Random shit idk its my main acc

someone once told me - actually, many people have - that lgbt content isn’t appropriate for children. any content. not just kissing. i’m drowned in questions: “won’t the parents have to explain it?” “kids shouldn’t be thinking about sex at this age, or do you think differently?” “what will the kids think?”

at six i saw disney movies. people kiss and get married. i didn’t ask “what does that mean.” i didn’t ask “are those people going to have sex?” i didn’t ask anything, because i was six, and no six year old thinks twice about these things. nobody ever “explained” being straight to me, it was a fact, and it existed, and i was fine with that. why would being gay require a thesis, i wonder.

someone once told me that the one of the reasons people hate lgbt individuals is because they can’t see us as anything but sexual. we’re not people, so much as sinners. that they don’t see love, they see sex. just sex. it’s perversion, not a matter of the heart. only of the body.

i think i was in my early twenties before i saw someone like me. 

how old were you, though, before you saw violence? before you saw sexual assault on tv? i think something like that is only pg-13, and if it’s implied, they can get away with anything. i remember watching things and learning about blood, but knowing sex - sex was what was really wrong. sex was always rated r. sex was always kind of a bad word. i was told a lot that i wasn’t ready.

i had a dream last night that i made a site where people could ask any question they wanted about sex and get answered by a professional. it was shut down in moments because 15 year olds wanted to know if it should hurt, if “double-bagging” was a real thing, if this, if that. we shudder. don’t let the children know about that! 

but at thirteen i had seen enough violence it no longer struck me. i couldn’t say “fuck” but i knew that if you break your femur, you can bleed out internally in under half an hour. in school i wasn’t allowed to write about loving girls because what would the administration think - but i could write about wanting to kill myself and people would say how lovely, how blistering.

i have thought a lot about censorship. sometimes people on this site try it with me: don’t write this, don’t be so nasty. some of it is intrinsic. we know as people with a uterus not to complain about “that time of the month”, we know better than to talk about sexual assault (how shameful), we know that talking about a vagina is somehow scandalous. i can say “dick” and nobody questions me. some people only refer to the bottom half of me by “pussy”. they won’t wrap a mouth around “vagina” like it’s poison to them. even discussing this, that the language halts, that there’s an intrinsic desire to say “girls” instead of “women” - feels naughty, illicit. not for children.

the other day someone suggested i make my blog 18+. i said, okay, it deals a lot with depression and other problems that might be for a mature audience. oh no, they said, that’s not it, i think that’s helpful. i said, okay. so what is it then. well, you’re gay. you write about loving women. and i said, i don’t write about sex often and they said. it’s not about the sex. but wlw isn’t for a general audience. teenagers aren’t ready.

oh.

lolita is recommended for high school and up. i think about that a lot. i know girls who love it, who say it speaks to them on a deep level. it’s beautiful prose, after all. that was the whole point of the novel. something that looked like a rose but was intrinsically awful. i think about how if i was a model they’d want me to look young, thin, prepubescent. how my body would be sold and how through the mall i walk by images of barely-clothed women while mothers cannot breastfeed in public without fear of retribution. 

i think about how i can write a novel about violence and it will be pg-13 but if my characters say “fuck” twice it’s inappropriate. i said fuck three times so far in this post, which makes it only appropriate for adults. 

i think about that, and how my identity is something that people suggest lines up with a swear word. that people shouldn’t talk about it. that it’s a vulgarity. bad for children, harsh, confusing.

Let’s take a cis, heteroromantic ace in a “straight” relationship with an allo. Chances are, the outside world doesn’t know the person is ace unless the person says so specifically. So nothing bad happens to the couple when they go out in public. The ace could keep their sexuality a secret from friends and family and no one will ever know. And it’s kinda hard to see any “issues” the heteroromantic ace will face, dating a member of the opposite sex. After all, they’re practically straight.

What the outside world doesn’t see, and what nobody seems to talk about, is what the heteroromantic ace is going through internally.

Maybe this heteroromantic ace has a high sex drive, along with an interest in having sex regularly. They’re just not sexually attracted to their partner. That’s all fine and dandy. But I’m focusing on asexuals who are in the indifferent/repulsed category. Or, hell, even asexuals who are sex-favorable every now and then, but not often enough. (What I’m about to say can also apply to heteroromantic acespecs- I’m including them when I use “ace.”)

There’s a big chance the heteroromantic ace rarely initiates sex, if ever. There’s also a big chance they’re not interested in having sex as much as their partner is. And if the heteroromantic ace is sex-averse/repulsed, sex is off the table.

Keep in mind, society pushes this message that everybody wants sex. All couples have sex. Anyone not having sex is miserable. A relationship with little to no sex is doomed to fail. You hear this shit all over the place. From puberty through the entirety of your life. This gets drilled into your head. Everybody wants sex and people who don’t have sex are miserable. (Whether or not this is true or exaggerated is a mystery to me and every other acespec out there, but I digress.)

So the heteroromantic ace feels like they have to have sex. If they’re not having sex with their partner, they are making their partner miserable. Their relationship is failing because they don’t have sex. If the allo wants sex, and the ace isn’t in the mood, the ace is going to do one of two things:

1. They’ll “suck it up” and do it anyway.

2. They’ll decline, then spend the next hour or so feeling like a bad partner for saying no. Maybe even worry about their partner leaving them over it.

The allo could be the most supportive person in the world. They can take no for an answer. They never push. Hell, maybe they even have a low libido so it’s not that big a deal anyway.

But because of the constant message that “everyone wants sex and anyone not having sex is miserable,” the ace feels like complete and utter shit. Because they are denying a “basic human need” to their allo partner. This shit gets internalized. No matter how many “I don’t minds” the allo partner may say, the ace is still going to feel like shit.

And this is just aces dating an understanding partner. There are aces in toxic relationships who are pushed into having sex. An ace may already feel guilty for turning down sex with a supportive partner. How do you think they feel turning down sex with someone who thinks they are owed it? Who constantly harasses them about it? And then there are aces who have never heard of asexuality who force themselves to have sex with their partner because it’s “what you’re supposed to do.” This can cause trauma. Heteroromantic asexuals may end up with trauma because of their sexuality. Yes, they can hold their partner’s hand in public with no fear of backlash. But nobody sees what’s happening behind closed doors.

And maybe the (lack of) sex becomes a problem for the allo down the road. Maybe they end up in couples therapy. Maybe they end up with a shitty therapist. Given the whole “sex is vital to a healthy relationship” view the entire world has, who do you think the therapist is going to say needs “fixing?”

And the ace who has never heard of asexuality? They’re likely to be diagnosed with some sort of sex-disorder and sent to a doctor for unnecessary tests and prescriptions. Hell, maybe even the ace who knows they’re ace gets pushed into it too. All because they keep turning down sex. And that needs to be fixed.

Their sexuality is seen as something that needs to be fixed. 

(Sound familiar?)

This circles right back to aces feeling pressured into having sex with their supportive partner. They may fear their supportive partner will eventually become unsupportive if they get one too many no’s. And thus, the heteroromantic ace in a supportive environment may feel the need to “suck it up” every now and then anyway. Because what if their partner that they’ve come to love leaves them over it? Or starts getting pushy because they were fine with it at first but now they’re learning they’re actually not okay with it?

This post isn’t about who has it worse. And all of this can also apply to homoromantic, biromantic, etc. aces as well. The point is, heteroromantic aces have similar struggles to the other letters. They can go through trauma for their sexuality. They may meet people who try to fix their sexuality. They can even go as far as to force themselves into having sex to appear “normal.” There are shared issues here.

Allos dating aces, please be kind if they turn down sex. Don’t push or say anything that will make them feel worse. Trust me- we’re just as disappointed as you are. Probably more, tbh.

(Obligatory wanting sex in a relationship is valid. Obligatory not all aces go through this. Obligatory having sex with an ace is not automatically rape. Obligatory ace/allo relationships can be successful. This is just a scenario I never see brought up and it should be.) 

malewhore

girlboss

femboy

at least one not straight person

complete disregard for gender roles

yet 4 very gender members

80´s rock n roll

alt fashion

music that makes your mom mad

About a week ago I posted this.

I’ve been getting horrible messages like this in my ask for months, including:

and my personal favorite

After getting the message saying “Just go kill yourself” I was completely done dealing with this person’s horrible messages and replied with just an “Okay.” and logged off tumblr.

About a week later I logged back on with 17 messages in my ask, most of them from the anon. I scrolled down and at first when I logged off, the anon messaged me things like

I scrolled up more and all of a sudden they started sending me more and more messages like

This was extremely surprising to me. I thought “After all those horrible messages you sent to me for MONTHS about hating me and wanting me dead, you say ‘sorry’ and that you ‘cant be responsible for someone’s suicide’?”

But I guess the lesson goes like this:

Monsters tell people to kill themselves. Beings that deserve to be slaughtered, burned alive, or drowned, tell people to kill themselves. 

Ace of hearts ♥️ -> Allo-romantic Ace

Ace of diamonds ♦️ -> Demi-romantic Ace

Ace of clubs ♣️ -> Grey-romantic Ace

In a country where president gained his votes by spreading hatred, in a country where right-wing activists spread rumors about LGBT people wanting to adopt children to r*pe them, in a country where conservatives think gays only want to teach the kids masturbation, in a country where so many young people are homeless because their homophobic parents kicked them out, in a country where people are afraid to hold hands with someone of the same sex, in a country where people were murdered on the street because they were gay, in a country where LGBT people have literally no rights, in a country where non-binary, genderfluid, trans people aren't even acknowledged, in a country where people are afraid to speak out about their orientation in fear of being publicly lynched, in a country part of which denies LGBT people the right to live, in a country where LGBT people are considered abominations in need of treatment...

Maneskin on public TV said love is never wrong. That everybody should be able to be whoever they want. On public TV Damiano kissed Thomas.

I can't imagine how many kids this has given hope to. How many unwanted kids who have been denied parental love because they dared to be who they feel they are, saw that they are not alone in the world. How many artists felt solidarity, inspiration and motivation. And deep down I really want to believe that maybe at least a small percentage of homophobes have thought about this message.

I cried. My heart grew so much bigger, knowing that it was shown on public TV. Even if it doesn't strike any change, many kids out there, being neglected, afraid and bullied, felt the representation and support they need.

I wasn't very sold on Alec at the beginning, the scene where they meet is cute with that big dumb smile Alec has but I was not completely convinced until the following scene (shitty gifs bc I don't have the videos in HD):

Both of their expressions here are heartbreaking, you can see them both struggle with their feelings and I love it. Magnus is so openly hurt and Alec is clearly fighting with himself... This was the moment I completely fell for Malec and now I miss them a lot.

Fuck, yeah this scene is just, it’s so well acted by both Matt and Harry. The thing I loved most about season 1 malec was the palpable tension between the two of them and so much of that was done through facial acting.

How Alec looks at Magnus once he turns around. I genuinely don’t know how Matt did it but there’s absolutely a million things warring in Alec’s mind at that moment and you can SEE all that on his face. Matt didn’t even have to say a line.