#cols

immediately after this last part, simon goes to see rebecca, who herself is wearing a scarf ("green...with big yellow cotton flowers"). she doesn't give it to him like we saw before an older sibling might do, but then simon doesn't seem outwardly cold. it's when she learns about the coldness he's hiding (i.e. his unbeating heart and their mom's cold reaction that clings to him) that she wraps her scarf around them both.

where sebastian's scarf is grayscale and scratchy, becky's is bright and soft. they're both warm and ostensibly meant to protect. but to sebastian, the warmth of affection is something to be given and taken away with an ease that exhibits a lack of sincerity in the exchange, let alone warmth that goes beyond the surface. this is entirely opposite from rebecca, whose affection is more like selfless sacrifice than a heartless exchange. she was willing to let simon's ever-cold body into the circle of her warmth, joined with him in the cold spot he's found himself in. it may not have been practical for her to expand her scarf to such a degree. but that's the whole point.

Vol. 9 Part 4

I think there’s something really cute about Simon always comparing really good looking guys to Jace.

an izzy pov of the biting scene would do me under for a number of reasons i'm sure.. but her telling simon she trusts him not even 24 hours after this conversation with jordan? and then simon having this response??

god i am just so proud of isabelle on this night specifically. bc when she says this, yeah she's telling him she trusts him not to literally kill her, but it's also so much more than that. it's about trusting him not to use her, not to hurt her, trusting him to keep her safe when she's in an incredibly vulnerable position. it's all of that wrapped into these words that she just last night admitted to only having ever honestly felt about her immediate family, and that wasn't even including her father. these are big words for isabelle. and i'm sure simon is aware of that to a degree, but she says them with an intentional nonchalance that hides their true extent. and simon is so preoccupied by his hunger, by what it's done in the past. he doesn't trust himself to trust that isabelle is making the right decision in placing her trust in him.

and i think... i think it goes beyond simon's control too. not consciously, but perhaps in a more meta sense.. there's this push and pull that's constantly happening between simon and isabelle throughout the series. both of them keeping the other at arms reach at one point or another for one reason or another. and simon.. simon does have the context of why isabelle has a difficult time holding her heart away from her and placing it in the care of others. her heart, the source of her blood. and simon doesn't trust himself not to hurt her. he doesn't believe he's worthy of being that one exception that she's guarded herself against for so long. he's already (at the very least) offended her in the past. and he cares about her too much to let her break down her walls for someone who's flawed, who's just.. simon. so maybe she shouldn't trust him right? maybe that's taking it too far. is she sure she's ready for that? is she sure that's what she wants?

but all isabelle hears is maybe she shouldn't. maybe, after all jordan's talk last night, after asking for simon, after having him come (and stay). maybe she's just.. let it all get to her head. to her heart. maybe simon is the one being practical and realistic now. because she knows. she knows she shouldn't trust him, shouldn't give her heart to him. but she's so weak when it comes to him and really... he's too good. and the fact that he is concerned about her and her walls at all, the fact that he's hesitating (when he could have ravished her without even asking and she would have happily gone along with it).. it's all proof that he's the right guy. that her heart isn't wrong for wanting to give itself to him. that he will keep her safe. that she can trust him.