Luna Carter

“You’ve been holding out on me,” he joked sleepily. He looked tiredly into her eyes. His eyes softened as he looked at her. He kissed back, pulling back as she nestled into him. He chuckled at the slight pun that she’d probably not even realized in her drunk state. “Love you too, Loony.” He knew that he’d feel guilty again in the morning, but her embrace was numbing all of that to him at that moment. He wasn’t all that concerned. He didn’t know how to be. 

“Exhausted,” Casper agreed. He felt her kiss him on the cheek. He lay back into his bed and propped his head up. He watched her as she looked out the window, chuckling slightly to himself. “I’ve been there. Many times, Loony. But I’ll go home with you again,” he promised. He let his head down, feeling sleep start to overcome him. 

Guilt was the only thing on Casper’s mind that moment. He shouldn’t have been surprised as he was that Luna returned whatever feelings he didn’t want to have for her. He still was. Maybe tonight would be easier if he let her forget it. But she’d opened up something inside of him that would be damned if he wasn’t going to think about it forever. He nodded to her slowly. It was next to impossible for him to say no to her. Saying no to her twice in one night was impossible. He tugged on her hand. “You’ve tired me out, Loony,” he said, lips turned up in a slight crooked smile. He thought of the complexity that this would bring to his relationship with her and attempted to push it far out of his mind. He didn’t need to think about it. Before he finally closed his eyes, their hands joined again. His fear that everything would change immediately washed away. The same warmth and electricity warped through him in every touch they shared. It made his mind go blank, exactly what he needed that night. 

He let himself get caught up in the kiss, despite what he’d promised himself. When she pulled away, he felt sad, missing the feeling of her lips on his. He’d likely think of it as a dream in the morning. “Please come back to bed,” he asked her. He looked back to his bed. He pulled on her hand. “You’re going to be a wreck tomorrow and we both know it.”

“You are,” he argued. He rested his head on her back. “You mean too much for me to do anything while you’re like this,” he admitted. “Please don’t hate me for that.” Casper pressed his forehead against her back. “Loony, please.” Her response to her nickname made him smile against her back. “Yes, Loony,” he tried again. “I’m not going to apologize for respecting you when you’re drunk,” he insisted. He poked her back once more. “I love you too.”

He felt her get up and felt another stab of guilt. “Luna,” he started. He turned over and saw her on the couch. That was not how things were supposed to go. “Luna, come back. You don’t have to sleep over there.” He sat up, squinting at her through the darkness. He felt around for his glasses. He could feel her tension, her pain. He was feeling it too. He hated how he’d just rejected her. God knows, he didn’t want to. He made his way over to the couch, kneeling beside it. “Luna. You’re drunk. You know me as well as I know me. I can’t.—We can’t, when you’re drunk.” He didn’t want to mention Harley. If she tried hard enough, he’d find an excuse to keep cheating. After that, the only thing Luna would need to say is that she wasn’t too drunk, that she’d sobered up in the hour since they’d returned from the party. He rubbed her back as it faced away from him. “Loony,” he started. “Please don’t cry,” he could hear her breathing, and how labored it was. He hated her crying ever, now he was the one who caused it. 

This was the time he needed to put a stop to this. This was the part where he stopped any more kissing from advancing, from him slipping off her underwear and then his own pajama pants and then heading toward a direction that he couldn’t turn back from where he slept with a girl that he was supposed to only look at like she was his best friend. He wasn’t supposed to slide his hand further down her waste. How did he get to this point? How had he managed to let himself go this far after picking her up from a party like he always did? Right. Party. Drinking. She was drinking. Luna had been drinking. He drove her home. She was too drunk to drive. She was drunk. Luna was drunk. That snapped him out of it. He pulled away from her even as she bit on his lip. He cursed himself, reminding himself she was drunk. It didn’t matter how much she plead with him tonight that she’d want this whether or not she was sober. It didn’t matter that she was grinding against him and he was enjoying it. It only mattered that he had to turn around while he still could. He had to undo this before he no longer could, and this was his last chance. “No,” he managed. He pulled away, pulling her off of him. “You’re wasted still.” He knew she would whine more. “You know I can’t,” he said looking into her eyes. He was still on top of her. He rolled to the side of her, cursing himself as he turned away from her. “Sleep, Luna.” He’d stopped it. He still had a girlfriend. She didn’t need to know about this. She already didn’t know how things usually went. She didn’t know that Luna would sleep next to him burrowing against his back. She didn’t know that he’d seen Luna without clothes on more times than he’d seen Harley shirtless. She didn’t have to know about tonight either. It wasn’t that much of a stretch. No more than usual. 

His eyes fluttered open feeling her finger on his chin. He didn’t pull away or stop her. He knew what she was about to do. Casper was aware of all the guilt that would soon take him. Her words sent his brain reeling to make sense of them. Of course she loved him. He took care of her. They were best friends. They counted on each other. She made him laugh. Every thought drifted the moment her lips finally made full contact with his. He parted his lips instinctively, closing his eyes, feeling a rush of everything save guilt course through him. He sighed heavily as her teeth met his bottom lip and he moved over so that she could be closer. They both pulled back for air and his eyes were wide. His pupils were blown, but she wouldn’t be able to see that in the darkness, especially with the dark brown that his eyes were. Guilt that hadn’t caught up to him previously started to sink in now as he remembered Harley’s existence, however guilt was easily ignored. It faded away, dissipated as everything else did when he pressed his lips to hers. It was automatic this time. He wasn’t sure entirely what he was doing, but his lips were on hers and he was moving to be more on top of her for a better angle. He’d kissed girls before. Many times. Kissing girls wasn’t a weakness or something that he lacked experience in. What came next, that was what he lacked prior knowledge of. What came next was exactly what Luna knew more of. His hand was sliding down her waist. His lips were kissing her as if there was a secret that lay somewhere beyond what he could kiss

He didn’t move. He felt frozen in place from the moment that her lips touched his skin. “Luna, you’re drunk,” he muttered, trying to make his voice sound dismissive. He didn’t want to make a big deal of this. She was drunk. She was just doing her usual thing that she did but moreso. Her lips weren’t lifting and he couldn’t keep his own pulse from rising as they moved up towards his neck. She found his bare skin and his hand grabbed hers instantly before he turned over to face her. “Luna, sleep,” he said. His voice felt uneven, shakey. He hoped she wasn’t noticing as much as he was. She’d always had that affect on him. Normally, he could ignore it, explain it away, but at that moment it was impossible. Her lips had touched him in a way that was meant to be something else. He couldn’t just ignore that. He didn’t turn over again when he closed his eyes this time. He could feel her face near his. It was obnoxiously close. He couldn’t ignore it. He could feel the presence of her lips inches away from his face. Impossible to pretend. He squeezed her hand tighter, using that as his will to fight a rising urge to kiss her. He wouldn’t let himself. He wouldn’t forgive himself. She was drunk. He wouldn’t ever take advantage of her. Distant part of him prayed that she’d make that move before he’d feel like he had to.

Casper’s eyes shot open and he sighed. He didn’t bother refusing to go over, because he’d always end up there anyways. He plopped next to her, pulling sheets over himself before turning on his side with his back to her. He waited a moment before turning on his other side to look at her. “Night, Loony,” he said softly. He left his hand out so that she could grab it. She would sometimes. Then he turned on his other side and closed his eyes. Her dress was beside him. He could feel the coolness of her feet by his. Her legs were pressed into the calves of his. She was safe. She felt safe. That was what he needed. He could rest now.

Casper froze with her hands on his jaw. He covered her fingers with his hand before slowly putting her hand down. He chuckled, shaking his head at her inability to undo her seatbelt. He reached down, brushing her thigh in the process, entirely on accident, but his cheeks turned pinker all the same. He pressed the button and she was freed. Her hints, or whatever they were, he saw them. He chose to not think of them as hints, mostly the drunken ramblings of a drunken girl that didn’t know what she was doing. His apartment was studio sized with little furniture except what was absolutely needed. He didn’t spend much of the money he was given for his music. Part of him was paranoid it would disappear and he’d have nowhere to go but his mother. That was her plan. So he saved it. He pulled the blankets over Luna once she was on his bed before walking over to his couch and laying down. He pulled his own blankets over his head and waited for her call. 

Luna shivered at the soft brush, of his fingers, her breath hitched at his touch. She wasn’t sure what it was, but she felt a shock of sorts, the same shock she felt with any touch they had, only it was much more intense. Biting her lip she stared at him as he freed her of her confinements. Licking her lips she smiled softly. Once in the apartment, her settled in his bed, dress somewhere on his floor. She leave it there most certainly in the morning, having a drawer of clothes there for her walk of shame when leaving to go back home, most all her clothes ended up washed and back in the drawer by her next night. Wriggling in the bed, she held the sheets to her chest, clad only in one of his shirts, she still couldn’t find comfort, or the comfort she needed to sleep. “Sinny!” She called out, slowly moving to sit up. “I can’t sleep,” she ended her call, it was like all the nights before. There was no sleeping with out him near. She needed her best friend. She needed him.

“Don’t let the illusion of contrast fool you,” he said lightly. She probably wouldn’t understand. He still felt warmer with her hand on his. He’d feel warmer knowing that she was near him that night. He’d know she was safe, above all. He didn’t trust her parents to actually know where she was. If it was left up to them, she’d probably spend the night at half the house parties she came across. But he’d sleep better with her there. He guided her towards his apartment before letting her flop down on his bed. He’d take the couch, until she’d bug him to sleep next to her. Then he would and she’d wrap around him like she usually did. She’d have a bit of a hangover in the morning, but not much of one or one at all since the both of them knew she pretended to get more drunk than she actually drank. He’d make her coffee to cure the hangover that she didn’t have and then they’d go to Silver Diner or iHop for breakfast. Then her parents would call all at once looking for her in a hurry before Casper would reassure them that she was on her way to whatever event she was required to show up to. They would be momentarily grateful because of their own lapsing in parental skills and he’d take her as promised. Then she’d go home. And he’d go home. And write music. Maybe Harley would come over, if she did, then he’d for sure get a call from Mickey to get Luna, then the process would start again. After running through the events, he went to get a blanket for her and another one for him for the couch that he wasn’t going to sleep on. He turned back slightly to look at her tired figure. He was sure that she was looking back at him. 

“What contrast? There is nothing here to pit you against Sinny,” she mused a soft giggle leaving her lips as she stared at him, her hand slowly moving to stroke his jaw. “You’re by far the greatest man I know, if I ever have a son, I’d hope he turns out half the man you are,” she mused, giggling softly as she rolled her head away staring out the window. Her eyes fluttering closed as she hummed thoughtfully-- she knew how the night would go, much like any other, but not with out her own moments of trying to show him that she was interested. She wasn’t sure-- if he ever known the subtle hints she left, or if he chose not to see, either way she’d leave a couple, and the find her way in his bed, him next to her after no more than five minutes of begging for him to stay. Something about not being able to sleep with out him next to her, which was mostly true at this point. He kept the bad parts of her at bay, the parts that picked every part of herself away, he made it better, he made it worth-while. Parts of her knew what love she spoke of went beyond that of a friend, no there was far more to why her heart ached when he was near, when he was gone, with the way he stared at her. It was because he was the unattainable, and she fell for him. Rolling her head back to stare at him as they pulled towards his flat, her eyes lazily opened. “Home sweet home,” she smiled softly. Her fingers moved to tug on the belt as he park. “Your seatbelt is broken,” she huffed, it wasn’t the seatbelt, but her drunken fingertips unable to get the grip needed to pop it open. “Wait-- no, wait! Nope... Bloody hell,” She sat back against the seat and looked to him.

She was too drunk to hear his heart and he preferred it that way. He patted her awkwardly on the back, letting his eyes find hers and getting lost for too long before doing everything he could to wake himself up from the daze that her presence, especially one where she clung to him, put him in. He checked back to make sure she was following him. When they reached his car, he almost snorted at how well she knew the drill. He opened the passenger door for her and she slipped inside. He smiled a bit at her profession of love to him. “Seatbelt,” he reminded her before closing the door and walking around to the driver’s side. He patted her hand before shifting into gear and pulling away from the party, doing his best to not hit any drunks lying around in his path.

Luna smiled softly, unsure of what he was even thinking-- especially with the alcohol coursing through her veins. As her eyes stayed on his though, the harder she found it to tear away from him, especially in the crowded party, till he moved to pull away. She’d never admit to feeling colder, and far too lonely when he wasn’t near her, yet his sent lingered on her, in her hair and on her clothes and that was enough for her. Smiling softly as he waved away her comment she shrugged, smiling when he made sure that she was following. “Seatbelt!” She huffed, struggling a bit at first to get the thing latched, especially with her barely there motor skills, though as she finally did, she sighed in relief, smiling to him as he patted her hand. Waiting for him to drive off, she slowly slid her hand over his, closing her eyes again as she let the music fill the air. Awaiting their short trek to his place. “Sinny, why are you so great?”

Casper’s eyebrows went up in response to her using his common nickname. He didn’t push her away right away his her arms snaked around him. He stretched his neck impatiently, hating how close she was and how well he could smell her hair. It was clean, but she smelled like alcohol. Light beer, most specifically. It knocked him back into reality. He looked down at her. Her arms were still around him, maybe he didn’t have the willpower to pull them off, but consciously his reasoning was that he didn’t want to waist his time trying. “Crash pad. Flat, my place. Whatever you want to call it.” Her parents would be judgmental, but as far as punishments went, they’d be too busy to car unless she got caught by the presses. He brushed hair behind her ear before slowly puling her off of him and guide her towards the door and sequentially to his car. 

Luna found her face in the fabric of his shirt, it smelled like him, the scent of his detergent and cologne, it sent her heart racing. There were little to no men or women that would turn her away after she threw herself at them, even at her age of seventeen, much to her parents and Casper’s disapproval especially when the people she slept around with were far older than her. “You say flat so cutely,” she hummed, her English accent peaking out even in her drunken state, staring up to him she finally nodded in agreement. “Okay, lets go,” sighing happily as he brushed her hair behind her ear, her eyes found his for a moment, only causing the ache in her chest to grow. When he pulled away she bit her lip following him towards the door, and finally to his car, stalling for a moment she lifted one foot after the other to take her heels off tossing them in her back seat. Sliding into the passenger side seat, she rest her head against the seat, closing her eyes. “Sinny! Oh, Sinny, have I ever told you-- you’re the best,” she hummed. Her brown eyes slowly opening. “I love you,” she smiled softly.