Darling, dearest.

I’ve been looking for a way to document my thoughts and feelings lately -- I’ve tried journaling and don’t have the patience for how slowly my fingers move in comparison to what I am thinking. I look back on my time here, how this space used to be a place I shared my heart and my head with friends and strangers and somehow found myself a husband from a silly reblog. So, I’m back. I am aimlessly winding myself through a fresh start in a new place, my expectations of everything have changed drastically in the last six months.  I have been thinking about how at the beginning of this year, I was on the precipice of big career moves: single-handedly producing a project for a good friend, performing in a role in a project I was really excited about, dreaming big about how to step away from a toxic work relationship and into my own lane as an entrepreneur.

My biggest goal for the next year and a half was to chase that momentum and hit goals that had appeared in the sky before me as I was dreaming them. Now, the entire industry I have heavily invested in the past two years is at a standstill. I am at a place where I don’t have the energy to “pivot” but I want to reimagine what supporting or producing work looks like in the here and now.

Working closely to build a community meant that I became increasingly passionate about how social impact and business can work symbiotically. I find energy in imagining how I could build a new anything with that in mind.

But here I am wiped clean. My goals aren’t gone, but they are different. And maybe that is for the best. This time in our lives feels nothing short of wild and unexpected, a world hit with a reality of grief -- systems are showing their seams that barely held together. While the loss and the grief is not to be unacknowledged, I see the hope in how it is forcing us all to slow down and think a little deeper about things.