vein i have chosen to go down (i need my angst. sue me.) and a part of me does believe those words would have been printed in that moment.) like she's being carried along by the flood and still getting used to her ability to swim through it. it's not until later in the story, this last story of tftsa, that she says "i love you" to simon in her own dialogue. and it's like she's back on solid ground again, no longer making up for lost time, no longer trying to stay afloat. and that, finally, is when we, the audience, finally get her big bad three-little-words.
you guys ever think about how izzy was sitting on an unspoken i love you for years. because i do. i do a lot.
thinking about the one (1) sizzy kid who manages to aquire the recessive blue lightwood (or herondale lbr) eyes and how they might feel kinda weird about being the only one with blue eyes (like iz did with her black ones) until their cool older blue warlock cousin points out it makes the two of them look related

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the conversation simon and izzy have after the idea that simon should summon raziel is brought to the table honestly feels so underrated to me. probably in my top 5 sizzy scenes if we're being honest. it's the first real conversation they have after the most vulnerable night they've shared together to date and it shows in the way they speak to each other--the concern, the respect, the understanding. the honesty. there are walls there still, but the crumbling they've undergone has reached such a point that they're less an intimidating hurdle than a stone in the path, something to note and step willfully around when possible. and because of that everything they say in this small moment feels so very weighted. it's a serious situation, yes, but it takes a certain amount of confidence and understanding to be able to have this kind of conversation amidst that, particularly one where the conclusion is unwavering support.
an izzy pov of the biting scene would do me under for a number of reasons i'm sure.. but her telling simon she trusts him not even 24 hours after this conversation with jordan? and then simon having this response??
god i am just so proud of isabelle on this night specifically. bc when she says this, yeah she's telling him she trusts him not to literally kill her, but it's also so much more than that. it's about trusting him not to use her, not to hurt her, trusting him to keep her safe when she's in an incredibly vulnerable position. it's all of that wrapped into these words that she just last night admitted to only having ever honestly felt about her immediate family, and that wasn't even including her father. these are big words for isabelle. and i'm sure simon is aware of that to a degree, but she says them with an intentional nonchalance that hides their true extent. and simon is so preoccupied by his hunger, by what it's done in the past. he doesn't trust himself to trust that isabelle is making the right decision in placing her trust in him.
and i think... i think it goes beyond simon's control too. not consciously, but perhaps in a more meta sense.. there's this push and pull that's constantly happening between simon and isabelle throughout the series. both of them keeping the other at arms reach at one point or another for one reason or another. and simon.. simon does have the context of why isabelle has a difficult time holding her heart away from her and placing it in the care of others. her heart, the source of her blood. and simon doesn't trust himself not to hurt her. he doesn't believe he's worthy of being that one exception that she's guarded herself against for so long. he's already (at the very least) offended her in the past. and he cares about her too much to let her break down her walls for someone who's flawed, who's just.. simon. so maybe she shouldn't trust him right? maybe that's taking it too far. is she sure she's ready for that? is she sure that's what she wants?
but all isabelle hears is maybe she shouldn't. maybe, after all jordan's talk last night, after asking for simon, after having him come (and stay). maybe she's just.. let it all get to her head. to her heart. maybe simon is the one being practical and realistic now. because she knows. she knows she shouldn't trust him, shouldn't give her heart to him. but she's so weak when it comes to him and really... he's too good. and the fact that he is concerned about her and her walls at all, the fact that he's hesitating (when he could have ravished her without even asking and she would have happily gone along with it).. it's all proof that he's the right guy. that her heart isn't wrong for wanting to give itself to him. that he will keep her safe. that she can trust him.
and so she continues on. she fortifies herself, pushes him to push himself into a position where he has power over her. because she trusts him not to abuse it. and he doesn't and he won't. and that trust is validated, solidifying his close position in her life despite everything.